Kindergarten... frustrated parent here

[cheyanne12]

Hello! It's been awhile since I've come on here. My son who is six with DS certainly didn't act like I would have hoped today. I took him in to the school psychologist with our materials. Started off with the school having a show of the Wizard of Oz which my son couldn't stand due to the noise of it all. Anyway, today he really showed his worst sides by throwing the color cards, throwing his blocks, and then taking off his shoes when I talked to the psychologist and throwing them as well. He refused to work and she sent us on our merry way. I asked if this is what happens when he goes to school and they will just send him home? She feels he will not be able to handle a full day of kindergarten, but he will be assigned his own teacher. He has his good days and his bad days. He has taken up spitting and began spitting at her as soon as we got there. Thing is I had four kids before adopting my little guy and I just never dealt with all of these issues. I was always complimented on how well my kids behaved, and now I feel like I'm a horrible parent. To make matters worst my husband and I recently separated. I have an IEP meeting on Friday and I KNOW my son is capable of doing some of the work... he can sing his a,b,c's and he almost can count to twenty. He recognizes some numbers and he can match colors and all. The real frustration comes in with his behaviors.
I went into a reg kindy class and I did feel he's better off with one on one assistance. I believe they will recommend a half a day of school for him at this point.

[Jodi]

When things don't go right, it's best not to blame yourself and focus more on what is going on. When my guy went to kindy, I thought he was very smart and should be fully included. The trouble was that they did not really include him, he had an aide that basically was a babysitter, and he developed horrific behaviors. Not saying this is your situation, just sharing what I went through. It was a tough 2 years that led to behaviors that went on for years.

Taking off shoes, hiding under the desk, shredding socks, throwing items, taking other people's items, etc... these are all behaviors that happened. We started monitoring the situation. Non-preferred activities led to negative behaviors. When that happened, he would be removed from the class for a "break". We later realized this reinforced the behavior because it was a reward of sorts. We ended up changing classrooms altogether, and have been is a SDC class since. The teachers in SDCs just are a better fit for our son.

It is best to focus on what is going on with your child. What is triggering the behavior? Are there natural consequences? Is there a plan (official or otherwise)? You can request a behavior evaluation. Are the teachers/aides trained in this area? Do you have a behavior specialist on your IEP team?

We supported our teachers by following up with our child at home. When he had a bad day, he lost certain activities at home as well (movies or video games, for example).

It takes a lot of work to get through some of the behaviors. I would suggest that you try not to expect your child to not have any behaviors. For us, behaviors come and go. Being consistent with how you handle the behaviors is what I believe is the most important factor.

Good luck to you on this... hope you get some good answers and help for this situation. I'm sorry about your separation, but maybe this is a factor in your child's behavior too. Maybe he is feeling stress?

Jodi

PS - Try not to confuse being a good parent with having children that are well-behaved. Being a good parent means that you teach your children, and that you don't give up on them when they still get it wrong.

[steffipoo]

Cheyanne... OMG totally normal if their is ayy too much stimulation and lotsa commotion going on. DRIVES A lot of our kids bonkers. Olivia could never ever sit in a dark auditorium like for a play and have loud noises. Some could've taken her behavior of covering her ears and trying to get out of there as misbehaving but I saw it as she hated loud noises and dark places and the unknown. We too saw the wizard of oz play and she almost had a heart attack she hated the noise and luckily I came along to be there knowing prior her fear of loud sudden noises etc. Now if you can get someone in there to observe I am telling you they can fill you in on triggers and othe ways the teachers may be able to help your child rather than get frustrated by theeir behaviors. Sometimes it seems so simple. Like they sit for 45 minutes reading books etc. Liv could sit for about 30 minutes max max in kinder and really most the kids lol typical one I mean) well after observing found it was too long and she would maybe work on the easel with her letters with her aide. Or go to the office n make copies or work on something. Or see if their is too much stimulation I have found thats when most kids will react negatively. If u can get an observer other than yourself ( us moms can be distracting to our kids and won't get the same behaviors as when we're not there) I am telling you by changing those around Olivias behavior ofr the way they talked to her the negative behaviors in kinder stopped. ( for example her kinder teach would tell her NO NO don't go away from circle reading time Liv after 20 or so minutes as Liv was scooting her way outta that room. The more she said no the more Olivia did it. But when she praised kids who sat around her when she noticed Olivia was gonna try gettin away. Like bobby ( who was sitting next to Liv or other kids around her lets say) you r sitting so nicely I really like that thanks and u too karen etc. Man my girl would start scooting her booty right back to where she was supposed to so her teach would say thanks Olivia for coming back and sitting so nicely. You might as well have given her a gold medal. The power of positive praise in the right setting and losing the negative no not now NO NO COME HERES etc and learning how to speak differently works wonders for not only our kids but all the kids. Good luck and sorry bout the seperation but if their was a negative vibe in the house I always feel like our kids are so in tune with us parents feelings they know it and would much rather have a positive vibe and are happier. (((HUGS))) steff


good luck

[steffipoo]

ask if your district can rpovide an inclusion facilitator for next year if they have that there. This person if they are great like ours can make the experience great and stop the negative right from the get go. Good luck
our inclusion facilitator we asked for in preschool transition iep and it went great make hafta snoop around your district they will NOT tell you these things in los angeles where I am from u just kinda hafta find out yourself. And BTW if there ever is a big problem or anything you want resolved put it in writing. It works like a charm.

oh yeah I forgot to tell you to get a behavior plan. This will help u get an aide in school and also have something by which everyone will go by.

[Googsmom aka Jennifer]

www.yellowpagesforkids.com/help/pa.htm

Just wanted to give you this link in case you don't already have it. Soooo much info and help it wouldn't let me paste it all LOL. I sure hope you find some help {{{{HUGS}}}}

[kg91207]

Jennifer-that link you posted is awesome! I was able to pull it up for Texas! I'll be sharing it with my counterparts at work throughout the state!!!

[steffipoo]

www.disability.gov/

this website was just redone but u can look up by your state too. It's amazing

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