Different potty issue

[Jessie]

I guess this question is probably for the people that have older kids. How do you handle bathroom time for your older child when in public when they are the opposite sex as you? I really haven't had to encounter this yet with Jason, but I'm sure that it will happen. He can go to the bathroom by himself, that's not the issue. The issue is sending him into a public bathroom by himself and if he has problems (any type of problem, including other people in there), I wouldn't be able to go in after him. He is just too old/big to take him into the women's bathroom with me - I think it would probably make other people feel uncomfortable.

Usually when we go someplace and it's just the two of us it's just to go to the store or the movies and he can "hold it" for a couple of hours. When he and I went to Frankenmuth last summer I found a family-style restroom so we could go in together. However, there are many places that don't have family restrooms and I would honestly be very worried about sending him into a public restroom on his own.

Any suggestions? Do you think people would be understanding enough if I were to take him into the women's bathroom?


Jessie

[rickismom]

I should think that most people would understand-- and if you see someone making a face, say "I'm afraid to send him alone to a public bathroom. That should shut up nearly all the rest. And for the nitwits who don't understand THAt, what can you do?
I think that the risk of molestation is great enough that you have NO choice.

[Alice]

Jessie,
That is very good concern.
I think we'll face that problem when Luke will be older...

OK, I will take him with me as Rickismom suggests.
Thanks!

[hannahph]

You know Jessie, you may get some weird looks but I would take him in anyway. I don't want to scare people but there was a little boy who was murdered in a restroom while his mother stood right outside. I am probably paranoid but I would rather be safe than sorry. This is a hard topic and no real good answer. You know the thing is ladies rooms have stalls so it's not like he is seeing anything he shouldn't. In a mens room you never know! I am interested in other peoples response because even though My youngest does not have DS i still worry about what to do when he is bigger. I am probably going to be one of those maniac moms yelling into the restroom every five seconds making sure he is ok.

[Connie]

Jesse,

I know with my to non-enhanced boys who are now 10 and 8, I really struggled with this. After the age of about 6 it gets to be a little touchy but I still was not comfortable sending them to the bathroom by themselves.

So, I started out with them at the age of about 5-6 when we were out as a family and Dad was around I would make dad take them and wait outside and if it took to long I would have him poke his head in and ask if anyone needed help or if another man would go in I would make him go in too.

But, if dad was not around. I would yell in the boys bathroom to see if anyone was in there. If there was no answer and I felt there was noone in there I would let them go in and wait by the door. If another man would start to go in I would make eye contact tell, him I had just sent my son in to there and would he please check to see if they were behaving and was ok... this way he knows I am still by the door and knows that I know he's in there and I know what he looks like. After about a minute or so...I stick my head in and ask if everything is ok or flag manager down to go inside if need be.

With me having 2 boys close in age that really helped because if both are with me we use the buddy system...even today and they are old enough to know what to do.

Now with Collin that is a different story. Like at church. I will let him go to the womens bathroom by himself. This lets him get the idea of what needs to be done and I feel rather safe with this...but it is only at church. I also let him leave by himself...but watch him go in....then after he's in I sneak down and stand by the door until I hear him finish. Then I go back and sit down until he comes out and returns to me....but where we go to church I can see the bathroom from where we sit in the balcony. Hummm....Man did that sound a bit anal or what?!?!?

Hugs to you girl!!!

Connie

[Monique]

Well this has been on my mind for awhile now cuz jameson is 5 and he shows no sign of knowing when he has to go. But I am going to try and just start putting him on the potty before bath like suggested. He has a full wet diaper everymorning when he wakes up so all through the night is out of the question for now.

But I SUCK at potty training. My almost 4 year old daughter JUST started going at preschool but only on her "dora" potty seat. And she absolutely refuses to go poopy on the potty. She freaks out and screams for a diaper to go. And she is terrified of public toilets.

So does anyone have suggestions for a non DS child with potty training issues? I would love some help. She really is my first to train. I also have a 20 month old who I think I will train along with Jameson.

I hate potty training!!!

monique

[Debi]

Jessie..my answer is it just depends!!! For a long long time I just took Gabe to the bathroom with me, but he was young enough that I never got any looks. His community living worker is male and that REALLY helped Gabe go to the right bathroom and behave appropriately . Now he almost always goes to the guy's bathroom and I wait outside. In the rare instance that he seems to be taking too long, I've flagged down a guy who was going in; explained the situation and never have had any trouble. Overall, since he's gotten older (and this was one of my big worries), he's done very well with this responsibility. However, I have to say sometimes "*I* have to go and it's not safe for me to leave Gabe outside the restroom, so I do take him with me. I honestly don't care if I get any looks or not.. his safety is more important, and the nice thing about OUR gender is that we have stalls lol.
Yes, Connie, I have to say.. it does sound a bit anal!! LOL!!However teaching your boys the buddy system is a great idea!

