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Post by Tammy on Jan 7, 2005 20:31:16 GMT -5
This is probably more of a Vent and a Grrr than anything else, but opinions and comments are welcome... One of the big things I have always worried about is my other kids having a sibling with DS, and the impact that will have on their lives as they grow older. So far we have been really lucky that there have been no negative experiences for them...until now  A neighbors child (girl age 12) was visiting the other day, as she does regularly to play. While she was here, Lewis decided to disgrace himself  ...He was eating some fruit, and then when he had finished, he decided to stand up remove his pants and pee in the empty bowl... now this is NOT something I encourage, or allow!!... I told him to STOP, removed the bowl, took him and made him sit on the toilet, soaked the bowl in bleach etc...I was as grossed out as everyone else. :Pbut didnt make too much fuss as that would only encourage Lewis... he LOVES being the centre of attention, wether it be good attention or bad... This girl told her parents about this when she went home. Now her parents wont allow her to visit anymore... I am quite hurt at this as they have always been so accepting and Lewis' problems have never been an issue before. I would have thought that they should understand that while toilet training, kids will try to experiment and do things like this... as I said before, it is NOT something that happens normally... My girls cant understand why this is happening, as much as I try to explain. They cant see what was wrong...They still keep trying to justify Lewis' actions and look for the positive... At least he didn't pee in his pants! and we never told him he CAN'T pee in the bowl!...LOL..Good girls... I want to go and talk to this Mother, but am afraid I might make things worse and say things that might not be very nice... As I said, just a bit of a Grrr to get it off my chest... Tahnks for listening... |
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Post by christie on Jan 7, 2005 20:52:37 GMT -5
Awwww TAMMY first off Grrrr and Vent away girl thats what we are here for  If these are good people I would certainly go talk to the MOM. Just my thoughts but communication is the key, may not change how this lady feels BUT it may and you won't know unless you talk  As much as she may try and understand what comes with DS unless one lives it they really HAVE NOOOO idea and talking to you may be just what she needs to understand. Like I said just my thoughts  CC ~ |
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Post by Jessie on Jan 7, 2005 21:28:01 GMT -5
So sorry to hear about your neighbor's reaction. I thought it was quite humorous myself!! At 4 years old, it would be funny if a child without DS did that. LOL
I guess some people are just a little uptight and aren't as accepting of others as they portray themselves to be.
Jason (11) took off his shirt on the bus on Wednesday and there were some pre-schoolers that "got scared", told their parents and now they are recommending that we have him in a 4 point restraint while riding the bus. I swear, people either want to drug these kids or restrain them just to make it easier on other people. GRRRRRRRRR, ok you got me on a roll now!! Ok, so there was another undressing incident a couple of months ago, but there were no pre-schoolers on the bus that time! LOL
Anyway, back to you. I agree that you should go and try to talk to the mom, maybe find out what her real concern is and you might be able to put her (unrealistic/unreasonable) fears to rest.
Good luck.
Jessie
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Post by Staci on Jan 7, 2005 22:10:47 GMT -5
Tammy, (((HUGS)))! I don't understand why people think the way they do...ignorance, I s'pose! First of all...I think a kid with OUT DS would do the same thing, in my experience...boys will be boys, kwim? I don't think that's grounds for keeping your kid away from someone's house, GRRRRRRR! I'm sorry  I would definitely try talking to the mom...couldn't hurt...it might make her feel better if you talked to her. |
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Post by snickers71801 on Jan 8, 2005 7:39:59 GMT -5
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Post by meghans_mom on Jan 8, 2005 7:48:46 GMT -5
hey, that's not fair!! i think ANY kid might think of something like that...and for the parents to have such a 'horrified' reaction - well, it's a bit over the top. Lewis is 4, right? Not like he is 20 and decided to "expose" himself to all present or anything....seems like a bit of an over reaction to me....and it's going to make it seem to that friend that a reaction like that is extremely appropriate (when it's NOT) setting up a lifetime of ignorance in another generation :-(
anyways - good for your girls in their thinking and WTG Lewis for not making pee in your pants :-D
laurie
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Post by Tammy on Jan 8, 2005 9:10:59 GMT -5
Thanks for all the responses... I really DO see the funny side in all of this... and I sooooo agree.. boys will be boys...and that is exactly what I thought at the time... and I am sooooo struggling with the whole "boy" thing... I am from a family of 3 girls, but Hubby is from 3 boys...we have 2 daughters, 1 son so between us, the girls win out... I just "throw my arms up" and dunno about boys... Soooo..... I have spoken to this Mum... Briefly as she was busy..  She said NO this was FAR from her reasoning... blah blah blah... Then she DID comment how she felt "sad" that Lewis was always "looking dirty, and unclean" and thought that maybe I was not taking care of him as I should... OK..... She is German.... and she does not mince words, just says what she feels, thinks or otherwise...and I totally respect that... She takes my girls to Sunday School also... I myself or Hubby for that matter, do NOT go to church, or feel any need desire or otherwise to do so... don't hold that against us as I do not believe it makes us any lesser persons, but we certainly encourage our kids to do and learn as much as they can so they can make their own decisions later in life. Anyway... Lewis is as most would know an "OVERACTIVE" child... He climbs, jumps, runs, jumps, destroys, jumps.... and so on... He gets into things... he is a MONSTER !! I Bath him 2 times a day most days... because he is always ut in the dirt, mud, dog poo, whatever he can find..... I guess.... I now want to release my anger/hurt... I try SOoooooo hard...... and realistically most people know it.... But this time it kinda hurt cause my other kids were involved and are now the ones to suffer.... I WILL live on... it is all a Learning experience... |
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Post by snickers71801 on Jan 8, 2005 11:10:43 GMT -5
I am so sorry about what she said to you. I believe that is uncalled for. Kids are dirty. There is nothing you or I can do about that. We try our best and sometimes our best can't even keep up with them. I know the feeling. Taby is constantly into things and before her hair is even dry from the tub, she is dirty again. Don't let it get to you at all!!! Ignorant people just don't understand. You can get through this and just remember that you know you do your best. Vent if you need! |
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Post by TriciaF on Jan 8, 2005 22:04:03 GMT -5
Tammy,
Grrr.... I think you just let it go and keep smiling. I won't say its a steriotype, but my sis-n-law's mom is german and she will also say whatever is on her mind immediately as does one of her german daughter in laws. I used to get very offended at some of the things that they would say....but I know them well enough now to know that they are not intending to offend. And again, maybe be an unfair steriotype, but they are both what I would call "clean freaks"....can't rest, sit down, do anything fun if the house is not completely in order.
