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Post by Kristen on Jan 4, 2007 14:23:44 GMT -5
For what it's worth...I was reading the thread for ideas to deal with my 3 year old NON DS child's resistance to potty training. She has me at my wit's end about it. I have heard of these methods or versions of before for training all kids, so none are out of the realm or possibility for potty training anyone, so I don't see where this is even a DS issue, except that we tend to be at it longer and try more methods than other parents. As for making them someone they are not...um, ok, my dog pees outside and dogs as a sepcies don't have potty training as a naturally taught response. If I let my dog pee all over my house becuase I was trying to make her somehting she wasn't, people would thing I was nuts. If I let my kid, who gets that this is what people do, but has decided to largely opt out of the activity unless she has nothing better to do, pee all over my house or go on in diapers untill she wanted to comply, she would be taking diapers to kindergarten with her at this rate. I would have the school and everyone else I know all over me. Notice I said SHE, that would be my daughter, who is totally typical. By attempting to potty train her and get her out of this little diva control freak thing she has going on, I am not making her into someone she is not. I am hopefully instilling values in her like self discipline and respect for the idea that she is not in charge here. So following that, as I try to also potty train my son, who gets it, but thinks it is optional, I am not making him into someone he is not. I am hopefully instilling the same values into him as well as reinforcing the concept of cause and effect, pride in accomplishment and self-confidence. Carter is a smart kid. I know he knows he is not just like most people. I cannot do a lot of things, but I would hope that by teaching him the same common societal expectations I teach my daughter, particularly in the case of a potentially embarassing situation if he were not to be expected to use the potty, I am showing him the respect he deserves as a thriving, functioning, valuable member of society. Therefor I stick by my words: If it's good enough for my dog, it's good enough for my kid!
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Post by cindylou on Jan 4, 2007 14:43:06 GMT -5
Does it bother anyone else that we keep comparing our kids to dogs?? For some reason this is bugging me- Kristen-I also am potty training a three year old- my son-who is 'typical' and I understand where you're coming from. He totally "gets" it-- and I have found his "currency" as Dr. Phil would say so he's using the toilet this week for the first time ever. I think that CC's problem (again- I shouldn't speak for her--but I guess I am going out on a limb) was that it sounded like HERE'S THE WAY YOU DO IT.. and some of the methods were so strict. Obviously, we're all free to post our methods--and we're all free to question eachother-- cindy
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Post by CC on Jan 4, 2007 16:05:16 GMT -5
"Does it bother anyone else that we keep comparing our kids to dogs??" YUP it bothers me too. But with that being said and since the comparison has been brought up by some, I will say that I have raised and trained many dogs in my life and yes they to have accidents and never ever did I have to take the dogs food away or not let the dog have the food because he or she had an accident while training. And each and everyone of my dogs was completely house broken. So to me yes taking food away or keeping it away due to an accident, seems a bit intense to due to a child. I am not judging anyone here just saying to me some ways just come off as way to strict and honestly if one has to be that strict I don't get it. MB's son was trained one way Chis another completely different way and there was only 1/2 a year difference. I guess I am having a hard time sharing how it comes off reading posts that say if you do this it will work in this amount of time, I suppose for some it may, I just don't think our kids get a break. Yes I do believe Chris has to learn and follow rules just as anyone in this world does but I do believe he can learn and grow without being so harsh on him. I never had to be harsh with Kodi so why would I with Chris?? It just takes him longer to learn, Man I am sure he no way liked having accidents, does anyone KWIM?? No way he did it on purpose, I am sure of that. K, I will stop here as I think I am just making it worse trying to explain what I mean but YES Allisa and Cindy have it exactly what I was trying to say. If I upset any one I am truly sorry CC ~
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Post by Kristin on Jan 4, 2007 16:15:34 GMT -5
My regional center caseworker suggested I consult a behaviorist for several issues. A behaviorist is not an "expert" but she does seem to have more ideas. The top of my list was potty training. Clarice has been "schedule trained" since she was four. If you follow the schedule, and tell her to go, she stays dry...minus a few occaisional accidents. The reason for the behaviorist was to find new tools for moving Clarice to independence. I met with the behaviorist today, who said having her change herself, and the loss of the activity was a good idea. So, we're implementing that with a hourly timer to remind Clarice to go. We'll fade out the timer over the next couple of weeks. We're also using a "social story" to explain to Clarice what to do and why.
The other reason I was recommended the use of a behaviorist was to help with Clarice's aggressive nature towards her little sister. She is twice her size and weight and was literally tackling her to the floor.
