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Post by chasesmom on Apr 6, 2007 12:38:27 GMT -5
Curious....... Do you think we ever need to tell our kids with DS there is no such thing as the Easter Bunny? I dont remember if we have discussed this or not. I guess the same goes for dear old Santa. Chase is 14 and he has no doubt in his mind that there is an Easter Bunny and I have never thought there is a reason to mention that there isnt one but some of my friends looked at me as if I had two heads. Those same people however have not a clue what life with a child with a disability is like. There is so little magic in life, I guess I wonder what does it hurt? If there was a reason I could see telling him that the big fluffy fellow that brings him chocolate and eggs is no more, but KWIM? I guess I feel the same with the chubby guy in red Opinions please? Jackie, you are there, and have been there for a while, what does emily kow or believe and what about her friends with DS? Anyone else with older kids with DS? Speak up and let me know how you feel/ what you think please? LOL, btw, no, I'm not ready to tell Chase the truth yet, just wondering how far off base I am. Susan, Laura's mom, Stella, what about you guys? How do you feel about our kids believing always? hugs, Robin
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Post by pmjc on Apr 6, 2007 14:43:13 GMT -5
I believe we should have magic in our lives so long live the Easter Bunny, Santa etc. Pauline UK
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Post by wrblack on Apr 6, 2007 15:49:52 GMT -5
Uh, could we leave Santa Claus out of this, please? I still believe in Santa, even though he hasn't brought me anything in years and years. His prerogative. But the Easter Bunny is pure fabrication and just an excuse for my wife to buy more chocolate. Really, when's the last time you saw a rabbit lay a candy egg? That's not what they do. But I see no need to burden a child nor a young adult with Down syndrome with any of this. -- Bob
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Post by dannysmom on Apr 6, 2007 16:13:34 GMT -5
I don't have any advice, but your comment about Santa got me thinking. When my Daniel was born, my cousin came to visit me in the hospital. I was still very upset as we learned of Ds and his heart defect at birth. My cousin has an uncle (who is 48 with Ds)...so I initially felt comfort when he came to see me. I thought he would know the right things to say. Well, my cousin told me that "Lisa, it's not so bad, just imgaine, he'll be innocent forever......Imagine always believing there is a Santa Claus". I am very curious to see what moms of older kids will respond. First, because believing in Santa or the Easter Bunny is one of lifes most magical times in ones life and if we as parents of kids with Ds get to live that magic a few more years....then I consider that a gift . Secondly, I believe my son will someday attain enough awareness about reality that someday he will understand that Santa is really Mommy and Daddy....and the true meaning of Christmas will also be understood by him. Sorry to get all deep and heavy....but when I read the post, it evoked a feeling deep inside me. I've never really gotten over my cousin's comments. I know in my heart he meant no harm.....but who wants to hear their 8 hour old baby will always believe in Santa because he will be so cognitivly impaired?.....I certainly didn't....
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Post by Jackie on Apr 6, 2007 16:23:05 GMT -5
Robin...I have told Emily repeatedly that there is NO whatevers...LOL...and I have just assumed that she understands...she says she doesn't believe...but...every year...she...seriously puts out cookies and milk...for the guy in red. Of course there is a time when it's just plain embarassing to have others see that our kids still believe...but on the other hand...wouldn't we ALL still like to believe? The Easter Bunny never quite held the fascination for most of my kids that Santa did so not sure the level of belief Emily had there. She is not disappointed that she doesn't hunt eggs anymore...but when I mentioned this year that she might not have any Santa presents....(we were travelling and couldn't take any big things with us)...her sweet face just fell...so ...of course I trotted off to target and found a game...LOL. I really DON'T think she believes...but not sure she realizes it...???LOL. My advice?...probably time to gently give him the cold hard facts so he doesn't embarass himself....BUT don't do it until Easter is over. Don't spoil his fun. And you might not EVER be able to convince him.
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Post by MB on Apr 6, 2007 17:23:50 GMT -5
We told our son when he was going into 5th grade. He was fully included at the time and the kids were going to talk openly about the holidays sans characters. I wanted him to be able to participate in the conversations.
There are things I would strongly suggest parents do to eventually enhance their child's life. One would be holding their child to the highest behavioral standards. Another would be actively teaching independence.
But this subject, I really think every parent has to go with their gut. I really think a parent knows the right thing to do in every individual case. Our son was the youngest child in our home and included in a group of boys who were the youngest grandchildren. He was also part of a huge group of boys the same age in our neighborhood. Had we not told him, he may very well have been isolated from them because they would be afraid of slipping in their conversations and getting in trouble.
