|
Post by Claire on Oct 20, 2004 22:23:36 GMT -5
Well I was 38 and Dave 42 when Adam was born. He was the youngest of 4. Well our parents were both deseased at the time of Adam's birth, but our other relatives like: sisters and brothers we're kind of quite about it. It was like they we're second guessing everything they had to say about Adam. Now 7 years later, I have to say that they are fine. They treat him the same as my other kids. I can remember when he was born, (we knew before he was born that he had DS) I called all my siblings and they all cried. >:(I told them they should be more upset about him having orange hair then being DS, I didn't like red hair for a boy. And by the way I got more flowers then any other occasion in my life.
|
|
|
Post by wrblack on Oct 21, 2004 16:01:25 GMT -5
Hmm, well, speaking of being older than dirt, I think I may be older than Jackie, but let's not go there. My mom was 80 when Charlie was born. She's 85 now, still going strong, thank goodness and good genes. (You know, there's nothing "wrong" with our kids' extra 21st chromosome. Problem is that it's an extra one, overexpressing genes, not containing "bad" genes.) It was embarrassing that my wife, my sister, and my aged mother took the news of Charlie's extra chromosome better than I did. My mom just said that everything will be all right, he'll just be our special, special little boy. Here's Nanny with Charlie and with his little brother Robert: She may actually be improving with age and may really outlive us all. Her proud and lucky son, Bob
|
|
|
Post by DevensMom on Oct 21, 2004 16:12:34 GMT -5
Well were should I start, from the beginning of course. My MIL was here since I was going to have a c section so she could help out , FIL was in Idaho ,of course after the first reaction MIL was great (she never let me see her temporary sorrow) well FIL come in a couple of days later and very down to hearth just like me. They are both a great support and they try to come as often as possible to visit MIL goes through withdrawal and need her fix of Deven lol. now for my parent it a all another ball game ,see they live in europe ,still have not meet Deven in person. The way I announced to my mother (1 month later ) was like that . we were talking about my oldest sister (40) and how she was trying to have another baby ,so told my mother that she needed to tell her (my sister) of the risks factor due to age so she would not have a baby with DS just like me , it took a couple of time telling her for it to sink in and then she called me a liar ,that he did not have it and the picture he was perfect etc.. so insured her that yes he was perfect ,it will take longer for him to learn stuff but he will learn ,then she asked me if the tongue sticked out and drowl etc basiclly the worst case scenario (old thinking from the old world which was why it took me that long to tell her)of course told her as she saw in the picture no he did not have his tongue hanging out and no he was not drooling all the time etc.. (old world mental picture of someone R) she then hang up and proceed to tell my sisters (my mom leaves in Portugal ,2 sisters in France and 1 in Tunisia) and then the calls started coming, my sisters were very PO at me for not telling them ,and why , how could I have thought that I would not have they full support and that he would be less then a person like the other kids in the family were etc.. they already loved him with all they heart and he was one of us and he will be fine specially if he had our spirit, stubborness , hard headed determination which is my family trade lol (my poor father . of course they ask updats more often then for my other kids but what can I say he is special in everyone heart he touchs even the one he has not meet yet. My father did not look at his picture for a long time (which broke my heart ) because he was reacting like an old man on trying to find a way to fix what did not need to be fixed but he did come to terms , his sorrow was for me ,which I told him I did not need any and that he raised strong girls and as such we will do what is needed to make it better so Deven can reach any goal he might have so now every time we talk on the phone(every saturday like clockwork) we talk about Deven tribulations and what kind of trouble he is getting into to the pleasure of my mom who tells me he is just like a "normal" toddler and she can not wait to meet him in person which I answer the problem is that she might not let me bring him back. Hopefully I will be able to make there next spring but airplane tickets for 4 people can be very spendy specially overseas but I am trying . Any donation will be welcome (just kidding)
|
|
|
Post by Alice on Oct 21, 2004 17:41:43 GMT -5
Bob, Your mom is very beautiful woman! If you did not say how old she is, I would think that she is 65 or 70. Tell her that, she would be happy to hear that (we-women love to hear that we look younger than we are). Alice
|
|
|
Post by rickismom on Oct 21, 2004 17:47:21 GMT -5
Well, I am also a bit inbetween- when Ricki was born my mother was 69. She accepted it without batting an eyelash! ;D ;D ;D ( Gee, I love my mom!) When my mother in law was told by a relative over the phone about Rickis birth, she reportedly said "Well, let's hope she dies." But today my Mom InLaw hotly contests the "relative"'s report. She has definately come to see a lot of possitive things in Ricki. (But there IS a bit of feeling on their part that her birth was a mistake.) She is a bit older than my mom. But I think that age is not at all the factor, but the people you know, etc. My mom had a good friend who had a boy with DS., and who raised him at home, even though everyone "understood" that he had a poor life expectancy and would "never amount to anything".
