gets in trouble, hit, bitten and then reprimanded

[mommygwen]

sigh.. it is not fair.
Greg started middle school this year. He has a new friend, more freedom and is doing OK. His friend is hearing impaired and the boys communicate simply, they give each other folded airplanes, and playful pushes.

Today they got in trouble for playing in the hall instead if going straight to class. The aide must have been lingering in class to finish up there. The principal caught them and sent the boys to class.
When Greg came home he told me "scratch" and pulled up his sleeve to show me a bite mark with bruises coming up nearby. I called school to ask the teacher if she had seen Greg get into a scuffle. She said no but would check with the aide tomorrow. Greg's shirt was ripped, (dang, it's brand new). I asked him to take it off....OH MY! Scratches on his neck, the other shoulder is bitten and bruised and more on his back!
I called my husband and keep reaching his machine. I found the camera but the batteries are dead. found 2 really old cameras with really , really old film (A downstairs bathroom building project has caused the closet to be dumped into 2 other closets.)I found more batteries; also dead. Reached my husband finally. He told me where the new batteries are. Meanwhile Greg and my other son just want food. Greg does not want to be looked at or touched. He does let me photograph the injuries, but with plenty of complaining. ("Me 'lone" he scowls at me). He will not let me clean or ice them. I did not fight him over that, because the bites are thru the shirt.
I called Dept. of Social Services, where he should have a case manager, but that's something else I need to pursue. So I spoke with a stranger who says I could call Child Protective Services anonymously. ..No that goes to far. I called the Dr and left a message for the nurse, and I called school again and explained the extent of the injuries to the school secretary and his teacher. They told the principal and she called to ask if I could bring Greg in. By now my husband has come home so he can care for our other son.
I told Greg that the grown ups at school want to take care of him and don't want him to ever be hurt. They care about him and want to see what happened. Thank God he came to school willingly and went into the principal's office with the teacher, vice principal and principal with no complaining. I thanked them for taking the time to care for Greg right away. The principal started to ask what Greg had gotten into over the weekend. But stopped that train of questioning when she saw the new red scratches and bites with fresh blood just coming up. The blame immediately went on Greg's friend. (with which I agree) and the boys will be separated. I explained the boys like each other but are not always able to draw line between play and fight. They need to be monitored but should be able to be together. The school needs more staff. They do agree with me. We all handled it well and then they started to lecture Greg about playing in the hallway. "Yes I agree," I say, "because we all want to take good care of the children and we never want anyone to be hurt" Yes they agree but Greg has to be good they say.
I'm exhausted.
I think this was handled OK. But it's not fair. The child gets into trouble, hit, bitten, has to wait for a snack while I search for the camera and doesn't want to be photographed, then back to school in the principal's office and they finish with a be good lecture. And tomorrow a tetnus booster shot.

[ALLISA]

wow....that is unreal....seems like they'd have to be playing EXTREMELY rough to bite and sctratch THROUGH a shirt....I don't want to "sound the alaram", but are you satisfied with that answer ?

Does he do gym class ? Any time in a locker room with shirt off ? I'm sorry, but my stomach doesn't quite feel right about the story. I hope you are able to get some solid answers. I grew up with lost of brothers, I know how boys can scuffle, but bite marks at the middle school level sound excessive and worthy of more questions.

Sorry for the downer of a response....

I do say GREAT JOB !! to you for photographing the "evidence" and going right back to the school to have him looked at....great level head on you !!

Best of luck with Greg !
Allisa

[paulinemjc48]

I am so sorry to hear this happened to Greg. I have a nine year old boy with severe FragileX, ASD and ADHD and unfortunately he is extremely violent towards me, the school staff and the other children, he recently sent a child to hospital by throwing a chair and catching this boy in his class on the face. My boy scratches, bites, pinches, hits, pulls hair and kicks. its so hard not knowing what it is that starts him off as he can't talk to tell us if anything is bothering him but its just like a switch that goes on in his brain and says 'attack'! He has been on Prosac and other medicines but nothing has worked but we haven't given up hope yet that one day we will find some medication that will help him. He can be affectionate when he wants to be and he and Nicky often have hug and he has never attacked Nicky. The medical people he sees very regularly think it is time to start looking for a residential unit for him but I am against it at this time but realise it might have to happen one day.
I have rambled - sorry!
Pauline UK

[mommygwen]

