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Post by laurasmom on Apr 30, 2011 21:24:09 GMT -5
what my UnoMas friends think about this.
I have been chewing on this for awhile. Sometimes don't quite get my point across clearly, so bear with me.
A community group in our area raises money to help kids with special needs. They really do a great job. They have a couple big parties every year for the special needs students at area schools. Bowling party, Christmas party. They also raise money to buy special equipment for the classrooms. For example, when the TV and DVD player quit working in Laura's classroom, this group bought a new one, along with some specialized board to attach to the TV (not sure what that was, but the teacher uses it with non verbal students).
Anyway, I saw a woman at the grocery store that had a shirt on with the groups logo. She saw Laura and knew her from the functions, and stopped and said hi. Laura was very familiar and comfortable with her. When we were going our separate ways, I thanked her for all they do. She in turn said "my husband and I enjoy it very much. We love helping those less fortunate".
Well, that has been bothering me ever since. "Less fortunate". I guess because I have never considered Laura to be "less fortunate". If you asked me to define that term, I would say that someone who is less fortunate than me is someone that is homeless, or doesn't have a job, no money, can't feed themselves or their children. Someone who had a bad childhood and now has no education, or is illiterate. I just never thought of Laura being "less fortunate". She has a home, a family, never goes hungry, has friends, and is happy.
I think I know what she meant when she said less fortunate, in her mind at least. I just never would have applied it to Laura.
Hmmmmmmmm,
Sharon
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Post by Emilysmom on Apr 30, 2011 21:37:32 GMT -5
Sharon, I think I would have had the same mental response that you did on this one. To me, a statement like that seems to show that even though she wants very much to help others, her wording sounds like she feels "fortunate" (or lucky, or blessed, etc) that her own children do not have special needs. Maybe it was just a poor choice of words.........or maybe she really feels that way. I read an article several years ago that indicated that the term "special needs" was offensive. I was like "huh"  I use that term frequently, because it seems like a good way to describe many of Emily's friends. They don't all have Down syndrome or autism, etc..........but they have some sort of special need. In the article, it said that no one has "special" needs. We all need the same things in life. I still sort of scratch my head on this one. I'm sorry that anyone would consider our kids to be "less fortunate". Hmmmmmm indeed. Susan |
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Post by Chris too on May 1, 2011 0:00:46 GMT -5
Yep, that's irritating. But I wouldn't worry about it. It's not likely to change your TV reception (WI-FI signal?), so don't think too much about it. There will always be well-meaning, but ignorant people out there - just so long as they stay "out there" and don't come waltzing into my kitchen, I'm happy enough  |
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Post by Jackie on May 1, 2011 8:56:29 GMT -5
It's a bit like those whose response when you say I have a child with DS...is "I'm so sorry" even though its not really what they mean.
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Post by wrblack on May 1, 2011 9:03:10 GMT -5
So, is a rich kid with juvenile diabetes less fortunate than a hale and hearty poor kid?
Is a smart kid with juvenile rheumatoid arthritis less fortunate than a none too bright kid in good health?
Is Stephen Hawking less fortunate than the woman in the grocery store?
Yes, in some respect and from some perspective, they are. "Less fortunate" is not a very precise nor specific concept. The person at the slot machine who just won $50 is less fortunate than the person in the next row who just won $150.
Oh, and is Greg McElroy less fortunate than Cam Newton? Well, Scam went no.1 in the draft, and G-Mac went 208. But they both have national championships.
Doesn't bother me. I wouldn't worry about it. JMHO. -- Bob
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Post by Abbie's Momma on May 1, 2011 19:06:47 GMT -5
How irritating!  Im sure she did mean it with the best possible intent, like Jackie said...people saying they're sorry. But I have a very low tolerance for ignorance. I have a lot of respect for you holding your tongue! I can't say I would have had the grace to do the same. Although I admit I am learning...Last night someone in the parents group for kids with ds Im in on Facebook posted a link to a rather offensive group on facebook bashing Sarah Palin's son. One of my friends reposted the request to have the group removed and someone from her page actually defended the group. I was polite in telling the poster to get a life! Hopefully over the years as Abbie grows I will continue to be more graceful in peoples reaction to my daughter. |
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Post by Chris on May 1, 2011 20:50:56 GMT -5
I think of fortunate as meaning something good has happened to a person. Less fortunate would mean something bad has happened. Hmm.......I certainly can see why you might be annoyed that someone called your child with Ds less fortunate but on the other hand, my child DOES have more challenges than a typical child. Just the health issues alone might make someone consider her less fortunate. She has to really struggle to do what comes naturally to many people.
Like others have said, I am sure this woman did not mean to offend you.
