Am I failing at this ??

[shellk]

I have been asking myself this question here lately.

Sometimes it really feels that way, Kourtney can TRULY be a handful, and even though they have her on this Clonidine, I am still having issues.

She listens when SHE wants to, and still has her outbursts. She still is getting up in the middle of the night, and I was awakened at 3am to the smell of nail polish...She was painting her bunkbeds....UGH !!!!

I have begged for help with her in regards to her not listening, and just acting like I don't exist at times, and I am constently told to try this or try that. I have done about everything that had been sent my way. Now her behavior is rubbing off on my 2 year old son. And Mama is at her wits end.

I have been consistant with everything, and still am but I feel like I am fighting a NEVER ending battle. I am home a lot by myself with 3 kids, and even though theyar back in school, it is still hard.

Would I be crazy to DEMAND a referral to a behavior specialist ??

I really feel like I am grasping at straws, and keep coming up short. I don't want to fail my daughter in any way shape or form, and the strange part is she is doing WONDERFUL in school this year, which is a blessing. Her behavior last year was bad. I just need to figure out how to get her better at home.

I'm getting tired of myself having chest pains, and feeling like there is no end in sight.

Thanks for letting me ramble !!

Michele

[laurasnowbird]

Michele,

Awww, sorry to hear that the going has been rough lately. It sounds like you are doing the right things! There is no question that consistency is the key, it just takes some kids a little longer to be sure that you mean it. We struggled for 3 1/2 years with my TYPICAL daughter, who was the strongest-willed child I have ever seen. And we weren't dealing with a cognitive delay.

I'm not sure if you can demand a referral to a behavioral specialist, but I would certainly check it out. Don't let anxiety take a toll on you physically, make sure that you are making time for yourself too. Some days I have to get up really early, but I cherish my time on the patio with a cup of coffee before the kids get up. (And Ethan is an early riser, 6:30am) Even though getting up at 6am isn't easy, at least I feel a little more prepared to face the day. Maybe you could tap into some respite care? I don't know much about that, but there are others here that do, and could share with you how to get some relief. I am lucky to have a family who will take my kids sometimes, so I don't apply for respite because I know there are people who need it more than I do. You can bet if I didn't have that family support though, I would!

The fact that she is better in school shows that you are definitely making some progress! Our kids almost always reserve their worst behavior for us at home, because they know they can trust us enough to love them AND their evil twin, LOL!

Hang in there, I'm sure you are doing a wonderful job. Hugs, Laura

[shellk]

Laura,

The evil twin definetly resides here at home 9 tenth of the time. And as far as Respite!! Can you believe that we have been on a waiting list for that for over 3 years. Apparently ole' govenor Bush cut the funds for it, and so they call every now and then to see if we still want to be on the waiting list.

I guess you are right at least she is showing improvement in school, and that was a major issue last year. I'll just keep my fingers crossed for here at home.

And as for time for myself, I stay up a little later, and do get up before the kids. You ar more than right..That cup of coffee in the morning on the back porch does help.

Thanks so much
Michele

[chasesmom]

Awwwwww hugs to you Michele..... and Laura is right, a cup of coffee all alone on the porch before a single child is up is a wonderful wonderful thing!!! Once in a great while Dave even gets to share that time with me.
You are describing Chase's behavior so much when you talk about Kourtney these days. He can be such an angel and then it is his way or the highway and nothing we try works and we ahve tired EVERYTHING, noting that consistancy is so important!!! We asked for a behavior specialist finally for Chase and although Chase still has quite a way to go Michele, it has helped immensely, both in school and at home. We got the school to foot the bill and we chose the person, a specialist who is reknown thru out the state and drives two hours each way to come help with Chase. (of course the school was as beside themselves with his behavior as we were) The specialist has helped with alot of things and maybe I can email you some of what he said, I would perfer not to put it here and get chewed up by anyone.
I forget, has Kourtney started back to school yet?
Hugs to you, know there are people thinking of you and how hard it is for you right now.
Robin

[ALLISA]

LOL Come on Robin let us "chew up on you !!" Now I am dying to know he said !! LOL

I would highly recommend a behavioral specialist !! Do they have one in your school system ? Erin has been overseen by one since last year and even though I still have FRUSTRATING days I think it has helped and has given us new ideas.

I'm not sure what Clonidine is....but I'm guessing it's a drug of some sort....is she not seen by someone to monitor that and its outcomes ?


and lastly.....the only thing "crazy" about DEMANDING to see a behaviral specialist is if you in fact have to demand it....

why can't we just ask for something ? why is it always so hard to get what we need ?

Good luck....believe me I feel your frustation....Erin can be such a handful some days. Her newest and most frustrating is throwing items over my second floor open balcony. My second floor is open to the foyer below and she has found it quite fun to throw large toys down there to hear the bang.....gggggrrrrrrrr. Obvioulsy a bad idea all the way around.....

We were actually able at her last IEP meeting get written into it that she would be referred for home service..,.,,so that someone can come to my house & help me equip it here and follow through with things being done in school. They are coming next Tuesday so we'll see if it is of any use (keeping my fingers crossed). I'm not quite sure what to expect.

Good luck ! Allisa

PS.....and lastly to answer your question......NO YOU ARE NOT FAILING AT THIS !!!

Failing would be giving up & letting her do whatever she wants....you are trying so hard and at the same time trying to take care of eveyone else. It's not an easy thing !! And God knows.....if your failing.....then the majority of us must be as well !!! Keep your chin up and don't doubt yourself !

[shellk]

Robin and Alissa,

Thanks for the words of encouragement. I didn't know that the school could help with this, and I did not know that someone could come to the house...See!! This is why I love you guys sooo much. I am going to look into this and I'll keep ya updated.

