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Post by TriciaF on Oct 13, 2004 13:36:13 GMT -5
www.snopes.com says; "This list is the work of Charles J. Sykes, author of the book Dumbing Down Our Kids: Why American Children Feel Good About Themselves But Can't Read, Write, Or Add. (The list has appeared in newspapers, although not necessarily in this book.) Many versions of this list omit the last three rules: Rule No. 12: Smoking does not make you look cool. It makes you look moronic. Next time you're out cruising, watch an 11-year-old with a butt in his mouth. That's what you look like to anyone over 20. Ditto for "expressing yourself" with purple hair and/or pierced body parts. Rule No. 13: You are not immortal. (See Rule No. 12.) If you are under the impression that living fast, dying young and leaving a beautiful corpse is romantic, you obviously haven't seen one of your peers at room temperature lately. Rule No. 14: Enjoy this while you can. Sure parents are a pain, school's a bother, and life is depressing. But someday you'll realize how wonderful it was to be a kid. Maybe you should start now. You're welcome. Advice columnist Ann Landers has printed the first ten items (uncredited) several times, and the list has been used by radio commentator Paul Harvey. The prize for misattribution, however, has to go to The Atlanta Journal and Constitution, which printed the list twice in three weeks in mid-2000, the first time crediting it to "Duluth state Rep. Brooks Coleman of Duluth," and the second time to Bill Gates. "
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Post by TriciaF on Oct 11, 2004 23:15:26 GMT -5
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Post by TriciaF on Oct 8, 2004 19:46:53 GMT -5
those crazy brothers are bringing us more Bush and Kerry.....this was on the tonight show last night. www.jibjab.com/
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Post by TriciaF on Oct 4, 2004 20:21:29 GMT -5
The Coolidge Effect
One day the president [Calvin Coolidge] and Mrs. Coolidge were visiting a government farm. Soon after their arrival, they were taken on separate tours. When Mrs. Coolidge passed the chicken pens, she paused to ask the man in charge if the rooster copulates more than once each day. "Dozens of times" was the reply. "Please tell that to the president," Mrs. Coolidge requested. When the president passed the pens and was told about the rooster, he asked, "Same hen every time?" "Oh no, Mr. President, a different one each time." The president nodded slowly and said, "Tell that to Mrs. Coolidge."
Apparently, this obscure presidential anecdote perfectly illustrated what animal breeders and scientists had long observed: In mammals, the male becomes resistant to repeated sex with the same female but can quickly be rearoused when presented with a new female. (As this story circulated among researchers, what was once termed the novelty effect came to be known as the Coolidge effect.)
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Post by TriciaF on Sept 28, 2004 23:41:32 GMT -5
7 reasons not to mess with a child
A little girl was talking to her teacher about whales. The teacher said it was physically impossible for a whale to swallow a human because even though it was a very large mammal its throat was very small. The little girl stated that Jonah was swallowed by a whale. Irritated, the teacher reiterated that a whale could not swallow a human; it was physically impossible. The little girl said, "When I get to heaven I will ask Jonah". The teacher asked, " What if Jonah went to hell?" The little girl replied, "Then you ask him".
A Kindergarten teacher was observing her classroom of children while they were drawing. She would occasionally walk around to see each child's work. As she got to one little girl who was working diligently, she asked what the drawing was. The girl replied, "I'm drawing God." The teacher paused and said, "But no one knows what God looks like." Without missing a beat, or looking up from her drawing, the girl replied, "They will in a minute."
A Sunday school teacher was discussing the Ten Commandments with her five and six year olds After explaining the commandment to "honor" thy Father and thy Mother, she asked, "Is there a commandment that teaches us how to treat our brothers and sisters?" Without missing a beat one little boy (the oldest of a family) answered, "Thou shall not kill."
One day a little girl was sitting and watching her mother do the dishes at the kitchen sink. She suddenly noticed that her mother had several strands of white hair sticking out in contrast on her brunette head. She looked at her mother and inquisitively asked, "Why are some of your hairs white, Mom?" Her mother replied, "Well, every time that you do something wrong and make me cry or unhappy, one of my hairs turns white." The little girl thought about this revelation for a while and then said, "Momma, how come ALL of grandma's hairs are white?"
