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Post by RichM on Feb 10, 2005 22:01:48 GMT -5
Hi, my wife and I just got the news today that the results of a test she took is positive. There was a 50/50 chance before today, but now the results apparently are conclusive. There is a wide range of emotions that I am feeling right now. And I know that my wife is as well. I am a positive person and truly believe that God doesn't give anyone more than they can handle. I guess scared is the best way to describe my overall feeling. Scared, nervous, and determined I guess. Any advice or thoughts would be appreciated...thanks..Rich
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Post by momofrussell on Feb 10, 2005 22:30:01 GMT -5
Welcome to Uno Rich! What kind of test did your wife have? We are here for you and your wife!!!!  Take care and post up more when you can. This is a great place for support (good times and bad times!) and to share all the things about our children and Down Syndrome! A. |
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Post by justinsmom on Feb 10, 2005 22:56:28 GMT -5
Welcome Rich!!!!!!! If you have any questions don't hesitate to ask. Oh by the way I'm Jackie mom to 4 1/2 yr old Justin and his 2 older sisters 12 and 7. We are here for you and your wife when you need us.
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Post by Renee' on Feb 10, 2005 22:56:39 GMT -5
Rich
One thing I did years ago when I was pregnant is look at photos of our beautiful children. You can check out the album here.
I found out when I was 22 weeks along that Lauren would be born with Down Syndrome. My husband was very positive and I was crushed. I can tell you that Lauren is the best thing that ever came into my life. She is a joy. She amazes me daily. She has more friends at school than I ever did! She is beautiful and loved by so many.
Take it a day at a time. Is there a support group in your area? That is another thing we did. We attended a new parents support group.
A lot of the books out are pretty old. They have some good info as far as what to look for with each medical check up.
Other than that remember, they are children. They want to be loved. And the moment you hold your child you will fall in love.
Lauren walks, talks, runs, colors, loves Dora, has an attitude on some days, loves the water, loves her pappy and granny, is a great big sister..and wakes me up each morning with a smile.
Congrats!
Renee'
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Post by RichM on Feb 10, 2005 23:00:42 GMT -5
Hi A. I don't know the name of the test, but it determined that the baby has Down Syndrome. I guess they don't know the extent and I'm not sure of anything beyond that.
I just got online and found out a bunch of things tonight including finding this site. As I said, this is very new to me, us, and I am trying to figure out what it all means.
The doctor said that we had "options", but after reading the things that I've read today and seeing the pictures of all of everyone's beautiful, happy kids, I don't think that we have "options". The choice is clear, it's just trying to figure out and understand what the future is going to be like.
Thanks for the shoulder and for listening.
Rich
PS: I just read everyone's replies. Thank you. My 3 year daughter's name is Lauren. She is the apple of my eye and I know she's going to be a great big sister. Thanks again for all of everyone's help.
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Post by Staci on Feb 10, 2005 23:36:09 GMT -5
Hi Rich! Welcome to UnoMas!
Did your wife have an amnio to determine that your baby has Down syndrome? We didn't know that our son, Aidan (now 4) would have Down syndrome until after he was born since my AFP test and my ultrasounds came back fine and dandy, plus the fact that I was 22 when I conceived him...boy, were we shocked when we found out he had Down syndrome! I wouldn't trade my son for the world, he is absolutely beautiful and completely amazing! You'll learn a lot from your sweet baby! I found Uno right after Aidan was born...the pictures, oh my gosh, they helped SO MUCH! Seeing all of the beautiful children made me feel so much better!
Anyway...congratulations on your little one! Please feel free to ask any questions you might be having! This is a GREAT board...I don't know what I'd do without it!
Staci
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Post by Renee' on Feb 10, 2005 23:39:38 GMT -5
Rich
It will all be ok.
That is wonderful to hear you have a daughter named Lauren. She will be a great big sister.
Again, take it a day at a time.
