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Post by chasesmom on Jun 5, 2007 23:08:57 GMT -5
when would you mention you have a child with DS? Now think about it before you jump right in and say oh right away because if they cant accept my child they arent worth dating. Remember, this is a whole new world and most of us didnt choose it, it chose us. So how far into a relationship before you mention it in your opinion? And........remember also...my son is NOT a typical child with DS so how does one explain that? And maybe it's easier to just not date and then you don't have to worry about this? hugs, Robin
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Post by Cathy on Jun 5, 2007 23:25:50 GMT -5
Robin Robin Robin.
I understand the complexity of your situation. Although I have a hard time NOT telling people that Katie has DS.
I think every situation is different. You have to feel comfortable disclosing that information. You will know when the moment is right. If you feel this person is a "keeper" than you have to be honest and tell him (when the opportunity is right).
Hugs girlfriend and I am ALWAYS thinking about you!
Cathy
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Post by Deannalee on Jun 5, 2007 23:41:25 GMT -5
First off.....you go girl. I want to date soooooooo badly cause I have been a single mom to 4 forever!!!!!!!!!!! For ME....since peanut weenut goes with me everywhere (no respite).......if I met a guy........he would obviously see my little guy. Therefore, I would have no choice but talk about him right away. BUT, for those with the luxury of having "alone" time.....the decision could go either way on whether to tell up front or not. I truly believe the best advice is to go with your gut. Do what YOU think is right. Good luck. Here's patting you on the back.
Deanna
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Post by CC on Jun 6, 2007 0:06:51 GMT -5
You have to due what is right for you but your ? "So how far into a relationship before you mention it in your opinion?" K, well not being there it may be easier for me to say BUT my kids are part of me and honestly if I was dating someone my kids would just come up in convo and being Chris has DS and he would come up, for me it would be right away. Just because he is who he is and I share bout him not because I would feel I have too, KWIM BUT again I stress you have to do what is right for you. Just a thought here from one like you that says it as it is WHY not just tell him, whats the big deal?? KWIM CC
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Post by laurasnowbird on Jun 6, 2007 0:34:36 GMT -5
That's a tough one, Robin. You've been through your share of trauma lately, and if you don't feel ready to share that info yet, then do what feels right to you. I don't know what kind of guy he is, but if you're keeping him around he must be OK! I would be a little worried that he might feel that you kept something important from him....but on the other hand he might totally understand why. I don't have any really good advice, just follow your heart.
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Post by momofrussell on Jun 6, 2007 8:01:20 GMT -5
Well, Miss Robin... we've already had this conversation haven't we ;D You know my answer already but I will share for the class LOL I told Robin I think it would depend on every guy. Although I think I would tell every guy I just met, because it would weed out the ones that aren't worthy anyway BUT... you start to get a feeling for the "keepers" and tell them and maybe not tell those that aren't going to stick around, why bother. Robin.. you need to do it always when YOU are comfy.. and even if you aren't comfy at times, jump in when you can and tell them. We don't want any jerks for you! OH...and then after you tell them, they need to come here and meet all of us too LMAO... We need to make sure NO ONE is messing with our Miss Robin Louise! Hugs.... and we love you lots!!! I also wanted to add that since I had Regan before I was married I have dated with a child. I did tell everyone I met that I had a daughter. And it is true, it weeds out the ones that aren't worthy. I was never looking for a "dad" for Regan but some guys also aren't in it for the child. They are in it for the piece of you know what LOL So, those guys never lasted that long A.
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Post by pmjc on Jun 6, 2007 8:46:57 GMT -5
Hello. I am a single Mum and Nicky is not your typical boy with DS either. I used to go on lots of dates and always told the men about Nicky right away. Its never really been a big problem and they usually asked a lot of questions about him, I think the fact I have 5 kids was more of a problem to them than Nick. For the last 12 years I have been dating a man who has a daughter who has severe cerebral palsy and epilepsy so our children have never been a problem. We do sometimes get some 'looks' when we are out with the children and have been asked once or twice if we are carers or from a special school on an outing! I guess only you can decide when is the right time to mention Chase.