Thanks a TON
Michele

[Emilysmom]

Robin~
PLEASE post the suggestions by the behavior specialist here!! If you just email them to Michele, no one else can benefit from them!!! No one is gonna chew on you here........I promise!
I would request a behavior evaluation Michele (request it firmly??).
Hang in there! I can relate to the days you're having...........not from Emily, but from her older brother Justin!! The things he did at times were AMAZING!!

Susan

[dannysmom]

You are definately NOT failing at this. If you allowed it, let her do what she wanted because it was easier....that is failing. The fact you are asking for help means one thing......you are a mother who cares for her children more than anything. We should all give ourselves a break now and then, knowing we are doing the best we can everyday.

Lisa

[Valerie]

Michele, so sorry you've been having a rough time lately. Life has a way of throwing you some curve balls, huh?

To answer your question, NO, definitely NOT failing your child. It's obvioius you love your child whole heartedly and are willing to do whatever you can for her, that is not failing.

When my older son was little, I would have sworn he was the devil child. He was AWFUL. He NEVER sat down, not for one minute. He was like a little tornado moving from one thing to the next, refused to sleep, had tantrums so bad he would turn red and his whole body would shake. I went for 3 mos without giving him any sugar to see if he would calm down any. (Didn't work!)

Anyway, I have no idea why, but he outgrew it. He is the most mellow 16 yr old I've seen. Phased by nothing, easy going, great to be around. Just completely different! And maybe that will happen with Kourtney!

On the other hand, it certainly wouldn't hurt to see a behavior specialist and see what they say, in case there is something they can help with right now. Cause sure sounds like you could use a break!

Hang in there!

[CC]

K, LISTEN to me

You are NOT FAILING !!!!!!!!!

You are talking to one here that can soooooo relate and I am telling you again you are NOT FAILING girl

I would ABSOLUTELY request a behavior specialist be brought in to observe at school and at home and see what they advise.

Just wanted to share and this is completely HONEST here. My good Pal her son is now 23 and also has DS and OMG he is truly my role model for Chris. He is doing sooo well, working, volunteering and enjoying a social life and OMG what GREAT manners and behaviors this young man has. K, now that I have shared that part with you, Janice, my Pal, has told me that when he was younger she truly thought she was gonna lose it due to his behavior. She knows my Chris very very well and says to me HA you think Chris is a handful you should have known my son at that age, LOL She survived and her son, I can't say enough what a truly amazing young man he has turned out to be ;D This too will pass, as they say

HUGS to you girl

Hmmmm NOW Ms. ROBIN, you can't say you have info that will HELP many and not share here girl. PLEASE Share all you have, you know I am one that can use that info for sure I ditto SUSAN girl NOOOO one will chew you up here. This is a place for support and behaviors are always a big issues for many here So PLEASE girl SHARE away or else I will have to CHEW you up for NOT

CC ~

[Jessie]

Hi Michele,

Well, I hope by now your feelings of failing have passed you by!!! I have been reading this post but didn't respond initially because I didn't feel I had anything to add (other than the usual words of encouragement) because I wasn't around Jason at that age/stage of life.

However, as I thought about it more and more, I realized that I might be able to offer a little tidbit here. Failing, in my opinion, would be to take the easy way out and walk away letting someone else raise your child for you. That's exactly what Jason's mother is doing. The way that she has described Jason is exactly how you describe Kourtney. Unruly, master at flop and drop, stubborn, wants to do everything on their own terms, etc., etc. Seeing Jason now at his age, even though there are days he frustrats the hell out of me (um, like yesterday for instance- LOL), he is not like that 90% of the time. Maturity has a lot to do with it. Consistency has a lot to do with it - just like you are doing. And, if you are seeing progress at school, it will eventually spill over to your homelife. I do know from first hand experience that it's hard to look at a child and although you are seeing, let's say a 12 year old standing in front of you, you are not seeing 12 year old behavior and it can be soooooo frustrating. I constantly have to remind myself that Jason does not have the maturity and mental development of a 12 year old. Maybe that's where some of the frustration comes in with Kourtney when she acts up?

The fact that you are reaching out - even if it's just to vent and get some encouraging feedback - is a huge indication in itself that you are NOT failing your daughter - there are people out there that wouldn't think to do that.

I really do hope you are feeling better about things now.


Jessie

[shellk]

Jessie,

Flop and Drop.....I love that line..And she definetly knows that one.

CC,
I can only hope that she will be like your Pals son one day..Keeping my fingers crossed.

Valerie,
Maybe just maybe she will be a mellow teen...LOL.

I have to admit after posting this yesterday...She really through me for a loop..I took her to a birthday party yesterday, and she was GREAT !! Was not aggressive, pushy. I was shocked.! And for some strange reason she has all of a sudden started to wear her glasses without a fight. This is probably a fluke thing, but I hope the fluke continues and continues. Here's to hoping a fluke can last. !!

Thanks you gals so much I take all of your advice to heart, and the support is unmeasurable

Michele

[Jessie]

See . . . it's that whole reverse psychology thing! Once you type here on UnoMas, your child will prove you wrong!!! Keep posting!!



Jessie

[shellk]

Jessie,

That seems to be sooooooo true LMAO!!

Michele

[momofrussell]

Michele, I haven't been on and kept meaning to respond to this! Sorry it took so long!

YOU ARE NOT FAILING!!!!!! And yes, this is what Behav. Spec are for!!!! Girl, if you think you need to call one or request one then do it! What could it hurt? HUGS to you!!! I know it's very rough at times for you and I don't know what I would do myself.. you are doing a great job!!!!! Hang in there!!!!

HUGS AND LOVE!!!!

A.