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Post by hkflanagan on Nov 13, 2009 16:18:34 GMT -5
We need some advice please!!!!
Nicholas got suspended for 4 days until further notice. He is in 7th grade this year. We have taught him to keep his hands to himself since he was a little boy, but he is not learning it. He tried out for the basketball team this year, and made it as a Player Manager, which we all have been thrilled about. But, during the game while he was supposed to be sitting on the bench with the team, for some reason he was with some other junior high kids in the bleachers. I got a phone call from the principal the next day saying that he touched some girls in her private parts at the game. Then supposedly a boy tried to protect the girls and Nicholas threatened to kill him. They wrote up a report (4 girls, and the one boy), which we just read today. Nicholas is now kicked off the basketball team, and is suspended for 4 days until we have another meeting saying if he needs to be suspended for an extra 45 days or not. Nicholas says he was tickling the girls, which is completely possible because he tries to tickle just about everybody, and his hands could have just been going all over without him realizing it, but reading the kids' reports, I think Nicholas is lying to us. The principal believes them and not Nicholas. The parents are furious (I would be too if it were my daughters). We are just sick about this and don't know what to do. And how do we teach Nicholas to not touch ANYBODY for any reason? If he would have kept that rule, this never would have happened. This could taint his record for life, and make it so that everybody thinks he's a pervert, and stay away from him. Yes he knows it is wrong to touch people in their private parts. What do we say to those kids and their parents about this? How could my child have sexually assaulted someone - I just don't understand why on earth he has done this. We know his hormones started over a year ago, and his hands are down his pants ALOT.
Has anyone had any similar situations or have any advice for us? I feel like I've aged 20 years in 2 days, I'm a wreck. Any help would be so appreciated. Thank you!!
Heather
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Post by CC on Nov 13, 2009 23:02:24 GMT -5
YIKES I have no experience with such things or advise BUT I wanted to say I read your post and wanted to send HUGS to you. Can Nicholas communicate exactly what happen, why do you think he may be lying to you? Does he even know what he, if he did, was inappropriate? Are these kids really his friends or is there any chance at all they were teasing him and got him to do something wrong without really knowing he did  ? Its so hard for our kids we want them to very much included with kids their own age but although they are biologically the same age, mentally they are not. Not making an excuse if something did happen. Just wondering where was the adult in charge at these games or is Nicholas just on his own being the player manager. Honestly I don't know what a player manager is but isn't anyone overseeing what his duties are? I wish I could help you, I can only imagine how devastated (sp?) you must be. CC~ |
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Post by faithhope on Nov 13, 2009 23:05:06 GMT -5
(((((((((((((((((((((((((((((HUGE HUGS)))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))) I am so sorry you are going through this with. I wish I had advic for you but I do not, my son is only 23 months. Just wanted you to know that I hope you will be able to fix this situation. This is something that I can't help but worry about someday wiht our boy.
I pray that you will find the words to speak to the parents of the girls and to most importantly, your son.
Love,
Jessika
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Post by Ericsmomma on Nov 13, 2009 23:32:52 GMT -5
The first thing that crossed my mind was did the other boys encourage your son to do this? I'm not trying to make excuses for your guy, but someone should have been keeping an eye on the situation. Did you request a private hearing with your school board? If so, find out as much as you can about what happened so you are ready when questions arise.
Sometimes our kids don't understand boundaries, even though we all try to teach them appropriate behavior. I think the school should take this into consideration when they access the situation. Good Luck...I'll keep you in my thought and prayers. Let us know what happens.
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Post by damarasmom on Nov 14, 2009 8:58:42 GMT -5
I really cant' be much help with this scenerio...but I wanted to just let you know that I have you on my mind and I sure hope this can all get resolved quickly!
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Post by wrblack on Nov 14, 2009 13:53:33 GMT -5
Dunno. Bad situation but definitely needs some attention.