Here is the story:
Greg , his friend and other special ed children were allowed to play in the gym instead of going to health education. The play was supervised, but not organized. Two adults (an aide and the speech therapist) were there. The friend is hearing impaired and passionate. When he is friendly he is darling, when threatened he screams and wails, when angered or scared he can be violent. He is much smaller than Greg, wirery and fast. He is usually a sweet child but he can be unpridictable.
The boys were rolling on the gym mat when the the playing went to far and the friend screamed and wailed . The boys were separated and the wailing friend was checked for injury. Finding none, the school day ended and children and the present adults left with no comment to any other staff. When Greg came home and I called the school none of the staff at school knew what had happened. It all got sorted out this morning with communication among teachers, aides, principal and me. Greg had to get a tetnus shot and antibiotics. But, when we went back to school he was invited ti go on a field trip to the mall with the older special ed children.

[mommygwen]

What is unfair? The shirt was new. I can't mend the rip. The stupid *^%#! camera batteries were dead. The closets are disorganized and I want my Mommy.
The weather was lovely and the children and I were going to picnic in the garden.

[laurasnowbird]

Gwen,

ROTFLMAO!!!! ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D

[Connie]

HUMMM,

Gwen, Do you take cheese on your picnic's?

I thought I heard the "whine" that went with that cheese!!!!LOL

Funny because I could picture a headless person (since I don't know what you look like) crossing her arms, humphing and stomping her feet!!!....LOL

Hugs girl,
Connie

[mommygwen]

Picnic menu:
Homemade bread
herbed cream cheese (Fresh herbs from the garden)
cucumber
strawberries

[mommygwen]

really; the unfair part is the eleven separate wounds on my son. Most of them bites on his back. The other child was on top of him and still biting.

[hidyperson]

That shouldn't have happened. At my daughter's school there is no 'roughhousing' at all. Not say stuff doesn't happen...- Jeff

[chasesmom]

Wow........I am shocked and thinking the school should be thanking their lucky stars it wasnt my child who came home with eleven seperate wound marks. First off, exactly how far away were the useless people providing supervision to these kiddos and second, what in the world were they doing letting the kids roll around together on the mat at this age? And third, I certainly hope they got into trouble because if they had been doing their jobs, Greg would have never been hurt. It is never ever okay for a child to come home hurt, especially as badly as Greg was!!!! Wow!!!! Hugs to Greg and I hope you guys get to go on that picnic, menu sounds very yummy!
Robin

[lindaadamsmom]

Wow! I hope I am not looking into OUR future as Adam starts middle school next year & I am getting nervous about it already!! Gwen - I was wondering - is Greg is a Special Ed program specifiaclly - or is he in an Inclusion or Mainstreamed - whatever you want to call it - setting with other Special Ed students also attending the school? Seems the school handled it OK - EXCEPT - and I am just flying off the cuff here as I don't know th ewhole situation - but it seems that the other student should be brought in and explained/ show him what happened to your son and an apology of some sort - written or verbilized/signed whatever - extended to your son.......? -- Don't know - just thinking if it were my son who had done the biting, I would want him to apologize to those he had hurt......

[poojamom]

Iam so sorry Greg had to go thro' all this. How is he taking it? Hope u had the yummy picnic!

Rajitha

[ALLISA]

It isn't fair.... and there are plenty of days I "want my mommy", too !! LOL

I can so relate to your frustration....but I think you handled it great despite not finidng batteries, running around trying to keep 2 kids happy and getting him back to school !

Allisa

[mommygwen]

I was at the school twice the day after incident. (With two children with special needs there are Dr. and therapy appointments that keep us running.) Both times my son's friend came running to me with hugs. When he first saw me he was screeching with emotion to be sure I knew that Greg was fighting also. I told what they needed to do was both STOP and tell a grown up. When I was there the second time the friend just hugged and held onto me. The friend was in art class, but Greg was not. (This is where I always pick him up for Tuesday therapy.) Greg was out in the education classroom. I called school just now and said I don't believe that the boys need to be separated, and I don't want Greg to miss his classes in order to keep the boys separate. The boys like each other. I like the other boy too. But they do need to be closely monitored. Greg is OK, not scared or upset, eager to go to school. Greg's younger bother, however, has cried several times. He is eleven and has cerebral palsy, severe spastic quad. He uses a wheechair, can not talk and depends on others to care for him. His aide at school told me that he cried each time I left school that day. this morning he cried as my husband and I got him ready for school. I think he is scared by what happened to his brother. I told this to the vice principal when I called school today. Hopefully I've figured out what is troubling him and can reassure him by telling him that everybody at school and home wants to take good care of the children and never have anyone get hurt again.