Self talk - do you listen in?

[laurasmom]

I truly hope I am not the only mom that does this. And I don't do it all the time. But there are times that Laura's self talk seems especially loud and I can tell she is either excited about something, or upset. And I will go to her door and eavesdrop, seeing if I can get a clue if she is upset, has something happened, is something going on that she can't express to me.
I was talking about it recently with a friend, she doesn't have a child with a disability, however she is one of my friends that has always loved Laura, and gone the extra mile to learn about DS, etc..
Anyway, I told her about this one episode recently, and she got a funny look on her face. She said "isn't eavesdropping on her self talk sort of like reading her diary without her permission? Doesn't she use the self talk the same way Kelly would use a journal, and she goes into her room, closes the door for privacy. So isn't listening a lot like reading her diary without her permission?"

Hmmmmmmmmmmm. Hmmmmmmmmmmm. Never thought of it that way. And I don't do it all the time, just when I can tell she might be upset about something. Hmmmmmmmmmmmmm. Yes, she does go in her room and shut her door, so I guess she is expecting privacy. So.............am I invading her privacy? I have always thought it was okay since she does have difficulty expressing herself sometimes, and I guess I have thought this was one way to make sure she is ok, that nothing big (or bad) has happened. Or is this a mountain out of a molehill.

Thoughts??

Sharon

[PaigesMom]

Well, Paige will be 9 years old, and I have been noticing alot more self talk, and alot more "nonsense talk" than ever before. In fact, she never stops talking, and there are times that I have no idea what she is talking about.....BUT, yes, I listen. I may not go right to the door if she is in her room, but I'll stand at the bottom of the steps/or the top, or around a corner...I agree, it is the only way I can find things out. Alot of times, if she is upset, she will go in her room and talk. Even if she is upset about being disciplined or frustrated with her homework, whatever it may be. I listen to hear what she is saying, so I know how she is feeling, because when I ask her she says "I don't know"..so if I can hear what she is expressing out loud and working thru, this this helps me in conversations with her later. However, I never let her know I've been listening. I know she is much younger than Laura, so maybe it will change in the future, but, I highly doubt it...I'll always be an eavesdropper!!!

I'll be interested to hear what the other moms say on this topic!

[Googsmom aka Jennifer]

Absolutly!! Brook is only almost 3 but i'll listen to her always. Right now it's just catching those wonderful sweet words that come out of her precious little mouth. I love it!!

[momofrussell]

As much as we want our kids to have and learn "privacy" and respect that, I also feel that children don't get to fully get 100% privacy until they are adults and are out on their own LOL So, if you want to listen to her self-talk, then go for it!

A.

[Emilysmom]

Oh YES, I listen. Not every day. Not even every week. But now and then, when her self talk seems particularly animated or if her voice sounds "upset" in any way, I'll stand at the door for a bit and see what's going on. I don't listen for very long either, mostly because it's even more hard to understand her speech when she starts talking fast.......and most times with her self talk, it is FAST. Sometimes I'll hear that her self talk has to do with something she saw on TV and she is processing it all outloud. At those times, I'll just smile and walk away. Other times, I will listen a bit longer to see where she is going with her self talk. 99% of the time, there isn't a thing I can DO about whatever she is talking about. I don't rush into her room and say "I heard you say that so-and-so hurt your feelings and I'm going to go to school and talk to them"! But I care enough about her to want to know.


I don't know if anyone who doesn't live with a child who does not openly SHARE their feelings and the events in their lives can understand what it is really like to have a child like Emily or Laura; no matter how involved they've been in their lives. And I'm not talking about the "typical" teenage times when kids just don't want their parents to know their feelings. This is different. I think Emily gets tired of constantly having to hear "huh", ""say that again slowly", etc. With self talk, she can say exactly what she is thinking and not have to worry whether anyone understands or not. Emily's brothers DO come to me and say "Can you believe so and so said this to me", and they'll relate something upsetting that was said or done. Or, they'll come and tell me something good that has happened at school/work and how they feel about that. Emily never EVER does that. She initiates conversation with me to tell me what she wants to DO, what she wants to EAT, where she is going to GO, etc. But never never does she give any indication of how the events/people in her life make her FEEL. And face it...........THAT is very important to any parent. Her speech continues to improve, and I notice that as her speech gets better, she shares more stuff with me. She does initiate conversations more often now and uses little phrases like "oh yes, Mom, before you go....I need to tell you something important". (Although, LOL so often the "something important" is something like "you ARE going to give me money on Wednesday to eat, right"?? Not necessarily some new event that I need to know about, or how she feels about something. I hope for a day when Emily will fully be ABLE to express what's going on in her life; even if she makes a choice NOT to share it with me. Until then, yeah........I'll listen from time to time. You're not the only one!!

