K, more Help, PLEASE...

[CC]

Colin, I and the Ped have always talked to Chris about Bad Touch/Good Touch issues and continue to do so even now at 12. K, with that being said, I am sitting here wondering Holding hands never really fell into the group of bad touch, least not for me, KWIM?? When crossing a road or in a very busy area, I still have to, (or whoever is with him), hold Christopher's hand as he will just dart off, working on it, but the truth is, he still will dart Chris loves to hold hands with younger kids, guess he feels kind of grown up and in charge in a way Until the other night as I posted earlier I have never had to worry BUT now I am trying to find a way to teach him, NO you don't do that, without making him think its wrong to hold hands all together, KWIM?? Hmmmm


SUSAN you mentioned like we taught him not to hug everybody, guess that is what I will try BUT what I was wondering here is I don't want to turn Chris off all together of being the happy touchy kind of guy he is, KWIM??

He learned very early to shake hands and not hug ones that were not family or very very close family friends. Hmmmm I am guessing I have to have him not hold anyones hand in order for him to get this?? You think??

K, where is the direction book on what the right way to do things is??? LOLOL

I know what happened the other night was just 2 innocent little guys and nothing more BUT I worry and I know I am repeating myself, SORRY, BUT I am having such inner trouble with the idea of making Chris fit sooo much into this world just so the Typical World will accept him Anybody ever feel that way?? I mean in all honesty one of the reasons sooo many people (typical and disabled) take to Chris is because of who he is.

K, Brain overload again and ready to POP , off for some Zzzzzzzzzzzz's for me

Thanks in advance for any input.

CC ~

[Danielle]

CC, girl, this is a bit of a toughie -- and represents the always-trying-to-fit-in issue that comes up so often. Andy and I talked it over last night and he brought up a really good point -- if a young lady (say 12 year old girl) grabbed his hand and they walked to their seats together, you would probably not have ever even questioned it at all (nor would anyone else -- they'd think oh how cute!!).

Anyway, Andy felt the whole thing was not a big deal at all and everyone should let him be who he is and embrace life the way he does. I tend to lean towards the appropriate behavior is important camp myself, but perhaps in this case it's not the most important thing? Sorry if that isn't very helpful!! Love ya, girl.

[Emilysmom]

Christie,
I do understand where you're coming from here....I really do. I know personally how hard it is to want to teach your child appropriate behaviors in all areas. I struggle with the same things all the time. But, I also feel that this is not something that is a DAILY problem for Chris. The first time this problem came up was just the other night, so it's not like Chris holds hands with every 12 year old boy he sees. As Kristen said, he is NOT a random people hugger.....and he's not a person who holds hands with all of his friends or school acquaintences. Have you asked the teachers at his school if they have noticed any types of behaviors like this? (hugging, hand holding, etc) If it is something that might be going on there, they could reinforce what you tell Chris about not holding hands with friends EXCEPT when crossing the street, etc. I think, since he was able to learn the difference between hugging close family/family friends vs shaking hands with others........he'll understand this. Now, if he is anything like Emily, he may not AGREE with you on this LOL but he'll understand it.

For example.....maybe someone can help me with this one: For the past month, I have noticed that Emily has started doing this very EXAGGERATED chewing motion when she eats. She sort of squinches up her whole face, closes her eyes and chews like crazy! It looks HORRIBLE!! I stop her every single time I see it, and have even shown her what it looks like when she does that. I've told her that NONE of her friends do that and she should stop it. I'm NOT thinking it is something related to chewing......not like she NEEDS these exaggerated movements in order to properly chew!! I think she has developed a bad habit that she is not interested in breaking. I'm frustrated with it to the point of thinking I'll start sending her away from the table the minute it starts. (Most times, ignoring behaviors with her does not work at all)
Sometimes it concerns me that I allow my other kids more room to "be themselves" than I do with Emily. When I see anything that might call negative attention to her, it feels like I have to POUNCE on it and get her to change it.......with the boys, most times I let them work it out. Does that make sense? I do understand your struggle CC!! I frequently feel that I'm trying to "change" Emily by convincing her to do things that are more age-appropriate. Am I doing wrong by not letting her be HER? Yikes......such a delicate balance here.

I also understand what you mean about how people love Chris because he is the little character he is..........but I think part of that is that he has the most AMAZING grin! He can melt your heart with his smiles! He'll still do this if you teach him not to hold hands with his buddies.
Susan

[PaigesMom]

Ok, here is my two cents, lol. Again, I dont think they meant any harm, but it does come down to appropriate touching, etc. ---- That being said, in my mind there are different appropriate touches, there are the touches themselves and then there are WHO we CAN touch at all, KWIM?

So the fact that he was holding hands is not in itself a bad touch, but an inappropriate touch with the other little boy.

This is why I would recommend the Circle of Friends program - do you know what that is? You can make it yourself, easily, and it is an instructional tool on WHO we can touch, and HOW we can touch them - ie. we can kiss our mom and dad, sisters, etc., but we can not kiss kids at school, things like that. We can shake hands with strangers, but we can not hug them. The closer to the inside of the circle, the more affectionate we can be, the farther away from the circle, the less affectionate we can be.

If you want, I can tell you exactly what I did for Paige - she'll be 5 (cognitively shes about 3.5-4) and she gets the general concept. It hangs on my refrigerator and she can look at it daily and we talk about it daily.

Let me know.

Debbie

[Jessie]

Christie, I'm glad you re-posted about this because I wanted to add another thought I had to my other posts. Apparently I'm quite opinionated about this topic for some reason - Ha ha

Anyway, I'm wondering if it doesn't necessarily come down to good/bad touching issue, but maybe more of Chris's VULNERABILITY to such things. Hand holding is not a bad thing. I think the part that was a red flag for me was that the other boy grabbed his hand and Chris didn't flinch . . . he just went along with it. Is that good or bad, does it make a difference? I don't know either, but is there were your concern is coming from?

My personal opinion is it's the protective momma instinct coming out in you! And that is NOT a bad thing at all.

I like the idea of the Circle of Friends thing - that sounds like a good way of teaching them with who and what is appropriate.


Jessie

[MB]

Jumping in here. I would not worry about the handholding unless it becomes a pattern of behavior.

MB