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"NO!"
May 30, 2005 21:00:30 GMT -5
Post by Jenifer on May 30, 2005 21:00:30 GMT -5
"NO!"
I hear this word from Joy's mouth about 200 times a day, and I'm going nuts! I was raised to never say no to my parents, and to do as I was told. Saying no to Daddy meant anything from losing a privilege to a spanking (I was not abused, by the way...any lashing I got was well deserved).
Joy is disobedient. She runs from me in parking lots when I tell her to hold my hand. She completely ignores me when I call to her at home. She purposely does the opposite of what I tell her to do. I discipline her by putting her in time out and taking away privileges. Occasionally she will get a whack on the behind, but never a true spanking. None of this seems to get through to her. I even incorporated the Supernanny tactics of using a low voice, placing her in time out for three minutes and making her apologize when it's over. She screams through the entire time out, comes over for an apology and a hug, and then it's right back to her mischief.
Is she just going through her terrible two's late (she'll be 4 in July), or have I given birth to devil spawn? I don't know what to do with this child sometimes. She can be really sweet and good, and has a great personality, but her naughty streak is wearing me down.
Any of you veteran parents out there have suggestions?
Jenifer, mom to Joy
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"NO!"
May 30, 2005 21:46:02 GMT -5
Post by donnita on May 30, 2005 21:46:02 GMT -5
Just wanted to say "good luck" as I am in no position to give advice on discipline LOL! Cassie turned 4 in April and behaves much better now than six months or a year ago. The thing that she does most often now is that "flop and drop." When she does it, I tell her to get up, then I help her get up (while holding her hand to make sure she doesn't take off). If she won't stand, then I wait a little while and tell her again and help her up again. I don't ever just pick her up and carry her after she flops. If we are in a store, all I usually have to say is that I will go get a cart then, because she prefers to walk through the stores. If I do have to get a cart, I don't carry her there although I do pretty much drag her to it. I just try to alternate which hand I hold onto, so one arm isn't 6 inches longer than the other LOL!
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"NO!"
May 30, 2005 21:52:25 GMT -5
Post by samanthajosmom_12 on May 30, 2005 21:52:25 GMT -5
when going in the supermarket or other places ,samantha if she does not want to leave you will have to pick her up and then she will lift her legs and cross her legs for dead weight. she is now better at holding your hands when leaving places and she is getting better now in the parking lots. she loves the no word to much. we have a harness but we do not need it right now. sue
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"NO!"
May 31, 2005 2:58:58 GMT -5
Post by Tammy on May 31, 2005 2:58:58 GMT -5
Jenifer.... I know EXACTLY where you are... Sadly I cannot offer any help as I too am in that same awful place with Lewis... Your description of Joy could easily be Lewis. I too have tried all that you have and still he chooses to be naughty and defiant. Today we had a really bad day and my house looks like a disaster zone... but some of that I will accredit to the Prednisolone he had early this morning... but that has only exaggerated already existant behaviours:( I will be interested to see where this thread goes... and what suggestions some of you super Mums can offer up!
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"NO!"
May 31, 2005 5:53:11 GMT -5
Post by Pat on May 31, 2005 5:53:11 GMT -5
You've all read John-John stories, so you KNOW my child does everything right :oROFLOLOLOLOL So here is what I do. First and most of all it DOES get better with age. Your consistency now will pay off. I promise. Same as with all your kids. Spanking never killed me, I deserved it, when I got it Swatting John-John is called a diaper massage. On the other hand if he does go in the street, he feels it on the thigh. I want him to KNOW going in the street is Not acceptable. (time out never worked well here, other ways work better for us) I have used a harness on all 3 of my kids. (When you have 3 in less then 3 yrs it's not an option.) I knew where my kids were & I didn't care what others thought, it saved them from cars in the parking lot, a number of times, while I was getting another child unhooked from the car seat. It also stops them from getting many skinned knees. NO is an easy word to say. John-John will also tell you no if you ask him if his favorite foods are pizza & spagetti. All kids say NO, I think the "why" word can drive you nuts too We learned not to say no much to our parents too. Does "yes sir, Daddy sir" & "yes Maam" give you a clue, military and southern. My kids say "yes sir" & "yes Maam" too, especially if there in troubleLOL John-John will learn it too when he is able. Come to think of it I use the word a lot. Like I just did "No, No John-John, No, No" LOL When John-John flops, I grab his arm up by the shoulder and drag & he is walking w/in 2 steps (his PT never minded as he got up quickly). Just a thought. We make our kids apologize also. The response is " I forgive you" not "that's okay". If it was okay they never wouldn't have been punished in the first place! Remember these behaviors are not because they have DS. It might take a little longer to get the understanding through to them, but they will get it. I punish all of them to their level of understanding of what they did. Pat P.S. John-John is now donning a white hat with a flower and pink bow w/ ribbons hanging down (in the front of course) Maybe he'll be a fashion model one day ;D
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"NO!"