The children had all been photographed, and the teacher was trying to persuade them each to buy a copy of the group picture. "Just think how nice it will be to look at it when you are all grown up and say, 'There's Jennifer, she's a lawyer,' or 'That's Michael, He's a doctor.' A small voice at the back of the room rang out,"And there's the teacher, She's dead. "
A teacher was giving a lesson on the circulation of the blood. Trying to make the matter clearer, she said, "Now, class, if I stood on my head, the blood, as you know, would run into it, and I would turn red in the face.."; "Yes," the class said. "Then why is it that while I am standing upright in the ordinary position the blood doesn't run into my feet?" A little fellow shouted, "Cause your feet ain't empty."
The children were lined up in the cafeteria of a Catholic elementary school for lunch. At the head of the table was a large pile of apples. The nun made a note, and posted on the apple tray: "Take only ONE. God is watching." Moving further along the lunch line, at the other end of the table was a large pile of chocolate chip cookies. A child had written a note, "Take all you want God is watching the apples.
It doesn't matter how many people you send this to, just remember if it made you laugh, your friends will laugh too!
May all your days be blessed
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Post by TriciaF on Sept 28, 2004 23:36:51 GMT -5
CHILDREN AND THE CHURCH
A little boy was attending his first wedding.
After the service, his cousin asked him, "How many women can a man
marry?"
"Sixteen," the boy responded. His cousin was amazed that he had
an answer so quickly.
"How do you know that?"
"Easy," the little boy said.
"All you have to do is add it up, like the Bishop said:
4 better, 4 worse, 4 richer, 4 poorer."
--------
After a church service on Sunday morning, a young boy suddenly
announced to his mother, "Mom, I've decided to become a minister When I
grow up."
"That's okay with us, but what made you decide that?"
"Well," said the little boy, "I have to go to church on Sunday
anyway, and I figure it will be more fun to stand up and yell, than to sit
and listen."
-----------
A 6-year-old was overheard reciting the Lord's Prayer at a church
service: "And forgive us our trash passes, as we forgive those who passed
trash against us."
-------------
A boy was watching his father, a pastor, write a sermon.
"How do you know what to say?" he asked.
"Why, God tells me."
"Oh, then why do you keep crossing things out?"
--------------
A little girl became restless as the preacher's sermon dragged on
and on. Finally, she leaned over to her mother and whispered,
"Mommy, if we give him the money now, will he let us go?"
--------------
After the christening of his baby brother in church,
little Johnny sobbed all the way home in the back seat of the car.
His father asked him three times what was wrong.
Finally, the boy replied, "That priest said he wanted us brought
up in a Christian home, and I want to stay with you guys!"
---------------
Terri asked her Sunday School class to draw pictures of their
favorite Bible stories. She was puzzled by Kyle's picture, which showed
four people on an
airplane, so she asked him which story it was meant to represent.
The Flight to Egypt, was his reply.
Pointing at each figure, Ms. Terri said, "That must be Mary,
Joseph, and Baby Jesus. But who's the fourth person?"
"Oh, that's Pontius - the pilot.
--------------
The Sunday School Teacher asks, "Now, Johnny, tell me frankly do
you say prayers before eating?"
"No sir," little Johnny replies,
"I don't have to. My Mom is a good cook."
--------------
Pastor Dave Charlton tells us, "After a worship service at First
Baptist Church in Newcastle, Kentucky, a mother with a fidgety seven-year
old boy told me how she finally got her son to sit still and be quiet.
About halfway through the sermon, she leaned over and whispered, 'If you
don't be quiet, Pastor Charlton is going to lose his place and will have to
start his sermon all over again!'
It worked."
------------
This is the best one A little girl was sitting on her
grandfather's lap as he read her a bedtime story.
From time to time, she would take her eyes off the book
and reach up to touch his wrinkled cheek. She was alternately
stroking her own cheek, then his again.
Finally she spoke up, "Grandpa, did God make you?"
"Yes, sweetheart," he answered, "God made me a long time ago."
"Oh," she paused, "Grandpa, did God make me too?"
"Yes, indeed, honey," he said, "God made you just a little while
ago."
Feeling their respective faces again, she observed,
"God's getting better at it, isn't he?"
