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Post by Jackie on Sept 21, 2009 18:05:07 GMT -5
Well Emily is about to wear out her welcome I fear. Katie's kids are getting older and her house is shrinking...you can relate. Also Em now has a life that requires lots more of everyone. We have a very good service agency to help with lots of this but ....
we are now thinking its time for a move out.
Big question is where ..and with what type of supports. Everyone agrees she should stay with her ART in Austin...so its looking more and more like a group home. For me this is a step backwards...or maybe it isn't. I confess I have a preconceived idea of group homes but have only really visited one. The agency has offered to build a group home around Emily letting her help with the process of choosing a new property even. But I doubt she will have any say so over who the other two women will be or who the house manager is. Right now she is very happy visiting a friend in her group home but there are already two women to fill those spots.
We are going to have a person centered planning session on Oct 16th for her with a lot of people present. Even Marnie is coming in from DC. It is also the same week as her Art Gala which will be fun for us.
But...let me say...this is one of the most stressful situations I have encountered to date. Emily does NOT want to leave Katie's so that has to be dealt with first. We are counting on her antidepressant kicking in (she asked Ed when her "explosion of happiness " would occur...and he thinks Sept 26th...LOL. But its not going to be easy. Katie works full time and is stressed to the max with two active kids. Jordan is now playing HS football so that is all consuming. She thinks a group home would be best because it would mean less responsiblity for her as the oversight person and also because it would mean more structure for her wt loss. Em has mentioned that she does not really want an apartment at this time...it frightens her. But she has also never ever wanted to live in a group home either. I think the fact that she will have her own bedroom might help.
She will definitely get her time to speak and really this is all about HER.
For me this is another one of those "dream redefinitions" I have spoken of. I always envisioned Em in an apartment pretty much on her own. And...I realize that this is not a dream I have to give up entirely...baby steps...and who knows. She might just one day say...I think I can go it more alone. But for now we need to get her somewhere on a busline so she has more freedom. No plans for the city to take it out to Katies area.
So...hold my hand...LOL...this is not as much fun or as easy as when she was young.
Jackie
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Post by Connie on Sept 21, 2009 19:14:04 GMT -5
Jackie...
Hugs girl!!
For me having to redefine "MY" dreams for Collin to meet what "His" dreams are has been the hardest. He is only 9 and really does have an opinion. I have resigned myself to living his dreams but making sure he has set them high enough...he has to be pushed or he won't do anything.
This may not make since but when I read your post it made me think about these classmates I had and their parents.
In High school I had two classmates that were fairly intelligent (no developmental delays) and college bound. But, do to poor choices of "their" own, their parents now have to deal with finding living arrangements for them. One is in a group home setting and the other lives in an apartment by himself (with supports).
For me I can't imagine what they are going through....sounds sad but I found myself feeling lucky....I've known from the beginning what could be lying ahead for us. For them....they did not have to start dealing with it until their kids where out of high school and in college.
Kind of like why God give us children as babies because he knows if he just handed us teenagers we would not be prepared and we would probably kill them....LOL!!
I don't know if my rambling help or not but please know I am thinking about you and Emily. You two really amaze me and you have know idea how much you two helped me and Michael when Collin was first born!!! You gave us hope and showed us that it was going to be ok!!! It helped Michaels heart heal to know that Emily was in college when Collin was born!!!
Heck...she went to college!!! She will find the right housing and employment fit in time!!!
Hugs,
Connie
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Post by faithhope on Sept 21, 2009 20:38:56 GMT -5
(((((((((((((((((((HUGS))))))))))))))))))))))))) Jackie. Like Connie says you have always been a tremendously positive inspiration for me. When Noah was born if you can recall, it was the end of the world for me. I always like to look ahead, way ahead. With you and Em, I was able to do that, and I liked what I saw in her and in your family. Sister helping out, Em living an active lifestyle. Also like Connie says though, life is not perfect, is it? How many people have "typical" kids that grow up and need as much assistance as our kids.
Obviously I do not have any advice, but also wanted you to know you and Em and the whole family are in our prayers.
Quick question, I hope I am not stepping on toes, Would/ Could Em ever move in with you?
OK you don't have to answer that.
Love,
Jess
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Post by kg91207 on Sept 21, 2009 21:58:17 GMT -5
Oh Jackie, you are at that point in life I dread facing one day with Kaelyn. I don't have a lot of words of wisdom here, but lots of positive thoughts and hugs! Let me just say, I've worked in the group homes. I know there are good ones out there, with good staff and good "roomies". I know there are bad ones. I still search out and place kids in group homes now, and there are still really good ones and some bad ones. She will find a good fit, there is a good fit for everyone out there!
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Post by Chris too on Sept 21, 2009 22:17:21 GMT -5
I'm pulling for you and Em, Jackie. I just know that you will find a fantastic solution in due course, even if you have to have a few "it'll do" situations in the interim. We're all here to hold your hand and remind you of all you've been through already. Your family is a wonderful inspiration to us all here at uno, so we are all sitting on the edge of our seats to see what happens next for Em. It will be full of interesting stories, no doubt  Thanks for opening this view to us. You are so generous in doing that |
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Post by Googsmom aka Jennifer on Sept 21, 2009 23:57:48 GMT -5
{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{HUGS}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}{{{{{{{{{{{HUGS}}}}}}}}}}}}}
All I have is double hugs Jackie.
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Post by Jackie on Sept 22, 2009 9:33:28 GMT -5
Oh thank you all so much ...you don't know how nice it was this morning to read all of this.
