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Post by didmyheartgood on Jun 8, 2004 13:27:51 GMT -5
Thank you all so very much for responding to my post.
I really appreciate all the support, kind words and hugs.
For those of you that asked, I live in Hot Springs, Arkansas. Hometown of President Bill Clinton. Need I say more? LOL
I normally don't let people's opinions bother me. I have never been one to be easily intimidated, and have never had trouble telling people what I think.
I guess I am very defensive of Brace and emotions run very high with me when it comes to him in general, not just with the fact that he has DS.
I also draw alot of attention with my kids, due to the fact that they are twins. People act like I am some "oddity" of child birth because I have one with DS and one without.. I do find humor in their confusion. And as I grow older, become less of a hot-head, I am sure I will find something good in the remarks that have hurt me.
You guys are the best! It means alot to be able to share things straight from my heart... Hugs to all of you too... Kim
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Post by momofrussell on Jun 8, 2004 13:50:28 GMT -5
Hey Kim, if it makes you feel any better, people ALWAYS ask me if Reece and Russell are twins and they are almost 3 yrs apart. They would SWEAR they are twins and don't understand sometimes that they aren't! LMAO! I get a giggle out of it.
We are here for ya!!!!
A.
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Post by Staci on Jun 8, 2004 14:02:48 GMT -5
Well, Kim, I FEEL like I have twins...Aidan is 3 1/2 and my daughter Parker just turned 1. They're both learning to walk and they're both getting into everything...whew! They're fun! They keep me on my toes  Staci |
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Post by PaigesMom on Jun 8, 2004 17:35:20 GMT -5
I have to say that I've had many rude, ignorant things said to me/around me/around Paige, etc. etc. etc. by both family members and the general public.
I'm not sure if it "hurts my feelings" or just makes my blood boil. People constantly use the "R" word around me and Paige and my 2 year old son. The other day, I had an aquaintance of mine (whom I thought was more a friend, but I guess not after this comment) who screamed to her 3 year old daugher who was going to walk out into the street "GET YOUR RETARDED BRAIN BACK HERE, CANT YOU SEE THERE ARE CARS IN THE STREET".
The last offensive thing being just last week was an opthamologist who stated to me (after telling me Paige was blind in one eye) "Listen, she has enough trials and tribulations to look forward to in life, and so do you as her mother, the last thing you need to be worried about is her eyes. She has one eye that works fine, that should do her fine in life"................
Oh and the kids that ride my bus - 5th graders - "What is wrong with her, why does she look so funny?"
And YES, I live on the EAST COAST, and I am beginning to believe that it is worse here!!!!
Debbie
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Post by YoshsMom on Jun 8, 2004 19:01:10 GMT -5
Yosh's former babysitter called him "damaged" right to my face. She didn't even understand that she had said something wrong, much less insulting. What really surprised me was the fact that she is severely hearing impaired, almost deaf. She should have known better.
I had stopped using her before this because she was unreliable. also, Yosh cried every time I dropped him off. When we found a new sitter, he was happy with her from the first day. I should have trusted Yosh's judgement. Next time I'll know better.
