The "M" word..I am in a mood now

[dannysmom]

I just read the posting about the M word, and now I am in a foul mood. As a new mom to Ds, I find some people in this world totally insensitive.

One of my mothers cousins just heard that I had a baby with Ds. She called my aunt up and said...."I heard Lisa had a sick baby". My aunt replied "what are you talking about...her baby isn't sick, he just has Ds". My aunt is a former social worker and her brother in law has Ds, so she is older but NOT from the old school. She is an amazing woman along with my mom, have helped me more than I could ever describe.

Anyway, I pray everyday my son never knows how people with Ds were once treated. I cry for every soul out there that was never given the chance at life because their mother didn't want a baby with Ds. I love my son more than anything and his life has value, meaning and he has the right to be here like every person with 46, 47 or or however many chromosomes people have.

I am sorry for my tone in this email, I don't mean to be foul, but I hate the M word. My son is 25% irish, 75% italian...0% mongolian. I have never even been to Mongolia.

[Chris]

dannysmom said:

I cry for every soul out there that was never given the chance at life because their mother didn't want a baby with Ds. I love my son more than anything and his life has value, meaning and he has the right to be here like every person with 46, 47 or or however many chromosomes people have.

Lisa ~ I am in total agreement with your statement. I do feel it is my responsibility to educate as many people as possible about Ds. When I talk to people about my daughter, I tell them about the love, laughter and joy she has brought into our family. Honestly, I do not feel that my daughter is a burden at all. We feel so blessed to have her as our daughter.

Chris

[samanthajosmom_12]

all babies and children are humans and not the M word. that word should be outlawed!!! we are all humans and we all deserve the same respect as others have. our children deserve the same respect. sue

[Cathy]

Some people have not moved into the 21st century in their thinking. They do not understand that what they say can hurt.

An example: This summer at a church picnic a woman in her late 60's came up to me while I was playing with Katie and said "It's so nice that you take her out, it would be so easy to leave her at home"

I was so taken aback, all I could say was "Thanks!" I was at church or I may have decked her!. But it just goes to show that some people are just not "cognitive" of the way things are.

I will get off of my soap box now...

Hugs to all you wonderful mothers that hve taught me the true meaning of being blessed with a wonderful child. Had it not been for DS I would not have been fortunate enough to meet all of you!

[Jessie]

Oh Cathy, that woman is lucky you were at church! LOL

"I was so taken aback, all I could say was "Thanks!" I was at church or I may have decked her!. But it just goes to show that some people are just not "cognitive" of the way things are."

Jason's mother was told by a stranger in McDonald's one time that "she had no business having a child like that out in public". Can you imagine? Wonder how that person would feel today if they knew that she eventually gave her son up and now this child is left with not understanding why his mother doesn't love him enough to want to see him? I wonder if that person has experienced anything in his life to make him see the world through different eyes yet. I hope so.

You know, this is all John Langdon Down's fault - he's the one that first compared their looks to Mongolians. Not only did he end up giving us a really sucky name to be attached with this syndrome (referring to the negative connotation of "down" obviously), he stuck us all with the Mongoloid thing too. You want to feel pissed off and sick to your stomach? Read his original essay of kids with Down syndrome. Obviously, you have to keep in mind this was in the late 1800's, but it still makes me feel angry when I read it. However, you can see why people have had to fight so hard to change the perception of people with Down syndrome based on how it was originally reported on.

If you haven't read it yet and are interested in reading the essay, scroll down a bit once you go to this link:

www.whonamedit.com/doctor.cfm/335.html


Jessie

[donnac]

My husband's grandparents are both 93, his great aunt was 94 when she passed away 2 years ago, and both of my grandmothers are in their 80's. None of them would never ever think about reverting back to the old school way of thinking and say anything to offend us or Tyler. They all love him dearly, even though both of my grandmothers live about 500 miles away.

My husband's grandfather always thanks me for doing such a good job with Tyler and is always interested in what he has accomplished. Sometimes I feel uncomfortable with all of his comments because I don't feel that I'm doing anything that most other mothers would do for their children. However, Granddaddy is extremely old school and still does say and do things that aren't always pc, but when it comes to Tyler, as I said, he is loves him dearly.

Donna

[donnac]

ooops - change would do to wouldn't do.

Donna

[Alice]

"Mongolian" is just very old term which is not used now.
I would not be upset with this word at all, it is nothing bad or wrong to be a Mongolian like being any other nationality.
Mongolia by the way is very good country and people who live there are the same people as us.

www.panoramicjourneys.com/

My aunt lived there for many years and is very pleased about that country and it's people.

Should them be upset for being used as a term?

I am more concern about "Stupid" or "Idiot" words.

[Tammy]

Good point Alice... thankyou for putting the shoe on the other foot...
While we are all up on our soapboxes, what about the Mongolian people? I am sure that they would also take offence to the term "Mongoloid", and see it as a negative reference.