Bothers me a bit that sounds like principal was all too ready to slap a suspension on Nicholas and talk about much longer suspension before fully investigating incident and addressing issues. Does sound like Nicholas did wrong and needs to learn better. But principal appears to be taking hardball approach rather than trying to understand the problem and find whatever solution would be best for Nicholas and all parties concerned.
I would have a few questions. Like, why was player/manager sitting in the stands with a bunch of characters? what were these characters doing and what discipline are they facing? Should the school have had a behavior plan in place for Nicholas? If so, why didn't they? Do they need one now? Why wasn't there more and better supervision of Nicholas and all the other junior high kids? Any reports from any witnesses to this incident from any parties, teachers, students, coaches, who were not directly involved?
If principal really wants to play hardball, I think I'd look for an advocate and maybe a special ed lawyer. I think any school administrator who talks about a 45 day suspension for a special needs student before having a full hearing is basically hanging a sign around his or her neck that says go ahead and sue me, because I don't care.
So, think I'd take the approach to ask principal to help us address problem, but if principal insists wants to play hardball, then I think I might go ahead and lawyer up. Would at least want to know what's within my rights and what's within rights and responsibilities of school.
But then, need to get beyond all the difficulties and posturing and any he said, she said stuff and help Nicholas get a better handle on appropriate social interactions and behavior.
JMHO, Bob
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Post by Googsmom aka Jennifer on Nov 14, 2009 15:43:51 GMT -5
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Post by steffipoo on Nov 15, 2009 10:57:47 GMT -5
Hi!!! Yikes!!! I have an idea for you. I am going to post a link to a book to read but would like to suggest to you an idea. The author has spoken at a couple of conferences I've been to. How about writing to her cutting n pasting your letter you wrote to UNO and say I am gonna get your book but need some advice from you. It's amazing how many experts I have written to who have written me back with advice. I'd try the author n perhaps check out the book there's huge sections regarding teaching appropriate touch relationships etc. Here's the link(((( hugs))) Stephanie www.woodbinehouse.com/main.asp_Q_product_id_E_978-1-890627-33-1_A_.asp |
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Post by hkflanagan on Nov 15, 2009 23:25:13 GMT -5
Just wanted to briefly thank you all for your hugs, prayers, thoughts, and advice! We are SO grateful for you and your support. We are currently writing apology and explanation notes to the kids and their parents - although not quite sure what to say. We meet again with the principal and the whole "team" on Tuesday to figure more of this situation out. We are looking into the advice that was given here. I'll write more when we know more of what is going on. Thank you!!!!!
-Heather
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Post by kg91207 on Nov 16, 2009 10:11:10 GMT -5
Sounds like you already have gotten some really good advice here, so I'm just sending you BIG hugs and positive thoughts. I just can't imagine what you are going through right now!!!
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Post by Kristin on Nov 17, 2009 23:20:43 GMT -5
I'd think about writing a behavior plan with the school!
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Post by hkflanagan on Nov 18, 2009 13:58:02 GMT -5
Thank you everyone!! My husband and I did some "homework" on IDEA and Wright's Law and felt more confident going to the Manifestation meeting yesterday. It went VERY well, didn't have to fight for what we wanted, everyone on the team agreed with each other, we got a behavior plan in place, and Nicholas is no longer suspended and is back to school today. It was agreed upon that the behavior was a manifestation of his disability, after I had told the team what I think: that Nicholas is dealing with fully-functioning hormones with non-fully-functioning capabilities, whereas fully-functioning 13 year old boys are dealing with the hormones and they even have a hard time with them. They all immediately agreed and the issue was put to rest, and we moved on to the behavior plan. The principal had read the letters that Nicholas and us had written to the kids, thanked us for it and said they were good. So now we just have to keep Nicholas from doing this kind of thing again which could be challenging. Thank you so much for all of your help and kind words, we truly felt your backup of support which made this process easier!
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Post by kg91207 on Nov 18, 2009 17:19:56 GMT -5
it's so good to hear that this had a positive resolution!!!
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