K, might sound like an odd ? BUT None the less....

[CC]

after reading some posts lately it really has me wondering where the statement that "Kids with DS are happy and oh sooo loving all the time" Hmmmm really I wonder where that came from??

Sometimes I find myself feeling like I have to explain almost overboard that Chris too has bad days BUT you know what he truly is one happy kid and always has been. Doesn't mean he doesn't have a clue what is going on around him, KWIM??

I have found in my young life so far that some people are just happier people in general, nothing to do with if they are short, tall, over weight, skinny, DS, MS or not, KWIM??

Just as some people are angry all the time, again, nothing to due with being short, DS or MS, KWIM??

BUT on the same hand, as much as I dislike grouping our kids, Hmmm what do you think seems to be that makes them seem to LOVE others without judging, more then the general population seems to do??

Kodi Lee has said to me since she was a tiny girl right up till now at the ripe old age of 16, and so far never ever changed her views that Chris and ones like Chris she believes have the secrets of life and oh what a GRAND world it would be, if all knew the same

We all try, K, let me rephrase, as I can't speak for us all, I try so hard to teach CHRIS to be socially acceptable and not HUG people BUT really did anyone here ever think whats sooo wrong with hugging one another??

Maybe just maybe the world would be a better place, Hmmmm Anyone KWIM here??

CC

[myangelsaliandsadi]

I'm not sure what it is... but people to seem drawn to Ali. And Ali has a FABULOUS sense for other people's character. She has only cried while being held twice in her life, and both were extrememly justified in my opinion! She is normally quite cautious before hugging, ect someone... but there has been occasion where she has warmed up very quickly and she has always been right on about the person having great character.

She is definitely forgiving... even after her sister has a particularly awful day and is very mean to her Ali forgives her by the next day. She is amazing like that. I'm not sure what it is.. but I wish I could be more like her.

[ValerieC]

CC,

You raise a good question. I never questioned the hugs or happiness, I never even thought about it as something offensive. I know Alethea at the age of 2 fits right into the stereotypical Ds child. I have no problem with that. She is who she is regardless of stereotypes, but then again I don't have problem with stereotypes for anyone. I don't dwell on them, I don't even think about them. Each person is who each person is regardless of the stereotype. I always try to see people as they are not as they're "supposed" to be.

Until I began posting here, I never even thought about inappropriate hugging. I know 1 young adult with Ds and I always am brightened whenever I see Nate. He hugs me and tells me how happy he is to see me. Gosh, my own kids don't even do that! Now I KNOW Nate and maybe that is the difference, but quite honestly I've never spoken to a person with Ds in public that I don't KNOW that just ran up to me and gave me a hug. It's just never happened.

Just like with my other children, I'll let Alethea be who Alethea is. If she enjoys hugging people she knows, then hug away. We hug people at church all the time. What's wrong with that? If she wants to be happy and make the rest of us happy, then be happy, if she wants to be forgiving, then maybe I could learn a thing or two from her.

I think we get too caught up in making our kids with Ds fit in with the "normal" people of the world that we take away some of who they are in the process.

Valerie C

[liasmom]

My daughter fits the Happy stereotype- Most of the time and more often in public. She is a social butterfly. She is also the most stubborn, pig-headed thing in the world.
One of the other kids at her school with ds fits the same description and two of the others do not.
I think part of it is Lia is in general a happy person. Me, I am moody and not outwardly happy even when I am. Lia does not worry about tomorrow or the next day. Or the future. She wakes up happy (most of the time).

[andrewsmom]

Valerie... You said "I think we get too caught up in making our kids with Ds fit in with the "normal" people of the world that we take away some of who they are in the process." Thank you. I never would have thought of it like that, and yes...even though Andrew is still small, I do that myself sometimes. So thank you for setting me straight and making me see things from a different view. I like your way better and am going to try to stop making Andrew "fit in" so much.

CC... I remember posting awhile back about sensory issues with Andrew. I really don't mean to generalize but it is true that our kids seem to have more sensory issues then the "norm". I was thinking ( I know very scary) that maybe they can sort of "sense" other people. Like Chelsae said, her daughter only cried a few times with people and they were justified in her opinion. I've also heard of other people with DS having great judgement and a great "sense" about other people.
So I would like to think (and only my opinion) that people with DS can tell if a person has a good heart, is sincere or if they are not nice people in general. Does that make sense? And I TOTALLY agree with you that the world would be a much better place if more people were as open.

I just wanted to add that Andrew is not happy all the time. In fact, he is no happier then any of my other children at his age. He will not go to any strangers although he waves hi to anyone who passes us in the store (and then starts to "growl" at them if they don't say hi back. LOL!). If someone is to come over to him, he puts his head down on his shoulder and looks away for a minute. I always say he's acting shy.
-Trisha

[donnita]

Cassie is not a hugger, has to be prompted to even hug her grandmas, but is generally happy. I think the answer is in your question "what do you think seems to be that makes them seem to LOVE others without judging, more then the general population seems to do??" WITHOUT JUDGING, in the good way! The general population is much more likely to judge, and also to think too much about what others might think about them, does that make sense?

[angela2]

This has been a concern for me recently, as Brandon often wants to hug strangers. I try to encourage him to shake hands or "high five" instead but it is usually awkward. I want to yell out "NO! DON'T HUG THAT LADY!" but I figure the lady in question may be offended!
He has been doing this hugging for the past few months and I have been wondering how he picks and chooses who he will attempt to hug. We were waiting for my other son to come out of karate class and there were about 15 people waiting and he tried to hug 2 or 3 certain people, the rest he passed right by! I also think that he can sense some good quality in the person. It's all different types of people too....young, old, men, women, kids...etc.
I do find it somewhat embarrassing when he does it...I try to think of something gracious to say to the person.

