Where we are now with Em..part 2

[Jackie]

It's Done! It's official! Em signed the papers last night. She will be moving the 16th into a lovely home with two young and lively house parents. She will be sharing space with another woman who is 26 and one who is 30. The younger one, Sarah, has already bonded with Em and Em thinks of themselves as 'sisters' since Em's middle name is Sarah ;D

As you know she spent the Halloween weekend (her second stay) at their house. She had a ball and Monday AM her careworker Pamela picked her up and took her to a powow at the service center. No ...we were not present. We had all had a chance to voice our concerns etc two weeks ago. This was a meeting that focused on Emily and what SHE wanted. I was told that after a long discussion she agreed that this was the best and only option at the moment but still wants to be preparing to live in an apartment someday.

Of course she is running hot and cold and probably will be for the next two weeks. Ed and I will be there to help her with the move. It is the weekend we are going to babysit with Katies kids. It is nice that Katie will not have to deal with the move as it will be hard on her too.

Yesterday afternoon I called her and it broke my heart...she ended up bursting into tears and here I was 500 miles away!

I kept her on the phone until Katie got home from work and of course Katie managed to turn things around. By the time she left for chorus after dinner she was positively giddy. ;D And she was still really up when she called to tell us that she finally got the song book from chorus and even sang to us...LOL.

Katie said last night she did overhear some self talk about not having a place to really do her art at home there...but at least its a better thing for her to obsess on than "rules" and other negative issues she kept throwing into the pot a month ago...sigh.

I feel REALLY good about all this. As Katie says..."I keep looking for the 'negatives' and there just don''t appear to be any"

So...thanks to all of you for following this...and of course I will keep you posted.

But I am still sort of bummed that all these years of giving her wings...and now no place to fly to.

Jackie
btw...for those of you just tuning in...this is a companion/foster care model...interesting concept and if you want to know more about it or how to set up a house yourself and do it...let me know.

[Googsmom aka Jennifer]

Jackie, this sounds GREAT!!!! I'm so proud of Em, and you too. Everything will be just super!!

[Debi]

aww Jackie.. you're breaking my heart too!! It's no fun to be 500 miles away. Sure have to give both you and Em credit for doing all this so long distance. It's such a BIG change!!
I do like the model you've found and it seems like it will be a very nice fit for Emily. One nice thing I think is that the house parents will be there.. you won't have to worry so much about rotating staff. Whew!! what a big decision but sometimes, again too.. it's better to just jump in.
Totally with you on giving the wings to fly and then.. where to??? It's so problematic but I do think just my opinion from what I've read.. Emily is gonna love it. I'd be interested in learning more about the model.. wonder if the rules change from state to state?
Big hugs to you and to Emily . And congrats on alllllllllllllllllllllllll your hard work and HERS for making it happen!!

[momofrussell]

NICE I THINK!!!! Does she really not have a place to do art there??? Or was that just her womanly hormones and emotions? ;D

A.

[char]

I believe Emily will love her new residence once she gets settled in. I'm so proud of her.

Char

[Jackie]

Yes I think she will love it too and I am sure she can find a place to be creative there.

I have learned a lot in the past few months...a lot about me...and a lot about Emily. All these years she has had this VOICE...and where it has been I do not know. Before she has pretty much been complient and followed the rules...etc.etc But NOW she has learned to speak UP and speak OUT. And very appropriately so. She has always had pretty good reasoning powers...but lately I am amazed.

I think thru the years we have sort of smothered her with good intentions. But now she has sort of broken thru all of this and is speaking her mind. She obviously views the world in a different way than I do..and I am loving getting to know this new side of her.

I guess I am a little jealous of this family...they will get to know Em while I will really be sort of losing touch with her. But by and large it's good.

Jackie

[lorraine]

Aww that sounds fantastic
I'm glad you managed to find a such great place, and I hope Em will be very happy there.

Lorraine

[faithhope]

Yes!!!!That sounds wonderful and really actually normal! Mama has too let go of her little girl more and more. I do wish that you can all be close to eachother. For now though it sounds like a blessing how it is working out .

[Chris too]

Congratulations! I'll be anxious to hear all about the move & where she finds a place to paint, etc.

When you said, "I guess I am a little jealous of this family...they will get to know Em while I will really be sort of losing touch with her. But by and large it's good." I had to chuckle, and sigh. Did you feel that way when your other kids got married? I would think it's similar. I think I will be a little jealous of my sons-in-law, and daughters-in-law and their families... they will get to know my "kids" while I will really be sort of losing touch with them - to some degree. But by and large it's good. Bittersweet.

[CC]

I too will be anxious to hear how this all goes and wish the BEST to your Em and bless her for being open to all this.

I have so many ?'s, sorry but thats me the ? person LOLOL

How do these foster care people run things? Do they all eat together daily, do the adults in charge make the meals or is it their job to get the gals to shop/fix their own meals independently? Do they drive these gals to all their activities or are they getting them to be independent and learn how to travel around alone?

I guess I am just trying to understand how this is different say from a group home?

Jackie I am sure this is a hard time for you and if my ?'s are at a bad time, then Please just ignore them. My guy is 16 soon to be 17 and he gets lots of life skills in his program now like how to shop on your own, even take the bus/train say on your own and it saddens me that all his training to be independent leaves him with such very few options in the future

I feel for you going through all this BUT thank you for sharing with us that will follow one day.

CC ~

[Jackie]

These are ok questions...Yes they function pretty much as a normal family would if the adult kids all still lived at home. Of course they do lots of things together because no one drives but no one is forced to go anywhere or do anything they dont want to. I think Emily will love the activity level because she had gotten used to saying she would just stay at home because she really didnt want to sit on bleachers etc at all the sporting events that Katie and Tony go to with the kids.

As to meals everyone has a job that will lead to cooking skills in the future. In most group home settings everything is pretty much done FOR the individuals...here they are all expected to carry their own weight. They are responsible for their rooms and keeping their bath clean. No one forces them to make it perfect but expectations are high as they need to be when you have a group of people sharing space. Em can use some of that self discipline...especially if she ever wants to live in an apartment.

Jackie

[Jackie]

I found this on a pocket card yesterday and am going to frame it and give it to her for her new room...sort of says it all......

To My Beautiful Daughter
I Love You

You are a shining
example of what a
daughter can be--
loving and compassionate
beautiful and good
honest and principled
determined and independent
sensitive and intelligent
You are a shining
example of what every
parent wishes
their daughter were
and I am so very
proud of you.

[kg91207]

I love that Jackie!! I'm so excited! As I've already told you, my experience with foster/companion homes has been great, and I couldn't be happier that she found a good match!

[Jackie]

Well the transition begins today when Em and her personal attendant take the first load over...first to go...the 8ft Jack Sparrow! Hope they are prepared...LOL

She will actually move in a week from tomorrow.

Jackie

[Googsmom aka Jennifer]

Best wishes for Em!! I love the poem too, how fitting! Give Em some {{{{HUGS{}}}} from me and Brookster