Sooo if you started dating..when would you mention

[Jodi]

Robin, I am a hopeless romantic - the right guy will love you and your kids, period.

The right time - I'm kinda a fly by the seat of my pants kinda gal too, so I would say just be patient, the right time will probably reveal itself. If its the right guy, it won't matter (see, I'm a romantic again) - do I have a personality disorder or what

You sound like a brilliant woman, are you sure you want a man in your life Just kidding. Have fun and try not to stress about this stuff.

Jodi

[MB]

Bravo Robin! Yes, you deserve a lighthearted, fun relationship. You are doing the right thing.

mb

[Valerie]

I'm going to go along with the general consensus, I'm sure it's different with every guy and you will just have to gauge when the right moment is. For me, I told him on the first date, towards the end of the evening, but it just felt right. He was perfectly fine with it, and he adores Nicholas!

[CC]

Robin ~

HUGS to you girl seems you had the answer for yourself the whole time

"I am not ready to tell him yet, because then I would have to get all serious and I am not ready to have a serious heart to heart with him."

Do what is right for you, after all you have been though you deserve that

There is no right or wrong just what works for you.

Enjoy your new journey in life

CC ~

[lespring]

Ok, I am dying to respond to this, but I'm SUPPOSED to be packing to leave on a family vacation in....oh....3 hours or so. LOL

So, please forgive me for copy/pasting bits and pieces of a response I posted to another person on another site, ok?

Here tis.....

Dating with children is interesting. Dating with a child who has a disability puts a different twist on things. I never knew when to tell. When I did tell depended upon both my mood, and how they were reacting to other things.

Sometimes I used Angela as my screening tool. Like, I'd tell them right away and see how fast/how far they'd run. It never ceased to amaze me how many men had NO CLUE what DS was. They'd say, "oh cool, no big deal!" but they had no idea what it was. Then they'd go googling it or something, then turn tail and run.

Sometimes I'd wait to get a better idea about them as people before I told. I'll tell you this though.....NEVER EVER EVER EVER EVER introduce your child to someone until you've been dating them for a minimum of 2 months. Why? Because you don't know enough about them. I know women who've screened their babysitters more than they've screened the man they just left alone with thier kids while the run to the store quick. Not a smart move to make. The other thing is you don't want your kids building attachments to somoene who may not be around 6 weeks from now. If, after a couple of months, you don't think the person you're seeing would make a decent dad, GET RID OF HIM! Don't waste your time. Move on. This isn't the time to sit back and get comfortable with someone who isn't worth it, because you're kids are doing the same thing and if the relationship ends....your kids are screwed again.

Once I was dating this guy and we'd been seeing each other for almost 2 months. My kids were gone for the weekend and I invited him over for dinner. As we're sitting on the couch watching TV, he notices the pictures of my kids on the wall. He'd known I had 2 boys and a girl. His only comment about the pictures was, "Your daughter sure is cute!" (no comment on the boys' pictures.)

The next day he called me. "How come you didn't tell me about your daughter?"

"What?" I asked. "You knew I have 3 kids."

"No...why didn't you tell me she had DS?" Turns out he and his previous wife had lost a baby with DS a few years before.

I explained to him that I never knew when to tell. Then I felt bad, but at the same time he was very understanding. We continued to date for another couple of months, and he was awesome with my kids. A great guy all around, but I wasn't feeling "it" with him.

Just a few weeks later I met Dean. Because of my experience with the previous guy, I told Dean about Angela right away. He did the "Oh cool. No big deal." thing but really had no idea what it was. So he googled it....and still didn't feel like it was any big deal. His family didn't feel like it was any big deal anyway. They've always been wonderful with her, and aren't afraid to ask questions. They consider her their grandchild.

[Connie]

Leah!!

This is a family board and no one wants to or needs to know about you feeling "IT". LOL sorry couldn't resist!!! (I'm feeling kinda twisted this morning)

Robin,

I think its GREAT you are dating again and I believe it's up to you and your mood as to when you tell him but I do have to agree with those who told you not to bring him home until you know he's one who will be around...I don't think kids need people coming in and out of their lives like that but...then again I've not had to date in a while (especially with children)

Good luck to you and have some fun!!!

