Sue
mom of Ben 6 DS and Abbe 4
Posts: 3
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Post by Sue on Sept 2, 2004 23:05:00 GMT -5
My son, Ben, is 6 years old and just started kindergarten. He has a problem with wondering off and running away. He runs away from us anytime and anywhere he can. He was even brought home by the police once when he wandered off from his grandmother's house. (This didn't help the situation, he thought it was fun to ride in the police car.) He is also doing this in school, wandering away when he is in a big group of kids and not closely supervised. This is a huge concern and it seems to be getting worse. We are having a hard time teaching him about danger in general, and especially in this case. Has anyone else had this problem? And does anyone have any suggestions on how to teach him about the danger of getting lost or talking to strangers?
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Post by meghans_mom on Sept 3, 2004 7:38:29 GMT -5
Sue - i dont have any first hand experience w/ this YET -- but have a few ideas...
there are some books and videos ( cartoon style) out geared towards kids about street safety, not talking to strangers, etc.
you can look on-line or check out your library or video store.
we have a set -- i got suckered into buying them at some fundraiser, LOL -- but in hindsight i'm glad i have them....
these might be great for a kid your son's age -- and then afterwards discuss them w/ him.
best of luck w/ this!! laurie
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Post by Renee' on Sept 3, 2004 17:20:47 GMT -5
Sue
We have been experiencing the same thing. Lauren has been taking off a lot these days. The day care lost her one time for 30 min. She can lift the garage and takes off. So I installed locks she can't reach and I am about to get door alarms.
She knows no stranger and it is very scary!! I am just glad to know I am not the only one having to face this.
HUGS
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Post by shellk on Sept 3, 2004 19:30:46 GMT -5
;)Honey I can relate to you on this...Kourtney is an escape queen, and if memory serves me correctly Robin's little man Chase was or maybe still is an escape artist as well.
I have called 911 looking for her before she got out of my yard and was gone for 1/2 hour, she escaped from the school play ground and they found her in the front parking lot which is right off of a MAIN road...She will dead run at a pool..It is like she is missing the FEAR gene..LOL Her dad and I think that sometimes..We, have an alarm system in our house and the chimes to the doors stay on..I have child proof door knob covers on all exterior doors, keys to unlock all interior doors in my house..She gets into it all and my DH and our neighbor bulit a melt lock type thing for the gates to the back yard and so far ( crossing my fingers) she has not gotten out again...So, how we work on it is reminding her when she is outside with me or dad..I hate to say this but I will look at her and all I say is "Stay" or "come here" my mom tells me it sounds like I am talking to an animal....But, if short commands work then I use them ....Locks are a BIG help.
Best of luck to you..
Renee A== might I add that Lauren is absolutely beautiful !!!!!!!!!!!! And so is the little one ;D
Michele
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Post by christie on Sept 3, 2004 22:46:27 GMT -5
Just wanted to share that I can RELATE TOTALLY  We have tons of locks and bells on all our doors. For us the hard part being Chris is older is he can work the keys  So we are in the process of looking into alarms.
For us that was the main reason Chris had a one on one assistant at school, for safety as he was a runner.
We continuously work on this with Chris and I do believe one day he will get it but in the meantime its very stressfull I know. HUGS
CC ~
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Post by MB on Sept 4, 2004 12:22:12 GMT -5
O.K. lets fire up this keyboard! We had, and I am so happy to use the past tense, a runner. We locked all doors interior and exterior. We alarmed all exterior doors and had an interior beam across the stairways.
We had a search plan in place for the neighborhood and the school district had to present us with a search plan before he started kindergarten. It was on his IEP.
The reason you develop search plans is so you do not waste 45 minutes putting together a plan after the child is missing. You want to search as small a perimeter as possible. As time goes by, the perimeter widens.
For the neighborhood, we started with the most dangerous places for our son which we felt he might have access to and knowledge of. The large fountain that was within eyesight of our home and had a pool that was deep enough for drowning was the first priority. Someone would be stationed at the fountain immediately. Secondly, was a neighbor's pool who always kept the privacy fence locked. (We never showed him the pool but nonetheless it was a priority.)
Next we would station someone at the main road near our subdivision because of the traffic hazard.
After that we zoned the neighborhood and would assign volunteers a zone to search. They would be instructed to go to every house and ask the homeowner to search their own home if any of the doors or cars had been unlocked. After the search they would be asked to lock all doors and cars so as not to create new hiding places. If no one was home, cars and doors would be checked to see if they were unlocked. We would take look in the cars, would call in the police if we were to find an unlocked door to a home. The volunteer would stay in the assigned zone in hopes of catching the kid as he moved through.
When the child was found, three long blasts of a car horn or police siren were to be sounded throughout the neighborhood. So, a car or police car would sound their horn and the rest of the neighborhood would respond so everyone would know the search was over.
