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Post by jnyhuis on Nov 2, 2005 0:12:08 GMT -5
Do you experience your DS child having major impulsivity issues? Our little guy is 5 and he will do things over and over no matter how many times we say no. It's as though he either can't control himself (for example, throwing a ball where it should not be) or he is defiant. Don't think he is defiant. HELP!!!  |
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Post by steffipoo on Nov 2, 2005 0:23:31 GMT -5
OMG...The word NO is a HUGE no no in our house because Oliviaour 7yearoldalmost 8 LOVES to do whatever you say NO to. For example if I say...NO OLIVIA SIT UP HERE.... Ahhh forget about it....BUTif I say to her older bro... KYLE THANK YOU FOR LISTENING ETC WOW would you like a special treat for being so good??? Really just praising him or others around her is a SUREFIRE way to get her to do EXACTLY what we want.Boy she hears mepraising Kyle and she jumpsup and runs todo what I asked . Its like a miracle.Just a different way of thinking.Try it it may work askem at school too to try that instead of saying no.
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Post by jelanismom on Nov 2, 2005 0:59:23 GMT -5
:)That Olivia is a cutie pie and a mean poker player I've heard!  I was just talking about this today how my 3 yr. old will NOT take no for an answer no matter how many times you tell him not to do something! For example, he loves lights, and lampshades which he is persistant on pulling down. I've been telling him not to do this for over a year. So, I started a "time out" and I try to be consistant but he just goes right back to doing the "NO" thing and he gives me this huge smile as if he knows what he's about to do is wrong...I'm actually not sure what to do myself! It seems like he's being defiant, but I'm not sure like you if it registers that it makes us mad when they do something wrong, esp. repeatedly, because they continue no matter how many times we say no. My son actually has started this 'mimic mom thing' and points at ME and says NO  We're in the same boat here, except for the ages, I'm looking forward to reading the replies you'll get for some answers myself! *I think I'll try Steffs technique of not using "No" and see if that works...it's so true that "NO" seems like it's an invitation to do it! |
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Post by momofrussell on Nov 2, 2005 14:52:57 GMT -5
We are not there ourselves with Russell.. he is more in his own little world but isn't really that defiant... sorry you are having a hard time with this!  I wish I had more to offer you in the words of wisdom dept. Hugs! A. |
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Post by Ericsmomma on Nov 2, 2005 15:28:04 GMT -5
Whew!! I thought I was the only one having this problem.....The more you tell Eric to STOP some bad behavior, the more he does it! And he looks right at me, like , Ya! ok!! so make me stop! Its like he can't control himself...I'm glad to know I'm not alone! I'm going to try the "positive re-inforcement" also...hope it works!
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Post by hannahph on Nov 2, 2005 16:00:40 GMT -5
We have had Major issues with this with Hannah throught the years.The biggest issue was for her safety as she would just take off into the road if we didn't have our hand on her at all times.We always had to have her in a stroller anywhere we went and I could not even trust her to go from the front door to the car without hands on her. She still has issues with this but I think the biggest way of solving this has just been for her to mature.I know it's not a big help to you but it does get better as they get older.Today we went to the mall and it was the first time she walked beside me and did not try to take off. She just turned seven last week and I have really noticed she has matured a lot lately.The only thing I can say is really watch the safety issues(like wandering) and use a lot of positive reinforcement when they show control.Maybe even a reward system for listening. We sometimes use a chart and she gets stickers for good behavior.When she gets a certain amount of stickers she gets a coveted prize.
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Post by Kristen on Nov 2, 2005 16:23:29 GMT -5
The phases come and go. I am more careful to be consistant with him even when he doesn't necessarily need direction. I support good behavior, but am known for time outing booties quickly and swiftly. Sometimes it works, sometimes I wonder why I expend the energy to talk.
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Post by Jessie on Nov 2, 2005 16:54:00 GMT -5
Redirection is sometimes all that works - not by saying no. I will say also that with Jason there is a healthy does of defiance and stubborness! Funny, his favorite word to say to US is NOOOOOOOOOOO, but he for some reason doesn't listen or seem to "understand" when we say it to him! LOL
Gotta love him.
Jessie
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Post by Chris on Nov 2, 2005 19:27:37 GMT -5
My four year old, Sarah, is extremely impulsive and we worry about her safety all the time. She has no awareness of danger. When she is about to do something naughty, she will sign no first so I know she knows it is wrong. The only time I have had any success in getting her to listen is if I get right in her face and tell her what to do in a very firm voice.
Chris
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Post by Emilysmom on Nov 3, 2005 7:54:03 GMT -5
Oh Chris...........I know that is not funny at all, but how precious is it that she first signs no and then goes ahead and does what she is not supposed to do??? Like she is saying to you "I know, I know.......you will not like this but I just have to do it"!
I don't always follow this consistently, but have always heard that you should tell your child what TO do, rather than what to NOT do.............because sometimes they just hear the last part. So, "DON"T run" is just heard as "RUN". Better to just say "you have to WALK". I'm not sure how helpful that might be for a child who is truly impulsive. Our 17 year old with ADHD was the most impulsive kid ever when he was 3-5 years old. Scared me to death so many times!! If he thought about doing it, it was too late.............cause it was already done!!
Susan
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Post by ALLISA on Nov 3, 2005 18:27:09 GMT -5
My daughters sounds just like Hannah !! I hope one day I could walk in the mall with her by my side..... LOL.....I TRULY cannot walk ANYWHERE without holding her hand......and man-oh-man, is hse FAST.....she does this "Drop/Flop" thing....which is really just a ploy to get out of my hold....as soon as she hits the ground.....she flies up & dashes off.
As a matter of fact....I let her "go" today....wanted to see how far she'd actually go before she turned round and came back.....
I can just tell you are ALL laughing at me right now becuase you KNOW how this will end......
she would have NEVER come back....I had to climb down a rock wall and into the woods with high heels to get her today !! sssiiigghhhh
I truly can't imagine walking ANYWHERE and NOT holding her hand.....will the day EVER come when I can walk out the front door and to the car and not hold her hand ?
So sorry....no good advice here....but lots of empathy & understanding !!
Allisa
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Post by Valerie on Nov 3, 2005 20:57:34 GMT -5
OK, our little guy is only 2 and doesn't listen worth squat, but I was thinking (hoping) that was a "2 yr old" thing. Reading what you guys are saying is kinda making me nervous!  |
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Post by hannahph on Nov 4, 2005 6:04:54 GMT -5
AlIisa, I swear it gets easier when they get older.I never thought I would be able to let Hannah walk anywhere with me and now she is able to.It's a good thing because now she refuses to hold my hand.I really think she has been aware of being a "big"girl lately and acting more like it.I am still paranoid and watch her like a hawk but it's getting easier.
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Post by Chris on Nov 4, 2005 17:50:53 GMT -5
Allisa,
We keep Sarah in a stroller for that very reason. She is not trustworthy at all!
Chris
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Post by jnyhuis on Nov 7, 2005 22:02:02 GMT -5
::)I am now convinced that it just does with DS. I have heard that the "stubborn streak" that most kids have is also the impulsive side. For instance, running into the street! A swat on the behind makes no effect whatsoever. Scares me to death. Like the other moms, can't go anywhere without holding his hand tight and then he fights it. How old will he be before I can trust letting him walk beside me and stay with me??
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I wish I had more to offer you in the words of wisdom dept.
&
Susan, Proud mom of Michael (32), Justin (25) Emily (22ds), and Jordan (20).
