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Post by Jodi on May 4, 2005 21:43:26 GMT -5
Okay, I posted earlier about Ryan being found in the school parking lot today at school. Well, I only got half of the story. It turns out that Ryan actually left the school, and wandered around the corner and down a street. A lady found him in her yard and took him back to school. Waaaaay different than what the P told me!! The P has now repeatedly lied to me to try to cover up the severity of the issue. Fortunately I have some friends at this school who have given me the full story. Ryan, was in fact, in the principal's care. He dismissed the aide (told her to come back in a few minutes) and at that point took responsibility of Ryan. When she returned, Ryan was gone. She asked the secretary if he had gone to the SDC, she said no - then the search was on. When I talked to the P, he told me that there were office personnel nearby and he felt okay having Ryan sit there without someone really watching him. Turns out, the doors that lead outside - which are right next to the office, were left WIDE OPEN. He was gone for up to 15 minutes before anyone noticed. I have called a local legal advocacy group for advice, and I'm waiting for a call back. I'm not taking Ryan to school tomorrow. There have been other incidents, but this one takes the prize. I keep thinking... what if??? What if that lady didn't find him, what if he got hit by a car, someone took him... I think the P knows that he messed up but I'm so not comfortable with him going there right now. Doesn't feel safe at all!! The P talked about behavior yada yada yada - but not once did he acknowledge that he blew it!! AND HE'S THE PRINCIPAL!! OMG!! My mind is like oatmeal right now. I asked him point blank who was supposed to be responsible for Ryan. He finally admitted that he was. I found out about the lady bringing Ryan back to school by a witness. I had two conversations with the principal and not once did he mention that Ryan was actually off the school grounds. The witness gave me a description of the lady, and I went door to door to try to find her tonight - no luck. I decided to check if the school was still open. It was, and the principal was still there - what luck. I decided to go in and ask him if he had the information on the lady, and he looked surprised (bet he wondered how I found out) - but he couldn't provide it to me - said the secretary had it. OMG Just remembered, when the lady walked back with Ryan, the secretary approached them and said "Ryan, who told you you could leave the office?" Yes... blame Ryan I have so many thoughts racing through my head right now. Ryan has an ID bracelet on, why didn't the lady call any of the numbers? I really hope I do get to find her so I can thank her! I want to call an emergency team meeting, but three members are at a conference in DC right now . I just don't feel right about having him go back to school. I asked the principal what actions have been taken - he said that staff has been properly trained IN THE PAST - but NOTHING was being done about today's incident (other than a report about it and fixing the broken door). I thank my lucky stars that Ryan is safe. I'm so ticked off though... I don't think the P should get away with how he handled this. I'm frustrated because Ryan has a behavior plan, and visiting the principal isn't on the list, let alone leaving him in the office unsupervised. In addition, his IEP calls for a 1:1 - what happened there??? My head is just pounding - any advice is greatly appreciated.
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Post by donnita on May 4, 2005 21:49:13 GMT -5
OMG! I have no advice though, I just had to say that that is crazy, OMG!
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Post by Emilysmom on May 5, 2005 4:37:47 GMT -5
Wow Jodi, what a horrible situation!!! I certainly agree with not sending him to school today! But, what to do next..........? Someone much higher than the principal needs to know that Ryan has had to miss school because he is not safe there! What about the special ed superintendent? Is he/she someone you have a relationship with and could talk to about this? I believe I would request, in writing, an emergency meeting with the IEP team and would state that you are not able to send Ryan back to school until that meeting can take place. You have firm grounds, due to the behavior plan not being followed. It's so sad to think that the principal is more interested in covering his own butt than protecting one of his kids!! He HAS to know what a serious situation this is, and the very best thing he could have done was to be totally honest and even overly apologetic.........while assuring you it would NEVER happen again! I'm sorry he didn't do that.
Sounds like you've done your part...........the ID bracelet and the behavior plan are in place. The school is responsible in this case. Sorry you had to go through this!
