looking for discipline advice

[ALLISA]

Well, I think discipline advice is an oldie but a goody on this board !

Erin is 4 & 1/2...... I am usually at a loss on discipline because I am unsure if I am expecting too much for her, and if I "let it slide", am I then depriving her of learning valuable social skills she NEEDS ??

A perfect example is her newest "trick" to strip...ususally in her crib... and she usaully winds up peeing in the bed. Of course I can put a onesie on her and that solves the short term problem of no stripping & no wet bed, but I feel I am missing out on TEACHING her that she must keep her diaper on.

Another previos "battle" we were having was eating sand/dirt... my mom felt I should just bring a playpen to the beach with us & then we wouldn't have to worry about sand consumption. But I was adament that the problem wasn't solved...only AVOIDED. I am very happy to say we now go to the beach with very little worry about sand.... it took quite awhile... but she has stopped eating it. I am sure this was a combination of learing & maturity.

But I don't know how to stop the stripping... am I merely AVOIDING the problem by putting a onesie on.... and if I am only avoiding it & not stoping it.... is that okay / acceptable for her age ? Am I expecting too much from her to think she will stay clothed ?

Is it a natuarl learning thing to strip ? My two older sons NEVER did that ! They were always very independent on dressing themsleves... but never undressed in public or when left alone.

I would love any advice/comments on how to correct this problem and wether it is too much too expect to correct it ( does she just need more maturity ?).

Thanks ! Allisa

[Ericsmomma]

Alissa,

I hear ya....but don't have any answers. Eric just turned 4 last month, and my sweet little boy has turned into a "lil beast". Gets into everything, won't listen to me at all, and I swear, he does some things on purpose just to see how far he can push me. And he's into this
"screaming" thing....will scream (that high pitched-curl-your-hair scream) when he doesn't get what he wants, or if he's bored or tired..it REALLY is annoying! Even his speech therapist is looking for "alternate" ways to take out his frustrations. I beat myself up every day for not getting more into signing....i think alot of his frustration and acting out is from him not being able to communicate. I'm with you...not sure if I'm expecting too much from him, or maybe I SHOULD expect more.
He likes to take his diaper off too. I do use one piece snap undershirts at night, and it does help. Hopefully this is just a phase and the behavior gets better. If not,
then I 'll pray for wisdom to distinguish the correct way to guide him. Much tuffer than I thought! Dolly

[Chris]

My typical 14 year old used to strip her clothes off when she was two. We live in Michigan and she used to run around naked in the middle of the winter. I have the cutest picture of her naked with a hat and sunglasses on. She had also gotten in my purse and smeared lipstick all over her face.

I think a lot of kids go through the stripping phase. It is just a phase and they do out grow it! My advice is to use a onsie until Erin loses an interest in stripping. If she does strip and pee, tell her sternly that she is not allowed to go naked. I know that I don't have any great advice to offer. Hang in there!

Chris

[meghans_mom]

I think removing clothes is a phase that most kids go thru....
I think it's a new "skill" they learn and want to try it out often, LOL!
Meghan did that for a few weeks - usually when she'd wake up from her nap and I didn't go in and rescue her quick enough. We had a few wet sheets too!
i finally would leave the baby monitor on and when she woke up I'd go and get her right away.
Another option...if you don't want to use a onesie is to use a Pull-up type diaper. Until they figure out how to rip those open, they're harder to get off -- although Meghan is very proficient at pulling them up and down now.
But I don't think that using a onesie is a bad idea either...because this is probably just a phase - and she doesn't realize that she's getting you upset & creating more work for you :-)
Once she gets tired of it, or is no longer able to do it, it'll be over...so I don't think you're doing her a great injustice but not teaching her not to.
Another thing to do is when you're dressing/undressing her -- let her help. If she gets to help and feels more independent then she may give up on the stripping act.
good luck! LAURIE

[PaigesMom]

Oh boy can I relate to this one

Paige (4) is my little stripper, but she does it anywhere, anytime. No hesitation to take her shirt off in the store, or strip all clothes when we're out places. There are many times she's in her carseat and when we get to the destination she's got her shirt off and her pants down to her knees. She looks at me and laughs. I'm positive she knows it irks the heck out of me, so she thinks she's being funny.