If he had been the oldest, didn't hang out with these kids etc...., I may have kept the magic much longer.
mb
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Post by momofrussell on Apr 6, 2007 17:48:42 GMT -5
The flip side of this is kids like my son, Russell, who at 9 has no clue also that there is a Santa or Easter Bunny. He is SOOO delayed that although he FINALLY understands there are things under the pretty wrapping paper for him to open, that's it. He doesn't have any comprehension whatsoever about Christmas and what it entales and the same holds true for Easter and baskets and hunting for eggs. He could care less.
So, we (Kevin and I) jokingly invision Russell FINALLY "getting it" when he is 25! LOL So, THEN what do you do? Bypass and omit it all together or let him enjoy the magic he never got to enjoy? Retorical of course, because I really don't know the answer.
This question is one of those questions that is SO hard. Because on one hand, I do agree with MB and others that want our kids to also be held accountable to what their peers are doing. But what DO you do when a child is SO SO delayed mentally and physically to the point where you can't? You take their fun away before they even know there is any Santa?? I just don't know.
I DO know I have finally forced myself a bit to stop buying clothes with Elmo on them for Russell. Now, he STILL loves Elmo and we still buy him the videos and toys because he learns from them... but just because he can fit into the toddler Elmo clothes doesn't mean I should be putting my 9 yr old with his mohawk, in Elmo clothes LOL
So.. I digress....
But.. this is a GREAT question to ponder Robin. And I think ultimately, you need to do what works for you and Chase and YOUR family. Does Zach believe? I have one that is too old, one that believes and one that doesn't have a clue what is going on...BUT I think there is some fun and magic that comes from waking up to "surprises"... even if Chase or Regan for that matter know there isn't a bunny or Santa for real, you don't have to fully take the magic and the fun away from them waking up to surprises. Regan still gets stuff from the bunny and Santa but she knows who it's from. But I think even if Reece knew the real truth, I'd still do it and they'd know it was really mom and dad but it's the thrill and surprise of it all that contributes to your own magic.
Ok.. I think I am rambling now LOL
A.
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Post by ALLISA on Apr 6, 2007 18:01:11 GMT -5
Great point A....'cause as you can guess.....Erin is not clued into Santa or bunny, either.....no connection yet...... Susan......I have to say that my oldest (13) is WELL AWARE that there is no santa or bunny.....but without fail every year MUST leave cookies & milk or carrots ......I think it is HIS tradition....he KNOWS but.....that is part of his tradition......I think it is sweet ......
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Post by Connie on Apr 6, 2007 19:14:49 GMT -5
Robbin, I can say that because I have older children and younger children I have taught them, "If, you don't believe you don't receive" but, I know at least Griffin knows there is no Santa or Easter bunny but, he still comes....just because he knows if he says anything to the contrary SANTA will ream him....LOL I honestly a think that when Collin gets older I will tell him just because I think this is something he needs to know and it will be age appropriate, even though it will be a sad sad day for me.... Connie
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Post by dpurvis on Apr 6, 2007 19:38:47 GMT -5
We'll always believe.
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Post by Emilysmom on Apr 6, 2007 19:48:54 GMT -5
We did EXACTLY as Connie described. When Emily was born, we had a 10 year old son who no longer believed in Santa (And I was the one who was so bummed when his friend at school told him!!). We explained to him that it was very important for him to not spoil things for his younger brother and sister..........so as long as HE believed, HE would get gifts from Santa. When Justin got older, we did the same. If you believe, you get more gifts! So, both boys cooperated and let the little ones believe in Santa and the Easter bunny and the tooth fairy a bit longer than we might have expected.
I don't totally remember, but I believe Emily stopped believing in Santa at about the same time Jordan stopped........he was probably 10 and she was 12?? I think. But, she never verbalized that she no longer believed. She just started saying things like "Mom, will you buy make up for my stocking"? No more talk about what would SANTA put in the stocking, etc. She has politely put up with getting her picture taken with the jolly old man each year.........up to the last year. If I ever say something about the Easter bunny or Santa, she simply says "MOMMMMM" in that sort of teen aged annoyed tone. Of course, she still EXPECTS to find an Easter basket filled with fun stuff each year.
I'm really not sure how I'd handle it if she firmly believed in Santa at this age! I do think it's a magical time, and I'm thinking I'd hate to "rob" Emily of that.