Susan

[Jackie]

Emily's bedroom is right next to Katie's so she does listen although not intentionally. Usually Em's self talk is low and sounds more like muttering. Occasionaly it is easy to understand some of her words so we know what vein she is in when working things out with herself.

Katie will often call me and repeat an incident with her and say..."now I am sure we will have an evening of self talk" ;D

Em has learned that to talk to herself she needs to go into her room and shut the door. We don't intentionally listen in but sometimes it's just hard to miss.

She knows we know she has to use this device to process certain things. We talk about it..sometimes joke about it... and let her know it's ok.

I say if you are worried about what your child is going through or have the need to understand something better...then listen. It is no different than standing outside your other kid's doors when they are on their phones and evesdropping. Don't tell me none of you do that!!!! It is just part of being a Mom

[dpurvis]

Oh, the self-talk!! This is what I worry about the MOST with Ashleigh. Of course, with us, it's not self-talk as much as it is talking to her "guys". Oh, how I wish she would go in her room and talk quietly. She is very large and loud with arms flying and head bobbling and running around talking and playing with the imaginary friends. Sometimes I wonder how her neck doesn't just break the way she throws her head around and bobbles so hard!! We all will stop and stare at Ashleigh at home to try to make her aware that she is out of control, but it doesn't bother her one bit. She'll just keep right on!!! And when we're out in public - this has been a battle for several years - her head bobbing and talking to the guys - sitting in a restuarant and or in church - she totally does not care if people are looking at her.
I know this doesn't really answer your question, but we can't help but hear all of Ashleigh's talking - BUT - if she did go in her room and shut her door - I would totally listen sometimes just to make sure everything was okay!!!

Debbie

[damarasmom]

I also would listen to the self talk. Especially if this is when she is talking things out...I think it is a great way to know what they are dealing with. My ears are open and ready to receive...when Damara is ready to speak that is!

[sarahsma]

I am so relieved to see that there are others that self talk. Sarah does this so often that I had begun to worry. I wish that I could listen in on what she was saying, she NEVER does it out loud. Her mouth moves a mile a minute, hands flying here and there, and not one word for anyone to hear.Her self talk had increased since starting high school and I worry that she is trying to cope. I think what Susan wrote about Emily is right on target.Sometimes I wish I knew what she was saying and thinking so I could help, if she needs help.

[CC]

Hmmm Chris is 16 and really he does not do that, BUT if he did you bet I would listen I would give anything to know what he was thinking

[Jackie]

For those who worry about self talk...take a moment yourself and connect with your throughts. Think of all the "stuff" that runs through your head in an hour. Our kids seem to just run out of steam at times when it comes to internalizing their thoughts.

I don't know about the rest of you but when I am alone sometimes I realize I have been speaking aloud...or sometimes a thought just bursts out of me when I don't expect it. Ed is bad about talking to himself...and I usually notice it with him in times of high stress at his work. So...our kids are really just like us but with less self control when it comes to this.

I do think high stress makes it worse with Em and thats always our cue to try and figure out what we did wrong or what has happened in her life to make this happen. My other kids would handle stress by flying into their rooms and slamming their doors...and then ...complete silence. So in some ways Em's manner of dealing with this is really better cuz we know usually what it is.

Jackie

[Emilysmom]

Sharon...........Are you feeling less guilty about listening in yet? I think it's unanimous here. We gotta listen to our kids!

[laurasmom]

Definitely feeling less guilty..... ;D

It was something. I don't listen all the time, but as I said, do when I am wondering if she is upset, or the talk gets really loud. And it does increase and get loud if she has had some stress in her life, such as dealing with her younger sister sometimes.

Amazing how one question can make you doubt yourself, I appreciate having this board and all of you so much because I can sound off, get answers, support, etc...........

Sharon (aka guilt free Sharon )

[Jackie]

We worked on Emily for years about not self talking in public. We usually brought it to her attention in a humorous fashion...and got her laughing about it too. In time with patience she has managed to move it to private places to deal with it and really mostly its in her room now. Bathrooms are also great places for addressing her issues...LOL.

Jackie

[Claire]

Adam does a lot of self talk but mostly after being caught in the act for something he is not suppose to do.
If he gets reprimanded or punished like for hitting lets say, he will go to his room and we can hear him say " Adam no hitting, No Adam not nice" and so on so we know he understands, little bugger. . He also self talks when he is playing alone in his room.