-------------
Jeremiah 33:3
Every spiritual journey has the same destination; a meeting place
with God.
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Post by TriciaF on Oct 3, 2004 1:20:17 GMT -5
Susan, I don't even know why this is, but I have run into others who also did it, we didn't call the troll dolls, "troll dolls" ever, they were known as d.a.m.n dolls. I can't for the life of me figure out why that was? OMG! I just did some internet surfing and answered my own question.....we weren't crazy....they were dam dolls!! How about that. I found the following on the site below: troll.freeservers.com/ TYPES OF TROLLS DOLLS DAM THINGS are the creation of Thomas Dam ( correctly pronounced "DOM" however most people mispronounce it as "Dam" Probably as a take of on the saying "d**n things" ) of Denmark. His creations are favored by most troll collectors and for good reasons. Dam trolls are well made, well dressed and have been around since the fifties. They became popular in the 1960's in America when they took the hippie generation by storm. Some Dam trolls made in the sixties are demanding hundreds of dollars today. Even the more modern Dam trolls seem to be holding their dollar value, that is to say, one can often sell their Dam troll for the same price, or more than what they paid for it. Below is a picture of three Dam trolls dressed as pirates. The one on the right was made in the eighties. It is called a 'NORFIN' which is the name given to imported Dams by the company E.F.S.. It is still a Dam. The other two are Dam things made in the sixties. They are made of a harder plastic. Their dollar value is about fifty to one hundred dollars for the older trolls and about twenty to forty dollars for the newer troll. Shoot....now why didn't I hold onto those things?? Susan, you still have any?
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Post by TriciaF on Sept 29, 2004 23:35:17 GMT -5
Oh my...some of those things I haven't thought of in ages!! Had the really ugly gym suit for sure. And girls weren't allowed to wear pants to school until I hit third grade. And we had no air conditioners at school....in 90 degree heat.
We had black and white TV and only 3 stations + PBS. I had no clue why they called him "Mr. Green Jeans" on Captain Kangaroo!! And there was HeeHaw and Bonanza and Laugh-in and the scandel Cher caused by showing her belly button on TV. And at night, the darn stations just went off, just the white noise came on after the John Wayne poem and the national anthem. There were NO kids shows on after fathers came home from work.....so we had to go play outside. There were no computers, no VCR's, no remote controls, no microwaves and no blow dryers. You really did have record players, my first album was the Carpenters! I remember reading outside in the grass for hours...and there was no such thing in SC as a FIRE ANT! We went to the triple horror drive-in every Friday night....I saw Night of the Living Dead there and Ten Thousand Maniacs and all the vampire flicks. I remember when the first MacDonalds came to town and the big deal was to go there with your report card because if you made A's and B's....they gave you a free order of french fries. And your parents gave you nada...cause it was expected that you would make good grades. I remember drinking Orange Crush from the brown bottles and Chocolate Soldiers and peanuts in Cokes with Moon Pies. And we would scour the neighborhood looking for glass bottles to return to the store to collect the deposit and buy candy. And we learned to make snow cream out of snow and churned ice cream in a real churn, cranking the handle. And you went to the farmers market and bought peas and beans by the bushel and shelled them in bowls at night while watching TV til your fingers were raw. And mothers were forever "putting things up" in jars, tomatoes and all manner of gross stuff. And they really wore aprons! Oh and the metal ice trays for sure....along with the ice crusher that hung on the wall and had a handle you cranked round to chop the ice up. And screen doors all had a long spring and made that funny spring sound when they clanged shut. And we were deadly with a fly swatter. Since there was really nothing to do inside....all the kids in the neighborhood played outside day and night and there were pickup ball games in the road and hide and seek and chase til late at night in the summer. We picked plums and blackberries. And we did lie back many a night to stare are the stars.....and we could actually see them. We had all- night jacks and rummy marathons and camped out in the tent in the back yard at age 9 without parents even checking on us once....cause the worst thing that happened was the ants found your spare peanut butter sandwich during the night. We didn't take swimming lessons at a pool but learned to swim in a lake that we rode to in the back of a pickup truck......standing up if we felt like it. Oh, there were no seat belts or car seats. My grandmother collected an entire huge set of dishes, one piece at a time from either the grocery store or gas station.....and I have inherited them....and to me they are priceless. We had a wringer washer and there is still one in my Grandma's garage. We read the Bobsy Twins and Pippi Longstocking and all kinds of comics; Richie Rich, Archie, Casper, Josie and the p.u.s.s.ycats. And we saw the first man walk on the moon and then ran outside to see if we could make him out up there. And our phone number was Sunset 7-1437. Vietnam was real and you had friends whose fathers had died there and you wore MIA (missing in action) bracelets to remember the people who didn't come home. And ERA stood for the equal rights amendment and we wore bracelets for that too.....and started to believe that women had rights and opportunities too.....despite few roll models and what we read in D.i.c.k and Jane. Girls wore hats and gloves to church with easter outfits and all the stores were closed on Sundays. Getting a second car in the family was HUGE. And when the first volkswagon beetle came out and we got one....watch out world.
