Help, Lauren is out of control

[Renee']

I really need some help
As most of you know a lot has gone on in little Laurens life. She is an amazing girl. Usually very happy and loving. My issue is this. She won't mind a thing I say. I am lost as to what I should do. Time outs dont work. Redirection...tried it. Taking things from her...done it. She keeps doing things to her little sister and I tell her not to at least 50 times a day. This is the only summer she has not been in some sort of program. We thought it would be best because it was across town and we were worried it would be hard on her with things that went on in the past.

She is stubborn. She talks back. Am I the only going through this? I could have sworn I had people telling me she was going to be the sweetest little child in the world. Yea...I think someone forgot to tell her

HELP!!
Renee

[rickismom]

Yes Ricki was like that (and gravitates back to it whenever I slack off) . The Only answer is to consistently inforce any "NO" that I said, no matter what. Behavior modification helps, but the main thing is to really make it clear that you mean what you say. Even if you have to stop the car, get off the bus, etc. etc.

[Cathy]

Renee,

Oh no you are NOT alone. Katie is the same way. I have tried everything and she is just too darned stubborn.

I am hoping this is just a "phase" but it is lasting too long. Timeouts do nothing and redirection does nothing.

It is very hard for me to separate what is "typical" behavior for a 4 year old and what is that stubborn extra chromosome.

Most of the time, I have to put her in a stroller when we are out or use a harness. She does not like it and after a little time she does calm down, but its usually a big struggle for control between Katie and me.

All I can say, is great big hugs and if you figure out something that works...share it with your suffering pals.

Cathy

[Connie]

Renee,

Hugs girl!!!

All I can do is agree with what Ricki's mom said and be consistant. While I usually only have typical 5 year old behaviors to deal with when it comes to Collin, I can't say that for my husband or most of the teachers because when he gets your number he will push them to their limits. Collin knows that when I say something I mean business.

My mother who is 73 years old can take Collin anywhere....because she is a no nosense type of woman....gets down to business.

This may sound bad but we went through a period of time that we had to make Collin cry before he would change his behavior.

Hugs again girl....

We really do need owners manuals.

Connie

[Jessie]

Well, I am by no means an expert, but I do know that following along the lines of what Connie said and what MB has always posted about being consistent and basically having a no-nonsense kind of attitude does work for me with Jason. He also knows how to get away with things with Brian - because Brian doesn't discipline the same way that I do - which is I TRY to be as consistent as possible and simply do not take no for an answer. Brian is kind of a push over when it comes to his baby boy! ;D

Good luck!!!!

Jessie

[Staci]

Renee, you are sooooo not alone! Aidan is almost impossible for me to control...throw in another little one and I just can't go anywhere! He just doesn't listen. I get really frustrated with him at times becuase of his non listening. Its hard to get the message across to him when he can't do something...and I do cave in a lot due to his tantrums and he KNOWS that! Augh! I don't know...just wanted to let you know you're not alone. He's the most stubborn kiddo...must get it from me! Good luck.

Staci

I agree with Connie...we need owner's manuals!

[Renee']

Oh yea, I forgot to mention the Faith. I thought "hey, I will take them out to Old Navy" BIG MISTAKE. Lauren was awful!! I was almost in tears. I am so at a loss. I try, I really do. I am feeling horrible because I am always raising my voice. She is so smart but she won't listen.

Sigh

[Cathy]

Renee,

DO NOT FEEL Horrible...

I tried that too.. doesn't help. ALl we can do is try to be consistent... I have had to walk out of many stores when Katie acts up...just did this afternoon. She gets angry when she can't have her way and will swing at me... as soon as she raises her hands... I take her out of the cart and head for the car. I get the "Sorry Mom" but I keep going. I am hoping that SOON she will get the point!

Hugs to you girl...

Cathy

PS I NEED THAT MANUAL TOO!!!

