won't come in from recess....!!help!!!

[meghans_mom]

Ok, the child has now decided that she doesn't want to come in from recess.
Today I got a note saying she sat on the playground for 6 minutes before they got her in the door.
Then she proceeded to lay down in the hallway for 7 more minutes

(apparently, they're TIMING her?? I don't really know, but they're giving me these times)

AND they had to call the principal to come and coax her out of the hallway (they don't want to touch/force her, I am assuming..but WHY they need to involve the principal is beyond me)

and then wouldn't do her work in the class room for however many minutes.

Our consultant gave them several suggestions (peer helper, etc) to get her to come in, but they didn't like any of the ideas, or something or other.

I'm all for not even sending her out to recess (until she can show she can listen to the whistle or whatever and get her butt inside), because she's being a stink pot...but I highly doubt they'd allow that because they won't allow the aide to be alone w/ Meghan (I'd say, go to the library or something and work on things she hasn't finished during the day)

So, need some tips and strategies from someone who has been there, done that w/ their stubborn little 7 year olds PLEASE!!!!!

As many of you know, they're advising not sending her back to this same school next year for 2nd grade, I don't agree with this...but I hate for them to have "ammunition" against doing this simply because the child won't come in from recess....because I KNOW....this is what they will use!

thanks in advance..!!

laurie

[momofrussell]

Have her go sit in the principals office or some other place REALLY REALLY boring. Not the library... that could be fun to read books. Or, she could go outside and SIT against the wall and watch the kids play, have the teacher and aide with her.. tell her tomorrow we will try again but if not you have to go back to the wall and watch the kids play, no playing at recess.
Remind them to REWARD her for the minutes she IS playing nice and well on the playground. Natural consequences are a two way street. They need to remind her when she is playing nice, taking turns, walking back to class, etc...and if she isn't doing that, then yes, it needs to be taken away and something boring (and yucky LOL) in return.

How good is she at reasoning? Would some token system work?

The school needs to not be so emotional and get everyone involved..just pick something to try and stick with it.. no emotions... just tell MM this is what will be done if you don't play nice and come in nice on the playground. I am not saying she isn't playing nice but it goes hand and hand with the playground in my book. You play nice, you come in nice. You can't follow those rules you sit in the principals office on a boring chair with NO ONE talking to her nor reacting to whatever she is doing. Or she can sit against the building watching all the kids having fun and she has to JUST SIT. The teacher and aide doesn't talk or pay attention to her... she just has to sit. Then try it again the next day.

That would be my suggestion.... and for you? Start drinking? LOL

A.

[Chris too]

Oh, I remember when I was in elementary school & some kid was naughty in class (never me ), they let the kid go out to recess, but the kid had to sit on a chair next to the teacher & watch the other kids play. I'd suggest that they explain to MM that she will have to sit next to the teacher outside while everyone else plays if she doesn't respond to the whistle to go in. Then do it. That way, she's right there next to them when it's time to go in & she will get the point. It's similar to what I do about the park or McDonald's Playland - I say before going in "when I say it's time to go, you put on your shoes (playland) and we go with no fussing or begging, otherwise you won't be seeing this place for a looooooong, long time." I've never had any trouble because they know that I mean it. You can't do that with recess, but you can make it boring if she fails to cooperate.

Or the principal's office is good too, and maybe easier to understand.

[victoriasdad]

well , the only recess experience i have is the teachers keep an extra good eye on victoria because she has a record of escapes from her other school and home, so one day they were watching victoria so intently that two others from the special ed class escaped, hahaha
they found them in the general population (prison terms, for the escapees) as for m-ms mom i like the style of your letters, why are they timing her , is she interfering with their time? we all know, as they should, that all bets are off when it come to our kids and time. let me see how this works
okay i took victoria to the basketball game, it took me three and a half minutes to beg her to get out of the car, then as we were walking on the school side walk she went to the old gym door, remembering that she used that door last time she was at a play, convincing her that that door was the wrong one,, four minutes, then we walked into the parking lot of the high school victoria sat on the grass and didnt want to walk anymore, she wanted to be carried, that took three minutes to get her to walk again, we went into the foyer of the gym and victoria saw the water fountain, five or six minutes, after dragging her screaming away from it, we took her into the bathroom, after locking herself in the stall it took at least seven minutes to get her out of the stall after having to grab her leg and drag her under the stall,then there was at least two minutes washing hands because we didnt have any soap, when we got out of the bathroom it was at least four minutes at the water fountain again, when we got to the bleachers victoria wouldnt climb the bleachers because she saw her sisters in the cheer squad, two minutes, 24 minutes approximately now getting her home after the game i had to start the clock over.......

[lespring]

Angela hasn't had outdoor recess in MONTHS because of this same problem. Well...that and continuously knocking kids off the equipment! Or running away. Wanna cause the staff a coronary? Just run away in the direction of busy roads.

Anyway, some things that have worked to get Angela to come in (that she quickly gets wise to, but hey, they worked a couple of times!)

1) not acknowledging that she's being disobedient. The more attention Angela gets for it the more she resists.

2) Letting her know before recess that there's this really get activity or treat waiting for her when she comes in.

3) giving her a job to do, "Angela, Can you bring this note down to the office?" (this is the BEST way to get Angela to transition out of any touchy situation!)

4) Surprise Idea's. (her behavior specialist stumbled upon this by accident. Seems ridiculously simple, but works like a charm!) With a finger in the air, "Oh my gosh! I have an idea! But it's a secret, you can't tell ANYONE!" she then proceeds to whisper in Angela's ear some ridiculous joke about elephants or mice in the classroom, and Angela and she will pretend to be an elephant walking into the building.

