Pre-school, what have I gotten myself in to?

[ladybugsc]

Let me give you a little background....

My son has been attending a daycare 2 afternoons and 1 full day a week since he was two. He is 3, almost 4 now. He also attends a charter school for children with special needs 4 days a week. So, back in February the daycare, which is at a church, asked if our son would like to attend their pre-k program this fall. I was so exicted and proud that I said yes without hesitation. See, he'd be the first child with DS to ever attend the program.

Well, back in June I decided to reduce the number of days he attends the pre-school for special needs because I wanted to concentrate on potty training and spend more time with him and his 8 month old sister. We have been together practically everyday since that time.

OH BOY!! WOW!! You know what? My son has issues. Now, please, don't get me wrong. I haven't been in denial about his delays, and behaviors, it's just that I haven't had to deal with them all day, everyday. So, now I am second guessing pre-school at the church. I know I have a natural amount of anxiety, but I can't help but wonder how they are going deal with him. He is such a bright child and is doing great in so many ways, but if he doesn't want to do something he will look at you and wag his finger at you while saying, "no, no, no" and if he is pressed he may pitch a fit. No, an out and out tantrum. I also have concerns about him staying put. I can see him wondering around the room picking up everything and either ignoring the teacher when he is asked to return to his seat or if she tries to guide him turning into a wet noodle and screaming, "No, this way."

I think you guys can understand where I am coming from without giving you a hundreds of examples. Oh, but I also want to add that my son can also be a dream. Sweet. Compliant. You know a model student.

Can you give me suggestions to help make this situation a success?

Should I have a meeting with the pre-school teacher or director and express my concerns? Let them come to me?

I know one other family that is doing this and her daughter attends a church pre-school. She ended up hiring an aide to shadow her daughter. (at $15.00 an hour I might add)

I also can't help but wonder if at about this time, say age 3-4, you had a difficult time dealing with all the Down syndrome stuff. I have found myself in a funk for several months now. I adore my son, but it's just been hard lately. Part of me feels it is all the transitions that are ahead of us. The other part feels it is because the disparity between my son's skills and those of his typical developing peers are becoming more and more apparent. I beleive I read an essay once called something like "the end of cute" That describes how I feel sometimes. My little boy is growing up and his delays are seperating him. Our neighbor's child is only 8 months older than my son and it's like he's 3 or 4 years older and I guess developmentally he is. And to top it off this little boy often treats my son like he's a baby. He's not being mean or teasing or anything like that, but in his eyes my son is baby-like. And people that don't know him will say, "What, he's two?" And I'll respond, "No, he'll be 4 in October." They then take a second look. I don't know how many realize he has DS, but they know something is up.

I could continue this, but I must go check on my daughter....

Thanks

[Chris too]

Ladybug, give yourself a pat on the back for making this tough change in your life in order to spend more time with your kids. Parenting is the hardest job in the world, but it does have the best rewards and fringe benefits You need to give yourself and your son a chance to make the adjustment - you can't expect such a little guy to transition this quickly. He needs to get used to your routines - make sure that you are very consistant and he will catch on. Don't let tantrums discourage you; it takes lots of time and consistancy to eliminate (mostly) the fits. I have a 9 yr old (non-Ds) who still has fits on occasion - not knock-down, drag-outs; but still fits. Some kids just take longer than others.

As for the pre-school: you'll have to decide if he can make yet another transition so quickly. You may want to see what a little more time and consistancy can do for him at home, 'cause you know that the pre-k will probably be very structured (attend to see). All kids thrive on structure - it's my hardest struggle as a parent to put in structure 'cause I'm a fly-by-the-seat-of-my-pants kind of person.

Keep up the good work and don't grow weary in well doing!
Chris, too

[Kristin]

I find that if the environment is structured, my daughter does fine. She is worse at home with me all summer. Age four was a trial...even with my daughter who does not have DS. I call it "formiddable fours". The "terrible twos" were easier...less defiance. I would say if the daycare asked, and you know the environment is appropriate, give it a whirl. It always took my daughter a couple of weeks of testing everyone, so don't give up too early.

