Imaginary friend

[Danielle]

Zane (now 7 1/2 years) has recently created an imaginary friend (Louise, from Max and Ruby) who he "plays with" and talks to frequently now. Is this something to be worried about? Should I be discouraging this? Ignoring it? Any input would be appreciated.

Thank you!

[laurasmom]

I wouldn't be too worried. Having imaginary friends is part of childhood, both of my girls had an imaginary friend around Zane's age. I also had an imaginary friend when I was growing up.

Let him enjoy it, you will probably find that he grows out of it, and the imaginary friend goes on to keep someone else company.

Sharon

[Emilysmom]

I think imaginary friends are a wonderful thing for kids! ! I had several of them as a child, and still remember it fondly. (I was raised by my grandmother as an only child, and had no other kids to play with).
I think it helps to develop imaginary play skills, and that's a good thing. It helps kids talk to a friend without worrying about whether the friend understands what they are saying (I know Emily has to get so tired of hearing "huh"? Or, "say it again please".)
I think the only time it is something to be concerned about is when it becomes excessive; something the child wants to do instead of hanging out with family and "real life" friends. Otherwise, it's just a good coping skill for kids..in my opinion!

[Chris too]

Worry? Never. I wouldn't let it bug me for an instant. My oldest had an imaginary friend until her younger sister got good at conversing.

[Googsmom aka Jennifer]

Although I can't remember having an imaginary friend, i'm sure I did. I think every kid does. Mary did I know. She sit in the barn for hours w/ the rabbits talking away to someone. Always needed two of everything I remember

[CC]

OMG its Dani girl ;D

How in the world can Zane be 7 and 1/2 already girl, YIKES where oh where does the time go

There is lots out on the net on this very subject, here are just a few if your interested.

www2.scholastic.com/browse/article.jsp?id=571

www.childcarecenters.org/Articles/Imaginary_Friends.htm

goodness there are tons of sites on this. Seems the only real problem I have read about is if the child does things that say they shouldn't be doing and them blame the imaginary pal.

Miss you girl

HUGS to you all from us here in Jersey

CC ~

[victoriasdad]

victoria started playing and talking someone i cant see, im pretty sure its god so i thinks its okay.

[steffipoo]

Hi!!!! I just wanted to say it's completely normal and what Susan says is so true about only if it interferes with other social outlets. Olivia has talked to herself and had imaginary friends forever. She's 11 now. I wanted to add an excerpt from an article called If People With Down Syndrome Ruled the World. Me thinx you'll get a kick out of it at least the part I am pasting here. My daughter Olivia talks to herself at home, not in public unless she is trying to talk her way through something with many steps. I noticed that many ppl with ds use this talking through the steps to complete tasks. I watched a guy at 7-11 talk hisself through getting a soda. He talked about what size cup next ice then soda oh no no no not too much he said then talked his way thru putting on the lid getting a straw etc. The same ppl who wrote this article said at a conference one time to get kids who talk a lot to themselves a wireless headset and phone so they can look as crazy as at least the 99% of the population here in Los Angeles who looks nutz laughing talking etc. Made me laugh . Here goes I am going to highlight the part re. self-talk.
What would happen if people with DS ruled the world?
If people with Down syndrome ruled the world:

Affection, hugging and caring for others would make a big comeback.

Despite the fact that my family was not terribly affectionate, I have had a crash course in hugging at the Center. I am confident that if people with Down syndrome ran the world, everyone would become very accustomed to the joys of hugging. Fortunately for me, I had a head start. My wife is a native of Argentina, and I got some intense exposure to hugging when I landed in her country and found there were 6000 members of her family waiting to be hugged as we got off the plane.

All people would be encouraged to develop and use their gifts for helping others.

In our world, too often people with Down syndrome are ¡°DONE FOR¡± by others, when in fact they are great givers. If they ran the world, their ability to minister to others would not be wasted.

People would be refreshingly honest and genuine.

People with Down syndrome are nothing if not straightforward and unpretentious. As the expression goes, ¡°what you see is what you get.¡± When you say to people with Down syndrome, ¡°You did a good job,¡± most will answer simply and matter-of-factly, ¡°Yes, I did.¡±

We believe, too, that a stuffy high society would probably not do well in the world of Down syndrome.

However, we believe that BIG dress up dances would flourish. People with Down syndrome love dressing up and dancing at big shindigs. They have a ball, and ...can they dance! (and by the way, who needs a date... ¡°Just dance¡±).