In the morning, she used to be completely naked, diaper off, etc. etc. etc. I tried onsies, but she can unsnap the snaps. I actually put her pajamas on backwards..........winter sleepers and summer cotton pajamas with the zipper in the back so she cant get out of it.

I do think its a "phase", but I also think that she has no understanding of "appropriate" social behavior with clothing YET. It makes no difference what I say to her or how I discipline her, it's just something she continues to do.

Good luck!!! I know it wasn't much help, but at least you know you're not alone

Debbie

[Claire]

Adam is one good stipper. ;D. As for the sand he does that too, but like you I believe that he has to learn the proper way to behave. If we use a playpen at the beach then what happens when they play outside at school. I treat Adam is 6 and the do's and don't are the same as for his sister (not DS) who is 7. That is just my opinion. I believe that if I let him do somethings that are not appropriate I still have to teach him not to do it at a later time, so I might as well teach him now. ( Although some days are real battles) ;D

[shellk]

I don't know if it is age or what ...
Kourtney is a holy terror not all the time but pretty much most of it..We are so at our wits end that I am going to have a psych eval done on her and behavior modification therapy..After calling my Pediatrician the other day litterally in tears and say, something has go tto give...They finnaly believed me that something is not right...He, could barely hear me for her screming and yelling. I' let you know how this works out for us .
Good luck on your end.

Hugs to ya girl
Michele

P.S.
Kourtney would also like to remain in the buff, it gets really annoying. Year before last at school she stripped off her shirt and they had to chase her around the playground and get her dressed again...Not fun when the note comes home saying...Can you have a tlak with her about removing her shoes and clothes at school Thank goodness she never did it again at school....Just at home now.UGH

[steffipoo]

Oh Allisa it's such a fine line. I think with any parent but especially with us... My take on Olivia? She usta eat the sand at the park... weeks of mouthfuls and BAM she stopped. same with the beach... I do find that she is facinated with squirtbottles then and still today so I gave her an easy to squirt bottle(on spray setting LOL) and she FORGOT the "pleasures" of eating sand. She did it to get my goat cause she'd eat it then say LOOK MOMMY SAND.. and mean me I'd say well that's too bad cause the ice cream man is here and well you can't eat ice cream with sand in your mouth OH WELL MAYBE NEXT TIME... it killed her. Liv never did the strip thing but she has peed on purpose. EVERY SIGLE TIME she has peed in her clothes I IMMEDIATELY PUT HER IN THE BATH. EVERY TIME. Not a fun bath mind you a rinse off wash your body then get out. No emotion from me actually I kinda ignored her and that really gets my girls goat. Then I'd put her in her room. There were times I gave her a bath 5 times a day. NOW she RUNS to the bathroom. She usta try to fight me on the bath but she figured out I was NOT budging. No toys in the bath no bath foam just a straight up bath. I make her regualr baths fun for her so if she has an accident she knows its just a boring wash everywhere get out go in my room and play kinda thing. I dunno its so different for everyone but it worked for us pretty darned quick. Hope that helps if a little bit HUGS steff

[Haleysmom]

Haley is 8 and LOVES to strip! Mind you she does only do it at home! But cute story, a few weeks ago she was playing in her small pool in the back yard. We have a raised ranch and the deck is on the upper level. Well she was done swimming and my Mom was trying to tell her to come in to remove her suit. My Mom goes in the house thinking Haley is following. Haley closes the sliding door and strips right on the deck all the while telling my mom she needs her privacy!

[Robin]

Allisa my friend, I hate to say this to you, but I really really REALLY think that the 21st chrom. has a stripping gene attached to it. Chase was such a stripper and we always had to put jammies and onesies on him back wards for years!!!!!! it was the only thing to stop him. I do think you are one lucky mom though because speaking for some of us moms, pee was not the issue with our babes, it was the nasty brown stuff and poor Jackie is still dealing with that, I am soooooo glad those days are over!!!! LOL huggers to you and Erin!
Robin

[Connie]

Allisa,

I agree with Robin...stripping and being naked must be somewhere on that extra 21st chromosome. With Collin it's (knock on wood) usually only at home but he does strip. He usually only takes the bottoms off but on occassionly he prefers the naked as a jaybird look.