My daughter is 8, and as we were standing in a check-out line and I said "stop pushing on the cart" for the 7th time while wedging my body between the cart and the lady in front of me, a couple of older women said "She's so cute" to which I wanted to say "then just take her home with you for awhile!" I've gotten used to the surprised looks when they ask her age. It doesn't quit...partly because she acts younger, but she is going to be a fourth grader, and is the size of a first grader!

[ALLISA]

Ladybug,

School is the biggest question and our kids do so need the structure and routine.

I don't have any solid answers for you....but a few thoughts.....

Could you continue as you are now ? Send him to the private preschool AND the charter school so that he is essentially gettting a FULL day every day ?

What about therpaies,e tc....I would assume he gets them at the charter school and you won't be offered any at the private, that only seems a good reason to do both.

I sense a pressure in you to want to send him to the private school. I hear pride at him being the first child there with DS.....and while that is CERTAINLY something to be proud of.....don't rush a decision just to meet a milestone.

IF the private doesn't work or you decide it won't be a good fit please don't sonsider this a failure or a let-down. It's NOT that your son can't handle the school.....don't put any pressure on yourself or him......but rather that school won't be the best palcement for him.....the school fell short....NOT you guys. That's why there are a BILLION preschools programs.....all kids need a differnet style....doesn't make it right or wrong....just not a good fit.

Anyways.....I don't mean to sound as though I'm favoring the charter over the private.....BUT.....think LONG TERM......we all wish to see our kids intergrated and a part of the community......If I had a choice.....it would be more important to have my daughter intergrated LATER in life, rather than earlier at the risk of losing therapies, etc that may give her the foundation to be able to be intergrated later in life.

ANd the most important thought.....nothing is set in stone....try one, try both, and change to suit your son's needs as necessary. I wish you the best of luck !

[Renee']

People always asked me how old Lauren was when she was younger because she was so small..however, she she is a hoss now...lol. My cousins daughter is about 8 months older than Lauren and she treats her babyish as do a lot of other kids her age. I am not sure why they do it. Lauren has been in some sort of program from the age of 2. In Cali they had a program at 2 where they went for all their PT, OT, Speech...then at 3 she started Preschool for children with disabilities. I sucked it up and put her on a bus. She has been going from that point on.

Try everything and see what works best for your family

[jmom]

I feel I am in a similar conflict over private vs. public. My son is 4 years old with down syndrome. The public school only offer half day program 2 1/2 hours a day. Well, i am a
single working parent, that really does not work out for us. I am debating to send him to a private full day school, however he will not be able to get any therapy. But the therapy he receives from the public school, i really do not feel it is all that great anyways. My only really
concern is speech therapy. My son is 4 and is still not talking yet. Anyway it goes, I will probably get a private speech therapist. I do not want to send him to two different places in a day. i rather he stay in one place to ease my worries.

[ladybugsc]

I just wanted to send you all an update. Several days after I posted I ended up in the director's office of the pre-school in tears. I didn't intend on it turning out this way, but I had to pick up my son's enrollment papers and when I rounded the corner to go to her office they just started to flow.

So, we talked about an hour or more. I told her all my concerns. I secretly think I wanted her to say, "You know, you are right. This isn't for your son. We'll give his spot to someone else." Oh, but she said just the opposite. She told me she wants this to be a success and that she's willing to work with my son to make it so. Truly, she said all things that a mom in my situation wants to hear. It was like I was in some dream or something.

He has completed his second day and all went well. His teacher is wonderful, 30+ years in education.

And just so you know, he's going to the charter school 3 days and the pre-k two. He'll get therapy at the charter school and we've got speech coming to the house one day a week. We're blessed to have all these wonderful services here.

Thanks so much!!

[momofrussell]

WONDERFUL!!! Great update!! Thanks for letting us know!!! ;D

A.

[Chris too]

Wow. That's awsome! Thanks for posting up.

Chris too