I need to talk

[Renee']

I have been away a while with so much going on but today I had to reach out to you all. I have hit rock bottom with Lauren. We were at a doctors office and they needed her earrings out. She threw a huge fit saying it would hurt. I tried to explain it would not hurt and reached up to remove them and she went out of control. I was so embarrassed at her behavior. I tried to talk to her and say it was unacceptable and she was screaming leave me alone. I tried to pull her into the bathroom to talk and she hit me. Her behavior is getting worse. She is fine with most other people. She went right back and did everything they asked of her.

I am lost. I have dedicated my last 12 years to her and i don't know what I am doing wrong. I am so thankful for her. God has blessed my family 100x over. I just want her to be happy and I feel like most of the time she is not. It hurts

Thank you for reading.

[laurasmom]

Renee'

Hugs to you and Lauren. This is such a difficult time. At 12 years old she could be experiencing some hormonal swings and emotional swings that she just doesn't understand or handle. I have often wondered why so much is delayed with DS EXCEPT the dreaded puberty. A question I know will not be answered.

You aren't doing anything wrong. It is a rough patch right now, it will get better.

Hugs again

Sharon

[Emilysmom]

Renee',
I can only agree with Sharon.........mood swings, puberty, etc.........just stinks that our girls have to go through that stuff. I always felt like it was a shame that Emily had to go through all the hormonal stuff when she was at a maturity level of a much younger girl who wasn't equipped to deal with it all. (Not to mention the fact that her speech delays made it hard for her to verbally express herself too.) You aren't doing anything wrong! I think all of us tend to feel more free to vent and express our frustrations most to the ones we love, so you got the brunt of Lauren's emotions today. Years ago, we had a problem with Emily and she simply would not even try to talk it over with me, so we went to the Down syndrome clinic and a counselor had so much success with getting her to talk about how she felt. Maybe a counselor could help Lauren to talk it out?
I'm sorry you're hurting,
Susan

[mg12061]

Renee, ((((HUGS))) I have to agree with everyone. We've been through some rough patches also. Even before kathleen got her first period she had cyclical patterns to her emotions. The hormones are changing even before the periods start. It's also harder when she's tired. She would cry and hit herself in the head for what seemed like no big deal to me but for her it was and she was fustrated and upset and didn't know how to react. I've also found that she's gettting much better now. I think part of her problem was the Celiac disease and the pain and general "crappy" feeling. I have no idea how long she felt like this but it would certainly make anyone MOODY and Cranky. She's never been good at communicating her feeling even pain. I've dealt with her moods with as much patience (and quiet talk) as I can (sometimes I just don't have any and I ask my DH to step in so I can walk away for a bit). I've also asked for a speech goal about advocating her feelings. Sometimes nothing at all works except time. so sorry she's having a hard time... I would also tell anyone going through this to be sure there are no health issues going on.
Mary Grace

[Chris too]

Ditto - especially the (((hugs))). I wish we could all get around you physically and give you comfort and support. I want for you to feel the strength of our arms holding you up during this seemingly endless rough patch. Please know that peace is being prayed over you, that understanding is being pled for you at the throne of God.

Lauren is lucky to have such a mom who aches to understand her - who knows that she must be suffering something that confuses her and messes with her security - who yearns to 'kiss it and make it better'

Do all you can to stay healthy yourself - keep your strength up and be alert so that when there is a hint of what's really going on, you'll catch it. So get plenty of rest, eat healthy food (especially hard with the upcoming holiday treats), and exercise whenever you get the chance - and plenty of hugs (real ones, in addition to the cyber ones we send) - find them every day, they're great for stress.

[kittkatt]

Hang in there. Try to find a way to relieve your stress and just hang in there. Praying for you.