Susan
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Post by Jessie on May 5, 2005 4:48:01 GMT -5
Hi Jodi, So sorry you and Ryan have to go through this. Having a little Houdini myself (who snuck through a hole in the fence surrounding the school recently), I completely feel your concern for Ryan's safety. I think I would, as Susan suggested, start with whomever is above the principal, which I guess would probably be the superintendant. Someone higher up does need to know. I don't know what legal action you would have - neglect, abandonment? Probably not since Ryan left on his own. Yeah, I know, it's more complicated than that. But, I personally would go to the superintendant and see how they react to what happened. I can't remember if Ryan is in a spec ed school or mainstreamed? If he is mainstreamed, I guess that might be a flag that they really aren't equipped to take care of him . . . even if they say they can. Actions speak louder than words. But then, like I said, Jason slipped through a hole in the fence recently and he's at a total spec ed school . . . very scary stuff. Let us know what happens. Jessie
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Post by momofrussell on May 5, 2005 5:40:04 GMT -5
I too was going to suggest the superintendent. The Super NEEDS to know this happened, if not for anything else, to just KNOW!! Also, being in CA, do you have people JUST handling the spec ed in your district? Some districts do, we did, and they need to be notified also. I am glad you called a advocacy agency. Try to handle it on your own first and then use legal matters if needed. I would be LIVID if that happened to me and the P wouldn't ever know what hit him if it were me. I also would suggest to write a letter to the P and send copies to the Super, Spec Ed people, ect... for two reasons.. it DOCUMENTS what has happened and starts putting in place, on paper, that this has happened in the past (paper trails are very important for this stuff!) and it may be easier for you to focus on the big picture without your emotions getting in the way. I know for me, I am not a writter, I am a talker, but when I had that issue with them taking Russell's teacher away, there was NO way I could have "talked".. so I wrote to the super and 3 others got the copy, teacher included. And I did not read your other post all the way when you posted it, so I don't know how involved the teacher is with this new situation, but the teacher needs to keep abreast of all of it too. Good luck girl!! How awful... and yes, that P (can I use that initial for some other choice words? LOL ) NEEDS to acknowledge and appologize for his behavior... if he wants to throw the word BEHAVIOR in your direction, he best know that HIS behavior was NOT GOOD either! Hugs A.
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Post by Jessie on May 5, 2005 6:26:06 GMT -5
And another thing! I forgot to put this in my post . . . but don't you just love it that they automatically blame the kid . . . uh, hello, who's the adult in the situation? People do things when they are scared, even blame a kid for something rather than taking the blame themselves. That P was probably shaking in his shoes when he realized that you had found out exactly what happened! Go get 'em Jodi!
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Post by Chester on May 5, 2005 7:00:29 GMT -5
I wouldn't allow my son back into school with that principal either. I can't believe he lied to your face about something that is so serious, and more than likely will happen again unless something drastic is done!
I would like the superintendant know, I would let the special ed director know and I would also attend a school board meeting, and voice a formal concern. Each school district runs their meetings a little different so you should call ahead to see if you need to be on the agenda or if they have an "open Mic" time. (the school board meetings are usually covered by the local newspaper and minutes are taken, I think your P needs to be exposed, HOW DANGEROUS!)
Glad to hear that you're little guy is okay, and sorry to hear that your principal is not okay on SO many levels!
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Post by ALLISA on May 5, 2005 14:00:51 GMT -5
"Yikes" to your story Jodi.... Just a thought here.....and PLEASE know that I'm not in any way trying to "let the principal off"......but like you said.....it's not in Ryan's behavior plan to be left with the P. Shouldn't there have been something better, someone more trained & better equipped than the P ? Why was he left with the P? And again.....IT IS DEFINITELY 100% HIS FAULT that Ryan got out....but it seems as though it shouldn't have really been his responsibilty in the first place. But any arguement like that is kind of pointless anyways after he lied to you regarding how far Ryan got & not telling the truth....THAT is horrible, cowardly and unforgivable. You should absolutely put in a call to the Special Ed Director...but I don't know if calling in legal action at this point would be the route I would take. Try the meeting.....at least insist on a face to face with the director & Princiapl.....get everyone else later when convient.....but the 3 of you need to have the truth "out on the table" Good luck....and keep us posted.