|
|
|
Post by hannahsmomuk on Oct 22, 2004 17:32:42 GMT -5
Bob
can i just say thanks for posting those photos of your mom
they made me cry
she looks like the perfect grandma
|
|
|
Post by samanthajosmom_12 on Oct 22, 2004 22:46:45 GMT -5
well that has been 4 rs ago. samantha will be 4 in dec of this yr. when i was pregnant with samantha and they did the amnio and found out she had downs and i told my mother i was carrying a baby with downs she had no reaction . right after i told her i had to go and pick up my car at the auto shop and she could not wait until i left our drive way and was calling my sister in North Carolina to see if after the baby was born would she adopt the baby. i only found out about that the night after this happened. do not get me wrong ( my parents have been there for me but after she was born my mother came around. they did not want me to keep her. if you ask them now they would let you know that they love her with all their heart! sue
|
|
|
Post by ourangelalicia on Oct 23, 2004 3:17:43 GMT -5
My parents were absolutely great. My Mom was a little sad at first, because of what she knew about DS. She had worked at the State Hospital and there was adults with DS who had been institutionalized since birth. Her only positive experience was a woman who worked there who had a 2 year old daughter with DS. So my Mom wasn't sure what to think. But she never let us see she was upset. My Dad reacted like I had told him that Ali had brown hair instead of blonde. It didn't matter to him, and being his not so sensitive self he actually asked my Mom why she was upset. I don't really see any other family much, my paternal Grandmother died right after Ali was conceived...and my Grandfather got married two months later. So we don't see them much. My Moms family all lives out of state, and only two Aunts have even met my kids. My Dad has one sister and one brother, both who have barely even seen my kids at all. My Mom definitely has an amazing bond with Ali. Ali absolutely adores her.
I have two sisters, one who lives in Europe and adores both of my kids. The most I've had to do with her is correct her on people first language. But my sister that lives in Alaska is just impossible. I sent out an email after Ali was born to everyone telling them she had DS, and explaining that it just meant she might do things a little slower than other people but that she was still perfect, ect. My sister actually responded to the email by emailing my DAD (half sister from his first marraige) and quoting some website from like ten years ago about how given the right situation people with Down Syndrome have great potential blah blah blah and told him I should give her up for adoption. She sent her a tigger I think for her first birthday...but she never called me, emailed me, or even wrote a letter when either baby was born, ect. And she used to visit us (not our idea) at least one a year and we haven't seen her since my Grandma's funeral in June of 2002.
I don't even know if I want to start on my in laws. Let's just say that they wanted the test redone, they kept saying she was perfect, she was fine, she couldn't have DS, ect ect ect. My SIL is even a doctor and even she was convinced. When they found out I was pregnant they wanted to know everything about the baby. They wanted to come over every week after she was born and see her, they wanted to take her to work and show her off, you get the idea. After Ali was born we were lucky to see them once a month. (AFTER the positive diagnosis. Before that we saw them about 5 times in that 9 days.) They say it's their careers, ect. But I still don't know what to think.
Then when Ali was about a year old MIL told us that she had been talking to an old friend who just found out she was going to have a Grandbaby with DS. Her way of wording it was "having a downs". MY MIL told this woman how SORRY she was! I was in complete shock and still haven't forgiven her for that. She just didn't see a problem with that. And the funny thing is that my MIL is totally sheltered from anything remotely negative. She knows nothing of my girls health issues, or anything like that. All she sees is Ali being cute.
Then after all of my efforts to try and educate them about DS....my FIL (who sees my kids even less than MIL) is telling his new coworkers about his two granddaughters and how one of them "has a touch of Down Syndrome."
We gave them six weeks notice about the Buddy Walk last year and they made up excuses. They came this year but practically ran through the walk to get out of there as fast as possible. I really don't understand the people, it doesn't make sense to me. MIL is so fake that it is hard to tell when she is being real.