With Collin I have notice that he is usually naked after he goes the the bathroom...on his own. I don't make that big of deal out of it because I don't want to discourage him going to the bathroom...plus he has the cutest little hiney...LOL

About the wetting in bed....Collin still sleeps in a pull up but, if I don't catch him when he firsts wakes up he will squat and pee even though he wakes up dry. Maybe if you get to her first she will go to the bathroom for you ?!?! Just a thought and I know how hard it is to get to them...I always have other things I'm doing.

Hugs,
Connie

[momofrussell]

I don't think putting on a onesie is "giving in", I'd call it more of a SANITY thing LOL. Ask yourself, does the stripping REALLY bother you? LOL I only say this because of the old adage, pick and choose your battles. (something I am still adjusting too). I really don't see the harm in the stripping, unless the potty stuff is involved, then, I'd just put the onesie on. I'd keep the discipline and behav. mod stuff for SERIOUS crimes and offenses LOL Erin seems like she is asserting some FINE independence.. I say go with it! Make a game of it! See if she can get the close back on. Use a timer... heck.. I don't know. But there could be LOTS worse.

But, that's just my opinion LOL.

We are still learning what to "give in to" and what to NOT give in to with ALL our kids actually. The thing about discipline is you have to keep up on it, and sometimes do changes to get it right, so it CAN be tiresome. So we have to let some things slide and other things are just NOT acceptable. Maybe write down rules you would like for your house and then maybe that can be a guideline for you. And remember it may need amending as time goes on. Like we just have RULES, and it goes for all three kids. No stripping isn't one of them though LOL.

Good luck!

A.

[ALLISA]

Thank you guys so much ! Except Robin ... you are supposed to tell me how EASY it's gonna get !! Just Kidding !! You know I love a good Chase story at least once a week !! I did hear from someone else that stripping & stubborness were both on the 21st chromo.


A. .... I do know what you are saying about picking battles.... because that is so true... but sometimes I am afraid that I am losing control & won't be able to get it back, especially if I don't hold her to a "higher" expectation, and worry that I am doing damage by not expecting better behavior from her.

Steff.... your advice on the bath.... is so close to how I got Erin to stop eating sand !! Everytime she took a mouthful of sand, I marched her down to the ocean, washed it out of her mouth & got her wet in the process. Now typically she loves the water & loves to be wet, but like you.... I was all business & no fun stuff... didn't speak to her while I did it. After about the 4th day... she got it... and no more !

She did it once at home.... no ocean to wash her off in.... but I did the same thing in the tub... and she knew that no more !

hhhmmm.... maybe I will try it with the stripping ! I have to decide ( like A.) said if it is worth the battle... but if it is.... this might be a deterrent that she is used to and maybe it won't take too long to sink in..... I'll let you know if I do it !

thanks again for all the responses !

[momofrussell]

I know kids without DS that strip too! I think having high standards for ALL our kids is good, ds or not. I have TONS of rules at my house... most people think I need to lighten up, thus the "pick your battles" thing I said.. because i've had to adjust my RULE list somewhat... and am still learning what I should keep enforcing and things that are just part of growing up that I need to let go of...

Like playing in the mud/dirt. I think that falls in the stripping catagory and eating sand catagory. I use to NOT let my kids do this... but, I realized, through my mom and other parents, that is it NOT hurting them, just dirting my house LOL, so I need to lighten up and let them be kids... it was HARD to do that!

So hang in there... maybe think of Erin without DS for a minute. Would you STILL not want her to strip, ect... (kinda like the rule list I mentioned). Then I'd go from there, KWIM? I would make sure the expectations you have for Erin are for ANY child that you would have or any kids that come over... does that make sense? High expectations are good, just make sure they are for every child... believe me... I have WAY HIGH expectations at my house... LOL.. some of it is who RAISED me LOL...

good luck!!! Oh, and if she starts stripping for a living as an adult, you'll know it was just ALWAYS in her LOL Just kidding!!! heehee

A.