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Post by momofrussell on Nov 15, 2005 14:25:32 GMT -5
Kevin and I have been pondering this whole concept for a while now. Someone on this board, a while back (I think from PA or somewhere there?) was talking about moving and school districts vs their quality of life they had at the moment. Everyone here except for me agreed that QUALITY comes into play here... me, I would move to heck and gone for Russell and dismiss the QUALITY.. to get the QUANTITY of life.
Ever since that thread though.. it got me thinking about our situation here at home. This whole thing is waying heavy in our hearts right now. We moved from CA to IL and then decided to buy our home where we are now, in MO ... all for the school district for Russell. I did my homework and well, he is well taken care of and I don't have to worry about any legal misshaps, fighting the district, ect...
BUT....
we are not happy with the QUALITY of life in our house right now. We bought a house a bit hastily, to be near my mom and for the school district. We did not look at the neighborhood for kids, any bigger houses, ect.. and we now are going to sell our house come next springtime... because we need a bigger house and well, we just aren't happy here.
This is where the whole dilema comes in. We live in St Louis county. When we finally realized and decided we needed to upsize and move to a subdivison that suites our needs better, we were all for moving farther out, into the next county and a diff school district. Then we thought it was NOT a good idea... because of Russell and schools and such... so we have gone back and forth for months on this. Kevin last night , after hearing how excited our son was and having to move his placement again said he didn't know if moving out of district is a good idea... to stay in district.
But here is the thing... the houses are MORE expensive where we live. and a bit older. So... we are talking around a $50000.00 diff!!! And even then, the homes we could afford would need ALOT of updating for what we want it to be. Kevin is good.. heck, he is GREAT with building and updating.. but we don't WANT to do it again.. we are doing it now. We would if it was the perfect house.. but for the most part.. we don't want to. And things would be VERY tight monitarily.. is it that worth it then? KWIM? We could get a house that is 10 yrs old or LESS for WAYYYY cheaper in the next county. In a neighborhood that we REALLY want..... pool community, planned activities, ect... we don't have alot of communities out where we live that we can AFFORD like that... right now, there aren't even any kids for my kids to play with!!!
So.... what to do.. what to do.... we have some decent districts in the next county.. I have been in close contact with one of them... but we just don't know. WE know what WE want... would Russell be "ok" if we were ALL happy? KWIM? WE are not happy.. but Russell is.... right now. We do not like the house, lack of neighborhood stuff, ect... so everyone is crabby all the time.. but Russell is WELL taken care of... if we move to what WE want.. we'd be TOTALLY stoked and happy.. but then his schooling could be lacking....
Kevin and I have had alot of talks.. talked ALL the angles, pros and cons... and we still don't know.....how much happiness and QUALITY of life do you sacrifice for your child w/spec needs?
A.
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Post by Jessie on Nov 15, 2005 15:29:26 GMT -5
Quite the dilemma you have there A. In my little ol' opinion, if you and the rest of the family could be happier then you should make the move. Russell will be happy if his family is, different school or not. I know that we all worry so much about what happens at school for our kids since they spend so much time there. However, at the end of the day Russell comes HOME and that's where he should be most happy. Who knows, you could move into a great neighborhood where there just might be some kids that he could interact with. On some of the other threads that are going on here right now there has been mention of what other posts have stuck in people's minds. One of those for me is something that Jackie said in response to my post about how much therapy is enough. Well, her response was basically that she felt their family life was far more important and responsible for Emily's development than anything else (sorry Jackie, I know this isn't verbatim of what you said, but along those lines). Brian and I made the mistake last summer of not buying a house that we wanted because it would have meant moving Jason to a different school. Now, Brian is spending the first weeks of Ellie's life out in the garage renovating it, Jason is out of sorts because of all of the upheaval and well I really would have loved that house on the lake we almost bought! We know now that Jason would have probably adjusted just fine. So, the moral of the story is . . . do what makes your entire family happy!!  Jessie |
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Post by CC on Nov 15, 2005 22:22:34 GMT -5
Hmmm A ~ K, being your in MO and I don't know that area at all, let me ask you how far away is the other county you are thinking of moving to?? Reason I ask is Chris goes to an out of district school and its actually in another county. His bus ride is 45 min. each way and for him its fine he loves the ride. Sooo is there any chance you could still move to the county you want BUT Mr. Russell could still be in his new school or are you talking hours away?? Only other thought I have, is if you know what area you want to maybe move to, go now and look at what programs would be offered to Russell. BEST of Luck with what ever you decide. CC |
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Post by ValerieC on Nov 16, 2005 6:27:33 GMT -5
Without reading the replies A, could Russell stay in his school and then be bussed from your new location or could you actually take him yourself?
I'm sure his school would accept a tuition student, KWIM?
Valerie C
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Post by momofrussell on Nov 16, 2005 7:44:57 GMT -5
Well, Russell has been "out of district" before in other areas.. but that has always been because there hasn't been "appropriate" placement. You can go out of district IF their isn't appropriate placement... and this would not be the case. And yes, too far. CC.. I have already been in contact with the other school districts and have starting seeing their programs I started this quest months ago But we are still torn about the quality vs. quantity thing.... I wanted to add I KNOW my legal options in any district for placement for Russell. But this isn't really about that. It's about the whole quantity of life/quality of life and where the happy medium comes into place with a child w/spec needs. A. |
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Post by ValerieC on Nov 16, 2005 14:23:39 GMT -5
A.