SIL lives out of state, and although she is absolutely awesome her DH is way uncomfortable around Ali. He held her once when she was about a month old...and since then has never even touched her. He always holds Peanut though. They are in the process of trying to adopt because they have been trying to conceive for 3 years. Her DH won't take anything less than perfect...no baby with Down Syndrome, no baby with a cleft palate, the kid has to be perfect.
My DH also has a brother that we rarely ever see. He's kind of the black sheep of the family. He got a girl pregnant a few years ago and they had a baby girl they gave up for adoption. So I can understand him not wanting to be around the girls...and I can also understand SIL because she isn't able to have a baby of her own.
But I just will never understand my MIL and FIL. They just don't make sense to me.
|
|
|
Post by DereksMom on Oct 23, 2004 10:29:24 GMT -5
My inlaws at the time were great about Dereks birth. My fil's sister has DS so for them it wasnt any big deal. The family had dealt with Kay for her entire life and loved her dearly. They have been very supportive through all Derek's health problems ever after we separated. My dad thinks Derek is great. He loves him to pieces. He doesnt treat him any differently than he treats his 3 other grandchildren. My mom on the other hand is a different story. She has seen Derek 3 times, never came out for his birth, any of his open heart surgeries (he has had 4) or when he had cancer and was doing chemo for 6 months. I remember her saying after I brought Derek home after his PDA, COA and AV Canal repairs saying to me that she was praying for Derek to be healed. I was kind of confused and told her that his heart was fixed and that he was healed. She said "No, for his DS to go away." I was completely flabergasted. Did she think that the extra chromosome was just going to disipate into thin air? She has never appologized for saying that and I dont know if it is something that I can ever forgive her for. Hugs Allison
|
|
|
Post by YoshsMom on Oct 23, 2004 19:38:37 GMT -5
My mom asked once, after the amnio, if we were sure we could handle this, then never mentioned it again. They came to the hospital every Sun for the entire 10 weeks Yosh was in NICU and have been there for every surgery.
Other than that my family has been amazing. They all love Yosh and celebrate each new skill with me. My sister's children love playing with him, especially her youngest. He loves not being the baby anymore. My sister recently asked me if I knew how lucky I was to have Yosh. Because most of my family is in the field of psychology or education, I get a little more advice than I'd like, but its well meant and not too pushy.
My parents are helping to support us so that I can be a SAHM. Their philosophy is that they'd rather see their children enjoy their money than leave it to us after they die.
My MIL is wonderful. She's a second mom and a friend and she adores Yosh. So I not only come from a great family, I married into one, too
|
|
|
Post by briarsmom on Oct 23, 2004 20:31:53 GMT -5
I hardly talk about my parents reaction. I remeber calling my mom from the hospital. It had probally just been around 7 to 8 hours after I had Briar. Well anyway I called to tell my mom what the dr said and the first words out of her mouth were " You don't want a child with Down Syndrome" Like I was going to put him back in me jump up and down and try again. I know she probally don't even remeber saying that. It was probally just the shock. But I will always remeber her saying that.
I must say that my mom is my best friend ( after my Hubby of course) and would not have Briar any other way.
Lori
|
|
|
Post by Kristen on Oct 26, 2004 14:13:27 GMT -5
My mother was THE BEST! She and my MIL were int eh room when the doctor came in, so at least I didn't have to break it to them. Well, I would have made Dave!
My mom from the beginning had this remarkable attitude like, who cares? I have never seen her have even a second's look of sadness over this whole thing. I think she does feel it, probably for me becasue she sees how upset I can get with the rigamaro of life, but never about him being who he is, KWIM? She is TOTALLY a Carter's grammy (as opposed to him being grammy's boy, which he also is LOL)!
My MIL is another story. She used this as a way to get pity and attention for herself. I used to dislike her, but now I venomously hate her. She would say things like "I had to take a few days off to deal with my own grief of not having the grandson I expected." My shower for her side of the family was schedule for two weeks after he arrived (he was 5 weeks early) and she cancelled it becasue she didn't figure "ther ewas anything to celebrate." The list goes on and on. You would not even believe some of it. She does not deserve him or Sydney and I am glad she doesn't come around much. She can go straight to hell for some of the things she pulled in the weeks and months after he was born. We have no contact with Dave's father, but that is just as well, too.
