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Post by jelanismom on May 6, 2008 1:49:40 GMT -5
Ok, I need your advice again, this is similar to throwing things, which incidently is getting worse...and nothing I do or say is helping the matter one bit.. but my question is what do you do when the child refuses to stop clearing shelves in a store? I mean, just taking each item off and tossing it, today was pretty bad. He kept laughing at me when I told him not to. Then I had to go to the bank and sit with a banker and Jelani was clearing his desk off! I apologized to the man, but what am I supposed to be saying to my son? Then I decide to get a couple things at a quickmart, and Jelani couldn't help himself, he took a roll of foil out of a customers hand at the check out and starting waving it around! The guy said, heh that's mine! (smiling) but it's not funny, none of this is. His school says the throwing is getting worse, but I do have a meeting on the 15th to discuss other things, I guess his current behavior will be a hot topic too.
Any advice on how to discipline my little man? I can't accept this for just being a stage, I need to know how to handle this when he's doing it, nothing is working. Any advice is appreciated. Thx.
ETA: he's in his stroller the whole time this is happening. If I let him walk with me, he runs away.
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Post by Googsmom aka Jennifer on May 6, 2008 10:23:38 GMT -5
I was going to say stroller but then I read ETA. Hmmm..... I have no witty advice this morning Dawn. Brook learned "NO!!!!" pretty quick and so far, knock on wood, she complies. Only took a couple times of "Big Trubble Little Miss" and then of corse those big puppy dog eyes, lip hanging to the floor, and a quick cry, for her to understand Mom was NOT kidding!!!! And i'm NOT!!! That sillyness doesn't phase me a bit. I think there is no time for monkey buisness when it comes to the word No or Stop. My reasoning is what if she was about to do something that could get her hurt. ie: running in the road or pulling something down on top of her. If mom says No or Stop you better Stop in your tracks and quit doing what ever it is your doing. Like I said so far this is working but who knows what the future will bring...uggg  ((((((HUGZ4DAWN))))))) I hope someone has some sure fire advice for ya. |
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Post by twosomy21 on May 6, 2008 12:32:46 GMT -5
i read this last night and thought how fustrarating it was when kyle was transitioning from this stage( he still has more work to do ) but now loren is fallowing and like i said before he is still contained and soon we will start letting go but i share your pain, so not too soon. i think your little guy will do good at places( with some advice from googsmom) and repeating rules helped us alot but sometimes it does'ent you are not alone and the school change will carry over to behaviors at home. good luck dawn and he can run all over my house.
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Post by jelanismom on May 6, 2008 14:04:03 GMT -5
LOL thanks Maria, I was concerned after posting about Jelani, that you may have second thoughts to us EVER coming over!!!!  Thanks Jenn, I think Miss Brook is a well behaved little princess, she sounds like a very good girl. Jelani doesn't stop when I say stop...I threaten him with NO icecream, No pie...or do you want to go to bed? Then he does the puppy dog eyes, but continues the bad thing, kinda with a smirk on his face, like..."yeah, right ma....you'll give in and let me have icecream!" (which is true, I do.) Sometimes the testing me is funny, he's really testing his boundaries...but it's hopefully a stage that will pass. I agree, M....he'll do well in different atmosphere (school) and I'm just praying it transfers to home. thanks for advice |
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Post by Googsmom aka Jennifer on May 6, 2008 15:42:47 GMT -5
Oh Dawn, Brook has her moments believe me!!!! It's not always peaches and cream over here I just work real hard on NO and Stop. Oh you wouldn't believe some of the melt downs I deal with... Uggggg |
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Post by damarasmom on May 6, 2008 16:28:12 GMT -5
I wish I had a good answer for you. I don't think one thing works across the board. For Damara removing her from the situation or I "create" a instant "sad spot" for her, that works for her, but may not for Jelani. this may sound silly, but have you tried logging onto Nanny 911.com? I have looked at that site before and tried some ideas...maybe she has something on there that might help??
I sure hope you find something to help!!!
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Post by mollysmomma on May 7, 2008 7:13:18 GMT -5
all i know, is that we got to go visit at gigi's playhouse in Chicago...they had a bookshelf full of books, and a roomfull of children with Down Syndrome...and they all BEE LINED and took ALL the books out IMMEDIATELY! and to the floor they went.
I was one of the first moms over, cuz mine was the pack leader in dumping...when the woman in charged touched my arm and said..."it's ok, you are home"
we let the kids ransack the pile, and made sure they were all picked up when we left...but it sure was nice to be somewhere, where no excuses needed to be made.
molly kate is a 'dumper' and a 'tosser'....and i don't know what to tell you, except not to lose your humor about it. All in all...if this is the worst behaviour she has...we'll just deal with it.
she does understand...and she knows NO!! but sometimes...the urge is just too much!
good luck! let me know when you find the answer!! we're still working on it!
:-)
e & molly kate
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Post by laurasnowbird on May 7, 2008 18:44:21 GMT -5
Dawn,
Ethan is a champion thrower too, and it drives me CRAZY! We haven't found a good solution either. We tried a basketball hoop in his room, and bought him lots of small basketballs. He's far more entertained by throwing them at his little brother than at the hoop, although the kid can sink basket after basket with his eyes practically shut. His aim is incredible.
Today, we had our first bus issue in MONTHS, and guess what it was? Every time the bus driver opened the door to let someone out, he tried to throw his backpack out the door. Stinker. So he sat time out in his room, and lost his CD player and tunes for the night. We'll see if it made an impression.
We insist that he picks up the things that he throws. He refuses outright on lots of occasions, so I have physically taken him hand over hand and made him pick up everything. He really hates that.