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Post by Debi on Jun 8, 2004 21:30:07 GMT -5
Michele I think your DH should be awared a MEDAL for dealing with that guy in the store so well. If it were me, I think that jerk would be walking out of the lumber dept. with some of the wood as a permenent feature of his anatomy!!  ;D Kim ever since I read your story, I've thought about how difficult all this must be at times. People can't HELP but notice twins and when one has SN sometimes they can't stop themselves from opening thier mouths either One of the hard things .. and it's not always a bad thing.. is that your life is always on public display when your child has DS. We have therapists case managers etc etc coming into our lives almost from the first and the kid who is different always seems to have a big "spotlight " on them whenever we are out and about. A long time ago I just decided that a lot of it was FREE advice and therefore worth EXACTLY what I paid for it It does get easier but we are Moms and Moms cannot help but have tender hearts  |
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Post by alisonzmom on Jun 8, 2004 23:43:32 GMT -5
I've really only had one bad experience since Alison was born. She was only about 8 months old at the time. I was waiting in line at a local "adult beverage" store (and after this happened I went back and got an extra bottle just for me!!!) getting a few Christmas gifts. There was a woman behind me who Alison was just smiling big as could be at. I turned to see who had caught Alison's attention and the woman said something like "Well, I'll bet that baby was a surprise." I was a little taken aback and asked her what she meant. This woman proceeded to say " Well, she must have been a surprise or else I'm sure you would never have had a kid like that knowingly. After all they're such a drain on society... what with being "R" after all, she'll never amount to anything." Let me tell ya..... I have never been so angry in all my life!!! Somehow the edit function in my brain kicked in and somehow I managed not to go completely off on this woman. I just said "Well, you're right she will have some degree of mental retardation, but whose to say she'll never amount to anything? One thing I can say is that she will not grow up to be an ignorant person like you so obviously are. With an attitude like yours, you must really make your parents proud." Every bit of color drained out of this woman's face and she threw this rotton glare at me and walked out of the store! The best part was when other people in the line and the cashier all started clapping and an elderly man in front of me said "Well said Mom!" Somehow I managed to keep it together til we got back out to car and then the floodgates opened. I think if this woman had walked in front of my car I would probably have run her down!
I still run into her every so often in this store, I just give her a big old grin, say Hi!!! and watch her squirm!!! I know kind of nasty of me but what the hey!!!
Fortunately for all us, these kind of people are relatively few and far between! But why, oh why, do they have to be the ones that stick in our heads instead of the people who just accept our kids for who they are?
Barb
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Post by rickismom on Jun 9, 2004 1:34:52 GMT -5
Nothing REALLY terrible pops into mind.... just the doctor who asked why I didn't abort (I answered by looking in the eyes: "I don't believe in killing babies. I don't believe in killing people who are not perfect. Are YOU perfect?") Ocaaisionally, kids use the R word, but a talk to their parents usually helps. I have much more of a problem with people who try and "reassure" me that it is OK for her to act out in public (when her Ritalin wears off she can sometimes be a real handfull), and act like I am crazy for trying to get her to sit nicely, etc.
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Post by momofrussell on Jun 9, 2004 9:00:42 GMT -5
WOW Barb, I am FLOORED by your experience! Gheesh! Glad you stayed calm but got your point across, that is the BEST way to stick it to them!
Gosh you guys, I feel for you all that have had rude, unpleasant experiences... I just couldn't imagine! It's just not right!!!
I know most don't know before they were born. I DO get that question alot. Between the general public thinking/asking that question and statistics, most ARE aborted. I knew that Russell was to have DS in utero. I will say that I am prochoice by nature but......When I told my midwife we were comfy with it all and that we weren't going to do anything different, I asked if ALL mothers kept their babies after finding out they had DS... I was just SO happy regardless (shocked yes, but happy) that I was naive to think all mothers thought this way. She told my only 20% of them keep their babies.
So, I do get that question alot, if I knew before Russell was born. And I tell them yes with a proud smile.
A.
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Post by cindylou on Jun 9, 2004 11:37:58 GMT -5
I cannot believe some of these stories!! You guys all need to pack up and move to Portland, Oregon. We're nice out here!!... Barb-GOOD FOR YOU!!! A- I sooo wish I had known ahead of time...because when people ask me I have to say No, we didn't know..but we wouldn't have done anything differently--and I think they usually smile like 'yeah, right..' |
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Post by SuziF on Jun 9, 2004 12:12:16 GMT -5
Ya know, I would have probly gotten the supermarket ladies fired. I had an incident last month though it wasn't directed at Meri. We were at a major amusement parkfor the kids school picnic. I was in line with Nick while Meri & Sam were riding elsewhere with the grandparents.Anyhow, as we walked past the rides control room I notice a sentance penned rather largly on a dry erase board "The people from _______ (our school district name) sure are ______'s."