May 31, 2005 9:20:32 GMT -5
Post by Jessie on May 31, 2005 9:20:32 GMT -5
I feel your pain. Jason's favorite word is still "NO". Lately, he has added sticking his tongue out when he says it, which DRIVES ME UP A FREAKING WALL when he does that. I think he picked up that little trick from a kid at school.
Anyway, Jason is probably cognitively around the age of those of you that have already posted, and I can say that it does get better. Slowly, it gets better. I am the type that hates it when a kid "talks" back, whether I can understand what he is saying or not! I know by the tone and the situation that he is talking back, and NO is pretty understandable. However, I have noticed that Brian doesn't get after Jason as much when he tells him no, so Jason tends to say it more to him then he does to me. This weekend hubby had finally had enough though and started getting after him more when he was defiant and telling him no. I think Brian's initial thought was, just ignore it because he's just seeking bad attention. However, that tactic hasn't been working and he sees that Jason doesn't say no to me as much anymore.
As usual, persistence, consistency, patience and maturity will all play a part in this little gem of a stage they are going through.
Good luck everyone!
Jessie
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"NO!"
May 31, 2005 14:37:32 GMT -5
Post by momofrussell on May 31, 2005 14:37:32 GMT -5
Well, Russell is 7 and non verbal so we aren't there yet. BUT... I too am from a family where backtalk was NOT aloud and I was compliant enough to mind my mom (she was divorced). We too got spanked. When Regan (non DS) was around 4 or 5 and started backtalk and did the NO thing... we did soap. Regan is a good kid but she loved and still loves to give me grief with her mouth more then she needs to. And due to how I was spanked growing up, we opted to NOT spank, I just couldn't. So a good dose of soap once in a while did the trick. Reece, my 4 yr old is starting to get testy herself and she too knows what will happen if she steps over that line.
Now, if Russell started this stuff like the girls did, and he was doing it like the girls were, I'd probably do the same, soap. But I am SO not there yet with Russell. He functions at a 12=18 month level and has for years, so we really aren't there yet. My parenting for these things would be the same for any of my children, DS or not. But ask me again when I am there LOL.
Good luck! Oh and yes, it CAN be the terrible 2's, or 3's, or 4's, LOLOL.... In Child Developement they tell you that there isn't JUST terrible 2's but an "off" time EVERY year for children. And it comes either in the 1/2 years, i.e. 2 1/2, 3 1/2, 4 1/2, or on the whole years, i.e. 2, 3, 4, ect. So, you could just be seeing this "off" time and you'll see it again next year. Comforting, isn't it? LOL! Also, I always notice with my kids, they test and learn something, only to drive us crazy, master it and then move on to the next thing LOL. So when the NO'S are over and she has learned all about saying NO, she'll move on to something just as stubborn and frusterating! heehee....
Oh.. .and Jessie... don't know what you do about the tongue thing but ask Regan what happens when you stick your tongue out here! LOL... yep.. soap for the tongue too! She use to try that with us when she was younger... didn't last long... soap just doesn't taste good on that tongue!
a.
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"NO!"
May 31, 2005 17:19:07 GMT -5
Post by Kaylis on May 31, 2005 17:19:07 GMT -5
My little one isn't saying "no" yet, but he's definitely full of his own opinions and priorities. My older son (5) is where I'm getting my current experience with challenging behaviours. A few months ago I was connected with a book that really seems to be making a difference. (Sorry I can't get the title at the moment.) I'm not going whole hog into their program, but ... Silly interlude, but I just stopped Mikah from kicking my keyboard and he went through his entire "vocabulary" of pouts at me.... The more I make a point of recognizing his positive, rule compliant behaviour the better he behaves. Since most of our kids have much better receptive than expressive vocabulary and comprehension this might work with them as well. The book focusses on high need, high energy kids (my older one to a T). Hm. I just wanted to pass along the suggestion.
Kaylis
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"NO!"