I understand your quandry. I have gone there in a different way. I have faced the dilemma in regards to how much therapy is necessary for Alethea vs. how much therapy for Alethea gets in the way of the rest of the family time and their needs.
I guess that's a completely individual decision and one that you and Kevin have to be in complete agreement about.
My thought was that if you were saving $50,000 in housing could you put say $3,000 into out of district tuition. I know our district encourages that. However, you said that it was too far and so that is out as well.
Good luck as you and Kevin decide what to do. Keep us posted.
Valerie C
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Post by Monique on Nov 16, 2005 15:35:21 GMT -5
Hi Ade,
Well I have to go with quality of life for you and your husband and the rest of the family. Cuz thats what we did. We moved from Orlando where Jameson was doing great in school and had everything in place and moved to NY where we like the seasons, our family is here, and our friends, but we got stuck in a sucky district where we are still fighting with lawyers.
But I know in the end, that no matter where Jameson is , because i Know me as his mom (and you and Kevin sound the same) no matter what the rescources are available to him, i will make it work even if it means changing the system.
I have two other children to consider and want their quality of life to be just as important as Jamesons. So NY was actually better choice for them as they have better schools in Florida etc etc.
My point being that i dont think its fair to put all the responsibility on where you live and what you do on Russell. He is a "part" of the family and so all things need to be considered for balance. Im not saying his education and placement is not a huge consideration but maybe it shouldnt be the only one.
I agree with the previous post that a happy family is the best thing Russell could have and you and Kevin deserve to be happy as much as Russell does too.
It seems you know what you want so GO GET IT GIRL!!! the hardest part is making the choice.
I hope I said it okay!
Good luck
Monique
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Post by CC on Nov 18, 2005 1:19:53 GMT -5
K, A~ I read your post again, cause in all honesty I don't think I understood the first time what you were asking  Now if i got this right, which still may not be the case BUT I think I got it this time, LOL You said "if we move to what WE want.. we'd be TOTALLY stoked and happy.. but then his schooling could be lacking.... " Key word here I think is "could be lacking" hey if you are checking the programs out as you said, you would know before you took the leap, RIGHT?? I see it this way, you moved from CA and thought you were moving into a good program BUT in the end, you still had to move Russell to another program, RIGHT?? So in my thinking that could very well happen again one day, hey its happened to us and we again are in the process of moving Chris to another program. Sooooo I say you all can't suffer because of a program that you just started Russell in, no program is the end all, least not in my mind. Soooo go for the happy ;D and I am sure you will find just as good a program in the new area or close to the area, for Mr. Russell. I know you have been thru much with moving Russell from program to program BUT honestly from my experience a GREAT program can change almost in a blink of an eye sometimes, so if it were me, I would not have the whole family suffer, due to a program that just started. BUT since you said you have been checking the programs out in the area you were thinking of moving, are you saying that you think the programs for Russell in that area are lacking?? A happy home and happy people in the home would matter most, if it were me ;D and my bet is Russell would be happy where ever you moved. Again, BEST of Luck with what ever you end up deciding to do CC ~ |
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Post by momofrussell on Nov 18, 2005 7:21:50 GMT -5
Yes CC.. that is what I meant And "lacking" doesn't really mean totally "deficient" just that our district outshines alot of the others for "options"... so it's not they can't teach him or take good care of him in the other districts, it just won't be the same.. if that makes sense. We see Russell SO happy and it IS a big decision to take that away once again and change it. We have had ALOT of change from our moves... but that is what Kevin and I talk about... it's time for ALL of us to be happy.. not just all of us here doing what we need to do to make Russell happy and learn. I have also been very obsessive lately with school districts in general... not just for Russell but for the girls too. I am really need to take a chill pill LMAO! A. |
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Post by cmedrano99 on Nov 18, 2005 7:56:13 GMT -5
A, We are going through something similar right now. We live in a small town in south GA... no resources and only good thing is school! Rusty and I are OK with the town it is our only HOME! We was born and raised and now our kids born and raised. Well looking 10-20 yrs in the future as well as now. We are looking to move,no only out of town, but state. Ready.. Ohio.. Yes it will be a change, weather, no family,few friends, but here the school great there the resources are amazing.. Drs,Childrens hospital right there.. not 4 hrs away like I do now. I am going after Thanksgiving and going to the schools and check out the town and housing. I been researching online and found tons of info and keep praying that this is right or wrong. We know I will have to work(downfall for me) because the cost of living is very costy in comparison to where are now. I really think the quailty out weighs quanity.. if you understand what I mean! Good Luck with what you decide and remember you can always go back if don't work out.. that is out back up plan! |
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Post by colleen on Nov 18, 2005 9:00:54 GMT -5
hi A
i am the person you mentioned in your first post about deciding where was the best place to live, Quality vs. Quanity. I have just moved from PA to NY. I was originally from NY and moved to PA two yrs. ago. Brianna was born and I struggled with where was the best place for my family to be. We lived in a rural part of PA and I was traveling to NJ a lot for medical services. It put a strain on my family and I came to the conclusion that I wanted Bri's disability to be part of the family, not define the family( take over our lives). If I was stressed about appointments and schedules, everyone else was gonna feel it. I also have another child who receives related services and PA was too relaxed for this city chic.