If you warn Angela that she'll LOOSE something...say...a movie... by being non-compliant, she'll look you in the eye and say, "Fine! No movie for me! Nope..FINE! No movie!" Instead you have to tell her what she'll gain BEFORE the incident even happens.

But, like I said, Angela lost outdoor recess months ago. Instead she has buddies sign up to have indoor recess with her in the gym.

[CC]

Laurie ~ My guy does not due well with transition and when he was MM's age and in our home public school there was a time he had the going in when the bell rang issue. For him what ended up working was as simple as the recess aide going up to him 5 min. before the bell would ring and saying to him "just a few more mins. and when the bell rings, we line up and go in" He needs to be told what will happen next.

Geeze girl what the heck does your school think they are doing good for MM by timing her when she is not complying. Man if they did that with Chris he would still be in the same spot he was back when he flopped KWIM Grrrrr to them

You mentioned that "Our consultant gave them several suggestions (peer helper, etc) to get her to come in, but they didn't like any of the ideas, or something or other."

K, just speaking for me but Man oh Man if they haven't tried what your consultant has suggested I would be making a stink about that. The idea is to make MM succeed not fail, so to me that means try all suggestions.

You also said "but I hate for them to have "ammunition". To me girl they have NOOOOO ammunition as they aren't even trying what has been suggested. Seems to me you have more then them KWIM.

Best of Luck

CC ~

[meghans_mom]

thank you all!

some really terrific suggestions there, and I am going to relay them to the school (unfortunately I can't do it today, but I may call and speak to the spEd teacher later instead of doing this all in the book and then I'll ALSO write it in the book, so I have a record ;-)

-- oh and A....I wish, I wish I could have a drink, lol!! Just think, maybe another 6-8 weeks of this pregnancy, and then months of nursing....wahhhhhhhh.....

CC- I agree...this school is a little bizarre in what they do...timing, etc. I don't know for a fact, but I got such specific times in her notebook yesterday (6, 7 mins, rather than even numbers) it makes me wonder. And true, they're not using the consultants suggestions, so there IS no ammo there!!

Because she can keep up with the work, and in some cases exceeding her goals (per what she should be in her IEP) I don't want her pulled from this school for next year. I want to give her 2 consecutive years in the same school since she's had so many changes in the past few years, and then would be switching schools TWICE more in the next coming 2 years. No way can that be good for ANY child...much less for a child who has trouble w/ transitioning and new situations...

anyways - I'm going off on a tangent there.

THANK YOU ALL! And if anyone else has more input. sock it to me!

[sarahsma]

Oh do I remember these days well! We had the same problem with Sarah so we had a Behavior Specialist from the county MR/DD program meet with school staff.It was such a funny meeting. The specialist says" So..... what seems to be the problem?" They all start talking at once, well she blah, blah blah, and worst of all she refuses to come in from recess!!!!!! The specialist frowns, pauses then says.... so what's the problem? Believe me there were plenty of red faces. It all sounded sooooooo stupid when they said it outloud. She then asked doesn't Sarah have an aide with her all day, and at this level is she really missing all that much by not coming in right away? Problem solved! Sarah was given a heads up before the bell rang, assigned a friend to walk in with her, and if all else failed the aide stood in the doorway and waited. It was no fun to play outside for more than 10 minutes when all of her friends were inside. She eventually came in and any work done without her was sent home for homework. Look at the bright side..... winter is just 6 short months away.
Lisa

[meghans_mom]

LOL, Lisa...thank you for the perspective!

the funniest part is that when she refuses to come in, I don't even think she plays after the whistle blows. just sits and won't budge, so its not even like she's PLAYING!!!!!

Meghan refused to come in again today (10 mins this time according to their stopwatches, lol)...she lost recess privileges for tomorrow and will go and sit in the principal's office. I feel bad, but - heck, she's gotta learn she doesn't make ALL of the rules.

I just feel like my hands are tied...because I can get her to do whatever with a little nudge, etc...and I know they can't touch her (and that is a *good* thing, of course) but if they could just get the child to stand up and take her by the hand and walk her inside, none of this would happen.
OTOH - she is 7, and I understand that they are trying to get her to be independent...and they wouldn't do the same with a 'typical' 7 year old.

[Connie]

Laurie,

My little one that has problems coming in off the play ground at times is 8.

They have went to get the assistant principle a couple of times to help get him. I find this helps because a "Fresh" face can make the world of difference.

Not to excuse the problem but, while she is 7 and this is not typical behavior for 7 years old. You have to take into account she may only have the emotional maturity of a 4.5-5 year old which is still at the age that wants to control the situation.

I would have it written into her IEP that she have a student helper....

Connie

[mollysmomma]

daddy pulled up when molly had done the flop&drop, she was sitting out there on the sidewalk in, with her aide, and no other kids on the playground. It was just by chance that he pulled up when he did....

he whopped her diaper and used his daddy voice (EEK! I KNOW!! AND IN FRONT OF THE TEACHERS!! DOUBLE EEK!!) but she responded well, and we didn't have a problem anymore...or if we did, the teacher would say...

"do i need to go call your daddy?"

i don't spank...but daddy does...very infrequently, and she adores him so much more
than me...it just seems to be the final word. I think molly would do anything to
keep daddy happy, and visa versa.

me?

oh i just provide the pretzels...*sigh*

[Jackie]

For what it's worth...I never wanted to come in from recess either ;D

Jackie

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