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Post by Chris on Jun 16, 2004 15:20:37 GMT -5
Christie,
I was 43 and my DH was 46 when Sarah was born. Sarah was a total surprise so I guess God didn't think we were too old!
I had my other daughter when I was 32 and I can honestly say that I am a better, wiser parent to Sarah. I don't have as much energy but I have a lot more patience. Kevin will be a piece of cake! You've been through it all before and know better how to set priorities. I hope your family is chosen for this little guy. What a blessing!
Chris
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Post by christie on Jun 16, 2004 19:36:29 GMT -5
Awwww THANKS guys for all your positive thoughts.
K, a little update here...
I called the Case Manager twice today and left a message both times but no return call yet So I just got off the phone with Kevin's Foster Dad. Man oh Man does he sound like one very Special person. He and his wife have six kids of their own, one of which is their 8 year old daughter that also has DS. I found out they only live one town over from me He mentioned meeting Kevin and Colin and I are thinking we need to talk to the case manager first, cause I know me, I will totally fall in love once I meet him, I already am, just by his photo So Colin thinks maybe we should talk with the case manager first before meeting Kevin, Hmmmm
Anywho, he tells me the case manager was out of the office all day doing her montly family vists, and he knew that cause she was at his house today. So alls I know from what he updated me was, the family in Vermont are just looking into adopting Kevin its not a done deal. He said its not like first come type of deal. He said he told the Case Manager all about me and our conversation yesterday and she was very excited about it all and said NOPE age was no biggy He did say because Kevin was abandoned they have no birth certificate for the little guy so that could cause some red tape, especially for out of state adoption Not sure why, I mean in state or out of state, he has no birth certificate I asked him if he thought Kevin's birth Mom could come back and want him back and he said NOOOOOO they have been looking for her for months and she is no where to be found, she just one day left him at the babysitter and never returned
So I assume I will hear from this case manger in the next day or so and will know lots more where I start the process to see if Kevin might want to be part of our family
I am trying soooo hard not to get tooo excited but I tell you guys I was out at the stores today with Kodi and I almost bought something for the room that would be Kevin's. Then I had to remind myself it this is meant to be it will and if not then its not. This is one of those things I REALLY do feel is in God's Hands
Whatever happens alls I know from the second I heard about this and saw little "Kevin's" photo I can't get him off my mind.
OMG Jackie, LOLOL I can just see the look on my districts face if this comes to be My bet is if we decided to move out of district they would throw me a party LOLOL
Keep thinking positive thoughts if not for us that Kevin gets into a GREAT home with a family that will LOVE him
Thanks for letting me share this and I will let you know the second I know anymore
CC
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Post by Emilysmom on Jun 16, 2004 19:39:49 GMT -5
Christie, Sounds like everything is moving along nicely! I'm praying all goes well, and that Kevin gets a wonderful family......YOURS!! Can't wait to hear more! Susan
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Post by laurasnowbird on Jun 16, 2004 23:26:23 GMT -5
Christie,
Time will tell what God has in mind for both your family and Kevin, but if it comes to be, that little guy will have won the lottery of families!!!! I am excited for you, and it's hard not to get my hopes up FOR you, LOL!
I will pray that Kevin finds a loving home, and I will hope that it is with you! HUGE positive thoughts and hugs coming your way from Michigan.
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Post by momofrussell on Jun 17, 2004 7:21:50 GMT -5
thanks for the new update! I am enjoying the updates and the possibiltiy that you guys may be new parents! Hugs and Prayers A.
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Post by TriciaF on Jun 17, 2004 9:17:29 GMT -5
Christie!! I am so excited for you!!! Here's hoping and praying that all goes as it should....ether way. If Kevin is not the guy for you...then surely there is someone else already planned. I have been missing in action here awhile.....life in the way...but trying to read whenever possible. I just had to respond to this post because I have been playing with the idea of adopting a little girl with Ds for over a year now. I have been to all the websites and signed up for a discussion group on adopting Ds babies, contacted Robin Steele in Ohio, etc. But no home study yet. I know this is a huge dream for me, but not sure that Dh is too excited. I believe he is scared of the financial needs longterm of two adults with Ds after we are gone. Although thats a concern for me, too....I just trust that it will work out and we will make the best arrangements we can. A year ago, a woman from Bethany Christian adoption spoke at our Rotary club and last week, another woman from the same agency came. She sought me out about Ds adoption cause the woman remembered me and told her to find me. We talked a long time and I have her card.....it was wild and I got one of those...AHA moments. (It was at a rotary meeting when I was pregnant with Patrick that I met the executive director of our special needs parent to parent and the head of our Ds support group.....the very same day that I woke up sobbing from a dream that Patrick would have Ds) I had been told our chances of Ds were one in 13 (no amnio) but I had never felt that the baby had Ds. That dream was the one and only time that I was really worried and it was the day I heard them speak, and it was not at my club but I was visiting another club for almost the first time. I really felt God was speaking to me that day and making sure I knew just where to go and who to contact when the time came. So....here's hoping God likes to contact me especially during rotary meetings!!! LOL So Christie, I will be excitedly checking this post, waiting for some good news. Do you have a home study yet? Will the fact that you don't have one mean that a family who does can have priority? I am only asking this because I don't know if Dh will agree to have one unless we are in a similar situation...knowing of a child that needs a home already. I am scared that I will find one and the fact we drug our feet on the home study will hurt our chances. Also, and you may already know this, but if you adopt out of the state foster care system, you will likely get a monthly check for the child to help with expenses, which you surely wouldn't get with a private placement. Good luck ;D ;D ;D ;D
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Post by PaigesMom on Jun 17, 2004 19:17:50 GMT -5
CC - WOW, I hope this goes your way. I really do....prayers coming from PA!!!
