Post by Becky on Sept 30, 2004 22:22:41 GMT -5
The Smiths had no children, since Mr. Smith couldnt get it up, so they decided to use a proxy father to start their family.
On the day the proxy father was to arrive, Mr Smith kissed is wife and said, "I'm off. The man should be here soon. Good luck!"
Half an hour latter, just by chance, a door-to-door baby photographer rang the doorbell, hoping to make a sale.
"Good morning madam. You don't know me, but I've come to..."
"Oh, no need to explain. I've been expecting you," Mrs. Smith cut in.
"Really?" the photographer asked. "Well, good! I've made a specialty of babies."
That's what my husband and I had hoped. Please come in and have a seat.
Just where do we start? asked Mrs Smith, blushing
"Leave everythnig to me. I usually try two int he bathtub, one on the couch and perhaps a couple on the bed. Sometimes the living room floor is fun too: you can really spread out."
"Bathtub, living room floor? No wonder it didnt work for Harry and me."
"Well, madam, none of us can guarantee a good one every time. But if we try several different positions and I shoot from six or seven angles, Im sure you'll be pleased with the results."
" I hope we can get this over with quickly," gasped Mrs Smith.
"Madam, in my line of work, man must take his time. I'd love to be in and out in five minutes, but you'd be disappointed with that, Im sure.
"Dont I know!!" Mrs Smith exclaimed.
The photographer opened his briefcase and pulled out a portfolio of his baby pictures.
" This was done on the top of a bus in downtown London."
"Oh my God!!" Mrs. Smith exclaimed, tugging at her handkerchief.
"And these twins turned out exceptionally well when you consider their mother was so difficult to work with" The photographer handed Mrs Smith the picture.
"She was difficult?" asked Mrs Smith.
"Yes, I'm afraid so I finally had to take her to Central Park to get the job done right. People were crowding around four or five deep, pushing to get a good look."
"Four or five deep?" asked Mrs Smith, eyes widened in amazement.
"Yes", teh photographer said. "And than three hours too. The mother was constantly squealing and yelling. I could hardly soncentrate.
Then darkness approached and I negan to rush my shots. Finally, when the squirrels began nibbling on equipment I just packed it all in."
Mrs Smith leaned forward. "You mean they actually chewd on your, er..,um...,ah...,equipment?"
"Thats right. Well madam, if youre ready, Ill set up tripod so that we can get to work."
"Tripod??" Mrs Smith looked extremely worried now.
"Oh yes, I have to use a tripod to rest my Canon on. Its much to big for me to hold while I'm getting ready for action. Madam? Madam? Good Lord, shes fainted!"