Need advice about school-HELP!!!

[carolyn]

John has been in Kindergarten for 9 weeks now, and as one would expect, the bloom is off that rose. He is not behaving terribly at school, just showing his true colors a bit more.

The big problem is getting him out the door. He and his brother ride the bus together. This was super motivating for the first 8 weeks. Now, he just wants to stay home. I have to really fight with him ( I wont give details, there is not a person on this site who doesn't know ) Today I literally dragged him down to the bus stop, He got on all on his own with his sad sad face peering out the window at me- Not the way i want to start my day.

What he wants is to stay home and his brother to stay home with him. Now obviously that is not going to happen. Today I told my husband I need to figure out how to punish him for this ridiculous level of fussing. Then I thought, NO, maybe I need to figure out how to reward him when he does it right.

What can I do to improve the morning, get him ready and off to school without a fight? The morning is very structured, not hurried at all, unless he is undressing as quickly as I help him dress. (FRUSTRATING ) He really has me over a barrel in the morning- and I am sure he knows it. This morning I let Dad take brother to the bus stop with out him, we watched, John was angry and sad, but wanted Brother to come back- not John to go to bus stop.

This has only been going on a week or so, so I have to think we can straighten this out before it becomes the new routine. Any and all advice is being solicited.

Carolyn

[Jessie]

Hmmm, sorry I have no good advice here. I know that Jason used to do the same thing with his mother - the bus driver literally had to go into their home and get him out to the bus when Brian was working out of town.

Now, when Brian and Jason were in Montana, there were no issues with him getting on the bus and there are no issues here either. So . . . maybe it's like you said, he's got you over a barrel and he knows it . . . or it's just a phase that he will grow out of? I have tended to think that with Jason it was a little of both - probably more that it was a phase that he had to grow out of and has done just that as he has matured.

There isn't anything that has changed at school or on the bus in the last week that you know of?

Hope things change for you soon!!!

Jessie

[samanthajosmom_12]

i wish i had a answer for you but i do not think punishing him is the answer either. you sound like a good mom1 i think your idea of a reward system might be good idea. you might try it and let him know on the days he acts up he will lose something he most likes to do at home that day. samantha likes the bus but will fight you all the way to the bus stop. sue

[CC]

Just a thought BUT since he didn't mind for the first 8 weeks and you had no problems, could it be possible something happened at school and/or on the bus?? Is he able to share with you why he no longer wants to get on the bus?? NOT saying anything happened, but may be a place to start, KWIM.

Could also be, if JOHN is anything like my CHRIS that he has had enough of school and feels its time for summer break again LOLOL

Best of Luck

CC ~

[carolyn]

CC:

I can pretty much promise he is just tired of school. School = Work as far as John ( and his big brother Peter) are concerned. When John was fussing about going to school I told Peter to tell him how much he likes school. Peter was adamant: I am NOT going to say that!! That would be a total LIE! Mom! Don't make me say it! He said it, but he was not very convincing. My boys would just love to stay home every day, feet up, relaxing. Nothing has happened on the bus because Peter and John ride together, and I spent this morning helping out in John's class and I don't really think there is a problem , just school itself. I always remind people, this poor kid has been going to school his whole life. They do get a little jaded about it. Today he was much much better- but I know the problem is not solved, just for what ever reason he decided not to fight with me about it.

[momofrussell]

Does he do good with any certain type of rewards? cheap toys, snacks, ect? I have a friend who's daughter was having minor issues but issues none the less this new school year.. she is in kindy also. She got a box and made it the "treasure box" and if her daughter gets on the bus nicely and is "nice" at school all day, she gets a treat out of the box... she puts those cheap toys in it, fruit snacks, candy.. or whatever you want in it.. and this has worked AWESOME for her.

Other then that... I'd just keep on the routine you are on. Even kids without spec needs give us grief from time to time not wanting to do something. I would just say "this is what we are going to do" and just keep doing it, as non-emotional as possible. If he is only giving grief for getting on the bus but not acting up at school... he will ONLY win if you ALTER this plan, if you ask me. He needs to know that all kids go to school, him and his brother included.. and they take the bus... and they come home after school. I know I am making it simplistic and I know it is more then that... but all our kids need to know this. Russell gave us grief for 3 months back when he was in EC, about the bus ride.. never knew why because he doesn't talk... but he still road the bus and still went to school everyday.. and he finally got over it.

