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Post by Jackie on Jan 8, 2009 8:37:27 GMT -5
I have a sad task this morning...the funeral of a young man who Emily knows. His mom was her case manager years ago and she always wanted them to be friends. He did take her out to a dance once and danced with her when he d jayed SO dances. He did not have DS and was probably LD. Shane worked at Albertsons for years and even though he was a big guy he was shy. It was fun because no matter WHO was bagging my things, the next time I would look up...Shane had taken over. When he realized I recognized him a huge smile would slowly spread across his face. He was someone who had enough disability to label him disabled but was capable enough to recognize the exclusion. His mom said the isolation of the past few years was pretty hard on him. He passed away in his sleep Sunday from an aneurysm...so join me today in thinking of his family , please.
Jackie
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Post by Googsmom aka Jennifer on Jan 8, 2009 10:47:26 GMT -5
Prayers and {{{HUGS}}}} for you and his family. I'm so sorry Jackie
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Post by damarasmom on Jan 8, 2009 15:20:10 GMT -5
Jackie, so sorry that you are dealing with this today. So sad to hear. My thoughts and prayers are with the family and so sorry for the loss.
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Post by lorraine on Jan 8, 2009 15:55:20 GMT -5
Oh Jackie that is so sad,
I'm thinking and praying for you all today.
Lorraine
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Post by Jackie on Jan 8, 2009 17:03:11 GMT -5
The service was HUGE and lovely. It was short and dealt with Shane and what he meant to everyone. Mostly it dealt with life and not with death. The minister mentioned that Shane was mildly mentally retarded but that he never saw that in himself.  I sat there thinking that sadly I have attended more funerals for Emily's friends than I have for mine. Since Emily was not that close to Shane these days I decided not to tell her since she wasn't able to go with me and experience the closure. She tends to obsess a bit with death when it happens and I thought that Katie did not need the self talk that I am sure would result at this point in her life. No doubt Kenny or Elvis (who were also not that close to him but certainly knew him ) will one day tell her. Katie knows and is prepared to have me get involved if they do. Otherwise I will break it gently when I am with her next. The family was really having a hard time and it made me come home and connect with all of mine. Jackie |
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Post by jelanismom on Jan 8, 2009 18:09:41 GMT -5
Oh Jackie sending prayers for you, Emily and Shane's family. I hope you and Emily find peace and comfort in fond memories of his life. He sounds as though he was the sweetest person and touched many lives. ps...I don't know, however what the young man's learning disability had to do with his funeral... that is, why the pastor felt it important to mention? but that's just my opinion  |
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Post by Jackie on Jan 8, 2009 18:48:48 GMT -5
Glad you asked. I thought it was good of the family to obviously ask the minister to talk about Shane's disability. They talked about it in very positive terms...how it was a label he had but how he lived his life as if it didn't matter. They talked about the funny incidents that most of us with older kids can relate to...how he loved dressing up and how he loved playing Santa for disability groups. It was speculated that some even thought that HE thought he might become Santa's successor one day.
I guess the neat part for me was the fact that the family was not embarassed that he had a disability. It was obvious and they didn't feel the need to cover it up. They wanted to tell us how Shane dealt with it and how their lives were enriched through him and his life. I really liked that. I have never tried to camaflouge the fact that Emily has Down Syndrome and she has never minded me talking about it either. I don't like to think that it defines her, but it is very much a part of who she is.
His mom works as a case manager in a non profit parent support group so I imagine she wanted to make sure that everyone there knew that Shane was ok with things and so were they. I am sure there were many parents she has worked with there.
The way I look at it personally is Emily was born with an obvious disability. She has done many things...in spite of...her disability and I am happy to share with others that she has done that and how it was accomplished. I am all for people first language but never have and never will try to hide her disability from others. She is comfortable in her skin and I am in mine...LOL. I think his family must feel the same way and I learned a lot from being around his mom.
Jackie
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Post by Googsmom aka Jennifer on Jan 8, 2009 19:18:30 GMT -5
{{{{{{HUGS JACKIE}}}}}}}
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Post by sd112170 on Jan 9, 2009 19:57:10 GMT -5
GREAT BIG HUGS!! Praying for you all.
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Post by SuziF on Jan 10, 2009 9:10:48 GMT -5
Aww Jackie, that is so very hard.....last summer I had to plan a memorial service for one of the self advocates who was on the board here. His family lived a couple hrs away & had a service, but we felt it was important to have closure for the community here. That was one of the hardest things I ever had to do.
Suzi
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