change of roles

[Jackie]

Emily's texts to older sister Marnie are indicative of the changes we have had in our lives in regards to Emily being gone from home for so long. Emily asked Marnie if "Katie is like mother"...not exactly sure how she meant it...but Marnie assured her that Katie was still her "sister".

I have finally come to terms with the fact that I need to defer to Katie when helping make decisions in Emily's life and I am ok for the most part with it now. I have also stopped feeling guilty that Katie has stepped in where we cannot be.

This has been a hard year for us with Emily as there was a bad incident that still is not resolved. Katie and Marnie stepped in and have made all the right decisions. She was involved in a bad sexual assualt (not rape) with a driver. Lots of counseling has been needed as well as hoping we will be able to prosecute sometime down the line.

Katie has of course absorbed the brunt of this by the fact she lives close by (we are more than 500 miles away). To take Emily to the counseling sessions require a 110 round trip for her. Katie is a saint in my opinion and has risen to the occasion beautifully. Despite having to step in for me she has managed to keep her relationship with Emily as that of a sibling...rather than a care giver which is very important. I know that Emily joins Katie and Marnie in humorously dissing "mom" and that is just as it should be.

There is still a bit of a void in my life without her here but everything we have done through the years has made it possible for her to live away...and she is there by her own choice.

Not sure why I am writing this...guess I just want to emote LOL and can't really do this on something as public as FB.

I hope we do get Uno active again...I miss you all.

Jackie

[Pat]

Jackie, you have done a terrefic job with all your girls & it shows!
I'm always glad when you post, it makes me think about what might be down the line for John-John. I am glad I don't have to make all those decicisions yet.
I don't do FB, so I check in here often, even if I don't post. I miss what is happening in all the familys.
Pat

[Emilysmom]

Emote, vent, etc.....all you want, Jackie!! I totally agree that this "less public" forum has always seemed like a better place to share about our kids. I can't begin to imagine how hard the last six months have been for all of you.

Emily has gained so much independence in the past year while being away at school week after week. I notice it more each weekend when she comes home! In many ways, it is very positive. Now that Jordan is away at college, I miss Emily at home during the evenings even more. I don't recommend empty nesting to anyone!

A few weeks ago, I got a call from someone at Emily's school. The woman said she and Emily had been talking about Emily's plans when she graduates in May. Emily firmly told the woman she was planning to attend TRC next year. TRC is TN Rehab Center. They have a residential school, similar to the one she attends now, but with more of a focus on independent living. In fact, they have a program where students are paired up and live in an apartment for six months with supervision, etc. Emily bowls with a girl who is currently in that program and loves it. So, the woman told Emily she would call me and we could set up a tour of TRC. Emily's response?? "No.....don't call my mom. This program is for me. It's mine. I'm doing it"! The woman was so proud of Emily for making up her own mind, etc. But wow......I'm never prepared for those times when she wants to leave me out!

A little update: We went back to the neuro/opthamologist in Columbus OH last week. Her vision has continued to be improved from those first horrible months in 2010 when we were told she would soon be totally blind. Her vision in her right eye is now 20/60 and 20/200 in the left eye. She's functioning very well now, and we are so thankful!!!

[Chris]

Jackie, your post made me cry. I am so sorry Emily had to go through a sexual assault. I know it is far too common that sexual predators see our kids as an easy target.

I am always amazed at how the siblings of people with Ds are so giving. My older daughter is Sarah's only sibling but she tells me over and over again that she will always be there for Sarah. They love each other so much.

Any chance of you and your husband retiring closer to your girls?

Chris

[Jackie]

Emily is getting ready to start a series of classes through her arts program with the Arc.

The learning modules that will be covered in this series are:

Session 1: Introduction to healthy relationship skills

Session 2: Assertive communication and healthy boundaries

Session 3: Basic sexuality (Not Sex Ed)

Session 4: Bullying

Session 5: Sexual harassment

Session 6: Power and privilege


This is going to be good because it is through a non profit called Safe Place which is an abuse center for women. This is where the counselor for Emily works. Apparently this program of classes has been used successfully for some years in the Austin area for people with disabilities. Emily has had classes before but probably just turned a deaf ear to them. Now hopefully all this will hit home with her and give her some empowerment.

SUSAN...I am so excited about what lies ahead for your Emily...it sounds wonderful and the fact it is HER idea is cool. Also glad to hear about her eyesight...I am sure the things you all researched and did for her helped.