So, have you ever . . .

[Jessie]

Have you ever gone up to someone that either has Ds or was with someone that has Ds? Trisha's post got me to wondering if any of us REALLY are able to do that?!!

I did once, and I'm thinking the courage to actually go up to this mom probably had more to do with the bullwhips I was drinking than having real courage!! LOL

This was actually not long after Brian & Jason moved in with me. Me and Brian were on the front porch drinking our favorite summer drink when this mom and her older son walked by. We were like, huh? Who are they? We've never seen them around here before! So, we waited for them to walk back by and I marched across the street and struck up a conversation with them. Little did they know they were going to get pounced on when they walked back by our house. Anyway, we chatted for a few minutes, I asked her about a million questions and then they went on their way. A few days later they were out for a walk again and stopped by since Jason was outside with us. Again, a million more questions from me (I think this was before you guys were lucky enough for me to stumble across UnoMas and therefore take the brunt of my questions! ). Unfortunately, they moved shortly after that. He was 18 years old and graduating from high school that year. I will never forget that she told me that there were a couple of adolescent years that she wasn't sure she was going to make it through with him, but he grew up and is a wonderful young man and a complete joy to be around. I think of that every now and again when Jason is being "challenging" and it gives me strength in knowing things will get better.

I have never had the courage since to do something like that (see, I really think it was the bullwhips), so I'm wondering what stories you guys have of actually approaching a total stranger and striking up a conversation with them.

Uh Trisha - we know your answer to this one! LMAO!!


Jessie

P.S. Bullwhips = vodka and lemonade

[momofrussell]

Well... at first.. I was a bit uneasy.. didn't know how the other parent would.. but I got over it. but like I mentioned in Trisha's post... I try to find an "in" so it IS comfy. I tend to find parents of younger kids make it easier for me. A couple times it has backfired a bit though LOL. Once, in Sam's Club.. Kevin and I were there... saw a mom, dad and son.. who was probably in middle school.. he had DS.. and I went to chat with her... by the bakery LOL.. and the dad was pacing and looked awful uncomfy that we were talking about his boy.. so it made me a bit uneasy and I made the conversation quick and was on my way. Mom didn't seem to mind.. but Dad made me feel uneasy for whatever reason... so it was short and sweet.

then... recently.. at Aldi's.. I would have BET the farm this cute little guy had DS.. and started talking to mom.. and he didn't!!!! LMAO she was VERY kind and understanding... the boy had something going on.. and she was telling me about him.. but NOT DS!!!! So.. my radar was VERY off that day... heehee... I have seen her sense then and we say HI.

Other then that.... I have had a few encounters were I have started the conversation. Alot of mine stemmed from working at the dept store I worked at. I worked in the Children's dept for over a year and it was easy to strike up conversations in general with other parents, ect. There have been families with kids w/DS and I would talk to them. And grandma's that when I we start to talk about my kids, they ahve grandkids w/DS... stuff like that.

And I have had a few come up to ME ;D That is nice too!!!!

A.

[wrblack]

Okay, couple of snips from old posts elsewhere.
First from me from report of visit to Disney World in 2002, something I think I've copied here before:
Charlie has several Bear in the Big Blue House toys but doesn't get to
see the television show regularly because we don't take the Disney
channel. But he got to see Bear live and in person (or in bear or in
costume, whatever). He liked that show a lot and found a new girlfriend,
Maggie from Indiana. We spotted a little girl in the crowd waiting to go
in who appeared to have a similar chromosomal makeup to Charlie's (they
all look alike, you know). She was really cute, had curly blonde hair, a
mouthful of white teeth, and was walking and talking very well for a 3
yr. old. So, outside after the show, a**hole that I am, I went up to her
dad and asked if his kid could give my kid ambulation lessons.
Momentarily he looked surprised and not too happy, but then he must have
noticed I was wearing a Buddy Walk tee shirt and said, oh, hi, with a
warm smile. Good thing for me, because he was a pretty big guy. So, Lynn
and I had a very pleasant chat with Maggie's mom and dad and we took
Charlie and Maggie's photo together. Charlie should probably be jealous
of Maggie, but petty vices do not appear to be part of his genetic makeup.

And then, a snip from one of Lynn's posts in Feb. 2003:
I was going to post this right after the holidays but didn't get a
chance, but now seems like a good time since people are posting about
their kids getting stared at.
On our way back home from Christmas in Alabama we stopped at a McDonalds
for lunch. The 3 older kids where off playing video games and Charlie's
dad had wandered off and I was sitting at the table with Charlie feeding
him his lunch. There was a couple sitting next to us and I noticed that
they were watching Charlie. As I looked over at them the husband asked
me how old Charlie was and I thought here we go, I'm going to say 3 1/2
and they are going to look at me like I'm nuts. I got just the
opposite - the husband smiled at me and told me that he couldn't
remember how old his son was when he first drank from a straw but he
wasn't nearly that young - he then told me that he had a son with DS who
was 35 years old. The husband and wife then continued to tell me what a
joy he was (they didn't worry about him nearly as much as they did their
other kids) how he was working a couple of part-time jobs and that he
had just moved out on his own into a group home. The parents both
beamed as they spoke about their son. So, I tend not to have the same
reaction anymore when I see people staring at Charlie.