Ok, what do you think about this?? (Keep in mind that I'm just thinking of this "brilliant" plan now!) What if you would take Chase shopping with you and buy all the Easter basket stuff with him there with you, and talk about it as you buy it.............I"M buying this chocolate egg for you Chase. The Easter bunny was pretend....for when you were younger". Then, when he wakes up on Easter morning (Or Christmas morning 2007, if Chase will be with his dad for Easter this year) he'll see the stuff that you bought for him. Maybe that visual thing would help him realize that it is YOU who loves him enough to buy fun stuff for him at holiday time. MAYBE this would help him see it?
Susan
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Post by chasesmom on Apr 6, 2007 22:26:19 GMT -5
Wow, lots and lots of great imput, thank you everyone! I keep coming back to the fact that there is just never enough magic in the world, and then there is that old saying, if it isnt broke dont fix it. I also heard what MB said about maybe if her son hadnt been the youngest and hadnt had the friends and been part of the group he was with and Susan's Emily just one day knowing, it never being a big deal. Then there is Jackie's Emily who heard there isnt but still chooses to believe in the magic I have Zach who is 8 and questioning the Easter Bunny big time this year and I think by next year he is going to be sure there is no big fluffy bunny hopping from yard to yard delivering eggs and chocolate and then the secret will be out. I like Susan's idea of asking Chase to help me pick what he'd like for his basket next year sort of. Maybe I'll just ask him what he'd like me to get him for his Easter basket next year. As for Santa, I think after reading all of your responses, I have come to realize I am the one with the problem here, I am not ready to let go of Santa and the magic of Christmas for Chase. He still so strongly believes in that man that I know he is no where close to being ready and I now know I am ok with that. I think if I said Chase there is no Santa he would blink at me as if I was nuts and keep on watching TV I guess someday he will realize it but the near future is not a part of the plan for now, and that is ok with me. BTW....even when they quit believing, they are still going to get Easter baskets and Santa gifts I think, it would ruin MY FUN if they didnt I loved hearing from you all, and LOL, I forgot who said it.... but I am glad you still believe hugs to you all Robin
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Post by momofrussell on Apr 6, 2007 23:10:54 GMT -5
Since I do have an older child (Regan) and one that does believe (Reece) we do what Connie and Susan do... Regan goes along and believes and that is why I explained Regan still gets suprises from Santa and the Easter Bunny. Heck, for the sake of Reece and how EXCITED SHE GETS, we ALL get stuff from Santa and the Easter Bunny. You know, why can't mommies and daddies get candy too?! LOL Reece loves it.. she really gets into the "magic" more then Regan ever did and well, with Russell being who he is, Reece is it for this stuff.
I will be sad when Reece finally figures it out. And she is one sharp cookie so I really don't know how long we have with this all.
Oh.. and Robin, I am like you and even if/when my kids do know the real stuff, we'd STILL do all the fun and surprise stuff.. because yes, I think it would ruin my fun too!
A.
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Post by Chester on Apr 6, 2007 23:51:05 GMT -5
We just struggled with this question this week too.
We have some very good friends coming down for Easter and Spring Break. They have decided to raise their kids "without lies" (those are their words). Their 2 and 5 year old know the whole Santa story. I had a feeling if they knew the Santa story a bunny dropping off baskets wasn't going to fly either.
So the other Mom and I talked about it. She said they can tell their kids to play along with us. My kids are older than hers!
I don't think my kids think there is a literal bunny hopping around with baskets, but I don't want to point blank ask them, I think there are a few strands of wanting to believe left and I want those to remain forever.
But, I don't want my kids to get teased either. When they've asked questions, I've always said something like "Santa will always be in your heart". We've also talked about the Holiday characters like they are actors in a story/fable, it's fun, it's a surprise, parts of it are true, but not all, and that the deeper meaning is usually doing something nice for others without them knowing it.
What my kids believe in with their whole hearts are leprechauns. Long story, but our tradition was to go leperchaun hunting in the dark with flashlights on our hobby farm before we moved. I would take a bottle of green food coloring to leave traces. The kids would bring nets and buckets. They to this day swear we caught one, and we put it in the oven, and it bursted out when I turned the oven on. Hmmmm, I don't remember that at all, but Cory and Grace talk about it as a truth, and to have them both agree is HUGE, now that I think about it, the leperchaun maybe the only thing they've ever agreed on. LOL.
Dawn
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Post by theresaolohan on Apr 7, 2007 3:27:54 GMT -5
Daniel is looking forward to Easter and Easter Eggs, I wish ye all a Happy Easter, and watch out for the Easter bunny, have fun theresa from Ireland
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