The behaviorist has been a source of new ideas for me to try. We try different methods for a different period of time, and see what works. After almost a year, we've been better able to predict what kinds of procedures/methods work for Clarice. She tackles people less frequently, and is learning better ways to respond to situations.
As far as MB's advice goes, I appreciate her straight forward response. The "four days" is not a timeline, it is how long it took her son to respond. After four years of trying to get Clarice independant, I'm willing to try almost any reasonable method. I find that Clarice will manipulate a situation by being "helpless". We have often found that she has the skill or knowledge, but pretends not to understand or know in order to get us to do it for her. Her school is also fading the number of times a day that they prompt her. It seems to be working for them.
I agree with Jeff and others...kids with DS are different. Clarice's thought process and ways of solving problems are very different from her sister's.
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Post by MB on Jan 4, 2007 18:29:57 GMT -5
Cindy:
I am going to address three comments made in your posts that were hurtful to me.
"I think whatever works for each family is good--all the suggestions are helpful, but sometimes the tone comes across as "I'm perfect and this is the absolute way to do it." and that can be very discouraging for other parents."
I went back through my posts and saw that I never once said that I was perfect or that my method is the absolute way to do it. While you may have inferred that on your own, please know that this method was developed after a number of failed attempts at potty training a very challenging child.
"When I used the word "method" in my previous post I meant to announce that this is the METHOD and do this and it will always work is quite arrogant and can be off-putting to some reading and discouraging for others that 'fail'.
I again went back through my posts and could not find where I said that it would always work.
"Maybe I'm being to sensitive about what I think others may be feeling but I personally think its nice if we qualify our statements by saying 'this is what worked for me..." in a bit more humble fashion."
I went back through your last fifty posts and never once found the phrase..."this is what worked for me" even though you gave advice to people. I went back through my potty training posts and found that that I referred to myself and my son quite often.
mb
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Post by cindylou on Jan 4, 2007 22:39:29 GMT -5
mb- I'm sorry that you went to so much trouble to read all my old and boring posts. Wouldn't push that on anyone unless they just needed some bathroom reading material... I was simply trying to clarify what my perception of the issue at hand was. I am living off one hour of sleep with a husband out of town and Kaylee being very sick, so I am probably not communicating well at all. The last thing I posted was as clear as I could think - I wrote: I think that CC's problem (again- I shouldn't speak for her--but I guess I am going out on a limb) was that it sounded like HERE'S THE WAY YOU DO IT.. and some of the methods were so strict. I'm sorry if you felt I attacked you-I don't think I usually attack people or try to make them feel bad--I was simply trying to say that the way things are worded can make others feel small and inadequate and that we should be careful. Obviously we can't all go around walking on eggshells for the sake of everyone not getting feelings hurt, so maybe my opinion should be disregarding because in the cyber world everyones going to interpret things through their own head and it's all going to come off wrong to someone. It's clear that most posters had no problem with how you came across so it's obviously my issue. Again-I was simply trying to clarify my perception of the issue. cindy
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Post by MB on Jan 4, 2007 22:44:50 GMT -5
Enough said on this issue. Here's hoping for a good night's sleep for everyone.
mb
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Post by CC on Jan 4, 2007 23:15:52 GMT -5
Cindy OMG girl NOOO you are for sure one that does NOT attack others OMG you are one to go to the matt for most ;D I started this thread and I am sorry if feelings were hurt Lots of us think different and that is OK CC ~
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Post by laurasnowbird on Jan 5, 2007 0:37:14 GMT -5
CC, girl, I'll be honest with you. I got my feelings hurt on this one, and was ready to delete my profile. Seriously.
We do all do things differently, but I've been here a little while now. I think I've tried hard to help others whenever I can. And some have been here long enough to have a darn good idea of what kind of mom and advocate I am. You are someone I've been proud to call my online friend, and a friend whose support I believed I could count on, even though we might differ in how we approach our childrens' challenges. I don't always do things the way you do, and I don't criticize your way of doing things. But I am feeling like I'm being made out to be up for the mean mom of the year award, and that was hurtful.
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Post by CC on Jan 5, 2007 0:46:18 GMT -5
Laura I have said I am sorry more then once if anyone was hurt by this so not sure what else I can do. I was not questioning you I WILL say I was questioning the need to hold food from a child just cause they had an accident seems a bit much to me. Sorry but how I feel. I can not believe a child is purposely saying K, let me tick Mom off, sorry again, just how I feel, accidents do happen till one is ready. You can question me any time you want I am OK with it girl. Again sorry, not sure what to say CC ~
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