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Post by steffipoo on May 5, 2005 16:12:19 GMT -5
Hey JODI OMG OMG OMG!!!!!! That is INSANITY!!!!I wouldn't send him and call an emergency IEP. Where the heck was his aide? ? Thats what I wanna know..... and the office person blame it on Ryan . The #1 priority of schools is the SAFETY of all the kids. the education comes second. They need to recognize their deficits and improve them instead of placing blame. DANG like little kids. If they don't respond I would call the head of special education in your district. EVERYTHING THE SCHOOL TELLS YOU ask them to put it in writing. Once when I asked the school(Livs old school) about something I forget what and they said NO WAY they couldn't do that. I called my friend at our regional centers family resource center and she told me then tell em to PUT THAT STATEMENT IN WRITING!!!! I told Livs old school that and once they heard that they asked the ? I asked of them to the district or some school honcho and they said LOLOLOL .No they were wrong... LMAO and they HATED EVERY MINUTE OF IT. There is no reaswon why schools hafta to be so dang immature and admit their faults and fix. If they do and its not the truth that is a legal document. Hopefully they'll fix the situation stop placing blame and own up to their faults and fix em. AND THEY SAY OUR KIDS ARE STUBBORN? ?? ;D BTW My sis is a notary and if ya need something fast I could explain the situation to her you could fax me something and she could notarize for nada. She's do no problem lemme know I have to give you my number... I'll e-mail you. Livs a fraidy cat so I am not worried bout her leaving anywhere but our school is really great about safety. and every parent child office person teacher neighbor knows Liv and there vwpould be no shot she would get further than the door and her aide or a peer helper or someone would be at the office with her
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Post by Debi on May 5, 2005 19:13:31 GMT -5
Oh, Jodi, it just makes me SICK that you had to find this out this way!! When I read your original post, I thought hey.. at least the principal took some responsibility, well of COURSE he did in order to try and sidetrack you. I am SO glad you found out what reallly happened ~~I don't blame you in the least for not trusting the school. I wouldn't send my kid there either and I would also be documenting ALL of this and sending copies to all the head honchos. They will somehow have to make up for Ryan's lost time.. I would, I think, rather see that then a big legal wrangle. I hope you find Ryan's guardian angel so you can thank her.. it's all just too scary to think of what might have happened if she hadn't found him when she did.
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Post by MB on May 5, 2005 19:19:11 GMT -5
Slow down. Take a deep breath. Think.
Six year old kids with Ds run away from school all the time - at least that is my experience. Ryan was going to find an opportunity to explore sooner or later. You've got an opportunity to capitalize on this situation.
The principal is indeed in trouble, but I guarantee you (after 8 years in school) that Ryan is going to need far more breaks from principals than principals are going to need from you. You have an opportunity to establish yourself in the district as a woman of reason and a person who is easy to work with.
I would set up another meeting with the principal and tell him that you know he never intended for Ryan to be lost. You are now calm and not so frightened for Ryan. But, you do need for the principal to be honest when this happens in the future. You do understand that you will never know Ryan's level of independence unless it is tested.
I would work with him to put together a search plan that can be instituted at a moments notice. You might want to establish a time frame by which the police and you are notified. I gave my school 10 minutes when my son was six and an escape artist.
I would ask him to be honest about why Ryan was in his office. Is the behavior plan not working? Does the team need to get together and work on it. What role did the 3 missing team members play in this change of routine. Changes in routines are breading grounds for disasters for runaway kids with Ds.
If you decide to give the principal a break and try to work with him, I think you will be much happier in the long run. Here's a scenario:
You go ahead and have him disciplined. His career is hurt by your actions and he is overlooked for the next step up. He resents you for it. He sets out to be fair and nothing else to you. Ryan shows up at school with a black eye. He fell at home. No witnesses. Do you want the principal to think, "Aha, I can call Social Services on the woman for a little payback." Or do you want him to just let it go unless Ryan starts showing up with bruises on a regular basis.
And, what if Ryan escapes from you? Do you want him to suggest Social Services get involved thus going over your head just like you went over his head? In both cases, Ryan simply took advantage of a situation. Neither of you would ever callously let Ryan be put in danger.
I used to tell my team that no one loved my son more than I did and he had managed to escape from me! Why would I think they could be even more vigilant than his own mother?
At this point, everyone is probably mad at me. But, my son is in middle school and has been given so many breaks by the administration, I can't imagine where we would be if they were holding my son to the letter of the law. Last week alone he snuck into the all-school stereo room and blasted one of his CDs for the kids to hear and started breakdancing. I know you are all laughing, but if the principal wanted to, he could have suspended him.
Schools and parents alike are going to make mistakes caring for a child with Ds. I really encourage everyone to try to work together in the best interest of the child.
O.K. blast away at me.
MB
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Post by Connie on May 5, 2005 19:46:29 GMT -5
MB, I was wondering if you would pipe in!! ;D But NO, I can say I'm not mad I'm just upset that I could not play the Devil's Advocate in this one and write it so nicely.
Jodi, I have to tell you I can relate to how scared you must be. I am the mother of Collin who is 5 and chromosomally enhanced and if given the opportunity he will run from anyone that he knows he can push around...ie his father. And I know his father loves him with everything he's worth but Collin pushes him!!! Just last Saturday morning, I had left to go to the baseball park to pick up treat tickets. When I returned I found Michael in the back yard talking to our neighbor and putting our dog on his chain and shaking his head.