Most people we have met with Down syndrome also love weddings. This should not be a big surprise. They love getting dressed up, being with family and friends, having good food, and, of course, dancing until the wee hours of the morning. (Many people love it so much, they will chase the band down at the end of the night, begging them to continue.) Perhaps, too, part of the reason they love weddings so much is not just because of the food and dancing, but because in many cases the rules against hugging are temporarily suspended. This may give people a little piece of what I experienced in Argentina. Whoa! Can you imagine what the world would be like with so much affection unleashed?

People engaged in self talk would be considered thoughtful and creative. Self talk rooms would be reserved in offices and libraries to encourage this practice.

People with Down syndrome have a reputation for ¡°talking to themselves.¡± When conducted in a private space, self talk serves many adaptive purposes.

It is a wonderful means to ponder ideas and to think out loud. It allows people to review events that occurred in the course of their day. It allows people to solve problems by talking themselves through tasks. It allows them to plan for future situations. It is also helpful in allowing people to express feelings and frustrations, particularly if they have difficulty expressing their feelings to others. There is even evidence that athletes who do not have Down syndrome use self talk to motivate themselves. Certainly people without Down syndrome talk to their computer (particularly when it crashes), and likewise many people talk out loud when driving in Chicago. (Of course they may also make odd gestures as well; not recommended if long life is one of your ambitions.)

Order and Structure would rule

We have heard that many people with Down syndrome are stubborn and compulsive. Now, I know what many of you are thinking...¡°Did you really have to bring that up?¡± I¡¯m sorry, but¡ªwe do. What we hear is that quite a few people have nonsensical rituals and routines. They can get stuck on behaviors that can drive family members a little crazy.

Despite the irritations, there are also many benefits to these ¡°obsessive compulsive tendencies.¡± We actually have termed these tendencies ¡°Grooves¡± because people tend to follow fairly set patterns, or ¡°grooves,¡± in their daily activities.

What are the benefits of Grooves? Many people with Down syndrome are very careful with their appearance and grooming, which is especially important since they often stand out because of their physical features. Grooves also increase independence because most people are able to complete home and work tasks reliably when these tasks are part of their daily routine. (And while they are not fast ... they are very precise.) For many with Down syndrome, grooves serve as a way to relax. Some people repeat a favorite activity in a quiet space, such as writing, drawing, puzzles, needlepoint, etc. Grooves also serve as a clear and unambiguous statement of choice (very important for people with language limitations). This may even be a way for teens with Down syndrome to define their own independence without getting into the same rancorous conflicts with parents as many other teens.

So given what we know about people with Down syndrome and grooves, how would they use this to run the world? Here is how:

¡öSchedules and calendars would be followed.

¡öTrains & planes would run on time.

¡öLunch would be at 12:00. Dinner at 6:00.

¡öWork time would be work time.

¡öVacation would be vacation.

At the Center, our receptionist, Shirley, will often have people at her desk pointing to the clock or their watches. Obviously, she hears about it when we don¡¯t take people back at their appointment time, but she also found that some people refuse to go back early: ¡°Nope I am not going at 9:45, my appointment is at 10:00,¡± nor does going over into the lunch period work. I am sure all of you have similar stories.

But there is much, much more:

¡öPeople would be expected to keep their promises.

¡öLast minute changes would be strongly discouraged (if not considered rude and offensive).

¡öPlaces would be neat, clean, and organized (not just bedrooms, but cities, countries, the whole world).

¡öLost and founds would go out of business (even chaotic appearing rooms have their own sense of order).

¡öThe ¡°grunge look¡± would be out, way out.

¡ö¡°Prep¡± (but not pretentious) would be very big.

In the world of Down Syndrome, there would be a great deal more tolerance for:

¡öRepeating the same phrase or question

¡öUse of the terms ¡°fun¡± and ¡°cleaning¡± in the same sentence

¡öClosing doors or cabinets that are left ajar (even in someone else¡¯s house)

¡öArranging things until they are ¡°Just so.¡±

Despite their compulsions and grooves, people with Down syndrome rarely have the really ¡®bad habits¡¯ that so many of us have. In fact, out of approximately 3000 people we have seen at the clinic, we have not seen any drug addicts or gamblers and just two alcoholics and a very small number of smokers. However, we think that pop may be a common addiction in the world of Down syndrome, and of course some people are incurable savers and hoarders of just about everything, but especially paper products and writing utensils. Because of this, I could see maybe a Betty Ford Center for pop addicts and extreme paper hoarding.

The words ¡°hurry¡± and ¡°fast¡± would be not be uttered in polite society. ¡°Plenty of time¡± would take their place.

At the Center, we frequently hear about pace, or how fast or slow people move. Quite often these issues are discussed in disparaging terms by harried and frustrated family members. In this world, people with Down syndrome have a reputation for having two speeds, slow and slower.

Therefore, in the world of Down Syndrome:

¡öOur current mode of dealing with time, also known as the ¡°Rat race¡± (or rushing around like our hair is on fire), would not survive.