I too was told we had "options" The first call I received was a lady who was with the DS support group in my area. She was the ONLY person to tell me Congratulations on the expectant birth of my child. She cahnged my views and life.
If there is one thing I can ever share with you is this. You will be scared. You won't know much until your sweet baby is born. But you WILL love the baby the moment you set eyes on it. My husband and Lauren have a bond that will never be broken. Faith lights up when Lauren talks to her.
They are genuine and loving.
Congratulations.
Renee
Should you need help or someone to talk to we are here.
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Post by christie on Feb 11, 2005 0:16:13 GMT -5
RICH, WELCOME to UNO and CONGRATULATIONS on your soon new to be Bundle of Joy ;D It will be OK I promise you that  CC from New Jersey ~ |
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Post by kimnz on Feb 11, 2005 1:16:08 GMT -5
Hi Rich, I am Kim from New Zealand. I too was offered options "you have descisons to make" were our words from the specialist. I can truthfully say that my fear and trepidation were unfounded, we found our early in our pregnancy (about 11 weeks or so and later confirmed at about 15 weeks with an amniocentesis) that Jordan (now 6 yrs) had Down syndrome and I was awfully afraid. I armed myself with information and good books. I would like to share with you three websites (there is lots of information out there but these three are very very good) that are comprehensive. If you have any problems following them write to them through the contact email. I love the helps and "real people" that are offered on this special site uno mas site but some websites are also helpful. The first is www.down-syndrome.info you can go to "about down syndrome". The second is a sister site and is to do with speech etc and helping new babies (yes new little ones) onwards. www.downsed.orgThe final one is www.altonweb.com and is very comprehensive but the information is incredible. I don't mean to over load you but when I found out about Jordan I wanted information because there wasn't a lot where I lived. I think the most important thing in the world is to remember that your little one is just the same baby you were going to always get....he/she just got an extra chromosome. First a formost a baby to love and cherish and who will love and cherish you. Thinking of your both. From Kim New Zealand |
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Post by Deborah on Feb 11, 2005 6:52:43 GMT -5
Hi Rich, Welcome to UNO. I totally know how you are feeling. I found out Jennifer had DS before birth and it terrified me. After 2 days of grieving the baby I wouldn't have, I pulled myself together to be prepared for the baby I would have. I found a boat load of information of the internet and it really helped me. It also helped in getting my 3 boys ready with information. I can tell you I was scared up until the day, but aren't we all afraid of the unknown? Now at 5 yrs old, I look at my beautiful daughter and wonder how I was ever afraid of her!
There are many wonderful people on this board with incredible advice. I wish I had found it while I was pregnant. I was looking more for "book knowledge" than "personal experience" at that time in my life.
Congratulations and hope to see you both post often
Deborah
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Post by meghans_mom on Feb 11, 2005 7:41:47 GMT -5
Rich - welcome to Uno and congrats to you and your wife on the baby-to-be!
Our situation was quite similar...we found out about Meghan at about 20-21 weeks...and was told I needed to "hurry and find out, in case I wanted to do anything"....at the time, I didn't get what "ANYTHING" meant.
we too decided the only choice was that there was no choice...this was our child and whatever would be, would be.
It was a difficult pregnancy...not healthwise but emotionally for me....but, aside from dealing with some very idiotic healthcare professionals, everything turned out fine. Yes, Meghan (now 4 yrs old) was born with DS but she was (and is) healthy and wonderful....
You will feel that whirlwind of different emotions and it's all perfectly OK....
Meghan is the light of my life...she goes to preschool, plays with her friends and little brother...I can't imagine life without her....
one word of advice, and I don't mean to overwhelm you...before the baby is born contact your local early intervention program (usually run thru the county)...they will set up an evaluation for the baby after he/she is born to see if there are any services (physical or occupational therapy, etc) needed and will offer you providers. I did this before MM was born and had her eval'd at 6 weeks...I wanted her to start therapy as soon as she could. It's alot to think about and absorb, but I just wanted to put that out there for you to think about.