I found it interesting that you said the other parents were from Vermont. I know someone who gave their DS baby up for adoption and someone in Vermont adopted the baby. They also had adopted another DS child or two - I know it's a small chance, but I wonder if it could be the same family!
We're rooting for you.........
Debbie
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Post by gwen on Jun 17, 2004 19:53:41 GMT -5
I have adopted two special needs children. I loved the post from the Mom who thought the school board would die if they had to deal with her for another 12 years. My boys school schedules the IEPs back to back. They at least know what they will be dealing with. No birth certificate is more of a problem after the adoption than before. (passports and that stuff) I recommend pursuing a special needs adoption so that the child can get federal medicaid. A special needs adoption with a subsidy will qualify the child for federal medicaid. One of my boys is from Vietnam. His adoption with another family fell apart after he was in the US.
We want to adopt again. We've been talking about adopting a girl from China.
Meghansmom, can you tell me more about your church and the girls that they foster?
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Post by meghans_mom on Jun 17, 2004 20:23:52 GMT -5
Gwen - hi and welcome! I honestly don't know too much, as I haven't looked into it beyond my murmurings to DH about how nice it would be -- they have an ad in the weekly bulletin every few weeks, mentioning they are fostering (they, I would imagine, being families in the parish?) young girls (I'm thinking older babies to toddlers from what I recall) from China that they are looking for homes for. It's a Catholic church, mostly older people and very, very Pro-life (although that is always the Catholic church's stance this is the most vocal & demonstrative I've ever seen a church be) -- so I think it's that section of the church that is involved in it. I could, of course, be wrong...I'll see if I can dig up a bulletin and see what other information it has, if any besides a contact name/number. sorry I don;t have much more info laurie
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Post by christie on Jun 17, 2004 21:28:28 GMT -5
Well, "Kevin's" Case Manger called me back today ;D She was very sweet and very helpful explaining to me how this all works. She also shared that there are lots and lots of kids in New Jersey that are in need of good homes Man oh Man I had nooo idea sooo many kids were caught up in the system, THANK goodness for foster homes. She told me, Kevin was kind of an easy placement, cause he was just a little cutie but that many of the kids are like 11, 13 or so and in need of a home and hard to place Soooo Sooo sad to me, I really never realized what a great need there are for good homes. She asked me if I was just interested in Kevin or any of the other numerous children that need a home. I told her we had thought of adoption a while back but thought our age may put us way down on the list. She explained to me NOPE, they do take age into consideration, but they cannot reject a family due to that. She told me lots of grandparents adopt too. Have to say that was amazing to me Just goes to show there are also plenty of amazing people out there
K, well we talked for a good time and she took some info to start the process of Colin and I being checked out. She is gonna send me papers in the mail to read, then once we are checked to make sure we are good people then they come and do a house check to make sure the house is a safe place. Then she comes and sits with us all, kind of like an interview I guess. Then if all that goes well and we still want to pursue this then visitation is arranged and depending on how that goes then overnight visitation will be arranged before anything is decided for sure. They seem to give you time to change your mind if you chose to.
She told me the family in Vermont has already had the house check and family interview and such but that she is not sure that is where Kevin will go. She told me at the moment we are the only other family on Kevin's List, that the other families so far, who were interested, for one reason or another have not panned out.
She told me Kevin was just adorable, eating well, standing and holding on to things. He had a small hole in his heart that they have taken care of and in a few weeks will be getting tubes in his ears. Other then that she says health wise he is doing very well.