Another form of reward system could be more of a communication and reward type system. Do you use any pictures and daily routine chart? Maybe make a chart with pictures... "eat breakfast, brush teeth, take bus to school, come home, do FUN activity".. that type of stuff.. so he KNOWS just what is expected of him... then.. have another chart or board if you will.. with pictures of things like "read book" "play game" "play ball" "watch movie", ect.. whatever Johns interests are.. and explain to him that if he can go to school with no grief and follow his chart.. then he can come home and pick an activity to do with brother or mommy or whatever... and if he can't go to school appropriately.. then no activity. On the one chart with the schedule he will see that if all goes well.. he will get to pick from the other board. Also, maybe some pictures with facial emotions? So he can learn more about happy and sad and maybe learn to communicate in some way why he misses his brother so much, ect...

Just some thoughts.. good luck!!! Keep at it!!!!

A.

[MB]

I would say it is school. I went to a conference by Susan Peoples. She wrote the book about how childre with Ds learn.

Insisting that John use a pencil rather than a crayon or marker could be enough to make him sick to his stomach if he is tactile defensive. I would ask the teacher to give you a tho\rough list of things he is refusing to do and maybe post here. I bet we could help sort this out.

A kid in kindergarten should be running for the bus. Kindergarten should be fun. Is John going for a full day?

mb

[steffipoo]

Okay is he is the regular ed kinder??? Well if so ask about an inclusion faciltator. They won't tell you about em here unless you ask. She was a GREAT SOURCE of help for us. Now first off...the bus thing.. perhaps there could be something different on the bus for him everyday if he gets on nicely? What I do as a cheap reward is to get a giant pack of large matchboxes not the giant ones regular ones just bigger.... Then I obviously take the matches out(anyone need any lol) and cover it with different colored felt. Then I write in the t-shirt paint the date 1-31 whatever date is. Then a special surprise is in it for olivia if she had a great day etc. Like I put a couple stickers or little bells or just simple stuff she finds amazing and thanks me like its the bestest thing she has ever gotten. Also what worked for her when she was misbehaving in class(like rolling over the floor while the kids did 1 and 1/2 hour open court reading in reg ed kinder(crazy) I would have the teacher praise those who were sitting by my flopped over girl. WOW JONNY LOOK how nicely your sitting up. When the kids did letters the inc fac suggested we use the easel with Olivia and she could practice writing em BIG with MARKER!!!! BTW a SOFT LEADED pencil is a HUGE BUY.... The best buy of em all. Liv does her homework with those and markers. AND if school and sitting got too overwhelming her aide would take her to the office and she would copy and laminate and run errands with her. The kids knows how to laminate better than I a pro I tell ya. KINDER shld be a FUN experience not something a kid hates. I'd go watch or ask his aide to watch triggers and write em down then pow wow ideas together woith the teacher...SORRY can relate every morning for some God forsaken reason Olivia hasta pull something right before we leave. SOMETHING BOG AND BAD and treacherous. Trying to figure out whats up too it's exasperating and I can relate to not wanting to leave it that way

[carolyn]

You have all given me some great ideas. I really think the issue is a combination of school and power at home. He is actually doing quite well with the work itself, but I do think he needs more breaks and/or attention to his sensory stuff. Sitting on the carpet for 30 minutes doing calendar is just too much. I have a conference with his teacher tomorrow, and I have some ideas and questions for her.
My number one question is going to be is his 1:1 increasing or decreasing his independence? I am starting to think she needs to pull back a bit, but before I say too much, I will wait and talk with the teacher. I do for sure feel we need an inclusion facilitator to help out- it's all trial and error and we need to fine tune this. He is always happy when he gets home- he does enjoy school, just seems to hate getting out of the house.
He goes to school every morning, with T, F being all day regular K, W is regular K 1/2 day ( the 2 full + 1/2 day is our schedule in this district) and he goes M, Th for 1/2 day and sees the special education teacher and spends some time in K going over work. Much to my surprise, He much much prefers the all day days, he loves eating lunch at school. Today he was in a great mood, but when getting dressed for school, he jokingly put on his brothers pants instead of his own. This cracked him up,and he INSISTED he was going to wear them to school. ADAMANT> took lots of fussing about to get him to change into his pants, which I might add are the exact same pants just several sizes smaller. What finally got him out the door was I offered he could take a new toy catalog on the bus to look at - 180 degree turn. Happy and cheerful. Except you have to hold the catalog just so, don't fold it...... now give it to him.... now take it back, but don't fold it.... He does crack me up with how much he cares about the details sometimes..... Lucky for me I still have to Toys r US big toy book for xmas- he hasn't seen it and I am saving for a really bad day.....
Thanks again and I will keep you all posted.