Collin had let Jack (the dog) out and went to go get him. My DH was mowing the lawn and his 2 older brothers were inside not paying attention to him. We live on a golf course that has a very very large creek and several large ponds on it. In the last week we had received a lot of rain and the creek was up and running very very fast. To make a long and scarey story short. Collin crossed a bridge by himself that really does not have any sides to it. If, he had fallen off he would have been in about 6 feet of water. He was trying to bring his dog home. But, thanks to GOD watching over him and our neighbor noticing that he was out with no adults he was brought home safely. But, on a bright note...Collin who is for all practical purposes is nonverbal was able to tell our neighbor where he lived and answer her yes/no questions. He was able to tell her which house he lived in and how old he was. Even if he does tell you he's "free" but...he does hold up 5 fingures (which is right) Hugs....
And please take MB's post with and open mind because I know if you could write as well I would have said pretty much the same thing.... Connie
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Post by MB on May 5, 2005 19:53:37 GMT -5
Oh Connie! Oh Connie! Oh your poor husband! Hooray for the neighbor and Collin! Just trying to bring the dog back. Oh Connie!
MB
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Post by Jodi on May 5, 2005 19:54:34 GMT -5
Thank you all for your suggestions and support - the last 24 hours have been just too crazy. At least the headache is finally gone. I was working on my written response to the whole situation when I received a number of calls from the district concerning the incident and follow-up. Some calls were from people who were in shock, others were from higher up on the chain wanting to pressure me into meeting like NOW to resolve the matter. Three critical people are at a conference in DC until Monday, and I really would rather they attend the meeting. I had one call wherein the rep from the district stated to me that I know Ryan would be perfectly safe especially in light of what had happened, that I COULD take him to school, I was just CHOOSING not to. He went on to say that they offered to meet (on Friday when 2 key people on the team are out of town), I'm refusing to meet, I'm refusing to send my child to school, and that as a result I'm refusing services. At this point I'm laughing. I told him, I can't meet at the time/date given because I'm not available - and neither are other team members, that nothing has changed at the school to lead me to believe the incident wouldn't happen again, and I am considering requesting services in another setting. I tell ya this guy was GOOD at dropping all the "buzz" words to make you panic, but I didn't bite - I think I was too tired LOL! Funny, he called me back a minute later and offered to give me a form to file a compliance complaint. Another interesting development... I was informally offered to place Ryan in the setting I was thinking of having him go to next year... hmmmmm.... silver lining? Anyway, I sent an email to the P, copied the program specialist, service coordinator, director of spec. ed., superintendent, behavior specialist. I stated that I didn't think it was safe for Ryan to return until we met. I stated that the school placed Ryan in a dangerous situation by neglecting to properly supervise him resulting in him leaving the campus for an unknown amount of time. I further stated that the P failed to inform me of the details of the incident, purposely withheld information, and that it was my belief that they were trying to down-play the whole thing to avoid any trouble. I specifically told him he failed to supervise, follow the IEP and follow the behavior plan (he get's an "F" LOL). Some of you had posted "where was the aide". The P TOLD the aide to leave Ryan WITH HIM and to come back in a few minutes. She did what she was told - he's the boss. Except when she came back, Ryan was gone. Out of compliance here on so many levels! Allisa ~ he took responsibility when he directed the aide the leave Ryan with him - end of story. About the lady who found Ryan... the school refused to give me any information. They didn't take down her information when she brought Ryan back, but the secretary recognized her (her daughter went to school there several years ago). They looked up the info., found it but refused to release it - well, I kinda understand the privacy thing, but they said they would call and ask for her permission to release the info to me. Gee, they didn't call me back yet... LOL. I'm going to call them tomorrow and request that they give her my number... I doubt I'm going to get anywhere, but I would LOVE to thank her. I heard through the grapevine that she called the Spec. Ed. dept. and complained about the whole incident and who the school personnel was terrible about it all. Hey A. ya know last night I was just going nuts over this, but now I feel I'm back in "control" so I think it will all turn out okay LOL!! I'll keep ya posted... wish me luck!
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Post by Jodi on May 5, 2005 20:36:36 GMT -5
MB I was in the middle of writing and didn't see your response.
I understand where you are coming from. I can choose to really burn this guy... I mean really take him for a ride over this - but I'm not going to go that. What I am going to do is make sure the truth of the matter comes out, and that we take appropriate action.
I am not at all comfortable with the "cover-up". The subsequent lies concern me. And he is coercing staff to lie too - not my problem - but yet another concern.
What if he HAD been straight forward? Would I still have responded this way? I honestly don't think so. When the P first told me that Ryan was "found" in the parking lot, I was freaked out, but I had no intention of doing anything (see my first thread - It Finally Happened...)
I realize, because I've seen it here - it happens. How the P REACTED is just too out of line for my taste.
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