I have a neighbor, not German by the way, who can't stand her yard to be less than perfect. She uses a leaf blower to clean her yard, her driveway and then she goes out and cleans the entire street in front of her house. I have known her to clean parts of her neighbors yards and even the street next to the woods two houses down because she just can't stand it. I would say its a bit compulsive...but then....my house could sure stand some attention! LOL
To each his own.....I just prefer to spend time enjoying life.....and sounds like Lewis has that part down perfectly well.
By the way, in my experience....the "clean gene" and the "messy genes" are inherited and they don't mix very prettily. My clean gene sis-n-law and her messy gene (from my side of the family) daugher (age 30) have been fighting the same fight over housework for all of those 30 years.
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Post by rickismom on Jan 9, 2005 2:03:12 GMT -5
At first I thought that this lady was just upset about the exposure-- and I could understand that-- but its more than that, as I can see from Tammi's second post.
Just let the pain go up- put it in a baloon and let it go.
There is hope for the clean-gene people. I used to be a half-nut on order--- but have NO TIME today and my house is a wreck. Better happy than neat! (Within reason, of course....)
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Post by mom2kellymarie2 on Jan 9, 2005 18:59:47 GMT -5
Sheesh!
About 25 years ago, when I was a teen (that dates me, lol), I babysat for two "normal" boys. One was three, and his mom warned me that he had developed a habit of peeing in garbage cans in the house. She told me to watch out for that.
It was gross, but boys in the potty-training stage can do that!
Incidentally, my mom told me that this boy is now a chiropractor. Boy, do I feel old!
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Post by momofrussell on Jan 11, 2005 12:32:53 GMT -5
Well, I am a little late responding to this, but what WAS that mom's reasoning if the peeing WASN'T part of it? Just because he isn't clean? GHEESH
I told Kevin and Regan about this last night, we all agreed we would have laughed our BUMS off if Russell did that! It's not like Lewis was 15 and "exposed" himself for pleasure and knew better... GIVE ME A FREAKIN BREAK! I am also shocked that a 12 yr old girl would be TRAMATIZED by a little boy w/DS doing this. That is odd too, knowing I HAVE an almost 12 yr old, she wouldn't have cared less LOL.
Now, the clean comments... I have to say Russell always looks disheveled. I can wipe and wipe his face 'till the cows come home, he is always looking dirty. And I worry about ladies like the German neighbor wondering if I am not taking care of Russell. But take out that extra chromosome and Russell is STILL SUCH A BOY! LMAO! He WEARS more food then he eats, and he still has chronic reflux so his face looks gritty lots.
Try not to get mad. You talked to the lady. She obviously has some preconceived notions about how children SHOULD look and she isn't going to budge on it. And getting nasty with her isn't going to change anything. Be nice and just flip her off behind her back (heehee) JUST KIDDING!
I sure hope that mom lets her daughter over again though... does she think her kids will get the "filthy disease" ? LOLOL!
And Tammy, I too think of how Russell will be perceived when he gets older, by Regan's friends, peers at school, ect... because our kids may be cute now, but they might now always be cute. But I try not to dwell too much on it. Things will happen whether I want them to or not....
Hugs to you!
A.
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Post by kellie on Jan 11, 2005 14:26:36 GMT -5
Hi Tammy
Sounds like your "friend" needs to be taught some lessons in compassion and humility. Wait till her kids do something embarrassing.
On that note, show her this one. When my daughter was about 4 years old I went into her room and she was doing the same thing. She had been potty trained for 2 years! I don't know why she did it but there she was sitting on her bed peeing into a bowl. Yuck! Oh and she doesn't have D.S. Children will be children. Who knows what goes through their heads at times. I feel sorry for this woman's children. Can you imagine what they have to live with? You don't want someone like that in your life anyway. You go girl!
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...He was eating some fruit, and then when he had finished, he decided to stand up remove his pants and pee in the empty bowl... now this is NOT something I encourage, or allow!!... I told him to STOP, removed the bowl, took him and made him sit on the toilet, soaked the bowl in bleach etc...I was as grossed out as everyone else. :Pbut didnt make too much fuss as that would only encourage Lewis... he LOVES being the centre of attention, wether it be good attention or bad...
I would definitely try talking to the mom...couldn't hurt...it might make her feel better if you talked to her. 