May 31, 2005 20:36:01 GMT -5
Post by alisonzmom on May 31, 2005 20:36:01 GMT -5
Okay, I haven't actually "heard" the word NO from Alison yet, BUT she's started signing NO to me when I tell her to do something!!! ;D She'll sign NO and give me a raspberry and then laugh! Little stinker! I can't wait to see what happens when she can actually say the word! With my two older girls, I would let them know that whatever the thing they were being told to do, was not an option. Wasn't always successful at getting them to understand that but eventually they got the idea.... might grumble about doing it but they sure did do it!!! Time-outs never seemed to work for me, not sure why, I would make them stay in whatever room they needed to be in to do whatever task needed to be done until they were done. They were never very happy about it but eventually they realized it was easier to just do what they were told so they could get on to doing the things they liked to do! Good luck! Barb
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"NO!"
May 31, 2005 20:37:09 GMT -5
Post by Claire on May 31, 2005 20:37:09 GMT -5
This NO is Adam's vocabulary every day. >:( I think it is like any other child in the age of 2-3. After all how many time have we said " No Adam". Lots. :'( We just tell him whe I say yes I mean yes so lets go. I make a quick go and don't let him even think about anything. It should be done in like 30 second time.If he flops himself down and refuses to cooperate I went and took a course on proper restraint with the teachers from his school. They though us the restraint but also that when you give an order don't let them time to think to say NO just grab and go. It is easy enough and doesn't hurt the child at all, it actually looks like you are hugging him until he calms down. (Great for public places ;D) With this hoold called the Basket hold you can walk around with the child and he cannot get out of the hold and is almost weightless. I weigh 105 pds and Adam 60 pds and I can carry him up the stairs if need be without hurting him or my back. :D
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"NO!"
Jun 1, 2005 7:17:41 GMT -5
Post by momofrussell on Jun 1, 2005 7:17:41 GMT -5
Claire... we have always done that here... NO means NO.. and YES means YES... LOL...
As toddlers it is true that they hear NO alot and in return they try it out for themselves and learn new ground and new independence. If you just stick to it they learn sooner or later that you aren't messing around and mean business when you say to do or not do something. That is one thing I am very dry about in our house. If I say NO.. or YES we have to do something, the kids know I mean it. LOL.... With Regan, I have only resorted to soap about 3 or 4 times in her life. And Reece hasn't gotten to that point.... yet... LOL
consistancy is key.... always.... hard sometimes... but you have to be...
A.
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"NO!"
Jun 1, 2005 11:59:11 GMT -5
Post by Kristen on Jun 1, 2005 11:59:11 GMT -5
You just described my Sydney. I told her to get off the coffee table today and she said no. I was like, what?!?! No. Real cute. I you get off now or it's time out and she went and sat in time out by herself. Nothing phases her. I had to give her a sank for running out in a parking lot and she, of course, did it again before we got to the car and when I was about five feet from her she stopped, looked over her shoulder at me, stuck her butt out, spanked it and kept running. I was mortified! All these people were laughing their butts off at her. SOme kids are just tougher to impress. Or they are both devil spawn.
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"NO!"
Jun 1, 2005 14:37:08 GMT -5
Post by Cathy on Jun 1, 2005 14:37:08 GMT -5
OMG--- Can I relate to this and more.
I have tried all the "super Nanny"techniques and have yet to find something that actually works.
I will say, that Katie is getting a little (and I stress the word little) better.
She is very stubborn and strong willed.
Although Donnita, I do not know how you manage in a store without Cassie in a cart. OMG... Katie would have every shelf from her eye level down emptied....
As it is.. she empties the carts as I am filling them. Saves me a lot of money at the register but I end up making many more trips to get the things I lost while shopping.
LOL.
Good Luck Jenifer and remeber... YOU ARE DEFINITELY NOT ALONE!
Hugs to you all. And God Help us through the summer!
Cathy
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"NO!"
Jun 1, 2005 19:28:38 GMT -5
Post by CC on Jun 1, 2005 19:28:38 GMT -5
Hmmmm well in all honesty and YES Chris is 12 years old, NOOOOOOOO is still one of his favorites Actually, I like that he says NOOOO sometimes, as it is good he has a mind of his own BUT some times, Grrrrrrr, LOLOL CC
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"NO!"
Jun 2, 2005 7:36:54 GMT -5
Post by Connie on Jun 2, 2005 7:36:54 GMT -5
OK guys.... While Collin has told me NO a couple of times it is not something we have to deal with regularly but while Collin is really starting to communicate and talk more he is still what I consider to be nonverbal. I know I my kick myself for thinking this and even saying it but while I would beat my other children for telling me know I am proud of Collin of communicating with me and letting me know his wants...I know I'm twisted!!! I do not let Collin get by with telling me NO but in my heart I smile!!! Connie But I have to say that when
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