Feelings on some recent topics

[andrewsmom]

You know what.....I feel like this whole "marriage thread has hurt people's feelings and some new threads have kind of "burst my bubble" on my expectations for my son. I was really upset over this earlier but couldn't figure out if I should post under the marriage thread or the then and now thread. So here goes.......

This is MY personal experience raising children.

When my son was in 3rd grade, a letter was sent home with him stating that he would be learning a new system in math. The school would offer evening courses for parents so we could help them with their homework. So off I go for an evening to learn the "new method" of math. It was definately a different way of doing math, and to this day I still can't do it...LOL!!!! ;D However, I do the math problem the way I was taught and my son does it the way he was taught and we both come out with the same answer. So as long as we both have the same answer what's the difference?
Is it new?...........................Yes.
Is it different?.....................Yes.
Are the fundamentals the same?............YES!!

My daughter is now in Kindergarten. She was expected to know how to write her name, her ABC'S and they even asked if she knew how to read yet or how many sight words she knew. I learned how to write my name in kindergarten, what the letters of the alphabet looked like and how to tie my shoes. ;D I NEVER learned how to read in kindergarten!! Neither did my boys...But she is!
Has this changed.....................Heck yeah!
Is it different?..........................Yes.
Is it better?..............................I don't know.

I was not taught Algebra until I was in highschool. My boys learned algebra in 7th grade.
Has this changed?.....................Yes.
Have the expectations of children this age changed..........YES.

Mainstreming in Ma was first introduced in 1985 followed by inclusion in 1999, and I'm sure we all know the "no child left behind" act in 2001.

So... for the most part....we have lots of change. And you know what??? I'm glad we have change. I can't wait to see how my children all grow and learn. Is the way they are learning any better then the way I was taught? I don't know. What I do know is that it changes all the time.

So... since my daughter is being taught differently then my older boys...I can't wait to see the outcome....whether it even makes a difference or not. She IS learning differently then my older boys (and there is only a 9 year age gap). So I don't know what will come of this yet and I need to "wait and see". Do I feel like my older boys "missed out" on anything? Absolutely not. A different time...a different method.

So...Andrew will also learn differently, and will also be taught differently. And the next generation will be taught differently....hopefully... as I believe there is always room for improvement.

So to any new parents reading this, yes things DO change. Yes I will be honest and say I don't know if it's always better or not. But your child does live in the best of times... the times of change. Always always have the highest of expectations for your child. Because you see...none of us knows what works best.

All I know is that it IS different now, and the expectations of our children grow more and more at an even younger and younger age. The possibilities are endless.

-Trisha

[Radonna]

Trisha,
Don't ever let your bubble burst!!! Always believe that your child is capable of everything. My intentions in posting about early intervention and how it has and hasn't changed wasn't to discourage anything it was to point out that the biggest change agent in ALL of this has ALWAYS been the BELIEF that our children CAN.
Attitudes and hearts and minds were changed before programs were made. Before laws were signed ect..
I am so sorry that you took it to mean that there wasn't much to look forward to.
Don't ever let your bubble burst!!! Please not because of anything I posted.
Radonna

[kellyds]

That's good, Trisha! :-)

My oldest (of six) turned 22 yesterday. My youngest (Joshua, with DS) turned one year old this month.

In my 22 years of parenting, I have seen changes in all sorts of parenting recommendations. With my first, you were "supposed" to put him to sleep on his tummy, in case he spit up. Now, you are told to put your babies to sleep on their backs. There have been changes in recommendations about when to introduce solid food, what kind and how often to immunize, and so forth.

I'm thankful for the abundance of information we now have. That way, we can sort through and intelligently choose what works for us and our children, instead of relying on any one "expert" opinion.

You're right . . . "different" does not have to mean "better" OR "worse". :-)

[CC]

Trisha ~

I agree that the marriage thread did hurt some people but mostly I thought it was handled very well except for one post in particular. Not just my opinion, actually more then a few i have chatted with ...

This site is one that many parents of all ages post from new born's right up till one in their 20's. So one will see many different views, opinions and such here, KWIM

I hope this will make sense to you and just wanted to share, not to make things worse HONEST BUT in hopes that it makes sense, K

When Chris was first born, Colin and I went to our first parent meeting and I remember this as if it happen yesterday. We just sat and soaked it all up, didn't say much at all. K, there were these 2 ladies sitting there going on and on bout how one of the ladies son's was going to be 10 and how her son wanted Barney to be at his party and she was so upset bout that. I remember sitting there thinking WOW, 10 year old and wanting Barney NO way not my kid. Colin was thinking so what if he wants Barney at 15 who the heck cares, if it makes him happy. Colin and I think very different, LOL Anywho turn the clocks 10 years ahead and Man oh Man here was my boy still likeing Barney The whole point being was I didn't let what that woman shared wreck my dreams BUT what did happen is when Chris was 10 and still watching Barney made me think of her and say to myself WOW I am not alone I don't have the only kid with DS that at 10 still likes Barney. Did any of this make sense??

I read your post a couple of times girl and YES I agree in the general ed things have changed lots and OMG when Kodi Lee was in middle school and needed help with her homework I couldn't help her much as I had nooo idea how they were doing it these days. BUT the post bout EI was just that bout EI and the changes over the years and truthfully just speaking bout EI services there really is no GREAT new changes, least not that I have heard of.

