Opening doors

[laurasmom]

Trisha-

It is funny, the girls think nothing of walking in on me in the bathroom, even at ages 15 and 11. They will bring me the phone, come to ask a questions, doesn't really matter. But let me walk in on them...................oh my goodness, I think you could hear them in Massachusetts!!

Sharon

[MB]

Trisha-

Besides all of the locks and alarms, there were some things I did to change the behavior.

The first thing I did was to decide that this kid of mine did not have the right to run off. Even though he had Down syndrome, was significantly farsighted, had a moderate hearing loss and a very significant speech delay, he did not have the right to run me ragged chasing him down. In my fifteen years of parenting my son, the hardest lesson I had to learn was that I was in charge, not the Down syndrome.

The second thing I did was decide that I had to make him understand that running off was not going to happen without consequences. I had to make running off not work for him. Every time he crossed the line, whether that be a threshhold in the house or leaving my personal space in a department store, he had to go back to the line and three times demonstrate the following behavior. I showed no emotion.

1. Stopping at the line.
2. Asking permission even if that meant hand over hand signing.
3. Accepting my answer whether that be yes or no.

The key for me was to know where my son was at all times. There were times when leaving the house to go play in the yard was acceptable. Leaving the house to go play in the yard without asking was not acceptable because it put me into panic mode.

When he finally did start asking permission, I said yes as often as possible. I did not thank him for asking permission. This was going to be part of his every day life for a long, long time. I wanted it to be second nature like breathing.

This method allowed him some choices in his life. There were many times he asked permission, even if the asking came in the form of grabbing my leg and pointing, that I was able to say yes. There was never a good outcome for him if he ran off. He eventually learned that it was better to ask permission than to run off.

For me, I did not want to wait for him to grow out of the phase. For him, learning to control the impulse to elope allowed him much more freedom at a much younger age. He was getting the message that he was increasingly responsible for his own actions.

mb

[kellie]

Hi Robin

Wow, I'm so glad to hear I'm not the only one! My son escaped a couple of months ago in -30 degree weather. We have chimes on the doors and safety door knobs but we didn't hear the chimes and he still escaped. Luckily my neighbour girl happened to look out the window and seen him across the street. He had on my daughter's boots, no socks or coat. His fingers were almost frost bitten. I was horrified. That's the second time she's caught him just in time. We now have latches at the top of the doors. We also have a lock on his bedroom door just in case. I don't like doing that but it's for his safety. Your life has now been stepped up a notch.. good luck!

[chasesmom]

Oh Kelly..thanks for reminding me, I also have a lock on the outside of Chase's door. It was a hard decision because I felt so awful having to do it but when my ex husband and I found him several times during the night, once in the medicine chest, once in the drawer with a bunch of sharp knives laying out on the floor, once with all the food out of the frig and the cubboards and then the last time he had the front door open and his beroom window open and had been throwing toys out, the door knob to his room was replaced immediately and his screens were nailed down from the outside.
Chase also has been found outside, many times, eekkk, but those are stories also for another time, ahhhhh, the books we could write!!!!!!
take care,
Robin, Chase's mom

[cindylou]

Fortunately, Kaylee has not been one to run off.

She does enjoy waking up very early (like 6) on a Saturday and going to check the mailbox - which is a locked box about 4 houses up the road. Drives me crazy.

We also have the flip over brackets at the top of our front and garage doors. They work nice. However, Kaylee just gets a chair now if we use them-and unlocks them. I am sure if Io set our alarm so it would go off in the day when the door was opened--she wouldn't open them without asking me first. SHe hates loud noises like that.

I agree with MB, it's the behavior that needs to be changed but if I had one that ran off I would be freaked. Kaylee has always been one to ask permission, thankfully.

Those of you who don't have deadbolts--please heed JEff's advice and get them put on your doors. My brothers are both cops and I could tell you plenty of awful stories....
cindy

[MB]

I am to this day still surprised at how quickly I adapted to standing on a street corner in lingerie waving down complete strangers..............to help find my kid.

mb

[andrewsmom]

LOL!!! "standing on a street corner in lingerie waving down complete strangers..............to help find my kid" ;D

I had to let you all know, we got the child proof door handle covers. I thought we were SOOO SMART! HAAAA!

The first two days were fine, he couldn't get it open, and we were like "ohh yeah, we got him now!" Then we had to put our poor dog of 14 years down yesterday. She honestly was THE BEST dog. Andrew loved her.

Well, Andrew has been looking for Shawnee (our dog) all day and kept coming and taking my hand and leading me to the backdoor, because he thought she was outside. I ofcourse, kept telling him she wasn't out there, and he would get upset with me. And then..... quicker then we put all the door covers on...he took it off!!! Yup, that's right....he can TAKE THEM OFF!! I tried to do it myself and had a really hard time, but him....HA! two seconds he has those things off. And they say he needs help with fine motor...

So....I guess it will have to be deadbolts for us. We really don't have a choice anymore. I wonder how long we'll be able to go before he figures that out too. Geez, he's not even 3 years old yet! What's next? Should we hide the keys to the car???

So, although I lol at you MB, being on the street in lingerie, I may be joining you there shortly.

-Trisha

[andrewsmom]

Now it's the fridge/freezer also!!!!!!!!!! I just finished typing on here, went downstairs (where my 15 year old was "watching" him ) and there were ice cubes all over the floor, ketchup and mustard too!!! UGGHHHH! I need the super nanny to come live here!

-Trisha

[MB]

Absolutely hide the keys to the car. First my guy locked me and the computer repairman in the basement and then went to town in the car.

mb

[cindylou]

Are you JOKING?? Mb?? Did he drive the car to town??? Freak me out!
Cindy

[MB]

I am sorry. I should have explained "went to town." He actually just turned on the car and was rocking out to the radio, had the emergency blinkers going, windshield wipers with squirters, sunroof etc..

He could not drive the car because he was too short to put his foot on the brake and then put the car into gear. My car had this safety feature.

mb

[Emilysmom]

ROFL MB!!!! I did wonder...........he DROVE to town??

Hey..........our 19 year old DID drive our van twice. Once when he was TWO and again at age FOUR. Apparently, it took me a while to learn how to make him safe!

[cindylou]

OH Thank Goodness MB--you had me totally freaking out...Kaylee often is in posession of my car keys (same ones the mailbox key are on..) and the other day it was cold out- before school--she grabbed them non-challantly and said "I'm going out to warm up the car..." We all froze in place and smiled, kinda like cops when someone has a gun..."step away from the vehichle and drop those keys.." she just laughed and put them down...

yikes-Susan-none of mine have driven the car yet--(knock on wood)
cindy

[MB]

I have NO DOUBT my 15-year-old guy with Ds will, within the next 24 months, attempt to sneak the car out.

mb

[steffipoo]

omg Liv is just the opposite she has to CLOSE every single door and cabinet door around and in other peoples houses too....lol I would prefer this though. than her running out. My girl is too chicken to run away. thank God. She likes to be my shadow anyhow...and a bossy shadow at that. lol cya gl.steff

liv will open the bathroom door when her bro is in there just to p*** him off. He now always locks it. LOL Kinda the same way he puts his seatbelt on in the car autopilot. steff