My father, on the other hand, was a SAINT! He was out of town on business when I had Carter. My mom had to call and tell him (poor mom!) but for some reason he didn't get the VM's till he was on his way to a meeting the next morning. Turned STRAIGHT around, went to his hotel while frantically changing his airline ticket and canceling his meeting and rode in a stewardess's jump seat (Southwest is the best!) back from the east coast. I called him wheil he was at the airport and was sobbing and saying Daddy, what am I going to do? I don't know what to do for him! What if no one but us ever loves him? He said you're gonna love him like we are all gonna love him and everyone else can piss off. Yes, piss off. Wonder where I get it from? The man can make the pope swear, but he's the guy to have around in a pinch! He is madly in love with both the kids and listens to me crab and compalin and be sad and upset and takes it and lets it be. He has been wonderful.
|
|
|
Post by Debbie on Oct 26, 2004 21:30:12 GMT -5
This is a wonderful topic!
I always get a little sensitive on the dicussion about people who don't or have problems accepting children who have Down syndrome. I suppose it is because I have Down syndrome that gives me such sensitivity on this.
To me, all children are a gift from God. ;D Life is precious and we should never take it for granted.
Attitudes can change in time though with education and experience.
Debbie, An adult who has Down syndrome
|
|
|
Post by Kristen on Oct 28, 2004 13:40:53 GMT -5
Debbie, I get sensitive, too. I just try to remind myself that a lot of people are like me - I was totally freaked out, but not becasue I didn't love my bugger boy to death from teh start, but becsue I was scared of people beign mean to him and if I woudl fail him. I wanted to make it all better and couldn't. I felt like I let him down by having a bum egg or something.
Over time I see and truly believe we all are who we are from the start. We all have a journey ahead of us and somewhere in the depths of our soul we know how it's all going ot turn out in the end, but we choose it and live it for better or worse. Carter chose ME like you chose your parents and I did mine because our journeys were one. It's when we try to get too logical and don't let life happen that we get too worked up!
You inspire me!
|
|
|
Post by alisonzmom on Oct 28, 2004 22:30:50 GMT -5
Haven't really thought about how our Mom's reacted to the news that Alison would be born with DS ( I found out at about 19wks) for a while.
By the time we got the news, my Mom had worried herself into a frenzy. From the minute that I told her that I was pregnant, she would ask me everytime I talked to her if the baby was ok, was there anything wrong with the baby, you know you're really too old to be having a baby (44) etc. Needless to say, I was NOT looking forward to calling her with the news ( she is out-of -state) so I gave my sister the dubious honor of telling Mom. From what my sister says she was totally devasted, kept saying she knew there was something wrong. But I have to say that she was very supportive and positive when she and I would talk. Alison is the only one of my 3 girls that my Mom came out for the delivery. She came out about 3 weeks before Alison was born and during that time told me that she was scared because she had never had any dealings with someone with DS. Well, let me tell you guys, by the time Alison was born my Mom got to know my neighbor Bonnie (8yrs old, DS) and said, what the heck was I so afraid of, she's just like any other kid, just a lot tougher to understand what she's saying ( mind you, I did not remind her that part of that problem might be that she had left one of her hearing aids on the plane during her flight out here!!!). My Mom is now absolutely, totally and completely in love with Alison and just looks so forward to our visits!
My MIL, well, let's just say she scared me!!! Dh went over and told her and her husband. And that was the end of it.... not a single word was ever said to me!!! Not one single, solitary word!!! I was so afraid that she was going to reject Alison once she was born. I had my mind made up that if that was the case, she was also rejecting Alison's sisters! You know, the all or none theory!!! Boy, was I way off-base!!! She has been by our sides every step of the way since Alison was born! She sat with us through everyone of Alison's surgeries, spent hours sitting with her at the hospital so that I could go home and grab some sleep or spend some time with the other girls!!! I couldn't have asked for more!!!! She comes over 2 evenings a week while I am at work to give DH a break (somewhat of a sore subject - I just can't figure out WHAT he needs a break from!!!) and spend time with the girls - something that NEVER happened before Alison was born.
So while neither of our parents had great initial reactions, they really came to terms with the news and were able to accept and love Alison for just who she is - a cute, cuddly, lovable little girl!!!
Barb
|
|