Our kids are all different, that we know and just because say Chris has major troubles with speech does in no way mean your child will, KWIM

Your child may shine in that area and for that I would say YEA YAHOOOOOOO but I personally don't believe that would be from EI services or any NEW System that one refers is out there.

K, I hope you are not mad at me for responding, and if you would like to PM or IM or just disregard what I said that is fine too.

I say be like me girl take what you like at this time in your journey with DS and leave what you don't like and just be open to the idea that one day you may say WOW I heard that once and I don't feel alone

CC ~

[steffipoo]

Very well said cc. Lemme tell you what has changed the most since Olivias birth. ME MY FAMILY HUSBAND and all those we cherish and love. I have learned to change MY way of thinking rather than changing the basic fundamental human being Olivia is. I would never want her to lose that grin love for life friends work family. NO WAY I have changed my way knowing too that Olivia dagnabbit loves barnet at 8 and Little bear and franklin. I like her just the way she is and the more I accepted her for what she is the more I CHANGED.. hmmmm.. you can take what u want out of this experience but I am choosing to enjoy and love my girl for being her flaws and fabulousness.(lol is that a word) I mean she accepts me flaws and all . I think all those who have been affected by Livs birth have changed ohh so much for the better.

[steffipoo]

BTW I must get this vibe from posts cause that is one of the only posts I never read in the last day. I've read a lot and for some eason chose not to read this. PLUS I like to live in the here and now and not to think too far ahead cause that is what gets me into trouble. HUGS and I liked your response and words cc and andrews mom and all I will choose not to go to the post and glad I never went as I only look at those that apply to me/her now or soon. I learned the hard way after she was born how painful it is to look too far ahead and i am terrible at predictions anyhow..LOL

[AnnieM]

Trisha,
I have to say that don't EVER let anyone burst your bubble!! I know that wasn't the intent of the parents who posted on that thread at all. Actually if you re-read those post you can feel the heartbreak pouring out out of those posts of parents who devoted so much of themselves to doing whatever it takes to have their child succeed. It is important that we don't take anything away from the older parents , or from the parents of children that don't do "well" and make them feel like they have less of a child. I do think they biggest change is there is so much more DS awarness which is GREAT, however that is NOT going to change my son or they way DS affects him( he is one of the delayed kiddos who has ,and gets tons of therapy). . I will go to the moon for him, but the bottom line he is going to be who he is no matter how much therapy (which he has a TON) , or awarness there is. Noone ever said not to dream we ALL do, just sometime we have to tweak those dream. Never stop dreaming.

[chasemansmom]

Trisha......
you are right, the marriage thread has hurt lots of feelings, but what hasnt been said out right is that the feelings most hurt are those of us with children that arent babies any more. If I burst your bubble it was not intentional but I am not sure how I did that. I said to always dream, I HAVE dreams for Chase, they arent the same dreams I had in the beginning but are your dreams the same as the dreams you had as a teenager? Dreams change with time. As Chase grows and I see his abilities, my dreams for him change.
I also said that no matter what kind of therapies and how many therapies your child has, your child is going to be a child with DS, they were born with the disabilties they have and even though it is called DS, not all children with DS are the same, there is a wide difference in each child and no matter what you do, they are going to be who they are. We have moms here who have posted what their children cant do yet...or did really late but I know some of those moms and they are awesome moms, it has nothing to do with what they did or didnt do. You will find Moms here who just lurk, not posting because their child or baby doesnt do as well as some of the others.... I want every one to feel accepted, those who have children and babies who are above average, at the norm for DS and those whose babies and children are way behind. I want everyone to have hope and to know that it isnt their fault if things arent going as well as dreamed for.
But Trisha......I cant and wont accept people saying my child is not as smart as the new upcoming children just because he is 13 and hasnt had that new cutting edge technology I still havent heard described. That hurts my heart to the core. I hope you understand how we the "older generation" feels hearing that insinuated.
Just love your children, do what comes natural, love them and be happy.
Robin

[Emilysmom]

My thoughts on this are that we share SO much here. We talk every single day about potty training, how to wean from bottle to cup, frustrations with schools and therapists, and stuff like that. We ask for advice, we give advice, and we LISTEN to each other. I think we do an awesome job of all of that here!! And really, these topics are EASY stuff!!!

BUT..............let something come up that involves our HEARTS, and we struggle a bit more. We do get our feelings hurt. We do say things that are hurtful, even without meaning to do it! And I'm here to tell you, we get misunderstood at times about what we try to express. (I know I have misunderstood the intent of various posts in the past, and that people have written to me about things I have posted and I have thought "oh NO! THAT was not what I meant at all!!!). I'm just saying that the RISKS of getting hurt feelings increase when we post about stuff that is so near and dear to our hearts.

There are a handful of topics we talk about from time to time (or, that we avoid talking about) that are just very very emotional! Should we speak from our hearts about them? Or should we keep our feelings to ourselves, in fear of upsetting each other? Should we be very careful to always be positive so some parents will not be scared? Should we be open and share exactly how our children are, so we can get the support we need here.........knowing that we may very well not get it from our families and friends? I'm truly not sure. But, I know we may very well continue to UPLIFT each other and at times even HURT each other from time to time here.

I sure hope that made sense. I'm sorry if anything I have said in this thread or the other two threads has cause hurt feelings or a loss of hope for anyone.

Susan