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Post by Alice on Dec 5, 2004 10:01:17 GMT -5
Just yesterday, we went to pick up Luke's glasses. He was very impatient and did not behave: he took off his hat, shoes and throw them. We tried to calm him down by playing with him and so on, but that was so hard to keep him not throwing things. Than I realized that we had been watched by other people who were waiting for their glasses. OMG, they looked at Luke like he was crazy and that made me feel very embarrassed by his behavior. Luckily, we got glasses and ran away. Have you ever been embarrassed by your DS kids behavior and what did you do? Thanks, Alice
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Post by MB on Dec 5, 2004 11:51:16 GMT -5
Have I ever been embarassed by my child's behavior? Isn't there a limit as to how long a post can be?!!!!!!
When my son was Luke's age, I remember a number of incidents.
1. The Thanksgiving that he broke into the new neighbor's home and plopped himself down at their dinner table. They finally brought him home without a smile on their faces.
2. Later that day he took the garden hose and put it into my brother's new car. One of his older cousins happened to catch him and grabbed the hose before it was turned on. The cousin then went around and locked all the cars. By the way, the cousin is now enjoying a very successful marketing career in LosAngeles while hanging out with movie stars. He is a man of action!
3. He was often the reason I stood out on the corner in my nightgown flagging down neighbors to help find him.
4. He used to throw the stuff out of the grocery cart faster than I could put it back in. The store would open a special checkout line just for us.
5. Trying to get him out of a McDonald's playland was worse than any World Wide Wrestling competition. I would throw him over my shoulder while he would be kicking, hitting and screaming at me. I would keep smiling and nodding to the horrified customers.
6. His carseat was located next to door in my minivan during one trip because I had to remove all the back seats to haul something. (This was before airbags.) He figured out how to open the passenger door while we were on the highway. I pulled over, got it closed and headed for the access road. I spent the next few miles in an electronic door unlock war. He would unlock and I would relock while trying to drive. I couldn't switch the carseat until I arrived at the place where I could unload the cargo in the back. It was so maddening that it was funny. If I Love Lucy was still on the air, this would have made a great episode.
I could go on and on and on. But, looking back, the poor kid was trying to tell me something the whole time. I believe he was incredibly frustrated by his lack of speech and he was constantly trying to tell me to leave him alone and let him make his own decisions. Now, you can't just let a four year old run his own life. But, you can try and answer the questions he's thinking of but can't ask.
This may sound crazy, but Luke might have thrown his clothes and misbehaved because he desperately wanted to know if you were going to stop for a hamburger after the eyeglasses and couldn't form the words to get the information he needed. The more we talked in front of our son about what we were going to do next and what we were going to eat for the next meal and so on, the less frustrated he was.
What I did about behavior like Luke's was to take my son out of the shop, put his clothes back on even if I had to wrestle him and tell him I was going to take him back into the shop and he was going to hold my hand and stand still until I was finished. I was willing to do this over and over until he complied. The big difference here is that I could have cared less what people thought of me or my son. I knew this kid was slowly gaining control of my family's life and I was determined to take it back from him. Appeasing, acommodating and negotiating with him was turning him into a terrorist.
I have to tell you this method has been highly successful for us and we now have a terrific 13 year old kid who rarely embarasses us. I can honestly say that I am so happy to see him get off the bus every afternoon. He is a joy to live with. I certainly could not say that when he was younger.
Hope this helps. Hang in there, Alice!
mb
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Post by Connie on Dec 5, 2004 15:22:00 GMT -5
Alice my friend!!! Please find comfort in knowing you are not alone! While I am not having problems with Collin minding me I am having problems with him obeying other people especically at school and church. Collin will take his shoes off at school, run out of the room, plop on the floor etc....It drives me crazy that he acts this way for them and yes I do get embarrassed because I know they look at him and think its because of the DS when actually it's not its because of them not taking control of him and making him mind. But, that's a whole different story and post. Hugs girl....know your not the only one in that boat!! Connie
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Post by Claire on Dec 5, 2004 20:52:02 GMT -5
Boy I think we have all been there, so know you are not alone. I'm sure if we asked our parents they could tell us some stories about us too. ;D ;D My worst embarrassement was not from Adam (DS) but my second oldest (not DS). He was 10 years old, waiting for me to finish work at a restaurant I worked at back then. He was quietly sitting there sipping on his orange juice. There were 4 men sitting at the counter beside him. Out of knowwhere (I guess he wanted to prove he was a man) he turned to one of them and said " I know my mom isn't a virgin cause she had 2 babies" Boy was my face red. He is now 24 and we all laugh about this, so don't worry too much you may be laughing at it too someday. PS: Our little brat Adam 7 who is DS has cause us major embarrassement too. ;D ;D
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Post by Staci on Dec 6, 2004 14:41:27 GMT -5
Alice, I've been there, too! Aidan, especially when he's tired, will throw the biggest fits and go about pulling, scratching and screaming at the top of his lungs! And yes...I've been embarassed about these fits he has. If we're in public, I look into his eyes and tell him he needs to calm down NOW! If he doesn't...I'll get up and go to the car or restroom or something with him...if I can. You're not alone! Staci
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Post by Alice on Dec 9, 2004 17:51:36 GMT -5
Thank you girls!
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Post by MB on Dec 10, 2004 18:11:46 GMT -5
Claire,
If I need a pick me up, I reread your post and laugh outloud. I can just see this Norman Rockwell image of your son at the counter blurting out that information about you.
Absolutely priceless.
MB
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Post by rickismom on Dec 11, 2004 17:56:12 GMT -5
Disclaimer to anyone NEW to this board: keep in mind that Ricki had ADHD as well as DS.... Gee, I could write for hours... don't have the time- will give just a few examples: 1) Ricki used to sit on the floors in stores, and when I told her off, people wpould look at me with a "Is she crazy, expecting this DS kid to behave? She is SO cute!" 2) She also used to tap people on the back when sitting behind them in buses. Eventually I did behavior modification AND a booklet on this behavior, and she stopped.(Once I even got off the bus in the middle of the way, when she ignored my threat to get off the bus if she continued to act up....) Occaisionally, she'll still get the urge, so she HOLDS HER OWN HAND and turns to me, saying "Mommy, I am behaving good and not touching. " ;D 3) Lately my biggest problem is that she REALLY wants to wear her hair with a head hair band, which she does NOT look good in. In any store selling hair bands she will try them on, open packages of them (which I then have to buy, GGGRRR ) And onlookers either look at her like shes crazy, or I am crazy for not giving in... Frankly, I avoid going in those stores with her lately...NOT a solution, I know... 4) when she was little (age 3), she used to sit on the sidewalk. For a while she did this everyday on the 2 minute walk home from play school. One day a man STOPPED his car in the middle of the road- "Lady, why don't you carry her, can't you see that she's tired?" (I answered "I don't want to carry her when she's ten, thats why!!!" 5) When she was two, I took her within two days for two checkups- the first at FEURSTEIN center, and the second by our health fund. In both places, she tore papers off of lower shelves, and generally was a pest. (At Feurstein they were great "She's a bit hyper, so remove all distractions when working with her. But you will see that she will learn a lot, because she sees things while zooming around") (By the health fund, the doctor scowelled 5 minutes and then uttered, "I don't like this hyperactivity of hers. Does she have any hyperactive siblings?"-- and he had forms I had filled ou, stating that all my other kids are FINE , and did he think I LIKED the hyperactivity?!> ) Enough. You get the idea....
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