[angela2]

Oh by the way, Brandon is NOT "happy all the time"!

[steffipoo]

cc u ever read this? I am going to take a few quotes from the article

If people with Down syndrome ruled the world:
Affection, hugging and caring for others would make a big comebackPeople would be refreshingly honest and genuine.

People with Down syndrome are nothing if not straightforward and unpretentious. As the expression goes, “what you see is what you get.” When you say to people with Down syndrome, “You did a good job,” most will answer simply and matter-of-factly, “Yes, I did.”

Schedules and calendars would be followed. Trains & planes would run on time. Lunch would be at 12:00. Dinner at 6:00. Work time would be work time. Vacation would be vacation.

would be expected to keep their promises. Last minute changes would be strongly discouraged (if not considered rude and offensive). Places would be neat, clean, and organized (not just bedrooms, but cities, countries, the whole world). Lost and founds would go out of business (even chaotic appearing rooms have their own sense of order). The “grunge look” would be out, way out. “Prep” (but not pretentious) would be very big.


In the world of Down Syndrome, there would be a great deal more tolerance for:

Repeating the same phrase or question

Use of the terms “fun” and “cleaning” in the same sentence

Closing doors or cabinets that are left ajar (even in someone else’s house)

Arranging things until they are “Just so.”

Despite their compulsions and grooves, people with Down syndrome rarely have the really ‘bad habits’ that so many of us have. In fact, out of approximately 3000 people we have seen at the clinic, we have not seen any drug addicts or gamblers and just two alcoholics and a very small number of smokers.

The words “hurry” and “fast” would be not be uttered in polite society. “Plenty of time” would take their place. At the Center, we frequently hear about pace, or how fast or slow people move. Quite often these issues are discussed in disparaging terms by harried and frustrated family members. In this world, people with Down syndrome have a reputation for having two speeds, slow and slower. have you ever read that piece called If DS ruled the world?? I LOVE IT!!!!

[YoshsMom]

Yosh is the most consistently happy and good natured kid I've ever seen. He always has a smile on his face. he is also a great judge of character. The only 2 people I've ever seen him dislike we a dr and sitter with bad attitudes toward ds. We do see a little hitting and biting when he doesn't get his way, but he's never had a real tantrum. I even have trouble giving him time out because he finds a way to have fun even sitting all alone.

While Yosh usually saves his hugs and kisses for those he truly loves, he is quite capable of using those sweet little kisses to con his teacher and therapists. They made the mistake of spoiling him at first and now they're seeing his temper.

[Emilysmom]

The "If People With Down syndrome Ruled the World" piece could be looked at as very stereotypical.........but I have to say, I saw a LOT of my girl in that piece!!! The part about closing cabinet doors; even in other people's houses was SO Emily!!! She has no problem with HER room being as messy as everything, but she wants the rest of the house to be very tidy! She will do whatever it takes to make it LOOK tidy.........cramming my neatly folded piles of clean clothes under the bed, putting Jordan's homework into a cabinet, etc. And LOL she is very prone to responding "Yes, I know" if someone tells her she looks pretty, despite the many times I have explained that a simple "thank you" would be better. But, she really DOES have a kindness, sweetness, and UNselfishness about her that I generally have not seen in other 14 year old girls. I'm not sure that it's a Ds trait, but could be! I still have been thinking lately that it could possibly be due to the responses she has always gotten from others. By this, I mean that I don't think anyone in her life has been unkind to her or treated her with frustration or sarcasm. (well, except for her brothers from time to time) Whether this is right or wrong, I have always been consistently more patient, outwardly loving and "sweet" to her than just about anyone else in my life and I think she tends to respond in that same manner. Her brothers do tend to get to get frustrated just a bit, and that's when you'll see a bit of temper from her. Even then, she'll forgive very quickly. I think, for whatever reason, she LOVES more deeply than most kids I've known and I'm thrilled to be one of the recipients of it........no matter what "caused" her to be this way.

And, like CC mentioned........maybe it is totally a coincidence that our kids with Ds are sweet and loving. Maybe it is simply their personality??? Some people certainly do tend to be kinder, or more outgoing, or more angry........by nature. Interesting to think about, but I sure don't have any concrete answers.

Susan

[Debbie]

I read all of the "If People with Down syndrome Ruled the World" and didn't like it at first. Then after reading it again I decided I liked it, most of it. I have always wanted to be taken seriously as a person not as someone who didn't care at all. I recently have found myself not caring alot really. I am who I am and I am cmfortable with that, now. I wasn't back then.

I really like the part about "doing things just so" and
the cleaning part. I am a neat, clean, type person. Everything in my room is dusted and in order. ;D

I think it is okay to hug people provided that it is appropiate. I have been hugged lots of times by people I knew but didn't know that well. I was taught to be assertive and say no if I didn't want to be hugged by them. Never wanting to hurt anyone's feelings I would just say, "lets shake hands and be friends." I'm not a big hugger though. I am selective also.

If I had to describe myself I say, I am quiet, calm, type of person. I am quiet by nature and used to be real shy around people I didn't know that well.

I do like to take my time.

Did I just "high jack" a thread? ;D