Not ds related but need advice !!

[Betty & Ian's Mom]

My son Ian who is 3.5 yrs. old is in the hitting stage and has been this way since Betty was born. A week after Betty came home from the hospital, I was sitting on the sofa nursing her and he came up and patted her gently on the head and I thought that was so nice of him and told him so, right before he took his hand off her head he dug his fingers into her hair and pulled it really hard making her scream !! Ever since then he has been hitting, pulling her hair, slapping her in the face, knocking her over and pushing her off toys !!!

I've tried explaining to him about not hitting and that it is not nice to do, telling him that Betty is just a baby and that she doesn't know not to touch his toys.

I've tried doing time outs by putting him in the corner and he refuses to stay for his 3.5 minutes, I use his age for time out. I've taken toys that mean alot to him away.
When I do that or scold him, he comes after me, hitting and yelling or he will take it out on Betty when I scold him.

I'm at my wits end with him and don't know what else do to !!!

Any advice would be greatly appreciated !!

[Robin]

I'll tell you what I did with Zach as nothing worked with Chase. I would put Zach into time out and hold him there, ignoring him the whole time, do not speak one word to him, dont look at him, just hold him there. If he calms down and you can let go that is wonderful but dont let him up. If he starts back up or continues once he is out, start over, warning....... his behavior will get worse before it lets up but speaking from expirence, he cant continue like this or no one will want to play with him at school or home. If his behavior is really bad, give him time out in his room, the object is to let him know you wil not all be affected by his behavior, that it will be him who will pay the consequence. Good luck to you and poor Betty
hugs, Robin

[momofrussell]

Well, it's kinda DS related LOL.. since Betty is getting BOPPED by big brother!

Sounds like Ian is trying REALLY hard to get your attention. Ignore it as much as possible and stay consistent with the time outs.. I KNOW it's hard.. I for one have not been good at this the last year at times. But it really does help...

AND... spend some quality time ALONE with Ian too! I am not saying you don't, just a reminder... because, (i included), we all fall short sometimes, taking care of the younger ones, and the ones with needs.. that others don't understand it all. My 11 yr old STILL doens't "get it" sometimes... so I have to remember that.

Is there a way to take Ian to the park for big boy time? OR something like that???

Good luck... he is probably being put upon by little miss Betty LOL and wants her to step aside! LOL.. Poor Betty....

Oh.. and I LOVE that you named your daughter Betty. You don't hear any using Betty for a name anymore. It's one of those names lost in a past generation by most. My Nana (mom's mom) was a Betty...

A.

[Betty & Ian's Mom]

Thanks for the advice, I do need to be firm with the time outs, but its so hard when he starts to cry, I get all mushy, but then on the other hand sometimes he just *isses me off !! I'm gonna try holding him and see what happens and let you know how it went, but so far he has been pretty good today. Hopefully I won't have to go that route with him today !!

We do mom & son things, but not as much as I would like to, I should start doing it alot more. Ian has to be around me at all times, even though I give alot of attention. We do cuddle time in the morning before Betty wakes up, and then when she goes down for her nap we play and color and watch movies together, but he stills wants my FULL attention and I don't think he understands that I have to take care of Betty to, so when I address Betty's needs he gets mad

We named Betty after my mother-in-law who passed a way 3 weeks before Ian was born. I also like the name anyways, I like old fashioned names. We Betty "Bee" for short, since thats what Ian called her when she was born, he had a hard time saying Betty so it has been "Bee" since, but I do call her Betty alot more, since I don't want her to be confused later in life.

[updowns]

Aaw, hugs to you but stay strong, you can do it. Ian knows when he cries you give in so he's gotta learn that it won't work anymore. Good Luck!

Stella

[shellk]

I can't offer any advice on this seeing as how it is reversed in my house, Kourtney 5 ds..Is the one attacking my 10 months old son...But, nothing worked and we have an appointment to get help with her though.

Poor little Betty...One day Mom when she gets bigger she will get him back...LOL We all do.

Good luck to you honey !!

Michele

[Claire]

First big hugs to you and also Ian. It almost sounds like something is frustrating him and that it is his way to lash out how he feels. We have 4 children, now 27, 22, 8 and Adam 6 with DS. I had to restrain my second oldest in time out for a while until he realized he was not going to get his way. We keep consistency on the time out. Like if it's not Ok today it won't be tomorrow either. Adam was a slapper (right it the face if you were at arms lenght of him) It took me a while to make him understand the time out but he does now. What I did with Adam when he would hit I would simply say in a firm voice NO (nothing more)(sometimes when we are mad we go on and on like the energizer bunny and the kids don't really hear us) grab his arm not look at him at all (or the pout would make me melt) :'(and take him to time out. When his time out was done I would go over and say "No Hitting It Hurts" in a firm voice again and give him a hug. Then after 10 minutes if he hadn't hit I would go over and say good boy Adam see no hitting. After the time out we would go on as nothing had happened so he was not getting attention for bad behavior.It eventually worked for us. I know how hard it can be to cope with it. A lot of times I had to restrain myself and go in another room and cry. But quitting now only means it will get worst. You are a strong person ans I'm sure you will succeed. ;)I hope it works for you too. Sometimes it's hard to have a power battle with the kids, but lets not forget we are bigger. LOL. ;D ;D ;D