Lynn (Mom to Charlie 3 1/2 DS and his 3 older siblings)

P.S. Nancy - you didn't happen to be at Disney World in June 2002 - we
met an adorable little 3 year old named Maggie with strawberry blonde
hair leaving the Bear in the Big Blue House Show.

Oh, and footnote, no, Nancy's Maggie was not the Maggie we had met at Disney, just another Maggie with Ds from Indiana.
Cheers,
Bob

[andrewsmom]

Jessie...thank you so much for posting what bullwhips were! I'm going to have to make a PITCHER the next time I go shopping...LOL!

I'm actually very interested to read people's replies to your post.

-Trisha

[CC]

Well for me I really have never had the need or whatever you want to call it to go out of my way to go up to someone just because of DS. Over the years, yes, I have run into people where DS was involved BUT never just went up to them because. Now Colin on the other hand he is always pointing out to me when he sees someone with DS and for him if the opportunity presents itself he will be the first to go up to them.

CC

[Emilysmom]

Over the years, my husband has almost always been the one to go up to people when he notices that their child has Ds. I truly wish I was a bit more "outgoing", and that I felt more OK about doing it. It is SO much easier if Emily is actually with me, but then........she is even more shy than I am!!! DH and Ihave both approached people at times, and have had mixed reactions. (DH actually had someone say "SO"????? when he told them that he had a daughter with Ds!!!!!)

When Em was about a year old, we were eating at a Mexican restaurant and this man walked up to our table and said "Ummmmm I think your daughter has what my daughter has". It totally took me by surprise, until he pointed to the other side of the room where HIS daughter sat in a high chair, just like Emily..............and sure enough, she had Down syndrome and actually looked a bit like Em!!! She was just a few months younger than Emily, and they have been good friends for years because her dad was "brave" enough to approach us!!

We also have a Disney World experience with this...........we saw an adorable boy in line for "It's a Small World", and I rode the whole ride thinking of how I would approach them afterward. But, I didn't have to worry at all..............his mom came up to me after the ride and commented on Emily and we talked for an hour!

I had a negative experience once in Toys R Us when Emily was not with me. I saw a woman with her daughter in the shopping cart, who obviously had Ds. I wanted to talk to her, but decided not to do it.............THEN I see her walking up to the cashier right behind me, so I assume it is MEANT for me to talk to her, lol. So, I commented that her daughter was very pretty. She smiled and thanked me and all was well. Then, I say "I have a ten year old daughter with Down syndrome", and her whole face FELL and she just said "OH". That was IT. I added something else in my discomfort about how her daughter sure was cute, and I moved on! The more I have thought about that incident, the more I have felt that this woman felt genuinely complimented when I said the little girl was pretty. But, the compliment totally lost it's impact when it seemed that I only approached her because I had a daughter with Ds. OR, maybe she really did not want to think that people could TELL that her daughter had Ds???? I've never known for sure...........but that was really uncomfortable for me.

I am ALWAYS happy to have people approach us, and will talk to strangers about our kids with Ds (surprise, surprise, huh?) if they start the conversation!!

Susan

[Pat]

I go up to them all the time ;D Nothing bothers me. When I wanted to find out what the schools in the area were like, I'd go up to someone say " Hi, My name is Pat & I have a son with DS &..."
Saturday someone came up to me. ;D LOL
Pat

[carolyn]

I will occasionally go up to someone, mostly mothers of little ones, and only if the child is the friendly type who will likely enjoy the interaction. It has always been a postive experience for me, and the harderst part is not grabbing up the kid and giving them a big squeeze! I love little ones!!!

[hannahph]

Susan your post is so similar to what happened to me. When Hannah was about a year old I was a the mall and kept seeing the same man everywhere I went. Eventually he approached me and very nervously said"i think we have something in common" and showed me a picture of his daughter who has DS. Wetalked for quite a while and exchanged phone numbers. Now six years later his wife is one of my best freinds, his daughter is Hannah's best buddy and we all get together all the time. I love to bust on him that he was stalking me. When I see a person with Ds I ususally try to talk to them but I have not really brought up Hannah unless they have parent with them. We have a huge support group of over 500 families so I get my good dose of being around older people with DS there.

[Chester]

Tuesday night, we were out buying a new couch and the salesman was fumbling for words talking about "the little guy". I was sure he was going to ask something about why 4 of the 5 in our family are caucasion and 1 is african american. He instead started to tell me about two of his friends having children with Down Syndrome and how that has changed the way he preceives people with disabilities. It was pretty neat actually.