[CC]

Awww RENEE, I can sooo relate, OMG Chris was a handful and thats putting it mildly LOL but with behavior management and maturity he has come a long way

Just wondering girl with all that LAUREN has been thru maybe professional help would be in order, just a thought girl.

BEST of LUCK and Yes I agree Consistency is the key even if you have to hold things up or stop what you are doing and at the same time NOT let Lauren see you are maybe getting stressed, KWIM??

HUGS to you girl, dealing with behaviors is Hmmmm lets say NOT FUN

CC ~

[Emilysmom]

Renee~
HUGS to you.........I'm sorry it is so difficult for you right now! And I'm sure Lauren is not wanting to be so out of control. The hard part is to be very very consistent, and not give mixed messages. I'm not good at that part!!
I agree with CC.....I think I'd want Em to work with a play therapist if she had gone through what Lauren did.....a good one should be able to help her work through her fears and the whole experience.

Susan

[YoshsMom]

I had the same thought as CC. Especially if this is a change in behavior for her. A lot of the kids I used to work with had been through some really rough experiences and they had trouble dealing with how angry and scared they felt. Not having the language skills to express their feelings made it even harder. I would look for a child psychologist who specializes in play therapy.

I had some doubts about posting this. Lauren could just be going through typical behaviors that all our kids experience and I didn't want to add to your worries, but our school psychologist really helped my students get past their experiences.
Best of luck.

[momofrussell]

AW Hugs Renee! I know you have posted about this in the past and I just hope you can find some solitude soon! I don't have much to add here. I think having her "let it out" with a professional might be a good idea... and I do agree. consistancy is key.. and no matter what.. be strong!

One thing I was told when we got our DX with Regan and her ADD... was to pick the ONE MOST IMPORTANT issue that is driving you batty above and beyond all the other grief. And focus on JUST that for the moment. You need to identify it, write it down, make rules for what will happen for when the infraction happens.. and how to reward her when it doesn't. And just try to stick to it. Let some of the other stuff go. I had to do this with Regan and it really helped put things into perspective.

Oh... and don't feel bad.. I am a fellow voice raiser here! ;D

A.

[liasmom]

I can relate to all of this. Lia was awful tonight. We were at baseball and there is a play area right at the field. She was playing well with kids and I went to sit down while Ross, her brother was batting. An older boy said he would watch her.Stayed there a while then look to the playground and a whole group of kids was surrounding Lia. the boy who said he would watch her was busy playing with others by then. I ran over and find out she was hitting others and swearing. These are good kids and more than one telling me the same story BTW. I am mortified. She had one girl in tears- an older girl. She gets the naughty chair at home which works there but when you leave the area she knows it. I made her sit by me (no playing) the rest of the game and she had to go to bed as soon as we got home. WE talk about it and she repeats over and over- no hitting, no bad words. I tell her other kids wont want to play with her and wont be friends. It is not like I can leave with her and take her home as it is not fair to Ross to have nobody watch him and we live out of town. Next game she will have to sit by me and not play- is what it amounts to.
How is it she can learn all the bad words so fast, yet struggle with her name? It is JC, SOB, and GD. Loud and clear. Also shut up and stupid kids. But nobody can understand her say her name.

[justinsmom]

We are soooooo going through this with Justin. It does get worse when he's tired or bored. We also have a few appointments coming up to see if there is anything else going on. We will be going to the Sleep Clinic and then off to the Behavioralist the following week, all I know is something has to give. We have noticed that while he is sleeping he is forever moving and has the leg kicking thing going on and flip flops all over the place, he can't be getting a good nights sleep and hopefully that's a start as to what the problem is.

[poojamom]

I will say what pooja does the SELECTIVE HEARING when she doesn't want to listen/obey. It gets hard especially when we have company. smart girl, she thought she can get away with it and she did get away many times,but we learned and started being firm and consistent no matter where and when, she still starts sobbing and stomping the stairs when asked to go up to her room and sometimes has to be carried literally. I need to be reminding myself I Love her and this too shall pass.