Of course, everybody had a loaded gun (or several) in their house even though they didn't lock the doors, or lock up the guns for that matter. But children knew better than to ever touch them without permission because parents spanked, the school spanked and my second grade teacher slapped palms with a ruler. I suppose we had our share of bullies, but don't remember being bothered because the dads rule (including mine) was.....I better not hear of you starting a fight at school, or running from one that someone starts with you. The boys didn't play on soccor teams but boxing teams and they really did beat the snot out of each other. Your dog was your best bud and was definitely a mutt and went everywhere with you including the bus stop because there weren't any leash laws or fenced yards. And no one thought a thing about the kids having a fire at the bus stop in the morning to keep warm.
I wouldn't want to go back......love these modern conveniences...but the world sure did seem smaller and more manageable....maybe because you did interact with people more and your reputation was important to uphold.
Thanks, Christie. for the ride!
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Post by TriciaF on Sept 26, 2004 21:44:19 GMT -5
Subject: The Cab Ride
Twenty years ago, I drove a cab for a living. When I arrived at 2:30a.m., the building was dark except for a single light in a ground floor window. Under these circumstances, many drivers would just honk once or twice, wait a minute, then drive away. But, I had seen too many impoverished people who depended on taxis as their only means of transportation. Unless a situation smelled of danger, I always went to the door. This passenger might be someone who needs I disagreeistance, I reasoned to myself. So I walked to the door and knocked. "Just a minute," answered a frail, elderly voice. I could hear something being dragged across the floor. After a long pause, the door opened. A small woman in her 80's stood before me. She was wearing a print dress and a pillbox hat with a veil pinned on it, like somebody out of a 1940s movie. By her side was a small nylon suitcase. The apartment looked as if no one had lived in it for years. All the furniture was covered with sheets. There were no clocks on the walls, no knickknacks or utensils on the counters. In the corner was a cardboard box filled with photos and glassware. I took the suitcase to the cab, then returned to assist the woman. She took my arm and we walked slowly toward the curb. She kept thanking me for my kindness. "It's nothing," I told her. "I just try to treat my passengers the way I would want my mother treated." "Oh, you're such a good boy," she said. When we got in the cab, she gave me an address, then asked, "Could you drive through downtown?" "It's not the shortest way," I answered quickly. "Oh, I don't mind," she said. "I'm in no hurry. I'm on my way to a hospice." I looked in the rearview mirror. Her eyes were glistening. "I don't have any family left," she continued. The doctor says I don' t have very long." I quietly reached over and shut off the meter. "What route would you like me to take?" I asked. For the next two hours, we drove through the city. She showed me the building where she had once worked as an elevator operator. We drove through the neighborhood where she and her husband had lived when they were newlyweds. She had me pull up in front of a furniture warehouse that had once been a ballroom where she had gone dancing as a girl. Sometimes she'd ask me to slow in front of a particular building or corner and would sit staring into the darkness, saying nothing. As the first hint of sun was creasing the horizon, she suddenly said, "I'm tired. Let's go now." We drove in silence to the address she had given me. It was a low building, like a small convalescent home, with a driveway that passed under a portico. Two orderlies came out to the cab as soon as we pulled up. They were solicitous and intent, watching her every move. They must have been expecting her. I opened the trunk and took the small suitcase to the door. The woman was already seated in a wheelchair. "How much do I owe you?" she asked, reaching into her purse. Nothing," I said. "You have to make a living," she answered. "There are other passengers," I responded. Almost without thinking, I bent and gave her a hug. She held onto me tightly "You gave an old woman a little moment of joy," she said. "Thank you." I squeezed her hand, then walked into the dim morning light. Behind me, a door shut. It was the sound of the closing of a life. I didn't pick up any more passengers that shift. I drove aimlessly lost in thought. For the rest of that day, I could hardly talk. What if that woman had gotten an angry driver, or one who was impatient to end his shift? What if I had refused to take the run, or had honked once, then driven away? On a quick review, I don't think that I have done anything more important in my life. We're conditioned to think that our lives revolve around great moments. But great moments often catch us unaware-beautifully wrapped in what others may consider a small one.