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Post by wrblack on Jun 6, 2007 10:39:08 GMT -5
Well, if you'd like a man's opinion on this, then you might want to ask someone other than I. Me, I dunno. But you might be better off to ask Brenda Warner what she thinks. See www.snopes.com/glurge/warner.asp -- Bob
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Post by char on Jun 6, 2007 19:48:51 GMT -5
I agree with others that you need to do what feels right for you. I will share something personal about me that impacts my dating. I'm bipolar and the illness is 99% controlled by medication. When I feel slightly depressed or slightly manic, I just stay quiet and nobody really notices. I'm very aware of what is going on with me as this has been an issue in my life for many, many years!
Believe me, this is a huge issue with people I date. I do try to bring it up fairly early, but certainly not on the first couple of dates because it seems to just scare others half to death. After someone has talked to me over the course of three or four dates, it's easier to make the personal disclosure.
What I have found is that if I don't hit them with the information right away, they are able to ask some very interesting questions. They also don't just simply disappear!
I also wait because I can have time to figure out if I really want to see anyone more than three or four times. If I'm not that interested, I don't tell them.
Char
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Post by myangelsaliandsadi on Jun 6, 2007 20:22:16 GMT -5
LOL... I'm not the subtle type. Since I NEVER go out, literally never... anyone I might date pretty much has to email me first. Unless I meet them at the dr or the store, or the park when the kids are with me. Usually I start off talking online though. And, I start off with sending them my kids website, the up with downs website. I very quickly explain that I have two kids with special needs and I spend a great deal of time with people with disabilities. That if they are not open to that situation then they should move on. Lol. Surprisingly, I have still had about 10 guys who were interested in dating me even after learning that. Lol. But I've been dating a guy for a year who was a friend first, so he already knew about the kids. AND, all my faults. That's so the way to go. My answer, in the first 5 minutes. Lol.
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Post by MB on Jun 6, 2007 20:37:17 GMT -5
O.K. this is fun! Good for you for dating! You are not your child with Ds. You are an interesting, attractive woman with your own interests and opinions. You just happen to have a not so typical son with Ds.
I think you tell the guy if he wants to:
1. Come to your house for dinner. 2. Do anything but kiss you on the cheek. 3. Asks you to co-sign a loan. 4. Asks your age. 5. Asks about your former spouse. 6. Buys you a present. 7. Goes shopping with you. 8. Oversees repairs to your car or home. 9. Assists your elderly parents in any way. 10. Picks you up from the airport after the NDSC convention.
mb
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Post by momofrussell on Jun 6, 2007 20:45:12 GMT -5
LMAO MB... such wit you have!
A.
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Post by MB on Jun 6, 2007 21:06:40 GMT -5
I have convinced myself! I am going right upstairs and tell my husband our son has Ds.
mb
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Post by Chris too on Jun 6, 2007 21:33:59 GMT -5
Oh, I love this thread. So much fun! Robin, congratulations on taking a big step! I think you shouldn't worry about when to tell him what. Just enjoy getting to know each other, and information about all the important things in your life (and his) will come along naturally. I hate to spout cliches, but "just be yourself" And, BTW, have fun!! Chris
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Post by chasesmom on Jun 6, 2007 21:55:16 GMT -5
ROFLOLPMP......some of you had some rather iinteresting ideas on when to tell him!!!!! LOLOL MB! Age was covered in the first five minutes! I have no elderly parents, I am not letting him come over until he knows about Chase but he doesnt find it odd as I also dont believe men should be meeting my children unless it is a serious relationship, and this is just a fun relationship right now. Fix my car...hmmm, does replacing the wipers count? Nahhh, of course not! Gifts? no no no, we are not serious enough for that. More than a kiss? LOLOL MB! BTW...I do talk about the kids, but in a vague sort of way, when we go out I do not drag them with me mentally, they stay home where they need to be. I think you are right....I will know, which is why I asked, I am not ready to tell him yet, because then I would have to get all serious and I am not ready to have a serious heart to heart with him. And maybe, just maybe, I am not brave enough to tackle that job yet, it's been a long long lonnnnnng time since I had fun and remembered what it felt like to feel special and good. Bob.....what'd ya mean I'd have to ask a guy? What the heck are yea? ?? You guys ae the best...thans for all your wonderful and in some cases:D funny answers! hugs, Robin
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