I feel confident now that our decisions was the right one (after only being here 2wks.). I live closer to my family and friends. I have more confidence in the doctors. Unfortunately, we could not buy a house right away so this residence is not a permanent one. I need to take a year to do my homework, so your dilemma is also mine. I don't think I will stay in the immediate area. We probably will look to move to long island and I want to TRY to avoid what Monique is going through. I feel your anguish b/c I am constantly thinking on how things are gonna pan out for us. We had a nice house on Long Island sold it and moved into our summer house in PA- temporarily, to plan the building of our brand new house to end up in an apartment. I thank you for your post b/c I have pondered the same thought, how much do you sacrifice? I just try to take comfort in that I am doing the best I know how. And I love my kids to bits and will try to put all of their needs first. Everyone deserves to be happy. Just know you are not alone.
Colleen
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Post by momofrussell on Nov 18, 2005 10:01:56 GMT -5
THANKS COLLEEN!!! Yes, it WAS your post! Thanks to you too Cynthia.. glad to know I am not alone in this!!! I just found another subdivision (yet again LOL) I want to take my husband to and go check it out. It's actually in the same county we are in but in a different school district. This district rivals ours. So..it's a great district. I don't know alot about the spec ed part of the district but over all, there are two really good districts out here, ours and theirs. This other district has great test scores which I am a bit hung up on right now LMAO... again, I am fixating wayyyy too much on this dang school stuff. heehee...
I know in the end, no matter what, it will all work out. Thank goodness Kevin and I are ALWAYS on the same page, with schools, parenting, housing, ect... which helps out alot with the decisions. We truly are a team so I know we will make the best decision based on our needs. We know we can't have EVERYTHING and sacrafices come with the territory... and we are ok with that. We are now just trying to convince our 12 yr old of this concept LOL
A.
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Post by andrewsmom on Nov 18, 2005 20:26:56 GMT -5
Wow A..... this is a real hard one. After reading some of the replies here, I'm not sure I can help answer this. I have 3 children in school (kin, 7th grade and 8th grade) and we just moved here 3 years ago. Our "old" school was GREAT! So when we were looking to buy again, I also was Very confused.
Pick the good school.....means good education, happy kids, extra curr activities etc...(leaning toward the right.)
Pick the bigger house...... we'll be happier, happiness spills to the rest of the family.....(leaning to the left).
It's just soo hard. It happens we found another great school and built our house, but we kind of "fell" into this land. I honestly don't know what our decision would have been if we didn't. Maybe sometimes these things happen for a reason. I'm sorry I'm not much help here A....I wish I could be. Good luck!!!
-Trisha
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Post by donnita on Nov 18, 2005 23:01:04 GMT -5
A,
I remember responding to Colleen's post and saying that I was moving to a farm where we would all be happier (we meaning me and the girlies, 'cause unlike you and Kevin, I don't care what my husband thinks, feels, says, etc LOL) even though the preschool could not possibly be as good. I was wrong - her new preschool is great! I never realized how much was wrong with that first preschool, which is the one I thought was the best!
Education is very important, but not more important than happy parents. I didn't like where I lived before and I was crabby a lot because of it. I am so much happier now!
good luck!
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Post by Kristen on Nov 19, 2005 20:17:26 GMT -5
Not much to add, but I do know several people who have moved for the district. I would not rule out the possibility for us, even though I don't see it happening with where we are. I like his school now and we are in a brand new subdivision with an elementary school that just opened this year which is supposed to be fantastic. That being said, if anyone will find fault with it, you know it will be me, devil girl A - go with your gut. It won't mislead you, you know that! |
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Now if i got this right, which still may not be the case BUT I think I got it this time, LOL You said "if we move to what WE want.. we'd be TOTALLY stoked and happy.. but then his schooling could be lacking.... " Key word here I think is "could be lacking" hey if you are checking the programs out as you said, you would know before you took the leap, RIGHT?? I see it this way, you moved from CA and thought you were moving into a good program BUT in the end, you still had to move Russell to another program, RIGHT?? So in my thinking that could very well happen again one day, hey its happened to us and we again are in the process of moving Chris to another program. Sooooo I say you all can't suffer because of a program that you just started Russell in, no program is the end all, least not in my mind. Soooo go for the happy ;D and I am sure you will find just as good a program in the new area or close to the area, for Mr. Russell. I know you have been thru much with moving Russell from program to program BUT honestly from my experience a GREAT program can change almost in a blink of an eye sometimes, so if it were me, I would not have the whole family suffer, due to a program that just started. BUT since you said you have been checking the programs out in the area you were thinking of moving, are you saying that you think the programs for Russell in that area are lacking?? 