Chris
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Post by CC on May 1, 2011 21:33:40 GMT -5
K, don't get Mad please  But I do feel that our kids our less fortunate in a way... I mean think of it, how nice that the group she is part of provides such great things for your daughter and others. In no way would I have taken that as a bad thing in any way. I mean why would there even be such groups for our kids if all was just super, KWIM? Our kids are GREAT, but they have difficulties that if they were born without a disability would not have. I guess what I am saying is yes our kids our loved tons, have loving families, well supported and such... BUT have issues they have to deal with that the norm would not. I am sure she only meant well but honestly would such groups exist for our kids if all was just Perfect for them? Just my humble opinion  CC ~ |
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Post by Googsmom aka Jennifer on May 2, 2011 9:02:22 GMT -5
Hmmmm, I must of been a duck in my past life with all the "thoughts/sayings" that I let roll off my back I think this would of been one of them, depending on tone and intent of saying. I'm sure she didn't mean something negative by it. Some people just don't have the "proper" wording b/c they don't know how we parents feel. We have to nicely tell them other wording options or they will never know. {{{{{{{HUGS}}}}}} |
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Post by Googsmom aka Jennifer on May 2, 2011 9:04:28 GMT -5
But, don't get me wrong. If someone said something that they knew would be a direct hit at my Brookster or any of "my" little friends, i'd take off their head..... |
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Post by Abbie's Momma on May 2, 2011 13:52:16 GMT -5
That is definitely a good point, we don't see our kids as the poor little waifs who need everyone's sympathy which, to me, is what "less fortunate" implies; However I also feel that if you are going to work with a certain group of people whether as a volunteer or for a philanthropy or whatever, it is your responsibility to not just throw money at them but to learn about the situation and be an advocate. Tossing money at someone and calling them less fortunate seems counter productive and hypocritical. But then I am definitely not as experienced as you guys are with this and maybe I just don't have a thick enough skin or I haven't grown my duck feathers yet Things are still pretty raw for me so I tend to jump at people who I think are attacking Abbie. Please tell me the grace and thick skin comes over time!!! |
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Post by Chris too on May 3, 2011 10:46:46 GMT -5
Melissa, Grace and duck feathers do come over time ... if you let them. It's really up to you. I'm sure that as an experienced mom you know the importance of picking your battles. This is just that applied in a new way. If you let every little ignorance irritate you, you will go around bristling quite often. Don't let the ignorance of others determine your outlook or mood - but you know that already since you are mother to 4 kids and in a committed relationship with Joseph, right? You pick your battles all the time already, so just do the same for this new-found ignorance of others, and you'll be as graceful and duck-like as any of us Ds veterans |
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Post by laurasmom on May 3, 2011 18:57:55 GMT -5
I don't think I was upset with the woman for saying this.....I was more surprised. Only because I had never thought of Laura in that way, as less fortunate. But it must have bothered me at some level, because it has been on my mind lately, but I don't hold it against her because, as someone said, I don't know her intent. Sometimes when people can't think of the best way to say something, they say what comes (and I am guilty of this also). And, I have reminded myself of all the good the group does, they really listen to the teachers and try to help where the help is needed.
And I appreciate ALL the discussion and input, that is one of the reasons I like UnoMas so much, you all continuously help me see all sides of the issue. I even appreciate the football references Bob;) Poor Cam, he is so misunderstood...........
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Post by Abbie's Momma on May 3, 2011 20:49:06 GMT -5
Thanks Chris~
Im sure as things sink in and Ds becomes the norm in my house rather than "the new big thing" I will calm down. I tend to dive into everything head first, which gets me a little high strung! lol I appreciate the perspective! Uno Mas has been a wonderful surprise in the last month!
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Post by kg91207 on May 10, 2011 13:20:42 GMT -5
I know it's always easy to look back and think "oh I should have said or done this". But I think something like that is one of those educational opportunities. The woman may not have meant anything bad by it, just needs some education. But maybe through her experiences and helping she will get that education. I still remember something someone asked me when I mentioned KK went to therapy, they said "oh, what is wrong with her?". Well, nothing! But I knew what they meant. I also still remember the guy who asked me "why would your child have more chromosomes than my child" when I was wearing my t-shirt, and I said "she has DS". He just said oh and walked away. Ha!
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I use that term frequently, because it seems like a good way to describe many of Emily's friends. They don't all have Down syndrome or autism, etc..........but they have some sort of special need. In the article, it said that no one has "special" needs. We all need the same things in life. I still sort of scratch my head on this one. 
&
Susan, Proud mom of Michael (32), Justin (25) Emily (22ds), and Jordan (20).
]
Im sure she did mean it with the best possible intent, like Jackie said...people saying they're sorry. But I have a very low tolerance for ignorance. I have a lot of respect for you holding your tongue! I can't say I would have had the grace to do the same. Although I admit I am learning...Last night someone in the parents group for kids with ds Im in on Facebook posted a link to a rather offensive group on facebook bashing Sarah Palin's son. One of my friends reposted the request to have the group removed and someone from her page actually defended the group. I was polite in telling the poster to get a life! Hopefully over the years as Abbie grows I will continue to be more graceful in peoples reaction to my daughter. 
But I do feel that our kids our less fortunate in a way... I mean think of it, how nice that the group she is part of provides such great things for your daughter and others. In no way would I have taken that as a bad thing in any way. I mean why would there even be such groups for our kids if all was just super, KWIM? Our kids are GREAT, but they have difficulties that if they were born without a disability would not have. 