Connie

[ALLISA]

mb said:

I have convinced myself! I am going right upstairs and tell my husband our son has Ds.

mb

LOL !!!! ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D

How did he take the news ?

[chasesmom]

You guys crack me up!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Now I know why I love it here so much, you're all a bunch of lunatics....LOL Connie, you nasty thing you!
Jodi you asked if I was sure I wanted a man in my life...ROFL, no, I just want some fun and to find someone to read the Sunday paper with, but you're right about one thing...I am INDEED brilliant!!!!!! Oh I am cracking myself up!!!!!
He's home for the weekend and the weather is susposed to be perfect, I think it's going to be a great time!
hugs, Robin
MB...how IS the DH handling such news???

[MB]

He is handling the news about Ds better than the news that I put the toy gorilla with the remote control laugh away in the basement for my aunt's memorial service.

mb

[shellk]

Robin,

I have just joined the league of Single Mom's..I must say that the dating was scarey at first..lol...But I have to say I am one of those moms who has like 80 photos in her purse of the kids...and also one of those women who tells it like it is...lol....I am dating a man who works on an oil rig in the middle of the Gulf of Mexico, and it took a little while for me to let him meet Kourtney..
I was honest he asked how many kids I have...I said 3...told him the ages all that..Then right at the end ...It just came right out...My 8 year old has DS...but she is a kick butt kid !!
He has since met Kourtney one 2 times, and he said that never in his life has he met such a cool kid. he comes from a family where no one has any disabilites, and wasn't really around stuff like that
funny thing is he still tells me that he is amazed at what I go thru, and how well I handle it, and how well rounded Kourtney really is..
So for me it has been a good experience.. girl I wish you loads of luck !! It was pretty scarey at first...Now it seems all good. !!!

hugs to ya sweetie !!
Michele

[rickismom]

I hope its not too late to add my 5 cents.

I think that first he has to know you well enough to know that you are fun, happy, wise and normal*

*relatively, at least ;D ( go and throw the shoe, ...duck, duck)LOL

But you have to tell before you get ANYWAY near serious.

So hurry up and show him that you are fun, happy, wise, and normal........ AND GOOD LUCK ON FINDING THE REAL MR RIGHT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[joanna]

I haven't thought of this for such a long time. I was getting a divorce almost 14 years ago when my daughter with DS was 8 and I met my current, and "til death do us part" husband. I've been married to my dear husband for almost 12 years now. He knew about my daughter before we started dating. My husband didn't even consider DS makes a difference!! He figured all people come with 'issues". He's been a better "dad" than the bio-dad for sure...My advice is to tell the guy on the first date or even before you date. Don't even consider him worthy of your attention if he isn't totally comfortable with all of your children, pets, and interests/hobbies. You need a real man to help you through the difficult times, especially when you have a child with a disability.

[Debbie]

It seems you are not ready to tell anything about Chase. I think it depends on the man you are dating, how long you have dated and consider his opinion's on people and children who have disabilities. When you are out and about and say you come across someone, say an adult with some type of disability you could say something in general or watch him and see what his reaction is. It can bring about a topic of conversation. Attitudes are easy to pick up on. If he picks you up at your home say Chase is there, he will wonder. It is not my place to give you advise since I am not a parent. Only you know your situation and life. You will have to decide to when to say something about it.

Not every child with Down syndrome is the same. They are all their own individual in personality and needs. I was considered not typical either but then I was just me. We may share some needs and mindsets but that doesn't mean we are "typical."What is typical anyway? I believe in individuality and orginality. If we were all the same I think society would be really boring.

[matthewsmom97]

First of all, I think you should go with your gut instinct. I am sooo incredibly proud of my son, Matthew that you'd think he won the Nobel Peace Prize!!! You can almost pick up on the other persons persona once you tell them about your "kids", etc. I've been pretty fortunate that the men I have dated turned out to be really good friends. I suppose because I am not really LOOKING to remarry at this point in my life. I have 4 children, 32,30,21, and Matt age 9. Good luck to you. Have fun and don't worry about it too much.

[Kaylis]

Here's a related question... Mikah's dad and I are friends, but we're not married, and he's interested in dating. The problem is he's not sure how to bring up that he has a son, much less that his son has Ds. Do any of you wonderful, silly people have some suggestions for him?

Thanks, Karen