We never did have to put the whole plan into effect, but my son did disappear December 9th of his kindergarten year. He disappeared from home in 20 degree weather. He was found just as I was about to call the police and put the plan into effect. A neighbor saw him wandering two blocks away and had the foresight to put him in her car and bring him home.
If I were presenting a suggested plan to the school, I would:
Have a code like "code adam" at Walmart.
All classroom teachers return to their classes, even if their class is in gym or music. All other personnel - gym, music, art, para-professionals, custodians, cafeteria and office staff report for their assignments.
Again, the school would have permanent assignment zones starting with the most dangerous. In our elementary school it would be the busy road in front of the school. Next on the list would be the most direct route to our house. These would be followed by playground, cafeteria, boiler room etc... All teachers would supervise their classrooms from the doorway where they could keep an eye on the hallway in case the missing child should emerge.
I would further dispatch someone to drive that child's bus route as it is quite possible that the child noticed something on the route that piqued his interest and is trying to get back to it such as a swingset, trampoline or friendly dog.
Again, three long school bells, sirens or horn honking could signal that the child had been found and all personell should return to their regular schedule.
For the child, I would take him/her back to the place where he ran off. Put him back in the same circumstances and tell him, "Do not run away. Stay with your adult." Outside of school, practice this in the yard, in parking lots, at the grocery store etc... It becomes a mantra for the child with Ds. "I do not run off. I stay with my adult."
Social stories would also be helpful. I would not say that the kid scared or upset the teacher or parents. This gives the kid ammo to use against us. It teaches the kid to run off if he thinks he needs to punish the teacher or parent for some horrible thing they did like suggesting he go to bed on time or hang up his backpack. I would keep the focus on the kid. "It is too bad that "Johnny" has to hold his parents/teachers hand when going to the store because he cannot be trusted to stay with his adult." On the positive side, "Johnny does not have to hold his parent/teachers hand because he always stays with his adult." Or, "Here is Johnny going outside by himself because he asked permission from his adult." Or, "Johnny has to stay inside because he ran off. He should have asked permission from his adult."
Be mindful of where he ran. Is he most curious about places inside the building? If so, carve out some time during the day where he is allowed to take a para on a walk. This satifies some of the curiosity and lets the school know of possible places to look if he comes up missing. If he continues to go to the playground or gym, know that he needs concrete information as to when he can legally go to the gym and playground. A schedule he can understand would be most helpful.
I think our kids run off because they are curious and do not know that they need permission or they are curious and do not have the verbal skills to ask permission or they are curious and think they will never have the opportunity to investigate or they love to see the drama unfold when they are missing and finally found.
In all of these instances, I think we can adjust our way of handling the situation to benefit both the child and the supervising adults.
At 13, he now navigates the neighborhood and calls if he decides to play at someone's house. Let me point out, though, that we have a really old-fashioned neighborhood that is committed to his development and safety.
Best of luck.
MB
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Post by MaggiesMom on Sept 5, 2004 20:22:19 GMT -5
I don't know if it would work in this situation or not, but Walmart has "angel alert" devices that beep if the child gets more than a certain distance away from the "adult". It's a two part device that one part attaches to the child's clothing and the other the adult has. I know it's on the internet as well. You may be able to google it and find it.
Hope something helps. MB, as always, has great advice!
See ya,
Robin M - Maggie's mom
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Post by Claire on Sept 6, 2004 19:54:56 GMT -5
Boy can we relate to this one. Adam is also 6 and is a wanderer. We have locks on all doors as we found him walking down the sidewalk last week. We are prisoners in our own home. ;D ;D Adam has a full time EA at school or I'm sure they would loose him at least 5 times a day. What we do is grab him by the arm (not too firmly) and say NO ADAM YOU STAY HERE in a firm voice, then wait with him on the spot for a few seconds before going anywhere. He ates the waiting part. It does work sometimes but I can't guarantee as we still loose him sometimes.  And he is fast. If you turn your back for one minute he is gone.  I thought of putting a little bell on a chain around his neck. ;D I think a lot of us have wanderers. It may be because they are curious or just like Adam don't understand the dangers. I got a movie from Bear in the Big Blue House about not wandering around. He will watch it and when the bear wonders off he will actually say " Come back, wait" ;D ;D But then he will do it 2 seconds later. |
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Post by rickismom on Sept 8, 2004 7:12:18 GMT -5
Also I would be sure that he wears some non-removable ID
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We have tons of locks and bells on all our doors. For us the hard part being Chris is older is he can work the keys 
So we are in the process of looking into alarms. 
And he is fast. If you turn your back for one minute he is gone. 
I thought of putting a little bell on a chain around his neck. ;D I think a lot of us have wanderers. It may be because they are curious or just like Adam don't understand the dangers. I got a movie from Bear in the Big Blue House about not wandering around. He will watch it and when the bear wonders off he will actually say " Come back, wait" ;D ;D But then he will do it 2 seconds later. 