¡öHere and now would command a great deal more respect than it currently does.

¡öStopping to smell the roses would not be just a clich¨¦.

¡öWork would be revered, no matter what kind, from doing dishes to rocket science.

We have consistently seen respect and devotion to work by people with Down syndrome. This is such a strong characteristic for many that they don¡¯t want to stay home from work even if feeling ill. Perhaps more importantly, they value any kind of work.

Therefore, if people with Down syndrome ran the world:

¡öSpeed would be far less important than doing the job right.

¡öWork would be everyone¡¯s right, not a privilege.

However, we think there would probably be no work conducted during the time that ¡°Wheel of Fortune¡± is on TV.

All instruction would include pictures to aid visual learners.

Many studies have shown that individuals with Down syndrome have deficits in auditory memory. If they cannot remember verbal instruction, they may be considered oppositional or less competent in school, home, or work environments. Despite this, they have exceptional visual memory-they are visual learners. If they see something once, they can usually repeat it. They also have an exceptional memory for facts and figures of interest (favorite celebrities, movies, music, sports teams, etc).

If people with Down syndrome ran the world:

¡öSchool and work sites would have picture, written, and verbal instructions to accommodate different learning styles.

¡öCounselors would be able to use visual mediums to help solve problems.

What About News?

If people with Down syndrome ran the world:

¡öWeather would be the only essential news item

¡öNews would be more local (¡°A new McDonalds just opened up,¡± or ¡°A dance tonight,¡± etc.). After all, what is more important than that?

What About Bad News?

If people with Down syndrome ran the world, would there be wars or murders? We don¡¯t think so! There may be too many McDonalds but definitely not the wars or murders we have in our ¡°civilized societies.¡±

What About ¡°Behaviors¡±...

...and terms such as (the ever popular) ¡°Incident reports,¡± ¡°Outbursts,¡± ¡°Unprovoked outbursts¡± (one of our all time favorites), and of course ¡°Non compliance¡±?

We believe that in the world of Down Syndrome, anyone writing ¡°incident reports¡± would have to go through sensitivity training, which would consist of someone following them around writing down everything they did wrong. Brian Chicoine and I both figure that we would have been on major psychotropic medications long ago if we had people writing up incident reports on us.

We have found that most people with Down syndrome are very sensitive to expressions of anger by others. I imagine they would do all they could to help reduce and solve conflicts between people.

Therefore if people with DS ran the world:

¡öAnger would only be allowed in special sound proof rooms.

¡öTrained negotiators would be available to everyone to help deal with any conflicts.

¡öThe word ¡°non compliant¡± would not be used (except as a very rude comment). It would be replaced by ¡°assertive,¡± as in ¡°he or she is being assertive today.¡±

What About Self Expression?

¡öArt and music appreciation would be BIG.

¡öPeople would have time to work on paintings and other art projects.

¡öActing and theatrical arts would be encouraged for all.

Dancing

¡öYou probably would not hear a great deal about exercise, but you may hear a phrase like, ¡°Dancing tonight ... absolutely.¡±

¡öThe President¡¯s commission on physical fitness would probably recommend dancing at least 3 times per week.

¡öPeople would be encouraged to get married several times to have more weddings for more music and dancing.

¡öRichard Simmons and John Travolta would be national heroes.

Music

¡öElvis, The Beatles, and the Beach Boys would still be number 1 on the hit parade (Music of the 60¡¯s, 70¡¯s, and 80¡¯s would be BIG)

¡öMusicals would be very, very, very, big (such as ¡°Grease,¡± and ¡°The Sound of Music¡±)

¡öJohn Travolta would be the biggest star.

Television

¡öClassic TV hits would be very BIG and take up at least half the TV schedules.

¡ö¡°I Love Lucy,¡± ¡°Happy Days,¡± ¡°The Three Stooges,¡± etc. would be very BIG.

¡öWrestling would be very Big.

¡ö¡°Life Goes On¡± would also be very Big and replayed regularly.

Movies

¡öThere would be fewer movies, but they would be replayed over and over.

¡öMovie theaters would allow people to talk out loud to tell what happens next.

No Secret Agents

¡öPeople would not hurt the feelings of others and they would also not lie or keep secrets.

¡öTherefore there probably would be no secret service agents, spies, or terrorists.

The purpose of this article is to give back some of what we have learned to the families and people with Down syndrome who have come to the Adult Down Syndrome Center and who have been so giving and open with us. If people understand more of the special talents people with Down syndrome have, they may be more able to help them use and develop these talents to improve their lives. We also wanted to reassure families of younger children with Down syndrome who are concerned about their child¡¯s future that there is much to be optimistic about.