What general area of the country are you? I'm in Long Island, NY.
anyways - best of luck for a happy, healthy pregnancy and we hope you stick around. Know that we are all here for you...and we just love NEW BABIES here at uno!
laurie
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Post by momofrussell on Feb 11, 2005 8:21:21 GMT -5
I too found out when I was pregnant that Russell was to have DS. "options" is something doctors HAVE to discuss, but we knew what WE wanted. Some grieve harder then others, just take your time Rich and be there for your wife. Other than finding out in utero, my pregnancy was still a typical one, I enjoyed every step of the way and even got a few extra ultrasounds! I am a reader so while waiting for my test results I went out and got books from the library and read TONS for a whole weekend... I would tell everything to my husband and we looked at each other and knew we could do this! For some reason I did accept it well, I had TONS of support from friends and family and a wonder midwife... so that does help. I know others were more sad and heartbroken then I, so I ended up consoling others throughout my pregnancy LOL... (it's my nature to nurture ) Yes, having Down Syndrome may be challenging at times and we sometimes have hard ones, but it's like that with typical children too! So, keep that in mind... your child will still be a child no matter what! I always tell everyone that Russell is actually my EASY child LOL... and we do have our moments... but I also have an 11 yr old daughter and a 4 yr old daughter... and those girls give me more challenges actually, then Russell I am really glad you and your wife found us Rich! Ask as many questions as you want and know we are here for you! And enjoy the rest of the pregnancy! And having a big sister already here will be a BIG help and tons of fun!!! A. |
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Post by SID on Feb 11, 2005 8:48:32 GMT -5
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Post by Jackie on Feb 11, 2005 9:10:21 GMT -5
Welcome Rich....I am Jackie (yes another one)...and I have be at this DS business for almost 25 years.... and both my daughter, Emily, and I have survived...LOL. She is currently working in Seabrook Texas which is 700 miles from home. She walks, talks, reads, dances, loves, works, dreams, laughs....and flies all over the state by herself. She even went off for two years to ENMU/Roswell for a special services college program......beginning the cutting of the traditional apron strings. We went thru the "probable" DS diagnosis this year with Emilys cousins first baby who turned out to have nothing at all....and in the process I told Emily that of course Lainey was sad that her baby might have DS.... to which Em replied....."Well not ME....I LOVE having Down Syndrome!"....and she is right ...she has gotten a lot of mileage from her diagnosis. Welcome to the site...you will be in good company...and hope in time to meet the good woman too. Jackie mom to Emily 24 |
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Post by Jessie on Feb 11, 2005 9:40:23 GMT -5
Welcome Rich!
I can't really add too much to all of the wonderful replies you have already received other than to just add in my congratulations to you and your wife.
I am Jessie and a new stepmom to Jason, 11 years old. I can tell you I have learned a TON from all of the moms and dads that post on this site. You will need to learn all of the technical, medical side of DS, but you will also come to appreciate all of the wonderful advice about handling situations in real life from the people that post here.
Jason's parents didn't know he had DS until after he was born and it was quite devastating to them at first. I've said before that if Jason's birth mom had reached out for community support or even to someplace like UnoMas, she maybe could have handled Jason a little better. As it is, she hasn't seen him in almost two years, rarely calls anymore and supports him in no way shape or form (still waiting for that Christmas present to show up she has promised!). Anyway, Jason is doing so well and it's completely her loss not to be in his life. While there are frustrating days with him (what parent doesn't have frustrating days with an 11 year old boy?!!), we have so many good times that it overshadows the not so good.
Please keep us posted on you and your wife's progress. We are all here to support both of you!
Jessie
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Take care and post up more when you can. This is a great place for support (good times and bad times!) and to share all the things about our children and Down Syndrome! 
jackie
I now work with new parents of special needs children. 
I would share first it is ok to have the feelings I know you have right now good and bad. 
It is ok to be upset hurt and even mad 
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