PEOPLE MAY NOT REMEMBER EXACTLY WHAT YOU DID, OR WHAT YOU SAID, ~BUT ~ THEY WILL ALWAYS REMEMBER HOW YOU MADE THEM FEEL.
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Post by TriciaF on Aug 31, 2004 17:32:52 GMT -5
That is a hoot!!!
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Post by TriciaF on Aug 29, 2004 13:42:08 GMT -5
Subject: WHY GOD CREATED CHILDREN
WHY GOD CREATED CHILDREN (AND IN THE PROCESS GRANDCHILDREN)
To those of us who have children in our lives, whether they are our own, grandchildren, nieces, nephews, or students...here is something to make you chuckle. Whenever your children are out of control, you can take comfort from the thought that even God's omnipotence did not extend to His own children After creating heaven and earth, God created Adam and Eve. And the first thing he said was "DON'T!"
"Don't what?" Adam replied.
"Don't eat the forbidden fruit." God said.
"Forbidden fruit? We have forbidden fruit? Hey Eve..we have forbidden fruit!!!!!" "No Way!"
"Yes way!"
"Do NOT eat the fruit!" said God.
"Why"
"Because I am your Father and I said so!" God replied, wondering why He hadn't stopped creation after making the elephants. A few minutes later, God saw His children having an apple break and He was ticked! "Didn't I tell you not to eat the fruit?" God asked.
"Uh huh," Adam replied.
"Then why did you?" said the Father.
"I don't know," said Eve.
"She started it!" Adam said
"Did not!"
"Did too!"
"DID NOT!"
Having had it with the two of them, God's punishment was that Adam and Eve should have children of their own. Thus the pattern was set and it has never changed.
BUT THERE IS REASSURANCE IN THE STORY! If you have persistently and lovingly tried to give children wisdom and they haven't taken it, don't be hard on yourself. If God had trouble raising children, what makes you think it would be a piece of cake for you?
THINGS TO THINK ABOUT! 1. You spend the first two years of their life teaching them to walk and talk. Then you spend the next sixteen telling them to sit down and shut up.
2. Grandchildren are God's reward for not killing your own children.
3. Mothers of teens now know why some animals eat their young.
4. Children seldom misquote you. In fact, they usually repeat word for word what you shouldn't have said.
5. The main purpose of holding children's parties is to remind yourself that there are children more awful than your own.
6. We childproofed our homes, but they are still getting in.
ADVICE FOR THE DAY: Be nice to your kids. They will choose your nursing home one day.
AND FINALLY:
IF YOU HAVE A LOT OF TENSION AND YOU GET A HEADACHE, DO WHAT IT SAYS ON THE ASPIRIN BOTTLE:
"TAKE TWO ASPIRIN" AND "KEEP AWAY FROM CHILDREN"!!!!!
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Dad
Aug 23, 2004 2:15:10 GMT -5
Post by TriciaF on Aug 23, 2004 2:15:10 GMT -5
Stella, thinking of you and your Dad this late am. I know its so hard to see your Dad in this situation. I'm sending prayers your way.
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Post by TriciaF on Jul 30, 2004 0:25:19 GMT -5
Hey Jackie, After you mentioned the show...I rented it from netflix and we had a blast watching it at the neighbor's house with a group. Thanks for suggesting it. I look forward to the series.
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Post by TriciaF on Jul 30, 2004 0:27:34 GMT -5
I love it!
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Post by TriciaF on Jul 25, 2004 0:25:21 GMT -5
BBEN
Busy bees eat nectar RSFL
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