[dannysmom]

Alice,

I agree, there certainly isn't anything wrong with being Mongolian or any other nationality. But that is exactly why I take offense to the term. Our children are not their own nationality. However, I agree with you...stupid or idiot are words that shouldn't be used to describe any human being. Those words are cruel no matter what context they are used in.

[Jessie]

I also agree there isn't one thing wrong with people from Mongolia and I don't think anyone here was being offensive to people of Mongolian descent. Actually, I think that's exactly the point . . . the term "Mongoloid" has been made into a deragotory term for people with Down syndrome and it's not fair to people from Mongolia either! As with most "bad" words, deragatory words, non-PC words, it's not the words themselves, it's the context in which people use them and when a doctor says a baby that was miscarried was probably a Mongoloid, that's just poor judgment and/or ignorance.

[momofrussell]

I don't necessarily think that the term "mongoloid" is made into a derogotory term for people w/DS.. I think it's a word that was used back then and to some, means the same as DS. And I agree with you Jessie, it's the context in which the words are used. Unless you are being heartless when using it, the term really itself isn't deragotory, it's who and HOW it's used. But that is just me though. I think due to our situations, we give words sometimes more credit then they deserve. When a word we don't like is used, I consider the source too and how it's used. I would rather someone be polite and nice to me then overly PC with me. It's not needed... but that is just me. Educating someone who uses a term poorly or in the wrong context is one thing... but for me, correcting someone who uses a term they are familiar with in the correct context and I just don't like the word? Well, that's just not me. I am not perfect either

Whether we like the word or not, prior to the newer, hipper word, "DS", they HAD to term for it so they did use Mongoloid. Not the best way to come up with a medical term if you ask me LOL but, they obviously didn't have the techniques and medical advancements to identify it another way.... so they thought our children looked those from Mongolia. Not a bad thing, it was some reference point. They couldn't quite place their finger on it LOL. Thank goodness for Dr. Down for helping us advance farther!

Oh.. and Alice.. good point.. reminds me the "Polish" stuff.... now you want to talk deragotory, for some reason when you are called a POLACK, it's not meaing you are smart! I still haven't figured that one out. I have more Polish blood in me then anything else and well, you learn to laugh it off over the years.....

Lisa.... I am sorry someone called your precious baby "sick". Now that is kinda funny to me (not HAHA...). I would say in this case, "sick" is used out of context and glad your Aunt cleared the air Maybe to some who don't really know what DS is, they might equate it to sick... glad to know your Aunt was there to save the day!

Luv ya!

A.

[ALLISA]

I'm almost afraid to reply here because I don't want you all to yell at ME !! LOL

While I agree it is best to gently remind people that the "M" word isn't appropriate, I wouldn't get too flustered or upset by it. It is old school, it is unfortunately a term they used....I bet that some of us do the same thing with a different "medical" term and we don't hink much about it......

"Siamese twins"......this "term" for co-joined twins can be an offensive term. The reason "siamese twins" were so called that was because years ago the most famous and travleled twins happened to be of Asian descent. The name stuck and now should all co-joined twins be referred to as Siamese ?

I'm sure they and their parents think not.....but unfortunately the vast majority of people ( some here I would guess) would use that term and not understand why it would be offensive.

So the best "defense" is a deep breath so as not to get too flustered and peed off ! and an informative explanation. The person saying it probably doesn't have another "term" to use !

[Jessie]

EXCELLENT point Allisa in regards to the Siamese twins reference. I totally agree that we can't expect everyone to say the correct thing 100% of the time - I'm sure there are things that I say that are just sayings I grew up with and who knows, maybe they rub other people the wrong way and I don't even realize it.

I still do think though that someone in the medical profession should be held to a higher standard when it comes to naming a medical condition, anamoly, whatever. I don't know why as they are only human too, and are allowed to make mistakes, but for whatever reason I guess I think they should be more aware of things like that.

[Chester]

If I remember correctly the term mongoloid had nothing to do with people's inteligence....it had to do with their appearance, mainly the eyes.

It is surprising to me that someone with as much formal education as a Dr. doesn't try to stay up to date. I mean comeon.....Mongoloid that was the politically correct word long long ago....we've already seen mental retardation come and go since then. It kinda shows that when he left medical school he thought he knew it all. I'm not picking on him too much, it is hard to keep up on the "correct" terms, but he was WAY off! Kinda like the time that my Grandma was talking to my kids about CD's. My kids were sure she was talking about music and she was sure she was talking about money. I don't think the Dr. meant any harm, but it would be worth informing him that that word isn't used any longer.

I've been reading the newest Harry Potter book to my family while we were on vacation in the car. The "M" word reminds me of "he who must not be named". Some people in the book are comfortable saying "Lord Vodermort" and others call him "he who must not be named". Just goes to show that we all have different tolerances.....even in fiction.