I did ask her about how attached he must be to the foster home and she said YES they were all very attached BUT that the Foster Parents couldn't adopt him as they have 6 kids of their own, 2 of which they have already adopted thru the State and they themselves have an 8 year old daughter that too has DS.
I have to say I got sad thinking OMG first Kevin's Mom abandons him and then he will be taken away from this family OMG how he must feel bout all this
So thats kind of it for the moment, the process has begun and I have noooo idea if we will be the ones that Kevin decides to join as a family. But for now I will take it one step at a time and one day at a time.
I will say this here to you all, as much as I, Colin, Kodi Lee and Christopher would LOVE to give Kevin a home and have him join our family, the most important thing is that he gets a Loving Home, sooo if anyone knows someone that may be interested also (Not that I am trying to wreck my chances) I just want the little guy to be placed with the right family. Sooo if anyone is interested or knows of someone that is, please let me know and I will tell you who to contact, cause the way I understand it all, it takes time and they check out any and all prospects that are interested at the same time. Its not who called first, its who matches up BEST. And this little Kevin has touched me soo much that for him I want the BEST Match even if that means I lose out. I know EVERYONE says age shouldn't or doesn't matter BUT I am still thinking if there is someone younger out there that may be better for Kevin
Case Manager did say that being the adoption is thru the state, Kevin will be able to collect SSI and get medicade (sp?) even thou Chris cannot till he is 18 because of our income. She also said some out of staters backed out of pursuing the adoption of Kevin because the ? of weather he would still receive SSI was in question.
Man oh Man guys what an education I am getting on the system and in people in genereal
I still ask that you all keep this little guy in your prayers that the perfect fit is found where ever that may be.
CC
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Post by christie on Jun 17, 2004 23:49:30 GMT -5
BECKY, if you are still reading this, check out your email. I have sent you the case manager's number for your Sis, after reading your last email. The IMPORTANT thing here is "Kevin" is placed to the right family and if that be me and mine or your sis and hers, or even someone else, I am not the one to decide, but feel ALL options shoud be open to this precious little guy CC
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Post by momofrussell on Jun 18, 2004 7:29:02 GMT -5
I am so glad you are keeping up to date! I am enjoying reading the process myself. Yes, all over the US, older kids typically are harder to place because most want a newborn or really young child to adopt. It's very sad. I stated in my post earlier that I have had a hidden passion to adopt. And it would be an older child. Older children can be more challenging though due to different circumstances. But these kids NEED homes. I feel for the older ones. Especially the ones around 5-7 who are just getting older and don't really know what the heck is going on with their feelings and such. I read and watch TV sometimes and they "advertise" (yes, I'd call it that) older kids that need loving families. CC, are the older kids she talked about with disabilites, or just older kids in general. with and without? I was just curious because you said lots... that would really be sad if their were LOTS of older kids that can't be placed due to disabilities and no one wanting them. Ok.. I am rambling Keep us posted! A.
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Post by gwen on Jun 18, 2004 12:34:23 GMT -5
Learning the system is frustrating. It is intended to help Kevin and he has no way of using it on his own. I found it is easier to plug into resources before the adoption is complete, but after he is placed into your home. It sounds like the social worker is a good, helpful person. I found SSI too frustrating to pursue, but I really pushed hard for medicaid. SSI or subsidized adoption will qualify the child for medicaid. Sunsidized adoption was easier to get into in our state (VA) Our son with DS was six when we adopted him. Being older made some things easier and some harder than adopting an infant. But really every child is different, so you can't expect any adoption to be like a previous one.
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Post by christie on Jun 18, 2004 17:08:42 GMT -5
A ~ The case manager and I didn't get into to much about all the other children available in the State of New Jersey but I believe they are of all kinds, non disabilities, with disabilities, some medical, some physical, some emotional, and the list goes on. From talking to her, I get the impression its like this in most states, that lots of kids need good lovng homes. Very very sad to me that these little and not so little children that didn't ask to be here are having it sooo tuff.
Have to say, at this point Colin and I were not even thinking bout adopting but when I got the word and photo about Kevin, OMG I just felt if we could help, we should.
If it doesn't turn out we get Kevin, then maybe fostering is where Colin and I can help. Not sure of any of this right now, just feel now that my eyes have been opened to this need for children right here in our own area, I can't shut my eyes to it.
YIKES all I can say, bless the case managers Man oh Man they have quite the work load. Nooo way I could do that job, knowing me I would want to take home every child.
CC
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Post by updowns on Jun 18, 2004 18:01:36 GMT -5
Hey Christie, how did I miss this one? I think what you are planning to do is absolutely wonderful I hope Kevin finds his loving home. Stella
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