Post by Kaylis on Feb 25, 2010 7:24:51 GMT -5
For the first time I have run into the wall of my son not being qualified for something because of his Ds and I'm really, really steamed. 
He goes to a private, parent co-op school with his brother this year and it's been a wonderful experience for him in so many ways that I really wanted him to continue there. In early December his teacher (also the lead or head teacher) reminded me that his placement there was not certain after the Fall semester, much less after this school year. She said if he was to continue in January he needed more than just me in the building or near by on-call, but someone there all the time because he needs help with toileting (the reason I'd been on call) and also because he'd been doing a lot of hitting and pushing. She also said that she had decided that it would not work for next year. She didn't believe that the school could provide him what he needed after Kindergarten. I asked for that decision to be put off until after we saw how it went with the aide. I thought she had agreed. I understood that Mikah needed an aide and was finally able to get someone in to be his aide so I didn't have to three weeks ago. (Kindergarten update thread has those details).
Well, we had our regular teacher conference yesterday afternoon. Now I'm hurt, angry, and frustrated all at once. I think I unconciously was thinking that the school would see the benefits to everyone of having Mikah there as outweighing the problems. It isn't like they haven't had kids with full-time aides before, because they did have one for several years with autism spectrum issues. I also believed that the teacher really was going to postpone the decision. Yesterday she said that "We always figured that having the aide would go well." At the same time she was explaining how they couldn't have a child in the classroom using an entirely different curriculum from everyone else. They didn't have the space and it was too much of a burden on the teachers.
Different curriculum? She should know that the aide is there to help modify the activities for their focal child so the child learns the same materials but at a different complexity (at least as I understand their job), not to be a teacher teaching completely different stuff. He's only been worked with outside the classroom for half an hour daily in December when the class did handwriting workbooks and now for half an hour daily while they do math workbooks for a month or two.
The teacher also said the reason she accepted him was as a favor for us since we're already a family with a child in the school even though other families have asked to enroll children with Ds and been told no. She said she was sure they were aware that the school now had a child with Ds attending. It almost sounded like she was afraid if he was allowed to continue those amorphous other families would feel hurt and this was a reasonable part of the reason to say no.
I'm angry at myself for getting my hopes up, angry at the school for saying no, frustrated at the whole situation, and worried about how next year will go for him. I feel like somehow I've let him down. He's now in a school that's very close-knit with 90 children K-8 where teasing is actively inhibited and interage activities are encouraged. He has some very close friends, and lots of parents really glad he's there.
I asked if he could continue to come to the afterschool program next year, since other siblings did and he could then keep up his friendships. She said yes, but he would need someone watching him all the time.
She also talked about the parents who were concerned about him taking time and attention away from their kids. Considering how many parents have talked to me about being glad he's there it could only be one or two sets.
I know I'm letting my feelings rant on, but that's the state I'm in right now. Thanks for listening.
He goes to a private, parent co-op school with his brother this year and it's been a wonderful experience for him in so many ways that I really wanted him to continue there. In early December his teacher (also the lead or head teacher) reminded me that his placement there was not certain after the Fall semester, much less after this school year. She said if he was to continue in January he needed more than just me in the building or near by on-call, but someone there all the time because he needs help with toileting (the reason I'd been on call) and also because he'd been doing a lot of hitting and pushing. She also said that she had decided that it would not work for next year. She didn't believe that the school could provide him what he needed after Kindergarten. I asked for that decision to be put off until after we saw how it went with the aide. I thought she had agreed. I understood that Mikah needed an aide and was finally able to get someone in to be his aide so I didn't have to three weeks ago. (Kindergarten update thread has those details). Well, we had our regular teacher conference yesterday afternoon. Now I'm hurt, angry, and frustrated all at once. I think I unconciously was thinking that the school would see the benefits to everyone of having Mikah there as outweighing the problems. It isn't like they haven't had kids with full-time aides before, because they did have one for several years with autism spectrum issues. I also believed that the teacher really was going to postpone the decision. Yesterday she said that "We always figured that having the aide would go well." At the same time she was explaining how they couldn't have a child in the classroom using an entirely different curriculum from everyone else. They didn't have the space and it was too much of a burden on the teachers.
Different curriculum? She should know that the aide is there to help modify the activities for their focal child so the child learns the same materials but at a different complexity (at least as I understand their job), not to be a teacher teaching completely different stuff. He's only been worked with outside the classroom for half an hour daily in December when the class did handwriting workbooks and now for half an hour daily while they do math workbooks for a month or two.
The teacher also said the reason she accepted him was as a favor for us since we're already a family with a child in the school even though other families have asked to enroll children with Ds and been told no. She said she was sure they were aware that the school now had a child with Ds attending. It almost sounded like she was afraid if he was allowed to continue those amorphous other families would feel hurt and this was a reasonable part of the reason to say no.
I'm angry at myself for getting my hopes up, angry at the school for saying no, frustrated at the whole situation, and worried about how next year will go for him. I feel like somehow I've let him down. He's now in a school that's very close-knit with 90 children K-8 where teasing is actively inhibited and interage activities are encouraged. He has some very close friends, and lots of parents really glad he's there.
I asked if he could continue to come to the afterschool program next year, since other siblings did and he could then keep up his friendships. She said yes, but he would need someone watching him all the time.
She also talked about the parents who were concerned about him taking time and attention away from their kids. Considering how many parents have talked to me about being glad he's there it could only be one or two sets.
I know I'm letting my feelings rant on, but that's the state I'm in right now. Thanks for listening.