We try to give him "legal" opportunities to throw, but they don't seem to be enough for him. When we were at Lake Michigan last year he occupied himself for over an hour throwing rocks in the lake. Of course we didn't mind that, but we DO mind him throwing all his books or wooden trains.
It has gotten better as we've held him accountable. The last time he threw all his books, I made him put the books back properly, one at a time. In the past, I've let him get away with setting them back in the bookcase, and then I've stood them all up in the bookcase. Last time we said nuts to that, and made him stand them up properly in the bookcase one at a time. It's only been three days, but he hasn't done it since, and he usually did it at least once a day. So maybe accountability is part of the key, although we haven't figured it all out yet. Good luck, perhaps we'll hear from someone who has it ALL figured out, LOL!!
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Post by jelanismom on May 7, 2008 19:08:12 GMT -5
This is the same thing at my house!!!! Jelani has a bookshelf too with tons of books, but now and then he'll get into this silly mood and start throwing them everywhere...so I TOO made him put them back nicely one at a time. I also used to let him get away with just stacking them in any which way as long as it was on the shelf, but no not anymore! It's gotta be the right way, which is very tiring for us both...and he's since stopped throwing books...now it's toys and everything else under the sun. His teacher wrote he threw half his lunch on the floor, and whenever we're out somewhere he takes off his shoes and throws them  It's interesting about the "legal" throwing, lol. I was wondering if I maybe should put a hoop in his room, to curb his craving to throw. But in a way I'm wondering if he'll get more confused about when to throw and when not to. I think I'll save the hoop for when he gets older. We play ball outside every day almost. He's doing well at throwing to me, where as before he'd miss by like a mile. Catching the ball cracks him up, he giggles so much when the ball is headed towards him, that he can't catch it...when he's more serious he sorta catches it. I'm concerned about the cup throwing at the dinner table. See, Jelani was always a cup thrower, then at around 4 years old he stopped for a year, but now he's back at it. I make him pick it up off the floor and then clean the mess up himself. Then he looks at me all proud, that he did it himself. I'm wondering if he throws it intentionally, so that I'll make him clean it up???  I think in a way, hearing everyones horror stories helps, I guess it's more common than I thought. I hope this stage passes asap. thanks for advice. |
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Post by laurasnowbird on May 7, 2008 19:22:10 GMT -5
Dawn,
I think the throwing gene may be on that 21st chromosome. Ethan has a MEAN throwing arm with a baseball! He was throwing overhand with incredible accuracy when the other "typical" kids were still throwing underhand, LOL!
About the food throwing, it was written in Ethan's IEP when he was in preschool that he was required to get down and pick up whatever he threw. Snack time was over for him until he picked up. We made sure to pack snacks he loved, and he HATED being interrupted to pick up the things he threw, so he quit.
At home, he was a little tougher, and kept throwing things from his tray. We told him that if he threw, his meal was over. And we meant it, no exceptions. It was hard to make him get down from the dinner table knowing he was probably still hungry, but we did it. We only had to do it a few days. And we held the line about no snacks or milk if he had been excused from the table, because that would have negated the lesson. We've had to do that on one other occasion with bad behavior at the table. We explained that the dinner table was family time, and that he was not allowed to interrupt everyone's dinner. If he couldn't behave, he'd be excused. He was still in a crib at that time, so we took him down from the table and put him in the crib (mind you, he was in the crib until he was about four, LOL!) while we finished dinner. That was hard, cuz my DH is a softie, and wanted to get him back out. I was adamant, because we were creating a monster. Now he tells me I was right, LOL, cuz Ethan is so well behaved at the table!!!
And I agree about how much time it takes to make them pick up things hand over hand, or one at a time. I decided (with no preparation, which is how I've done it with the other kids) to toilet train the two year old this week. My attention is obviously elsewhere, so he's been taking advantage of it. My solution? LOL, I put the portable potty in Ethan's room for Aidan to use while I was making Ethan pick up his books. I think he figured out right then and there that he wasn't going to get away with anything cuz his little brother was potty training. But I truly get frustrated with the time it takes to make him do it properly. It's so hard to be consistent, and must be doubly hard as a single parent. Hang in there, you're doing a great job.
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Post by CC on May 7, 2008 22:00:37 GMT -5
Just a suggestion, take it or leave it When my guy was little OMG going to the store could be a real night mare  What we did was only take him when I didn't really need something, so that we could work with teaching him proper behavior in the stores. You know model for him how its done and if then if he was a terror we would just leave and then try again. I know it can be hard but maybe you could get what you need while Jelani is in school and then just take him to the stores after when you are not stressed to really have to get things, KWIM till he can learn not to just grab things. I know its easier said then done as I had Colin and Kodi to watch Chris for the times I really needed to shop without worrying about what Chris would be doing. Not knowing you I have no idea if you have the time for what I just suggested BUT if you do it might be worth a try  another thing we did was always have a list of what we needed and let Chris hold it and it was his job to make sure we had everything on the list. He likes having jobs, makes things lots easier KWIM ;)a LOL funny to this day now that he is 15 when we are out of something he wants or needs he will say to me "On the List" LOL Now that he is older he loves the self check out and does a SUPER job at scanning all the items. Thats his pay off for being Cooperative while shopping. I can relate, really no kidding Chris was a terror but that is in the past and it will be for you too one day ;D Best of Luck with it all. CC ~ |
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Post by laurasnowbird on May 7, 2008 23:20:14 GMT -5
That's a good idea CC, and we've used it successfully with Ethan. If he misbehaves, we leave the store. But you're right, you have to make up extra trips, cuz it's REALLY frustrating if its a real trip and you're there to get something, or have a cart full of items and have to leave. We've done that as well!
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