Well, on the next pass thru of ride workers I asked which was the shift manager. When we were exiting the ride I stopped by his post & simply said. "I highly reccommend you erase that nasty remark off the board in the control booth. There are alot of school district employees in line right now & I don't think that park managment would like to be hearing about this from all of them"~ he apologised,went straight in & erased it.
Suzi
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Post by Debbie on Jun 9, 2004 19:10:04 GMT -5
Wow, I can't imagine anyone saying such rude comment's to my mother and father back then. My parent's are such great advocates for me. I know they would have had something to say for sure! I never asked my mother if anyone had spoken rudely and ignorantly to her. I know some of our relative's may have said something but, I really don't know for sure. I do know that some of them had prayed for God to take away the Down syndrome. I don't know what you all think, but, I don't think God makes mistakes. He wanted me the way I am for a reason. I think if someone said something to me about me having Down syndrome I may get angry. I would probably be shocked and may cry. I have never experienced this of course and I say thank goodness! There is no telling how I'd react to be honest. I know I would definately be very hurt and shocked. I think sometimes people may know instinctively that there is something different in me, because of my eye's I guess, but, if they do, they don't say anything to my face. Most people I come across have not been like that. My eye's tend to turn to the corner, my left eye does quite a bit I am told, and with the stribismus, they do that anyway. There are people who have the stribismus who don't have Down syndrome. What is it about our eye's anyway? ;D I was told once I had beautiful eye's. I believe that beauty is in the eye of the beholder and the heart. |
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Post by Chris on Jun 9, 2004 19:27:33 GMT -5
Hugs to all of you who have had horrible experiences with idiots.  I have been fortunate to have had so many positive experiences with people. I did get my feelings extremely hurt when the teachers I taught with didn't give me a baby shower, they just gave me a generic card with some money. I knew that Sarah would have Ds when I was 18 weeks pregnant and found out about her heart defect two weeks later. I think my ignorance about Ds caused me to be extremely sensitive when I was pregnant. I was so terrified that she would die and didn't celebrate my pregnacy. Where I live, most of the teachers are very politically liberal (prochoice). I overheard a couple of teachers talking about my decision to continue my pregnacy. They felt that I was selfish to knowingly bring a child with disabilities into the world. I still get teary eyed when I talk about that incidence but I also know that they were ignorant. Neither of them had a child with a disability and probably didn't know a person with Ds. In the end, I know that my life is richer because of Sarah. She has brought so much joy into this world. Just like the post about the young man twirling in the street. I see where she brightens the day of so many, especially elderly people in the grocery store. She will touch their arm as they walk by and smile. She not only touches their arm but she touches their heart. Yes, there are rude and mean people in the world but the vast majority are caring. I just pity the ones who don't know love like we do. Chris |
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Post by Debbie on Jun 9, 2004 19:48:41 GMT -5
Aw Chris, you are so right! I am not just typing because of me or anything like that, you are right when you say people don't know love like that. We learn to accept differences and appreciate them as we grow in life. I think it is sad that people like Peter Singer and those teacher's who made those remarks about your pregnancy, don't know that kind of love. They may never experience that kind of love depending on their attitude's and unwillinglyness to learn.
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Post by momofrussell on Jun 9, 2004 21:22:45 GMT -5
Chris, I would NOT consider those teachers PRO CHOICE! IMO! I am by nature pro-choice. (I do sit on the fence alot about the subject though). But, the way I see it, Pro Choice is to accept what EVER the mother does... because it's her choice! Sounds like they were Pro-DEATH!!!! Even with me being pro-choice I would never wish ill thoughts on a mother for her decision. That is just horrible that they said that, let alone THOUGHT it! I am appauld they call themselves pro-choice... I think I need to have a chat with them LMAO!
And shame on them for not "showering" you... !!!
**whew** Ok , I am off my soapbox now LOL
Hugs
A.
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;D