I am approached more often than I approach others. One time when we were in a Dr's waiting room a guy kept going and going and going about DS. It was way overboard and I now wish I would have asked him if he knew someone with DS, because he sure needed to talk, but he scared me off.

Dawn

[kellyds]

I'm pretty shy. When Joshua was a newborn, I was shopping and checked out behind a woman who had a four-year-old son with DS in her cart. Not only that, but she had five other children with her, so I really felt we had something in common. I couldn't resist . . . I just HAD to tell her my sleeping infant had Down Syndrome. He was so young, you couldn't really tell yet by looking at him if he was asleep. Anyway, I'd word it differently if I had it to do over again, but I just blurted out, "Hey, your son and mine have something in common!" She said, "Oh, does he have Down syndrome!?" and she and her children rushed around their cart and started making a fuss over Joshua. The kids were SOOO cute.

I've had lots of people approach ME since Joshua's gotten older. I didn't really realize he'd gotten to the point where anyone could tell at a glance until people started coming up to me and telling me about their wonderful acquaintances with Down syndrome. :-) I guess you just get used to the way your own child looks.

[Radonna]

What I should do is get my Mom to come and post on this thread. She is the MASTER of going up to strangers and talking! NOTHING phases her.
She will call me and tell me of people that she stopped in Wal mart that had a child with Down syndrome. (she is dept manager of infants)
She will be telling me TONS of personal details of people I have never met or even KNOW about people that she just met and I just don't know HOW she does it.
My Mom will tell a stranger her life story in mere minutes so maybe the strangers are taking their cues from her.
My Mom usually calls me once a week or so with a new Down syndrome story. She even takes classes in sign language and has several people that come into Wal mart that she attempts to talk to through sign. (Okay and she isn't that good at it, but she has NO embarrassment doing it) I have seen her stand there and spell out words to communciate with one Women that is deaf. The Women was standing there looking very confused but my Mom just went on talking.
I wish I was more like her in a way. EXCEPT she has NO tact. Like Jackie said in the other post about there not being any right way to walk up to someone and say . SOOO I see your son has Down syndrome. Well my Mom can do that NO problem.

Me if Kaden isn't with me you can FORGET about me approaching anyone. Usually people approach me. If I see another family that has a child with Down syndrome and I catch their eye I will give them a HUGE smile and hope they do the rest. USUALLY they do. There has been one lady that I wanted to run down and talk to. She never looked at me and she had the cutest little girl. Times like that I wish I had my Mom with me.

OTHER times like we were at vanderbilt at the eye doctor and a lady come in with quints all in a very HUGE stroller. My mom walked right up to her and said "OH LOOK A LITTER"
I mean VERY inappropriate but my Mom didn't mean it that way. SHe was just IMPRESSED.
It is times like that I want to pretend I am not with her. LOL

Radonna

[Jessie]

I have never had anyone approach me yet. I would be ok with it, it just has never happened. Sometimes I think it's going to . . . when Jason picks out someone in a crowd and decides to shake hands (then go in for the kill with a hug), I sometimes think, there's got to be a connection for him to have zeroed in on that person. But, lo and behold, nothing like that ever comes of it.

It's funny that we would feel intimidated by going up to someone else when we would be ok with THEM coming up to us - and actually be happy about it too! Maybe we just need to remember that those other people are moms and dads just like us and may be thrilled to have a chance to talk about their kid.

Huh, that gives me a little more courage I think to strike up conversation next time. Of course, that's easy to TYPE, not so easy to implement.


Jessie

[liasmom]

When Lia was younger I used to go up to people all the time, actually chase them down. More to talk to them and learn about their experiences with their children. Now I dont do that often. If Lia is with me I might move closer and see if they want to talk and if she is not with me I like to complement them on their child and then go on. I just remember somebody in the grocery store telling me Lia was the most gorgeous baby she had ever seen and walked away. And it was at a time when I was really down in the dumps. Made my YEAR! I would enjoy anyone talking to me about Lia or ds but try to let people have their own space.

[andrewsmom]

LOL!!! you guys are so funny! Jessie..."go in for the kill with a hug"...LOL!!!

I had a very strange experience once. I was shopping (geez, you'd think that is all I ever do!) and an older woman came up to the carriage, put her hand on Andrew's head and mumbled a quiet prayer, rubbed his head, smiled and walked away without ever even looking at me. What was even stranger is that Andrew has this "thing" about people touching his head, but he just sat there, so still until she walked away. I was left standing there thinking "huh, THAT was weird." I think I would rather meet Radonna's Mom. She would have me laughing at the "litter" thing...LOL! She actually sounds like a very friendly, outgoing person with a great personality. My type of Gal!! LOL!

-Trisha