Post by laurasnowbird on Oct 22, 2013 20:27:14 GMT -5
Oh boy, this is a challenge.
The children lost their grandmother last Friday. At 92 years old, she was still a FORCE in our family, and I've often described her to people as the iron heart of our family. Undiminished by age, she ran the show, and we all adored her.
Kids deal with grief differently, but it is hard to tell how much our kids with DS understand. We told them what happened, but Ethan didn't seem to react all that much. He didn't say much, he didn't cry, he really didn't show much. My mistake was to think that meant he was okay and handling it alright.
The funeral was yesterday, and we had family here from out of state. Ethan's little brother Aidan's birthday is Friday, but we moved his party up to today so he could celebrate with his West Coast cousins there too. We had a nice time, but of course the whole evening felt "off". We were really an army without a general.
Anyway, we got home, and I asked the boys to get their pajamas for a shower. Aidan ran off to do as I asked, and Ethan shut down. We all know that with our kids, behavior is communication, and he was saying a LOT with that action. Ethan is actually quite verbal, but doesn't verbalize his feelings well. I dragged him onto my lap and talked to him about Grandma. He didn't say a lot, but listened very intently when we were talking about seeing her again in Heaven. He just sat hugging me for about half an hour while I talked about her. After that, he was ready to go take a shower and get ready for bed.
I know better than to make the assumptions that I did the last couple of days. I'm guilty of not making sure that he was getting the attention or explanations he needed, and I feel terrible about it. I adored my MIL, and have been wrecked by her loss, but I still should have seen that coming.
Anyway, just wanted to post here and share the story - maybe some of you will face a similar situation and handle it better for having read this.
The children lost their grandmother last Friday. At 92 years old, she was still a FORCE in our family, and I've often described her to people as the iron heart of our family. Undiminished by age, she ran the show, and we all adored her.
Kids deal with grief differently, but it is hard to tell how much our kids with DS understand. We told them what happened, but Ethan didn't seem to react all that much. He didn't say much, he didn't cry, he really didn't show much. My mistake was to think that meant he was okay and handling it alright.
The funeral was yesterday, and we had family here from out of state. Ethan's little brother Aidan's birthday is Friday, but we moved his party up to today so he could celebrate with his West Coast cousins there too. We had a nice time, but of course the whole evening felt "off". We were really an army without a general.
Anyway, we got home, and I asked the boys to get their pajamas for a shower. Aidan ran off to do as I asked, and Ethan shut down. We all know that with our kids, behavior is communication, and he was saying a LOT with that action. Ethan is actually quite verbal, but doesn't verbalize his feelings well. I dragged him onto my lap and talked to him about Grandma. He didn't say a lot, but listened very intently when we were talking about seeing her again in Heaven. He just sat hugging me for about half an hour while I talked about her. After that, he was ready to go take a shower and get ready for bed.
I know better than to make the assumptions that I did the last couple of days. I'm guilty of not making sure that he was getting the attention or explanations he needed, and I feel terrible about it. I adored my MIL, and have been wrecked by her loss, but I still should have seen that coming.
Anyway, just wanted to post here and share the story - maybe some of you will face a similar situation and handle it better for having read this.
