class bully?

[kg91207]

Ok, so last week one of Kaelyn's classmates came up to me when I was picking her up, and asked me "why does she hurt us?". I'm like huh? Then on Friday I went on their field trip to a dairy farm (which was fun!!!) and I got to witness Kaelyn "hurting" the other kids!!!! I was SO embarrassed. And of course it was kids who are lower functioning than her! She kept going up to one girl and trying to choke her, pull her hair, etc. And it was unprovoked! We are just appalled. And being first time parents, we're not sure how to address this with her. I did intervene right on the spot and did NOT let her get away with doing this. We have her ARD tomorrow and want to address it then. I know her teachers would address anything in class, but I have a feeling she's doing this when no one is looking. Is this typical 3 year old behavior? We just don't want our child to be the class bully! She really is a sweetie and very loving and usually very gentle, but I will not have her choking kids who cannot speak up for themselves!!!

[Jackie]

Sweet little Kaelyn...whoda thunk it.... ;D

[kg91207]

I know! But I was a sweet kid with a secret bully streak in me, so she gets it naturally. ha!

[Jackie]

Seriously Brandi...this could get to be a real problem. Especially when time for real school comes. Seems like people are just waiting for our kids to act agressive and then decide thay would be disruptive or dangerous for other kids. I am sure it is probably a phase she is going through and sounds like you are dealing appropriately with it. But if it persists you might need outside help.

I am sure this is not the case with you and Aaron but you remember me telling you about a little friend of Emilys with DS when they were growing up. His parents were so afraid he would be a wus...so they 'wooled' him around all the time. So when he hit preschool he just kept up that behavior with other kids and it did become a real problem with him being agressive.

And since you dont see this at home it then becomes the schools problem and I think you have to put it on their back to begin dealing with it.

Again jumping back to Emily in grade school when her teacher told me I had a' problem' to deal with. Seems some kids were making her take her bologna out of her sandwich and bite nose, eyes, and mouth out of it and then hold it up like a mask. I immediately told the teacher that it was HER problem because she was the one at lunch ...not me. I did nip it in the bud though by making sure I cut her sandwiches in quarters after that. LOL.

[Chris]

My daughter is the class bully. She has always be slightly aggressive but this school year she has been downright mean! She hits, scratches, shoves, pulls hair, and has even bit this year. Wow! Not like my kid at all plus it is usually unprovoked. I went to pick her up from school one day and saw her walking out to her locker and hitting a child on the head when he had his back to her.

Hopefully you will find a solution soon.

Chris

[Jackie]

For some reasont his was on my mind all night , Brandi. I really do think the school and teacher need to deal with this and figure out what triggers it in her. All too often teachers just get frustrated with a behavior and don't want to take the time to figure out what is causing the problem. It seems at age 3 to be pretty harmless but other parents might get wind of it and not think the same way. I doubt she is a TRUE bully...LOL.

We are going thru this now with our 10 yr old grandson who has some acting out in the classroom problems. They just want to send him to the principal ...not spend time figuring out what causes him to do this in the first place.

You are lucky you have an IEP...my kids don't. (or you will have an IEP...can't remember if she has one yet).

[kg91207]

I feel better after talking to her teacher today. She told me when she does hurt another kid they tend to the hurt child first so that Kaelyn is not getting any attention for acting out-good or bad. Then, they put her in time out. She does get upset so time out is being effective-which it is at home too. I still kind of think Kaelyn has just realized there are other kids around her but doesn't quite know what to do with them yet. She does have an IEP and we meet tomorrow for her annual. Her teacher said one of her goals this time around is to not be aggressive, so I was happy to hear that!

[laurasnowbird]

Before the behavior become ingrained, I'd be asking for an FBA (functional behavioral assessment). There are lots of great resources, but your school should have someone skilled in conducting them. Some info for you, and this is a fabulous link:


www.pbis.org/common/pbisresources/publications/PracticalFBA_TrainingManual.pdf

[kg91207]

Oh yeah, we do those on my kids on my caseload with I/DD. We have her ARD today. I kind of wish they would do it after the summer because I feel she will develop a lot this summer, like she did last summer.

[Googsmom aka Jennifer]

Brook was called the class bully last week LOL Teacher said to me, "Jenn, who taught Brook to leg sweep and elbow drop?" ........ Oh no..... "She learned it from her cousin MJ. Thats their favorite thing to do." Crap!! So, alothough the teachers thought that was great PT, we had to have a talk w/ The Bully Brookster and put a squash to it reallllll quick as she took down the biggest, typical kid in class and probally could really hurt a little one in class. She is 55lbs

[kg91207]

Isn't it hard to not just laugh and be proud?? I want Kaelyn to be able to stand up for herself, appropriately that is. But sometimes she's just so freaking cute it's hard to get on to her!!!

[faithhope]

Oh what a tough situation. Wish I had some advice but looks like you got plenty already : )
((((((HUGS))))) Good luck and please keep us posted on this.