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Post by nolansmom on Dec 2, 2005 17:35:18 GMT -5
Thank you for all your posts. I love reading what everyone wrote. Keep them coming! How do you attach pics to a message? Also, I have had big problems with my Mother in Law. It's a looooooooooooooong story but the bottom line is she blames me for Nolan's DS. She says I have bad eggs (I was 28!) and tells my husband he deserves better than me and Nolan. I must mention she was one of my best friends until the day Nolan was born. Please help! Any advice would be appreciated. It is really affecting our marriage and my mental health.
Catherine
PS To Michelle, I checked out Gillian’s site. What a doll!
PSS To Melissa, that little angel Kylie Rose how precious! Oh how I cried. I will never forget her face, it is burned in my memory now. I am so sorry for your loss. I don’t know what I would do if I lost Nolan. Please let me know if you ever want to talk privately.
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Post by wrblack on Dec 2, 2005 17:51:07 GMT -5
Hi, and welcome to Uno Land. Sorry, don't really have any advice to share, and wouldn't want to offend a new member. But, do they have a Mother In Law season in Illinois?
I think here in NJ they're debating closing the season for black bear, somewhat smelly beasts but often seen as cute, warm, and fuzzy. And replacing it with an open season on Mothers In Law. But I may have gotten part of that wrong.
Cheers,
Bob
ps Actually both my aged mom and my MIL are cute, warm, and fuzzy--and very supportive. I should be grateful.
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Post by Emilysmom on Dec 2, 2005 20:50:01 GMT -5
Catherine,
I am not sure what to say besides I am SO sorry your MIL is feeling the way she is!!!! It's incredible really! If my MIL had responded the same way, I would have been crushed.........and then downright angry! Is she elderly, and doesn't really know what she is talking about??? I want to suggest that you and your husband sit down with her and let her know the truth about Ds.........and plead with her to change her heart right now. Have you already tried that? I'm hoping your husband is being supportive of you??? I've seen your pictures of Nolan and he is just precious! I hope your MIL will get to know him and fall in love with him and that she will totally change her way of thinking.
The only experience I have with this is that my own mom suggested to me (about a week before my daughter with Ds was born 14 years ago) that we should simply refuse to let the doctors do her intestinal surgery. I thought she didn't understand and just did not want the baby to go through any painful procedures, so I said "MOM, if she doesn't have the surgery, she will die"!!! And I'll never ever forget hearing her say "Yes. That's what I mean". She lived so far away from us and only saw Emily a few times........but her last words to Emily (just one day before Mom passed away) were "Oh Emily.......I'm afraid I never gave you enough credit". So many people have such horrible preconceived ideas and they miss out on SO many blessings that our kids have to offer.
Wish I could be more help.
Susan
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Post by willsdad on Dec 3, 2005 12:23:42 GMT -5
Welcome to Uno Mas, and congratulations on the birth of your son Nolan. My wife and I still feel new to the community ourselves. Our Will just turned one, and like so many others here we didn't know about his having Ds until shortly after his birth. In our case Will had a pretty severe heart defect and left on a helicopter to the children's hospital a few hours after his birth. So no one really got a chance to focus on the Ds since his heart issues took precedence. It is unfortunate that your mother-in-law has taken this stance toward her grandson. I really don't have any advice to offer in that situation since our families have been very supportive, but I wanted to point out something for your husband. The DADS (Dads Appreciating Down Syndrome) group might have some advice for other dads who have experienced this type of issue in thier families. The organization originated with a group of dads of kids with Ds in Indiana, but they have other groups around the country now as well as a website for the Indiana group, and a fairly active Yahoo group. If nothing else I think he would like to know this organization is out there, and to know there are a lot of other dads in the same boat. Maybe during this holiday season your mother-in-law will have a change of heart to see the joy in her family.
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Post by Chris on Dec 3, 2005 21:24:21 GMT -5
It is your husband's job to set his mother straight!  He shouldn't let his mother treat you so poorly. Boy, this post really gets me mad. He needs to set his mother down and make her read some info about meiosis. I understand your MIL is grieving too but her behavior is extremely hateful. If she doesn't have a change of attitude immediately, I would let her know that she is no longer a part of your family. Chris |
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Post by poojamom on Dec 4, 2005 15:15:17 GMT -5
Catherine,
Don't let it bother you too much. Believe me! I've been in this situation before and I still do many times. My in-laws are not involved in my daughter's life, nor they talk about her with others as they do with the other grand kids. My DH has had many talks with them and it is getting better.
They do live on the other side of the world and we have to deal with them once every 2 yrs or so for 2-3 months! But! they seem to have started to appreciate her progress and our efforts.
As long as you both as parents of Nolan are in the same page, don't care for other's opinion.
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Post by Kristen on Dec 5, 2005 12:50:11 GMT -5
Does your MIL know mine? We live in Illinois, too, so I can tell you no, there is no season on them because mine is still here! As long as she is doing minimal harm, I swould ignore her as much as possible. I highly doubt your DH takes what she says seriously and if he isn't, he does need to tell her to back off until she has something nicer to say. If she is anything like mine, she will live to regret those words and actions, but in the meantime, just try to hang tight and hopefully she will move on to someone else to bother soon.
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Post by Alice on Dec 5, 2005 15:56:46 GMT -5
Oh, Susan, I could not say better...
I had tears on my eyes while reading your post (even I had knew your story).
God bless your heart!
Catherine, I think most things now depend on you DH (he is one who needs to put his mom on the place where she should be: it is not her business to decide what your DH deserves better.)
Hugs to you dear!
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Post by nolansmom on Dec 5, 2005 22:40:03 GMT -5
Thanks so much for all of your posts!
Catherine
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Susan, Proud mom of Michael (32), Justin (25) Emily (22ds), and Jordan (20).
He shouldn't let his mother treat you so poorly. Boy, this post really gets me mad. He needs to set his mother down and make her read some info about meiosis.