Studying to be a teacher and need help!

[kelly804]

Hi everyone!
My name is Kelly, and I have returned to school to become a secondary science teacher. As part of my course work, I'm taking classes in special education, since children with special needs are now integrated into mainstream classes as much as possible, which I think is wonderful. On a personal note, I am also the mother of 3 girls. I was told during my pregnancy with my second that because of the AFP and ultrasound findings, she would likely be born with Down Syndrome (we elected not to get amnio, since we would not have considered terminating), so during that time we did a lot of research on Down Syndrome and were able to talk with some wonderful families and children with it.

Well, for my special education class, I've been asked to find out how people with Down Syndrome and their families deal with insensitive comments or actions on the part of others (some that I've seen include sending a condolence card [rather than congratulations on your new baby] on the birth of a child with Downs, and a woman asking the mother of twins, one of whom had Downs, "Would you have aborted her if you'd known while you were pregnant?"). I'd like to know how you deal with comments and actions like these, and how you teach your children to deal with them. Any feedback anyone would be willing to share would be greatly appreciated! Thank you!

[Valerie]

Can't help you there. Nicholas is 2, and so far, we have had NO insensitive or cruel remarks whatsoever. I know we're luckier than most!

[kellyds]

I think we might have headed off the insensitive remarks before they were made by being so positive about the situation ourselves.

Although we didn't know Joshua had DS before he was born, my husband and I had discussed how we would handle the birth of a child with Down syndrome, since we are both 45. The day after Joshua's birth, I whipped together a very positive webpage, showing pictures of him with us and his siblings. I emailed it to everyone we knew, even casually.

The congratulations came pouring in. Joshua turns four months old today, and we have received nothing but oohs and ahs (and lots of gifts!). If anything, people tend to go a little overboard in exclaiming how CUTE he is and how blessed we are. ;D

Here's Joshua's webpage, if you are interested.

www.babiesonline.com/babies/d/davenkelly/

Wishing you much success with your studies.

[Emilysmom]

Hi Kelly, and Welcome to Uno Mas!!
My daughter is nearly 14....the years have just flown!! I have, over the years, realized that in nearly every case people do not make insensitive comments or rude comments in an effort to be mean or cruel. I can't remember ever receiving a comment like that. Most times, I think they simply do not THINK before speaking, or they are just imagining how they would feel and respond if they learned that their baby had been born with Ds. I clearly remember before my daughter was born that I felt very sorry for parents of kids with Ds. I hate to think of some of the things I might have said out of sheer ignorance. I have tried to respond to questions about Emily (some of the same comments you mentioned) in a positive way.............never wanting the person to feel stupid for making the comment. You can always "put them in their place", but that isn't ever going to leave them with a positive feeling about Down syndrome. It just seemed so much better to just teach them about Ds, and let them know that we are celebrating the birth of our baby. We did a similar thing to what Joshua's mom Kelly mentioned....to let everyone we even remotely knew that we were rejoicing Emily's birth. We pointed out how much more LIKE all other babies she was than different from them.
The last part of your question is something we haven't really had to deal with yet.......I don't think Emily has had to endure rude comments so far.
I hope you'll stay with us, and read more and more!! This is a great place for parents and teachers and.......well, a great place for everyone!!!

Susan

[rickismom]

I've found that in general, the only people who dare open their mouthes with really rude remarks are people who consider themselves perfect- like some Doctors, city hall officials (like as if we had purposely given birth to this baby in an effort to sifon off community funds, right? )
To the doctor who asked me why in G-ds name we hadn't done san amnio, I just answered "Because I don't believe in murdering babies....", and to another one "Do I understand from your question that you really think that all people who aren't perfect should be murdered?! ?"
People today are much less likely to make mean comments. More often they show ignorance, and a condenscending attitude. I get REALLY peeved with the (gushy voice) "OH WHAT A CUTE GIRL YOU HAVE!" Often followed by a question or two. Ricki, in the meantime, also reads these people for what they are, and will usually oblige them with a scowl. I hate the people who try to tell me how to raise her (especially when she has a tantrum---( rare today, thank G-d because of her ADHD meds). I love watching people open their eyes in shock on the bus as she reads sign from the window--- although fewer do it today, as she IS getting older. Two years ago it was hysterical........
Once a girl called Ricki "Mongoloid". I waited two days (to calm down), and then went to the mom. I said "I am sure that what I am going to tell you right now you know nothing about, and you will be upset. But I have to ask you to have a talk with your daughter, as she called my daughter who has DS, "Mongaloid". "

More than bad comments are bad looks and stares. Ricki stares back, says "beat it" to kids, etc. I am slowly trying to teach her that most is just curiosity and that she might as well learn to live with that reality. When kids stare a long time, I tell them it cots a dollar to stare, and they zip away real quick! ;D

[Kristen]

I really have not had bad expereinces like staring or anything, but people do feel the need to comment ALL THE TIME about Carter. One one hand it's nice because they say nice things, tell about a family member who has DS, etc., but on another it's a little creepy. I mean, geez, he only has DS, what is the big darn deal!

[steffipoo]

Kelly!!!!

HI!!! Welcome... First off I want to say I admire the fact that you came to the SOURCE to ask your questions. You will make a TERRIFIC teacher. How do I deal with weird negative questions? I have found the best way is to smile and tell em like it is. I usually don't try to react to their negative comments cause I figre they are just not educated so I give an educated answer or one that is heartfelt, thank them for asking and go on my merry way. NEVER do I respond in a way to let em know that the question bothered me. NO MATTER how hard it is for me. So far this has been a perfect way to respond cause if they are ignorant they thank me for filling me in and if they are meanspirited(which in our 7 years I have only encountered 2 people like this)I smile BIG BIG BIG for all to see talk loudly for all to hear and answer their questions to the best of my ability. I have found people to be really cool. and if not my response to them in a nice way has showed my children and others that I am bigger than them and can maintain my cool under the YUCKIEST experiences. and the one time this happened, I have received KUDOS from virtual strangers for maintaining my cool. HUGS and GOOD LUCK.....