No...Emily does NOT want to live with us here at home. I try not to let this hurt my feelings...cuz it's quite normal. Like most of you I feel joined at the hip with her so of course when she is tucked in all nice and cozy in her bedroom here I am a complete person. But...most of you wouldn't want to move back in with your parents...(or WOULD you... ;D). I feel it's important that she can learn to deal with change too because who knows in a few years where she might need to go or live...and I want it not to be traumatic if once again she needs to move. She did a pretty good job of this with her college and work experience but has gotten really comfortable now with her situation. I understand it is going to be hard to give this up.
You are right...we have managed to help her have a very decent life so far and I am sure this will all work out in time. Don't give up on any of your dreams...dear me ...hope no one interpreted my post that way...just meant that sometimes we must 'redefine' them. I still have dreams for her. After all she on her way to become FAMOUS with her art!...at least according to HER. ;D
I will keep you posted as this all unfolds.
Thanks
Jackie
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Post by kg91207 on Sept 22, 2009 13:40:48 GMT -5
Um no, I have not enjoyed being 36 and living with my mom again!! I'll have to remember this when I want Kaelyn to live with me forever and she's wanting OUT! ha ha!
I can relate with Emily-when she went to college and moved off to work, she was younger, more flexible. I was the same way. But now that I'm older, I want stability. I'm more set in my ways. DS or not, I'm sure that's playing a big part in it.
And yes, she WILL be famous one day!
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Post by kittkatt on Sept 22, 2009 20:22:00 GMT -5
Hugs and more hugs from me and the Dean ;D
It is because of you and your experiences with Emily that my dream for Rhienne expanded to include a college stint.
Because Emily did it, maybe Rhienne can lead a quasi-independent life.
Because you did it, maybe I can let go of Rhienne enough for him to try some stuff - even if he ultimately can't do it, he can certainly try.
Rhienne is 13 now, and he is maturing in ways that I didn't anticipate seeing until he is older.
Maybe. Just maybe.
Thanks for all you have been and continue to be as we traverse the path you've already been down.
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Post by Chris too on Sept 22, 2009 22:08:31 GMT -5
Emily IS famous, isn't she? She's on, what?, 2 book covers; has been on the Time Square Jumbotron many times; has her artwork on the net with many, many fans; and we love, love, love her! Sounds famous to me |
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Post by Valerie on Sept 22, 2009 22:11:14 GMT -5
I can tell you're struggling with this and I truly sympathize with you. Even though Nicholas is only 6 his future living arrangements are something I've thought about often. Here's hoping you find the PERFECT fit for Emily!!
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Post by Googsmom aka Jennifer on Sept 22, 2009 23:59:26 GMT -5
Emily IS famous, isn't she? She's on, what?, 2 book covers; has been on the Time Square Jumbotron many times; has her artwork on the net with many, many fans; and we love, love, love her! Sounds famous to me Thats what I was thinking too ;D |
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Post by Jackie on Sept 23, 2009 8:58:56 GMT -5
Kathleen...how fun to hear from you. I am glad we were an inspiration...and glad you are planning such a great future for Rhienne. When the time comes we can ALL let go...it's really a natural process...fun and not something to be dreaded. You know that old saying...we give them wings...so they can fly.
Never fear...I AM going to find a perfect living situation for Em...might take a while and as I said before...baby steps. In MY mind I see a small apt complex dedicated to housing those who require minimal support with an on premise resident director. That is what I think would actually suit Emily best and also let me sleep at night.
As to college ...at the NDSC there were so many kids now in post secondary programs on college campuses...probably much better programs than Em had at ENMU. It pays to stay on top of the info and start planning like you seem to be doing now.
The future with our kids is really nothing to fear. Sure there will be bumps in the road like we are having now...but we are all 'steamrollers' when it comes to bumps...aren't we ;D
I am really appreciating all the good wishes and advice. The next hurdle is really addressing this issue with Emily. We can't do it at the meeting...have to prepare her first and it's hard for everyone to bring it up.
Jackie
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Post by lorraine on Sept 23, 2009 16:35:49 GMT -5
Must be a really hard thing to have to decide,
I hope you manage to find something that Em really loves and you are happy with too.
Lorraine
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Post by Debi on Sept 23, 2009 16:53:59 GMT -5
Hey jackie, I can so relate, as you can imagine. Starting with your first post.. I am going to see Ed myself for an "explosion of happiness" lol it can happen on Sept. 26.. or really, just anytime. Soon.
I'm sorry to say this, but It is SO stressful. I used to think the whole things with schools (and Gabe is still in school so still dealing with that!) was the ultimate after medical issues for causing stress but hey, it's nothing compared to dealing with the agencies and the different models/rules/agencies etc. (For those of you,like me, who thought they would catch a break in the whole transition/adult thing... I am SO SORRY!! However, don't be scared by anything you read here lol!)
Just wanted to let you know I hear you girl and getting on Uno for my daily fix helps a lot even when I don't have time to post. Personally I think you are very brave for thinking she will stay in Austin.. don't think I woul d have the fortitude to have Gabe that far away.
You are very right .. that this is not fun or easy.. As a matter of fact, it's not fun at all. Sigh.
It is a very good thing that we are steamrollers and have our kiddos to train us to take care of all those bumps in the road!!
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&&Mommy to Griffin (96), Gray (97) Collin (00) enhanced and Lauren (02) the little princess.
