Should I let his mom see him??

[grandmasharen10]

Hi , My name is Sharen , Iam Jordan's Grandma, I was on Uno Mas a few years ago, I dont' know if anyone will remember me?? I got custody of Jordan 8 years ago he was 3, he is 11 now.. His Mother has not seen him in 5 years, Every Birthday she calls, leaves a message, says she loves him, and that is the last we hear of her , thank god... She has 4 other Children by all different fathers, she was in jail for 8 months, drugs and theft.. got out of jail 2 years ago, got married , moved to hazard ky, now in the process of divorce,moved back to Ohio, Jordan's b-day was yesterday, of course got a call, now she wants to see him and wants to bring her 4 other kids, she has called 4 times and I have not answered the phone.. he does not know her, I dont' want to let her see him because he does not know her, and why confuse him with her calling herself mommy... I would like to know how you all would handle this.. Should I let her see him It just makes me sick.... Thank you...

[Jackie]

I think a good person to respond to you might be Brandi....she works in social services with children.

Jackie

[kg91207]

Hi Sharen!! First of all, if I were to answer this as a parent of a child with DS, I would say heck no I wouldn't let her see him! You're right, he doesn't know her, you have custody, you've raised him, etc. I totally agree with that.

As a 10 year veteran of child protective services...there are many variables to look at here. Is she clean and sober now? That would be a big factor in my decision. If she isn't, or can't prove that she is, she has no business seeing him. If you really feel like you need to let her see him, I would put stipulations on it. Supervised, at your house, the siblings don't need to come. But it doesn't sound like you feel compelled to let her have a visit. If she were to push it, require that you all do some family therapy before she has contact, let a therapist weigh in on it. More than likely she won't want to do that or won't follow through, and will probably fade into the background again, so problem solved.

Do you think she will push the issue or seek legal intervention on it? I don't think she would have much to stand on if she did, but if she did, at least maybe you could show that you made an effort to do what's in the best interest of Jordan. You could start with telling her, let's share some pictures, letters, etc. You could look into therapy for Jordan to explain the issue with him, etc. (if Jordan would benefit from therapy, I know some of our kiddos might not). Then maybe a supervised visit just between her and Jordan. Take it slow. She may not want to do that, and again, will just give up on the whole issue. I also think you kind of have to know your courts and judges, which way they would lean if it came to that. But what it all boils down to is what is in the best interest of the child. And being a parent (or grandparent!) of a child with special needs, you are going to know in your heart and gut what is in the best interest of Jordan, so go with that! I hope that helps some!

If it helps, my husband does not allow his mom to have contact with Kaelyn because we do not feel that it is in her best interest (long story).

[Googsmom aka Jennifer]

{{{{{{{{{{{{{{HUGS}}}}}}}}}}}}

[Chris too]

She might be looking for a place to stay...
Brandi, that was some great advise

[CC]

Just my thoughts but if she doesn't have any legal right I would not let her around.

Best of Luck

CC ~

[dannysmom]

Wow, that is alot to handle...so first off...hugs!!

I have a similiar situtation with my nephew. He's now 17...and he doesn't have Ds...but his mother is just like your grandson's mom.

I can tell you from my nephew's point of view....HE would want to see his mother...always has, always will. No matter how much $$ she steals from him...no matter how many jail terms she does.....all the neglect he endured while being with her......a child wants their mother.

However, that doesn't mean I think you should let her see him....I just wanted to share my nephews point of view to give you another perspective as you decide what is best for your grandson. My personal feeling is NO...don't allow contact. However, I also don't know how much your grandson understands his family situation...and if he even knows/remembers anything about her.

I wouldn't allow the visit just to be nice. I'd allow the visit if you feel there is a chance of them having an positive relationship. Your grandson doesn't need anymore heartache and loss in his life. His mother lost her right to be a mother when she made the bad choices in life like she did.

I have been so grateful over the years that my brother has had custody of my nephew.....God only knows if he'd be alive if his mother was responsible for him. My brother had joint custody from birth till he was about 5...then his mother went off the deep end and my brother was award sole custody when my nephew was 8...so it's been almost 10 years.

Many prayers for you as you make these difficult decisions.

[kg91207]

That is true, no matter what these kids endure, they still love their parents. I was telling my husband about this, and he said "nope, no contact"! hee hee.