[chasemansmom]

Ahhhh good thread Jesse, I have been going to bring this subject up and never got to it!!!!!
Your answers all interested me as I have been sturggling with the same thing right now, though maybe for a different reason along with all of yours. I am SOOOO worried about freaks being in the restrooms, especially being as I work in a program for young disabled adults and have heard the horror stories of them being molested. I also worry because even though Chase maaaaayyy behave in the mens room, it is a case of WHO KNOWS when he would decide to be really bad and do something SOOOO inappropriate like strip off his clothes or peak under a stall door or flush an article of clothing down the urinal or toilet. I mean, nine times out of ten he might be a perfect young man but there is that total lack of impulse control that says there is NO WAY I am sending him in alone. I know there are alot of stores here that are starting to do the family restroom thing and I am so happy about that. Here our Walmart is that way and the pool is that way but so many other places are not. So until I figure out another way, I am dragging the boy in with me and the other women will understand or deal with it, I have no other options.
Zach is just 7 and he has a fit when I try to make him go in with me and I am afraid to leave him alone while I go in or send him in alone to a mens room so I have another one to worry about. I sure do see the pluses and minuses in having girls versus boys. It sure was nice when I had the two oldest sons, back then you didnt have to worry as much about freaks and they could go in together like Connie's fearsome threesome can
I await more thoughts and answers
hugs, Robin

[Jessie]

Ok, you guys have made me feel better about taking him in with me. It is the freaks that I worry about . . . he would not be able to tell me if something happened to him and I would never forgive myself if something happened to him all because I was too worried about what other people think!

Jessie

[ethansmammy]

Hi Jessie,

I don't know how tall Jason is (just going by my Ethan who is 4 and looks 2) but I still take my oldest son Aidan (non DS) who is 9 in July into the ladies with me, depending on where we are - just for safety. Nobody has ever made a comment, I wouldn't worry about taking him in with you just yet.

Elaine.

[Radonna]

My middle son Jonathan will NOT go to the woman's bathroom with me and it scares me to death to send him on his own. If he goes into the mens bathroom and he takes too long I will yell in the door MOM COMING IN and walk right into the men's bathroom to check up on him. One time in Dairy queen he went into the men's bathroom and just a second later a really weird looking guy followed him in the bathroom so I went right in and said Jonathan honey do you need some help and I just stood there. The guy looked at me like I was nuts but I don't take any chances with my kids. If Jonathan WOULD go to the woman's bathroom he would be going in there with me until he was 12.

Radonna

[Emilysmom]

GREAT question Jessie! It's so sad that we have to be very concerned (and yes, maybe even a bit anal about it!), but I think it's a fact that horrible things can happen in a couple minutes! For years, I have been "haunted" by the story on the news about that little boy (around 8 yrs old I think) in CA who went to the restroom on the beach and was brutally murdered in a matter of minutes! And, if i remember correctly, the murderer was a teenager!

I think Connie's suggestions were perfect!!! I would feel MUCH better about my son going into an empty restroom, and waiting by the door. I think what she said about making eye contact with any guy who happened to go into that restroom before the child came out is a wonderful idea! Obviously not every man who walks into a restroom is a child molestor, but the ones who ARE don't wear a big sign so we can know!! We're living in scary times!!

One thing I try to do is to plan for trips to the restroom before my kids really have to go...........that way we can be more selective on where we go. If we are in a place with a restroom that is only for one person, I make them go in there and "try" to use the restroom right then. That saves us from later having to go when we're in a different situation. Emily, LOL is the one who is MOST resistant to this plan!!! She sees NO reason to use the restroom when she doesn't feel the urge.

Susan

[Haleysmom]

Ok how about the other side of the coin. When DH takes out our daughter who is almost 10, what should he do? For instance he took her to Disney on Ice, Haley uses the bathroom EVERYWHERE. He let her go into ladies room but he said it felt like HOURS before she came out. I know it was mere minutes, but how should he handle it? He certainly can't take her in the men's room.

[ALLISA]

I think every mom is understanding of taking an older child into the woman's bathroom.....I don;t think ANYONE would question it or look at you strangely.....I struggle with my two boys and the same issue.....the problem is they HATE HATE HATE to go into the ladies room !! LOL

Sometimes I will let them go TOGETHER into the boys room and I wait outside.....I can totally see your reluctance to send Jason in alone.

Connie....no your watching Colin walk to the bathroom doesn't sound anal....it sounds like HEAVEN......Erin is about Colin's age & I couldn't FATHOM letting her go ANYWHERE without gripping her hand like a madwoman.....she is bound to run and escape at any moment !! LOL

THat is wonderful that you can trust him to walk and come back on his own......and yes I'm jealous !

Allisa

[Chester]

I have a 10 year old son, and a 9 year old daughter whom we've had to deal with this. It's an issue that I take very seriously. We were at a family restaurant one time, and I sent Cory in with his older cousin. They came back laughing about how an older man in there was talking to them and watching them, etc. etc. We watched for the older man to come out, after awhile I sent my husband in to check it out. There indeed was an older man in there and when he saw my husband watching him he stuck his hands under a hand dryer that said "out of order". My husband said "I've got my eyes on you" and the older man took off. Yuck!!

Sometimes we all go into the ladies room. My 10 year at that point would rather die, but he knows that I won't change my mind. I think it's also helped them be more aware of their surrondings, that and we talk about safety a lot.

Other times I let Cory use the mens room and Gracie use the womens room. I take my post, with my back up against the wall with the entrance doors, so that I can make eye contact with everyone entering and can use the opporutunity to yell into the bathroom door when it's open to "hustle it up". My son takes his own sweet time in the bathroom, drives me batty.

I go back and forth. Sometimes I prefer sending them into busier bathrooms thinking that the more eyes around the less likely someone will be able to get away with something.....the kids screwing around included, and other times I prefer quieter bathrooms where I can remember who is in the restroom with my child.

I do ususally try to find a quieter bathroom, when I bring the whole family in, but there are times that just isn't possible. I very rarely get looks or questions, and usually just a quick response about how times have changed, and it's pretty sad that boys can't use the boys room by themselves any longer, usually does the trick.

Good Luck! It's a tough one......there are so many variables!

Dawn