Sad Face Days

[damarasmom]

We are trying something a little new with Damara at school. She was having "sad days" making sad choices or sad behavior...anyway, by the time she got home from school and we would read the report, there was no connection to her with us talking to her and her actions of the day...so, we started with a 8x10 photo of a Sad Face, straight face and happy face. So...depending on what type of day she has she will place that face in her folder. She has really caught on with the concept of a sad face equals= lecture from M&D, no Elmo, boring snack etc...Happy face equals= Great joy from M&D, all the ELMo she wants and Ice cream for snack!
Well, the problem is that she is having ALOT of sad days. She is constantly running from the teacher/aide in the hallways, or backtalk to the teacher...
It is breaking my heart, she will call me at work when she gets off the bus, and I can tell by the tone of her voice what kind of day she had. She will whine with a sad face day, and giggle with a happy face day. It doesn't seem to be working as far as changing her behavior, it is making a connection though...I'm not sure if we are doing her any favors...I guess it is just so darn heart breaking hearing her voice and have her so sad....But she just doesn't switch her behavior..
I guess I'm wondering the opinions of some of you moms/dads of older children...what have you tried to help with correcting behavior that you don't see because it is only displayed at school and addressing the events of the day.
Damara is only 5 and still not understandable(alot to say we just dont know what she is saying)...and we still cannot hold a conversation with her...
Just need some support and maybe a much better idea???

[Chris]

I'm a teacher and our school uses a similar type of behavior management system. Personally, I think that small children need to be able to go back up if they do something good. Sometimes it is just one particular time of day or activity that a child cannot handle and they lose everything at that one time. That just doesn't seem fair to me. I know one of our teachers for a lower elementary Emotionally Impaired classroom does five levels and kids can earn steps back otherwise they would have a sad face day each and every day!

My daughter's school uses great day, okay day and yucky day. Unfortunately, Sarah gets more than her fair share of yucky days although she did great this week. Sometimes it depends on how tolerant the teacher or aide is with the kids on a particular day. So many variables!

My guess is Damara completely understands the system.

Chris

[Jessie]

That is sad Because of her age and speech issues, I would suggest really trying to investigate what exactly is happening when she acts like this. Are there too many instructions/expectations put on her, is it an activity/person that she really does not like, a certain time of day? I don't think it's all about changing HER behavior - she's trying to tell you guys that there's something going on that she's either frustrated with or doesn't like. Once you figure out what's triggering the behavior and can change the circumstances, her behavior will probably change.

Is the teacher or aide too focused on Damara and analyzing her behavior because she has Down syndrome?

Although she's making the connection that a sad face equals no ice cream and no Elmo, she really may not be making the connection as to WHAT caused the sad face, KWIM? She's 5, she can't possibly commit such a crime that she should have to be punished at school for the entire day and then again when she gets home. Now, when she's older and you know for sure that she's understanding what she's done wrong, then she should also have some consequences at home if that punishment fits the crime.


Jessie

[Googsmom aka Jennifer]

{{{{{HUGS}}}}} I'm reading a book right now: Raising a spirited child, the workbook. Love it so far I learned Brook is ALOT like me, no laughing LOL. No wonder she is so stubborn If you can find it at the library, i'd grab it for a read. It made me think of different ways to help Brook understand consequences, w/o pulling my hair out.

[damarasmom]

Thanks everyone...It seems that Damara will do things at school that she NEVER does at home. Tough to disapline her for something she does 5 hours before she ever gets home. The other day the teacher sent home a note stating that Damara said SHUT UP to a child. Now, I was thinking...WOW...she can say that? Then I thought...she has never said this before, she can't seem to say SHUT the door...so we started thinking...her version of Chocolate sounds alot like shut up to the untrained ear...we called the teacher the next day to explain this and she told us this story...
Damara was in class and another student was being loud, so she SHHHH'd him...then he got louder...she shhhhhh'd him again, he again got louder and at that point she turned to him and according to the teacher, as clear as day said "SHUT UP!"...
I gotta say...I did NOT go over board with that disapline. Why did they allow the other child to continue to be disruptive and then disapline Damara for responding? She tried twice to get him to stop in a nice way!
Too bad for them...I say ...Let him have it if they aren't going to do something about it.!

[CC]

Personally we have never carried over any punishment at home for something that happen at school. I mean I don't expect the school to carry over punishment for Chris for anything he may have done at home, KWIM.

Chris is the type of kid that you need to address the situation at the time it takes place. So if Chris had ever done anything that were serious at school they would call me and have me in there if it called for it. Thankfully that has never happen yet.

But I was the same with both my kids if they did something that required discipline I took care of it and never said "wait till your dad comes home..."

Now if Chris say skipped school and took off with a pal for the day yes then you bet he will hear about it when he got home

But this is just me

[kg91207]

Yeah, I think you need to reward/"punish" behaviors in increments. And like you said, it's so hard to punish them when they do something that's kind of appropriate (like telling a kid to shut up after shhshing him several times) and especially when it's our kiddos who work so hard to do little things like that!! A friend of ours has a daughter with DS, and a son who isn't, and the son got in school suspension for fighting-but he had given the other kid several warnings to leave him alone! So, he was punished at school but not at home. That situation just kind of reminded me of yours. Just some food for thought!

[Jessie]

This also reminds me of a situation I witnessed first-hand at Jason's school a couple of years ago. Jason is very non-verbal. I was standing in his classroom watching him and another kid. The other kid, I'll call him John, was trying to give Jason a piece of candy . . . nice thing to do, right? Well, the problem was Jason didn't want it, made a face to indicate that, shook his head "no". John kept insisting that Jason take the candy, continuing to push it in Jason's face. Seeing that Jason was getting extremely irritated with this kid, I told John to please stop, thank you, but Jason doesn't want the piece of candy.

I left his classroom that day thinking, ok had I not been there the note in his daily folder that day would have read something like, "Jason pushes/shoves John while John was trying to share his candy". Although I know (oh trust me I know) that Jason is wrong in his physical actions MANY times, I also have to go back to that situation and bring out the advocate in me on his behalf. Nothing is 100% one person's fault - at least in my opinion!


Jessie

[Connie]

We use the happy/sad face system with Collin and have for several years. It works really well for us. Collin is 9 and in the 2nd grade.

The was ours works is his day is broken down into sections (transitions were/are the toughest for Collin) and into two groups. Does things when told and respects adults/others. Collin has the opportunity to get around 18 happy faces a day and if he gets 90% happy he gets a small prize (candy, wii ticket, etc...). When he was younger say 6 or so he only had to get 60% we wanted to set it so he could be successful.

Collin could really careless about the treat he likes the smiley faces. I also bribe him with...you get all smiley faces (sometimes it if a daily bribe others it is weekly...depending on how or what is going on) and we will go get a chocolate shake, go bowling, or what ever he is interested in at the moment.

It took Collin a while to catch on to the concept...be consistent and she will get it.

Connie

[logansmom]

Logan also have 5 different sections on his Daily Progress Report. For each section, the teacher/paraprofessional has an opportunity to help him circle the happy, straight or sad face. Beneath each set of faces is a place for comments, which is very helpful for us. The five sections are:

1) I was a good listener during group times.
2) I played nicely on the playground or with classroom toys.
3) I used the potty on my own.
4) I listened and did what my teachers asked me to do.
5) I tried my best.

Kim, Logan (Ds, 6) and Carson (4)

[Connie]

Kim,

Collin used one very similar to what you are describing when he was in preschool and kindergarten. Once he got the hang of it, it really was a helpful tool. We have just tweeked his as hes gotten older and his needs have changed.

Connie