[Chris]

A year ago last August my daughter, Sarah's behavior kept getting worse and worse. She was hitting, spitting, pushing, screaming, scratching, kicking and biting. She has always been defensive when we go to doctor appointments but she was getting violent more frequently. We tried every behavior modification technique we could think of. Rewards didn't have any meaning to her either. Out of desperation, we decided to try meds. She has been using Intuniv since the beginning of August and we have our old Sarah back! ;D She is so much happier and has not injured anyone since school has started. She hasn't had a single bad report from school this year. That is quite an improvement over the daily reports we got last year. Her physiatrist felt like it was the sudden change in behavior was associated with the start of puberty.

Hang in there and hopefully you will find a solution. Anyway, I am just thrilled because Sarah is a much happier child.

Chris

[Chris too]

Meds are very often the answer. I am glad to read this good report, Chris, about Sarah. What a relief that must have been

[Jackie]

Emily has never 'acted out' but she has definitely got mood swings. Sometimes she just tears up and wants to be by herself for NO APPARENT REASON. So darn frustrating...she always dramatically says..."I'm fine...I'm fine...(sniff sniff)" then pulls away and goes to her room where she continues to emote behind a closed door. Gabby her foster mom says she still does this from time to time so they all just let her but it makes everyone feel kinda bad and helpless...but...when it's over...it's over.

I agree with the idea of counseling for her and possibly meds to help even out her emotions. Em has taken an antidepressant for several years.

Meanwhile hang in there. I am with you in spirit with your statement about devoting your whole life to her for 12 years. I think many of us could say the same thing ...especially when things seem to fall apart despite everything we have done. I have thought the same thing from time to time myself with Emily...but still love her lots.

[Renee']

Thank you all so much for your responses. I have really missed you guys. This morning was horrible. She would not get up and I tried everything. I finally had to raise my voice because I was angry and she said she hated me. I know she doesn't mean it because when she got on the bus she stopped and made sure to kiss me.
We have her on Intuniv. She is on her period now. 4th month. I am wondering if Birth control may be the answer just because of her hormones.
Also her weight is out of control.
We went to a Orthodontist. We are getting extensive work done on her teeth soon. That is where we were when she flipped out. She is getting a spacer first to open her pallet. Then braces and we may have to fix her overbite. She can't chew her food well. I swear she just swallows it whole but now I realize why.
I am just feeling really low about her. I suck at being patient because she is SO SMART and I know she knows what to do. *sigh*

Thank you for the suggestions.. ((HUGS))

[Googsmom aka Jennifer]

{{{{{{{{HUGS}}}}}}}

[Jackie]

Don't know that I would mess with the birth control yet...and I would advise staying away from the depo provera shots...they have sort of messed Em up for years.

[laurasnowbird]

I'm so sorry, Renee'. And glad that you're here.

There are days that this journey sucks. The most frustrating thing is when they hurt or are frustrated and can't tell us why.

I used to get hurt by Ethan's adoration of his dad. Sounds silly now, but I was day in, day out, on the computer, on the phone, in therapist's offices, at school, etc. My entire life revolved around trying to make Ethan's life better. Dad was his play buddy - he couldn't wait to see him and lit up like a Christmas tree when his Dad came home. I was the therapy mom that he wanted to avoid. It sucked eggs. I had to quit taking it personally because it wasn't.

Just like typical kids, our children with DS are their "ugliest" selves with the people they love most and feel safest with - and unfortunately honey, that's you!

I'm glad that you're reaching out, and please continue to share. There are lots of listening ears here, and if all you get out of it is a place to vent, well that's pretty darn valuable. No one here will judge you.

Have you tried ABA? (applied behavioral analysis). We're giving some thought to that for Ethan, as we're struggling with him right now too.

[Renee']

Thank you all again. We just started a new medication. It's added to her current one. It's an omega 3 med. I pray it will help her. You guys rock.

[Pat]

Try magnesium take it all month.
This is a drink "Peter Gillhams Natural Calm Plus Calcium" If she takes pills I'd get Mg & Ca together. Sure helped a lady I knew & believe me she didn't need to tell you she was having PMS. That next month she didn't have PMS. ;D Can't hurt.